Evaluating Other People discusses how to effectively provide feedback to others. It notes that feedback is an important skill for both formal roles like teaching as well as informal relationships. Positive feedback is just as important as criticism, but people tend to discount praise. When giving criticism, use a calm, neutral tone to avoid overwhelming the person's nervous system and impairing their ability to learn. In contrast, use an enthusiastic tone for praise to ensure it registers strongly. Providing feedback in this constructive way helps people improve and builds trust and support in relationships.

1. Evaluating Other People
Build relationships and teams by giving value to your interaction
(This is the last of a series of articles on handling criticism constructively and without stress.)
Evaluating other people is something you will do all of your life, both formally, as a teacher, parent,
or manager, and informally, as in personal relationships with your peers.
Giving feedback to others is a skill that is really worth learning. It will make you more effective
and powerful in all your relationships, particularly if you recognize that feedback isn’t always
negative.
Commenting positively on a job well done is feedback, too. Too
few people recognize this as the powerful tool it really is.
I remember years ago hearing a dance teacher say to his students,
“I don’t have to tell you when you’re right. You KNOW when
you’re right. It’s my job to tell you when you’re wrong.”
He couldn’t have been more wrong. People who are learning a
new skill, whether it’s a child learning correct social behavior, or
an office worker learning new technology, or an athlete trying to
acquire a difficult skill, don’t know when they’re right. They are
fumbling around, trying to obey directions, while at the same
time paying attention to bodily sensations, such as anxiety, and
conflicting thoughts, including self criticism.
Here are some things to consider when giving feedback to someone else:
- Remember to provide information about what to do next, not judgment.
- Focus on the task, not the person.
Watch your tone of voice: When someone is wrong, use a calm, neutral tone of voice. When the
person does something right, use a strong, enthusiastic tone of voice.
(If you’ve ever seen one of those learning toys for children, where the child gets feedback for giving
right or wrong answers, you will hear the difference immediately. When the child is wrong, a
neutral voice says, “That’s incorrect. Try again.” When the child is right, the voice says, “That’s
right!!!! Hooray!” Lights may flash on the toy, too.)
This is not just about being kind. It is about taking advantage of the way the nervous system
works. When we are wrong and know it, we have emotions so powerful and distracting that it is
hard to learn at the same time. It’s a little like trying to learn something in the presence of extremely
loud, harsh noise. We may feel disoriented, even a little paralyzed. So, directions given in a calm
low-key manner (even to yourself!) work best to improve performance.

2. On the other hand, human beings have a tendency to discount positive feedback, also known as
praise. Just think of the number of times you have heard someone, perhaps yourself, wave off a
compliment, saying, “Oh, did you really think so? I thought I was lousy.”
Positive statements, whether you call them praise, compliments, or just positive feedback, do not
register as strongly in the nervous system as does criticism.
So be sure to use a strong, warm voice to tell people they’re right.
As you help others around you improve their levels of performance with your good feedback, you
will find that they will trust you, come to you readily for help, and in turn give you support.
It works whether you’re a parent, manager, teacher, coach…or a lover!
Lynette Crane, M.A.(Psychology) and Certified Life Coach,is a Minneapolis-based speaker, writer,
and coach. She has more than 30 years' experience in the field of stress management. She currently
works to provide stress and time pressure solutions to harried women, those women who seek
"Islands of Peace" in their overly-busy lives. Her talks to groups of what she calls "harried women"
are receiving rave reviews. Visit her website at http://www.creativelifechanges.com/ to see more in-
depth articles and to view her programs.