I'm not Crazy, It's the Situation (Ambiguous Loss) presented for Families with Missing Loved Ones with Victim Services Niagara by Maureen Trask on Oct. 11, 2017.

1. I’m not Crazy, It’s the Situation
Coping with A Missing Loved One
By: Maureen Trask
For: Niagara Area Families
With:
On: Wed. Oct. 11, 2017

2. Presentation Outline
1. My Journey – Missing Son
2. The Learning – Ambiguous Loss
3. How to COPE with this Crazy Situation
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3. 3
Daniel Trask
Missing Nov. 3, 2011 Found May 24, 2015

4. What is Ambiguous Loss?
Dr. Pauline Boss, principal theorist of the concept of Ambiguous Loss
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Ambiguous loss differs from ordinary loss in that there is
no verification of death or no certainty that the person will
come back or return to the way they used to be.
www.ambiguousloss.com

5. Types of Ambiguous Loss
1. Physically Absent-
Psychologically Present
2. Psychologically Absent-
Physically Present
 Adoption
 Migration
 Missing people
 Miscarriage and stillborn loss
 Natural disaster and
catastrophic tragedy
 Addictions
 Dementia and Alzheimer’s
 Mental health issues
 Separation/Divorce
 Traumatic brain injury or
coma
 There is no verification of death.
 There is no certainty that the person will come back
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6. Ambiguous Loss is:
 Externally Caused
 Unclear, Uncertain Loss
 Senseless/Traumatic Loss
 Lacks “Closure”
 No Verification
 Freezes the Grief Process
 Like being “Stuck in Limbo”
 Paralyzes Individual and Family Relationships
 A Unique Individual Journey to “Find Meaning”
Boss, P. (2009). The trauma and complicated grief of ambiguous loss. Pastoral Psych, 59(2), 137-145.
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7. Effects of Ambiguous Loss
(This Crazy Situation)
 Emotional rollercoaster and physical stress
 Changes families, relationships, roles and identity
 Can change spiritual beliefs or shatter values
 Can cause the most stressful kind of loss
Goals – Learn to:
 Live with the emotional rollercoaster and adapt to
the changes that come with the loss
 Live with the ambiguity by developing meaning*
* Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: learning to live with unresolved grief. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press 7

8. Triggers and Trauma
 “Having a missing loved one is the most painful
loss of all.” (Dr. Pauline Boss, 1999)
 The *Trauma Timeline is an important aspect when
assessing the implications of the loss
 Triggers can affect the emotional ups and downs
 The goal for all of us is to remain unflappable in the
midst of ambiguity, though no easy task.
Take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
*Supporting those who are left behind, Australian Federal Police (Sarah Wayland), 2007 8

9. Ways to Cope
 Reach out to others
 Accept the uncertainty
 Care for yourself first
 Find balance in your life
 Think in a “both and” way
 Share your story, when you are ready
 Educate yourself, develop resiliency
 Maintain family relationships
 Continue to discover Hope 9

10. What Helped Me
 Connecting with other families with a missing loved one
 Learning about Ambiguous Loss
 Sharing my story
 Knowing I’m not Crazy, it’s the Situation!
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11. Living and Learning on the
Journey of Uncertainty
“Loss of a missing loved one is often a lonely
and an untrodden path for each of us who
has to walk it.” *
 Accept and find meaning
in my uncertainty.
 Care for myself first.
 Learn to develop resilience.
 Continue to discover Hope.
11* Living in Limbo: Five Years On, Missing People UK, 2013

12. From me to each of you:
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Hope for the Best,
Prepare for the Worst,
and NEVER GIVE-UP.