1. Big Bad Bully
Or another kind of victim?
By Janine Shamos
For years, studies have shown that when instructed to do something by someone in
authority, people will put their own values and morals aside because “it’ll be ok, he told
me to and he knows best”. During the Nuremberg trials, Nazi death camp supervisors
repeatedly explained to judges that their duty to obey authority overrode their own moral
conscience. We teach our children to obey authority, to follow instructions of parents,
and teachers, even when those instructions are morally wrong.
The majority of the research on children and authority says that children need to “learn to
obey instruction by authority”, must “tow the line and do what they are told”, “children
are responsible to live within the boundaries of their parents' instructions.” And in case
you were wondering just what authority means – “Authority is the right to give
instructions and require obedience”. How then can we solely blame the child when they
act violently or immorally on an authority figure’s instruction?
Bullies, initiators, are often acting on verbal or physical instruction by an adult authority
figure – a father who is aggressive sends the message that violence is the way to get what
you want, a teacher who promotes violent initiation (even turns a blind eye) is sending
the message that it’s ok. Too often we dehumanise the bully, we see him (or her) for their
acts and behaviour without looking at where that behaviour stems from, and what other
qualities that child has.
Bullies are often victims too and in need of help and guidance to change their behaviour,
self-concept, and way of relating to the world. We cannot hope to change our world for
the better without engaging the bully and teaching him new ways to cope.
www.liveyourlife.co.za offers help to both victims of bullying because if bullies are part
of the problem, surely they also need to be part of the solution.
For more information on bullying and training and counselling services, please visit
www.liveyourlife.co.za or email janine.shamos@gmail.com.
Let’s not hold children responsible for actions they have been given no choice over.
Instead, let’s educate all children and adults about bullying and initiation, teach them
ways to cope, and give all children real choices.