The document discusses the complexities of gender differences and aggression among adolescent girls, exploring concepts such as gender bias, relational aggression, and the impact of friendships and bullying. It offers insights into conflict resolution strategies and the nature of harmful relationships, advising on how to approach these issues. Various resources and strategies are provided to help manage bullying and foster healthy social interactions during adolescence.

1. Holy Rosary School Middle School Girls Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Sugar and Spice but Not Always Nice: Gender, Bias, and Aggression in Adolescent Girls Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

3. Agenda Gender Differences Gender Bias Adolescence Alternative Aggression Friends and Frienemies When It’s Bullying What Can We Do? Questions Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

4. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

5. Brash Troublemaker Strong Competitive Physical Silent Clever Mistake-Prone Belligerent Intuitive Well-Behaved Delicate Cooperative Emotional Verbal Pretty Perfect Nice Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

6. Adolescence and Changes Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

7. Social Development Joanne Deak, Girls Will Be Girls Self Awareness (0-2) Parallel Play (2-3) Interactive Play (3-6) Transitory Friendships (6-8) Friendship Clusters (8-10) Best Friends or Generalists (10-12) Cliques (12-14) Interest-Based Friendship Groups (14+) Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

8. Special Considerations Sexy --- Slutty Powerful --- Bitchy Smart --- Bookish Cheerful --- Uncool Confident --- “All That” Athletic --- Jocky Close to Friends --- Lesbian Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

9. At the Crossroads Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

10. Alternative Aggression Relational Aggression Indirect Aggression Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

11. Relational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

12. Indirect Aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

13. Social Aggression Social Aggression is intended to damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

14. Process Break Does any of this information feel true for you or your peer group? How do you see it in your everyday life? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

15. Friends and Frienemies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

16. Working Definition of Frenemies One who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy (Merriam Webster) A friend who often behaves in ways that cut you down or make you feel bad Others? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

17. What are the Differences? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

18. Why Keep Them Around? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

19. Sound Familiar? I don’t want to make it worse. Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. They’re my connection to other friends. My other friends won’t support me. When they’re not being awful, they’re actually awesome, fun, and nice. I don’t want to be alone. There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

20. Why Women Say They’d Rather Stay in an Abusive Relationship I don’t want to make it worse. Maybe I am doing something to make him treat me this way. He’s my source of income, home, and support for our kids. My family and friends tell me I should stay and work it out. When he’s not being awful, he’s kind, nurturing, and wonderful. I don’t want to be alone. There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

21. Are We Training Ourselves? I don’t want to make it worse. Maybe I am doing something to make him treat me this way. He’s my source of income, home, and support for our kids. My family and friends tell me I should stay and work it out. When he’s not being awful, he’s kind, nurturing, and wonderful. I don’t want to be alone. There’s nothing I can do about it. I don’t want to make it worse. Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. They’re my connection to other friends. My other friends won’t support me. When they’re not being awful, they’re actually awesome, fun, and nice. I don’t want to be alone. There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

22. What CAN You Do? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

23. What Might Happen If… You do nothing If you try to leave with your “real” friends If you get adults involved If you try to approach the person directly Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

24. Working Definition of Conflict A clash between two individuals or groups A disagreement or argument about something important Others? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

25. Conflict Resolution DEAR Describe what’s happening without judgment Explain how it makes you feel Affirm the other person Request a different course of action SEAL Stop : Breathe, observe, decide when & how to confront. Explain: What are you feeling, and what do you want? Affirm and Acknowledge : What is your/everyone’s rights in a relationship? Own your own stuff if you contributed to the conflict. Lock In/Lock Out: Use as last resort if the pattern hasn’t changed. Be aware of your own intentions and motivations. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

26. When It’s Bullying Power is uneven Intent to harm Repeated and Sustained Social Bullying Indirect Bullying Relational Bullying Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

27. Bullying Intervention Know when it is bullying Stand up for yourself Ask them to stop the behavior Seek healthy support Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

28. Ally Skills Don’t bully Speak up when someone else is being bullied Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent Ask questions to clarify and to educate Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted Actively include those who are easily left out If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

29. Debrief • What information was new, useful, or interesting to you? • What other questions do you have? Who in your life can help you figure out the answers? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

30. Questions, Comments, Concerns? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

31. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 709-2228 x 219 [email_address] http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/ Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

32. Resources Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003 Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf “ Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and power. Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=144307&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)

33. Gender Specific Resources JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America . John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.” Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls - What can Parents Do? The Ophelia Project http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good Girl, http://www.rachelsimmons.com/ Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003. Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, http://rosalindwiseman.com/ Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, Promiscuities Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)