This memo details areas for improvement in a grant proposal written by the author. While most of the proposal was concise, some areas could be more concise by removing unnecessary words. The proposal was mostly precise in its use of terminology, though some terms could be more accurate. Examples of direct writing in the proposal included clearly setting the topic and objectives in paragraphs. One error of comma splicing two sentences was also identified. Reviewing the proposal helped the author identify skills to improve conciseness, precision, and directness.

1. Memorandum
To: Professor Thompson
From: Austin Dupuis
Date: September 8, 2017
Subject: Project 1
This memo details the areas that were strong or weak in my prose style in a grant proposal that
I wrote for funding of my summer research project. The sections below cover how the report is
or isn’t concise, precise, and direct and evaluates noticeable error.
Writing Concisely
To be concise means to write only the words necessary to meet your purpose for writing and
the needs of your audience to understand that purpose. Most of my paper was strong in this
area, however there were a few week areas found.
Unnecessary Modifier. I found examples in my writing of using unnecessary modifier
words. For example, this sentence shows a week point in my writing were the modifier
wasn’t necessary.
Example 1
The current population located at Sagebrush Flats Wildlife Area is relatively well
established.
The word relatively in unneeded in this sentence, it does not add to the sentence and
can be taken out.
Example 2
I think that if the rabbits begin to burrow while the pin is up they will likely stay
relatively close, and disperse to habitat that they find suitable.
Apparently I am very fond of the word relatively and need to look for this in future
writing and be more concise.
Near Death Phrase. I found an example in my paper where the phrase could be
shortened by using a single word. The word didn’t add to the sentence and it would
mean the same thing without them.
Example 1
In 1993 it was reclassified as an endangered species on the state level, and then
in 2003 it was federally recognized as an endangered species under the
Endangered Species Act (ESA).

2. In this sentence I merged two sentences together that could have been separate if I
used different wording. I should have put a period after level. Then I should have taken
and out and capitalized then.
Being Precise
To write precise means to use technical terminology (jargon) appropriate to the audiences
knowledge.
Precise Terminology. In my proposal I had many good and bad uses of precision. Often
the word I decided to use could have been a little more spot on or precise. By fixing
these it makes my writing sound much more professional and polished.
Example 1
The pygmy reached the point of endangered in 2003, since then conservation
efforts have been focused on regaining stable populations.
In this sentence the word point could be replaced with the word status. By using status
the sentence flows better and sounds more professional.
Example 2
The area has a corridor that connects Beezley hills to Sagebrush Flats.
In the sentence above the word has could be replaced by “is connected to”. Connects
could also be removed and replaced with the word links.
Precise Definitions. I had many strong uses of precision by means of precise definitions.
I felt like this was one of my stronger concepts in the proposal.
The second type of area that has been crucial in the conservation of Pygmy
Rabbits in Washington is Conservation Reserve Program (CRP) land. The CRP is
run through the US Department of Agriculture (USDA), and allows for lands to be
reverted back to its original state before it was converted for agriculture. The
CRP pays farmers to not farm their land, and instead plant beneficial plant
species such as sagebrush and bunchgrasses.
I started by stating their relevance, then saying who they are. Next I explained why they
are important and precisely what they do.

3. Jargon. I found a good example of using professional terminology that some people out
of the field of study might not understand, but was appropriate for the audience at
hand.
Terms:
-Dispersal
-Safe Harbor Agreement
Understanding dispersal patterns will help WDFW identify areas where pygmy
rabbits could possibly migrate to, allowing for safe harbor agreements to be
established with private land owners.
These two sentences may require a certain amount of knowledge or expertise in the
field of Wildlife or Natural Resources to fully understand what is being talked about. I
feel that it was appropriate for the comity I was presenting it to though.
Writing Direct
To be direct means to write in a straight forward and direct style that is needed to be used.
Topic Position. I found a good example of beginning the paragraph strong and setting
the direction of the rest of it. I could not find any bad examples of this in my paper and
felt that I did an okay job of this.
The questions we are trying to answer are how far will kits disperse on the new
release site in Beezley Hills along with what factors will influence dispersion.
I set up exactly what the research objectives are in the first sentence and then in the
following sentences continue onto explaining why and how to answer these questions. I
felt like this was a strong example of topic position.
Stress Position. I found a strong example of stressing the end of my paragraph and
really making the final words count.
Establishing the second population will help maintain genetic diversity, establish
new burrowing grounds, as well as ensure that the species does not completely
get wiped out in the event of a fire or disease.
This sentence ended the paragraph strong and stressed the importance of the research
project I was proposing.

4. Noticeable Error.
I found one noticeable error in my writing.
Comma Splice. Joins two or more sentences with comas.
Each of the 5 pens will be 1-acre circular pens, the duration that the fencing is
kept up will vary between each pen.
The comma after pens should be changed to a period and the t in the should be
capitalized to make these two separate sentences.
Conclusion.
Writing this memo and reviewing my grant proposal really showed me how much my writing
can be improved by applying these skills that I was unaware of before. These three concepts
help to round out the rough edges of any piece of writing you complete. It was a good
experience and I believe it will only help me as I further my education and career.