1) Families play an important role in recovery by communicating, listening, affirming support, and holding their loved one accountable through changed behavior rather than empty promises. 2) Unhealthy family rules include rigid control, silencing emotions, isolation, and denial, while healthy families admit problems, share humor and activities, and have clear expectations and responsibilities. 3) Addiction is a chronic brain disease that requires addressing biological, psychological, social, and spiritual needs through abstinence, healthy coping skills, social support systems, and meaning/purpose.

1. How Families Can Help
Recovery
Irene Cauwels
Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Certified Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist
Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor
National Certified Counselor

2. How will you know when person is on
the “Right Track?”
• He/She demonstrates
both accountability and
responsibility
• As a family member,
count on changed
behavior instead of
promises

3. Healthy Families
• Communicate and Listen
• Affirm and Support
• Shared Trust and Values
• Expectations are Clear and Discussed
• All members are Accountable/Responsible
• Have Shared Responsibilities
• Understanding of where my behavior/feelings start and yours
end.
• Teach understanding of how behavior affects others

4. Healthy Families
• Admit to and seek help with problems
• Play and share appropriate humor
• Shared table time, leisure activities
• Teach understanding of how behavior
affects others
• Have Traditions, Rituals
• Have community connections, both
individually and collectively

5. Unhealthy Families Have
Rules
• Do as I say, not as I do
• Children are to be seen and not heard
• Express only happy, positive feelings
• Do what “looks good” even if dishonest
• Never question behavior, go along with it
• Conform to our expectations
• Ignore what you don’t like and it will go away
• Your needs are not as important as our needs

6. Unhealthy Family Rules
• Rigidity – Control, Perfectionism
• Silence – Don’t talk, don’t cause a fight
• Isolation – Can’t say anything so I separate; Can’t
connect because I’m pretending
• Denial – deny 5 freedoms: Perceive, Think and
Interpret; Feel, Want and Choose; Imagine

7. Addiction is a Brain Disease - from NIDA.NIH.GOV
In other words, it’s pretty difficult to choose appropriate behavior
when the brain is not functioning!

8. Addiction is a Brain Disease – from NIDA.NIH.GOV This image
demonstrates something really amazing - how just the
mention of items associated with drug use may cause an
addict to crave or desire drugs.

9. Addiction is a Chronic
Progressive Disease that
needs all four areas
addressed:
• Biological (abstinence, healthy nutrition,
relapse prevention medication
• Psychological (new skills to manage moods,
stress, old habits, triggers)
• Social (new connections focused on healthy
activities, community, interests, social support
• Spiritual (addressing the emptiness)

10. The Person with addiction:
• Is a bundle of unresolved feelings
• Often unaware of feelings or how to
manage
• Blames others for challenges
• Denial, Defensive, Angry on surface –
shame, lonely, isolated, fear due to loss of
control underneath
• Resists change, Self-Centered,
Compulsive
• Becomes the center of attention because
family is focusing on keeping person safe,
learning to say “no” to person

11. The Person with Addiction:
• Becomes the center of attention because family is focusing on keeping
person safe, learning to say “no” to person
• Can’t tolerate feelings so can’t tolerate others’ feelings
• Denies but knows he/she is source of family shame, arguments
• Loses control over life but gains control over family
• Family learns to plan life around IP

12. The person with addiction often
says: “I have a hole in my soul”
• “I have an illness with origins in the
brain... but I also suffered with the
other component of this illness. I was
born what I like to call a hole in my
soul... a pain that came from the
reality that I just wasn‘t’t good
enough. That I wasn’t deserving
enough. That you weren’t paying
attention to me all the time. That
maybe you didn’t like me enough.
For us addicts, recovery is more than
just taking a pill... Recovery is also
about the spirit, about dealing with
that hole in the soul.”
• William C. Moyers, a recovery addict (son of
journalist Bill Moyers)

13. To make up for the Chaos, a
loving family member may
become an enabler
• Usually emotionally closest Family
Peacekeeper
• Feels job is to protect Patient so makes
excuses, takes over responsibilities and
rescues IP from negative consequences
• Initially out of love/loyalty then from
shame
• Often appears capable and strong to
outsiders
• Feels powerless, helpless; low self-
esteem

14. What Real Families Need To
Be Healthy:
1. Legitimate source of authority
2. Stable rule system
3. Nurturing Behaviors
4. Effective childrearing and marriage-
focusing behaviors
5. Set of Goals (both family-wide and
individual)
6. Flexibility and adaptability to cope

15. How will you know when person is on
the “Right Track?”
• Honesty
• Accountability and
Responsibility!
• Behavior instead of
Promises

16. Commitments to Family Should Be:
1. Abstinence from ALL
addictive, mood-altering
substances
2. Daily behavior changes
3. Learn to tolerate discomfort
4. Develop effective
communication skills and
problem solving
5. Develop relapse prevention
skills and share with family

17. How Family members can be healthy
1. Recognize there is a
problem
2. Know that YOU will also
have to change
3. Remember ALL Change is
uncomfortable - families
often get ANGRIER as
patient gets HEALTHIER

18. How YOU can be healthy
1. Practice setting
Boundaries
2. NO MORE SHAME
3. Be willing to focus on
PRESENT behaviors not
the past
4. Communicate - including
positive changes you see

19. How YOU can be healthy
• No one should attempt
to navigate this journey
alone . .
• Learn self-care
• Seek support from
professionals
• Attend 12-step for
yourself
• Attend Family Nights to
learn more about
managing this disease

20. What else can YOU do to be healthy
• There are many different
12-step supports for
families:
• 12-step attendees are all
volunteers; not the same
as professional support
• Alanon
• Open 12-step meetings
• Families Anonymous