Why should you get none of what you want when you can get most of what you want? There is no skill more fundamental to success than the ability to negotiate. Whether you are negotiating with venture capitalists or for a promotion, negotiation skills are vital to get more of what you want by giving up less than what you want. You will leave this talk with specific operational advice to immediately improve the quality of your professional life. Learn more about: » Emotionally connect with opponents for better outcomes for all parties. » Understand the limits of BATNA as a negotiating technique. » Transform negotiations from fixed to variable sum gains.

1. .
How To Negotiate Better Than
the Other Person

2. In this world, we do not get what we deserve. We get what we negotiate.
Economists were often frustrated because the masses did not act as their rigorous models
predicted they would. In the same way behavioral economics reshaped their own
discipline, learn the most effective ways to negotiate toward the outcomes you desire
against one of the most emotional mammals in the world – the human beings
Why should you get none of what you want when you can get most of what you
want? There is no skill more fundamental to success than the ability to negotiate.
Whether you are negotiating with venture capitalists or for a promotion, negotiation
skills are vital to get more of what you want by giving up less than what you want.
 Emotionally connect with opponents for better outcomes for all parties.
 Understand the limits of BATNA as a negotiating technique
 Transform negotiations from fixed to variable sum gains.

4. Zero Sum
Negotiations
This is a mathematical representation of
bargaining when one side’s gain is exactly balanced
by the loss of utility by the other side.

5.  Zero-sum bargaining is a competitive situation.
 Non-zero-sum bargaining can be competitive or non-competitive depending on approach.
Non zero-sum bargaining parties' aggregate gains & losses can more
than zero.

6. Hard
Emotion
Soft
Emotion
To get from fixed to variable sum bargaining
 discover the soft emotion hidden
behind the displayed emotion.

7. Subtractive Empathy | Soft Emotions
Do not say, You don’t need to feel that way.
Understand hard emotions protecting the soft emotions.
Anger is the
hard emotion
perhaps.
Fear is the
soft emotion
hidden
beneath it.
Distraction is
the hard
emotion.
Lack of
Priority to
Negotiate is
the hard
emotion.

8. Difference between the conscientious & unconscious mind.
A more advanced approach means taking the role of psychologist before the role of
negotiator to determine what the person really wants – not what they “think” they want.

9. Decisions and not conditions
determine our destiny.
What do you
need?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?Variable Sum Negotiating
Real
underlying
need
Zero
Sum

10. Why should you not
get anything you want
when you can get
some or most of what
you want.

11. The Person Willing to Blow the Deal ….
Wins the deal … or walks away
because they had a better
alternative to whatever
they might have
negotiated.

12. Focus on the other side’s pressure –
not your own!
Tendency to focus on our own pressure & why we need to make a deal.
When focused on your own limitations, you miss opportunities for leverage.
Instead, ask what pressures does the other side have?
Recognize reasons for other side to give in.
Negotiation power derives from other side’s pressures & your ability to walk
away (blow the deaf!)

13. Show the other person how their
needs will be met
o Negotiators look at situation from other side's perspective.
o What is their perception of the deal?
o Instead of trying to win the negotiation  find variable non-zero sum solution.
o If you help other side feel satisfied, they are more inclined to satisfy your needs.
Position what
they say they
want
Their interests is
what they need
to achieve
Move toward here
Don’t confuse the two.

14. Don’t Take It Personally
 It clouds clarify of thought.
 Regardless of how much you won – best to make the other
side feel as if they got the better of you.
 Play to win – don’t act as if you did  especially if there will
be future negotiations.

16. Behavioral Change
Stairway Model
Focuses on getting someone else to (1) see your point of view as a leading
indictor to (2) change what they're doing.
Change
Viewpoint
Technique focuses on influencing behavior of the other party.

17. The more power you overtly yield the more the weaker party resists.

18. Active Listening
Rapport
Influence
Change in
Behavior
Empathy
Actually listen & make them aware you are listening
Ability to understand & share their feelings because you
were listening . Empathy is what you feel – not an intellectual understanding.
When they feel it back that you do understand &
empathize with them. They start to trust you.
After trust, you've earned right to work on problem &
recommend solutions.
They’ve changed their behavior due to your influence upon
them.
From the bottom up ….

19. Most people do not listen. They wait for their turn to talk.
While you are talking to them, they are using their bandwidth to
decide what to say next.
Active listening is a way of listening & responding to
another person that improves mutual understanding.
Tool  Paraphrasing back
the person speaking.

20. What We Are Probably Doing Wrong.
 Most people skip first 3 steps (# 1 active listening, # 2 empathy & # 3 rapport)
 They start at # 4 influence
 They expect other person to move straight to # 5 behavior change.
 This often fails
I'm right & you're wrong as a negotiating
strategy might be effective if people were
rational.
But behavior economics disputes that.

21. Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement is
perfect for two algorithms negotiating against each other.
But what
about when
humans
negotiate?
Attractive alternative to negotiations  more you can
hold out for a better outcome. Why?
Walking out becomes more attractive that accepting
current offer. BATNA is option left if agreement is not
achieved.
What is BATNA?

22. Makes Sense … But Here’s The problem with BATNA
o We are not algorithms. Pretending emotions don’t exist is problematic.
o BATNA posits people are unemotional & rational,
o Instead of pretending emotions don't exist, take them into account &
leverages them as tool of influence
o First critical step is Active Listening.
o Most of us are terrible at listening.
Let’s talk about why
most of us are terrible
at listening.

23. Assumption: first instinct may be to talk & even
interrupt .
Data = currency of knowledge economy. The more
you listen  more currency you obtain to cash in as
tool of influence.
Is your best tool.
If wanting to negotiate used car  is it
better to obtain dealer’s asking price first
“or” for you to state yours first?
What if your opening price is higher than
the dealer's opening price?
Object lesson do more listening than
talking, especially in the beginning.

24.  While making your argument  other side silently thinking about their own argument
instead of listening to yours.
 When they're making their argument you're thinking about yours!
 1st objective is NOT to make your argument but to listen to the other side.
 People don't walk into a negotiation wanting to hear the other side but to make an
argument.
Why people are often bad at
listening.

25. Listening & responding to another person that improves mutual
understanding. Often people talk to each other without listening attentive -
often distracted while only partially engaged.
Listen! Don't interrupt, disagree, or evaluate.
Nod your head & make brief acknowledging comments like yes / uh-huh.
Paraphrase what they just said from their point of view.
Inquire. Ask questions demonstrating you've paid attention that move the
discussion forward.

26. 6 Techniques To Help You Negotiate
Use what makes sense to you.
Ignore what does not

27. # 1 Don’t use yes / no questions
Use open ended questions so others person opens up. Sounds like a
tough deal. Tell me how it happened.
 non judgmental
 shows interest
 Likely to lead to more information about the other side’s situation.
 At this stage, ask more about the person than positions.

28. # 2 Effective Pauses are Powerful.
Encourages other person to keep talking  diffuses emotional
situation.
Difficult to sustain a one-sided argument even if person is venting.
Conversation will return to meaningful dialogue.
Should do least amount of talking
& most amount of listening.

29. # 3 Make Minimal Encouragers
Brief statements to let person know you are listening - keeps
them talking.
Phrases as yes, okay or I see convey the negotiator is paying
attention. These responses encourage the other person to
continue talking & gradually relinquish control to the negotiator.

30. #4 Mirroring,
#5 Paraphrasing & #6 Emotional Labeling
(4) Mirroring  repeat last word or phrase said to demonstrate
engagement.
(5) Paraphrasing
 shows you understand & aren't merely parroting.
 You're trying to help them hear what they're saying to find out if what
they are saying makes sense to them.
(6) Emotional labeling
Give their feelings a name by identifying how
they feel. But do not comment on
validity of feelings.

31. non sequitur To the optimist, pessimist
& the realist – while you
discussed the if the glass of
water was half full “or”
half empty, I drank the
entire class. I am the
opportunist.
Use ethical negotiating techniques to
make the most of your opportunities.
In this world, we don’t get what we
daserve, we get what we negotiate.

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37. THANK YOU !!!
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