Preventing and Addressing Bullying at Seattle Girls' School
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The document outlines an agenda for a workshop on preventing and addressing bullying. It includes activities like defining bullying as a community, discussing alternative forms of aggression, developing an anti-bullying policy, and identifying next steps. Breakout groups will discuss strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats regarding handling bullying incidents, and develop case studies to apply the workshop concepts.
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Preventing and Addressing Bullying at Seattle Girls' School
- 1. Alexandria Country Day School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Preventing and Addressing Bullying: Policy, Programming, Practice, and People Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 5. Starting the Day Right Please share with a partner. What’s new and good with you? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 9. Break Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 10. Sugar and Spice but Not Always Nice: Alternative Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 11. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 13. Adolescence and Changes Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 15. Special Considerations Sexy --- Slutty Powerful --- Bitchy Smart --- Bookish Cheerful --- Uncool Confident --- “All That” Athletic --- Jocky Close to Friends --- Lesbian Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 16. At the Crossroads Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 18. Relational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 19. Indirect Aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 20. Social Aggression Social Aggression is intended to damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 21. Friends and Frienemies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 22. What CAN You Do? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 26. Debrief • What information was new, useful, or interesting to you? • How can/should we incorporate alternative aggression into our bullying dialogues? • What other questions do you have? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 27. Break Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/) When we return, please sit in age group clusters: -K thru 2 Educators -3 & 4 Educators -5 & 6 Educators -7 & 8 Educators -Specialists or Cross-Grade Educators Administrators and Staff, please distribute yourselves throughout these clusters.
- 29. Open Space Technology Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 31. Open Space Work Time Please return and post chart paper(s) by 1:15pm Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 32. Break Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 33. Open Space Report Out After the gallery walk, please go back to the same K-2, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8, and Specialist clusters from earlier today. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 34. Case Studies in Application Please revisit the occasions of bullying handled poorly that you discussed before – what would it look like now, with these advances in policies, programs, and practices? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 35. Next Steps Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
- 36. Questions, Comments, Concerns? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://sites.google.com/site/sgsprofessionaloutreach/)
Editor's Notes
- Introduction - Who Am I? Why This Workshop? Goals and Outcomes?
- Introduction - Who Am I? Why This Workshop? Goals and Outcomes?
- John Medina - Talaris Institute Watching boys and girls play. Boys play together through competition (Oh yeah? I bet I can toss the ball higher than you!) Girls play collaboratively (Can you toss the ball as high as me? Let’s try a little higher). Mix boys and girls (G-Wanna toss the ball? B-I bet I can toss the ball higher than you! G-You must not like me… B-What happened?) Rachel Simmons - Odd Girl Out Response to danger. Boys choose “fight or flight.” Girls choose “tend and befriend.” Males see aggression as a way to control their world, females see aggression as an end to relationships. Mary Pipher - Reviving Ophelia Boys see their failure in terms of external factors and see their success in terms of their ability. Girls see their success in terms of luck and hard work and see their failure in terms of lack of ability. Power Dead Even - women/girls will do anything to bring down another woman/girl to their level
- Cannot attribute all to gender differences. Gender bias plays a huge role. We socialize kids into these behaviors. What happens when boys display behavior on left? “Boys will be boys…” What happens when girls display behavior on right? “Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!” What happens when gender behaviors don’t match gender expectations? Boys are pushed into sports, fights, getting dirty, building things, scientific investigation by adults and pushed down by peers with words like “Sissy, girl, pussy, fag.” Girls are told to play nice, share, be ladylike, punished harsher for fighting,complimented on looks by adults and put down by peers with words like “butch, jock, bitch, dyke.” Rachel Simmons - Odd Girl Out Ideal girl according to girls = very thin, pretty, blonde, fake, stupid, tall, blue eyes, big boobs, fit, expensive clothes, un-proportional, naked, trendy, popular, boyfriends, smiling, happy, helpless, talking on the phone, superficial conflicts, looks older, girlie, dependent, impractical clothes, manipulative, sex = power, rich, good teeth/clear skin, smart, perfect, romantically attached with someone with status. Anti-girl according to girls = mean, ugly, excessively cheerful, athletic, brainy, opinionated, pushy, dark features, not skinny, imperfections, promiscuous, professional, insecure, dorky, depressed/unhappy, masculine, serious, strong, independent, gay/lesbian, artsy, PMSish, unrestrained, egocentric, not social, hard to get along with, bookish.
- Mary Pipher - Academic, Physical, Emotional, Thinking, Social, Spiritual Selves all in flux and all developing at different paces! Joanne Deak - Peers become really important. Starting to pull away from parent(s). Seeking personal power. Wide range of behaviors fit under the “normal for this age” category.
- Transitory Years - Baskin Robbins: taste every flavor in order to discover which ones you like and which ones you don’t like. Friendship Clusters - likes flavors with nuts in them - pistachio, maple walnut, butter pecan, almond mocha. Not that she doesn’t like other flavors or doesn’t appreciate differences - she just likes these better. Different than cliques - these are more accepting and more fluid. This cluster doesn’t freak if bubble gum ice cream approaches them in the mall. Beginnings of real friendships and relationships. Best Friends - butter pecan is far away the best. Some come close, but nothing compares. 24/7 - spend all day at school together, come home and call friend right away. Practice time for choosing a mate or partner later in life. Learns to act in an intimate relationship. Generalists never need this intimacy. They are wired to appreciate all flavors and keep social nets wide open. Cliques - Girls replace the stability offered by the anchor of adults with cliques. Surrounding oneself with others that look alike, talk alike, and act alike makes the world feel safer and allows this movement away from the influence of significant adults more comfortable. The more impermeable and wielding of power the clique is, the more insecure the members are. The clique cocoon helps stabilize its occupants until they are strong enough and independent enough to stand outside of the group, or somewhat alone. The task of adults in the sphere of influence of cliques is, first, to accept its important function, and second, to draw the line when a clique’s influence moves from the unpleasant to downright unhealthy. **** girls produce the most testasterone in middle school years (hormone of aggression and risk taking) Interest-Based Friendship Groups - based on shared interests, passions, or philosophies. Friends are now boys and girls. Nonexclusive: some interest cross-over. Benefits of clusters and cliques without the downside: acceptance, activity, and social creativity, without insecurity, narrowness, and meanness.
- You must be this to be accepted, but you cannot be too much so, because that is not acceptable. No one knows where the boundaries are, so girls walk very tentatively along this knife’s edge. Naomi Wolf (Promiscuities) - Common and natural sexual curiosity, infatuation, admiration, and intimacy found among adolescent girls – the building anticipation of those feelings transferring to boys. Simultaneous excitement and sadness about the loss of intimacy among girls, which is inevitable./Continuum of women’s sexuality. Beyond a certain point of sexual power and liberation, she is deserving of violence and dehumanization. She can be cast out and killed both physically and emotionally./The acceptable promiscuity of white middle class sub-urban sexuality – it happens, but it happens quietly, out of sight, and outside of mainstream public face, which is pristine, neat, and “nice.” Those who fall outside of these norms are called “sluts.” Magic, Supernatural Power - obsession with Ouija Boards, witchcraft, cults. Perhaps meaning of the universe can be found in these magical charms, spells, and spirits. Tolkien novels, Lloyd Alexander novels, Harry Potter series. These all deal with young people, common people, discovering the existence of ACTUAL power and learning to wield it wisely through trials and tribulations. Kids sense that they are living mundane lives without personal power, but they have a sneaking suspicion that they are unique in the universe and have great power, if only “life” would happen. Adoptees become obsessed with learning about “real” parents. Principal - dress code - kids these age need something to resist. I’d rather give them this simple thing to resist than open up the resistence to bigger, more serious matters. A whole lot of “why”s” - why do I have to do this, why do you always, why not, etc… Joanne Deak - “I think that the only reason we teenagers rely so much on what our friends say is because we are testing what our parents taught us, to make sure it was right.” – Elizabeth, 17. Resiliency and Vibrancy - Stuck between not supporting our girls through emotional and/or social landmines and treating them so tenderly a la Nation of Wimps. Very few girls retain resiliency and vibrancy. You can tell who has retained vs regained her vibrancy.
- You seek relationships. You seek acceptance. You seek stability and reassurance. You want independence from adults. You seek personal power. You seek meaning and direction in your life. You experience conflict (as anyone is wont to do). You know girls who fight are supposed to be catty bitches. You know that good, nice, pretty girls are supposed to have friends. You know that friends are supposed to like you. You know that your value lies in your “niceness.” You also know that nice girls become girlfriends. Loud girls become friends who are girls. You are supposed to be attractive and desirable as a girlfriend. What do you do?
- Alternative aggression defines any behavior that expresses anger in ways other than direct words or physical aggression. It has been happening for years among girls, but only recently has the literature come more into the mainstream with books like Odd Girl Out and Queen Bees and Wannabes and movies like Mean Girls.
- Rachel Simmons - Girls don’t want to express anger directly to the person that caused it for fear of losing that relationship. There are problems when direct confrontation happens. Because so many girls lack facility with everyday conflict expression of anger makes listeners skittish and defensive. The sound of someone upset feels like the first sign of impending isolation, a kind of social thunder echoing in the distance. Result: relational aggression - silent treatment. Not inviting someone. Stares and glares. I won’t be friends with you if…” Pretending the person isn’t there. Sabotaging a relationship.
- Rachel Simmons - Plague of the “sorry”: perfunctory like “bless you.” Really means, I don’t want to lose you so let’s call truce. But incident is recorded in memory to bring up at a later fight. Plague of the “I’m just kidding.” “Can’t you take a joke?” Girl making comment is really taking a jab to release aggression but keeps the “nice girl” thing by saying she was kidding. The girl on receiving end is hurt but won’t say because she doesn’t want to be “hypersensitive girl,” someone no one likes. For boys who have other outlets for anger, one-up teasing each other is actually a joke. For girls who have no other outlets, joking takes on another meaning altogether.
- Can’t you take a joke? Gosh you are such an over-reactor. Eye rolling. Sarcasm. Mocking. Rumors - someone else does the “dirty work” in ruining the reputation and relationships of the target.
- Stop : Breathe, observe, and decide if it's best to confront the person now or later. Explain: Take your bad feelings and put them into words, specifically what you don't like and what you want instead. Affirm and acknowledge : your right (and the other person's right) to interact with people without being ridiculed, dismissed, or targeted for further degradation. If appropriate, acknowledge your part in contributing to the conflict. Lock in the friendship, lock it out: