This document provides guidance on maintaining healthy relationships and resolving marital disputes in Islam. It discusses several topics: 1) Marital disputes often arise from lack of understanding of spousal rights, disrespect, miserliness, or favoring sons over daughters. Partners should be patient, avoid harshness, fulfill duties, and respect each other. 2) If disputes occur, the wife should understand the husband, and both should resolve issues privately through kindness, reconciliation and arbitration if needed. Destroying dignity, arguing in front of children, or rushing to courts should be avoided. 3) When differences cannot be resolved, the partners become vulnerable and guidance is needed to protect the relationship and family stability in accordance with

2. Presented by
Nuh’ Tahir
17TH Safar 1437 AH
29th Nov 2015 CE or AC (Not AD)

3. Ground rules
● Respect each other
● Open minded
● Participate/Contribute
● Ask questions
● Learn from each other
● No politics

4. Your riches and your children may be but a
trial: but in the Presence of Allah is the
highest Reward. (Taghabun, 64:15)

6. I. Desire to have children promotes continuation
of human race which Allah loves
II. It is also what Prophet (SAW) loves for an
increased Ummah

7. Muslim
One loves to leave behind
righteous children who make
dua for him

8. 1. This protects one from evil misguidance of Shaitan
2. One protects his/her chastity
3. Achieve the pleasure of Allah (SWT)
4. Perfection of half of the Deen
(Hakim)

9. • By playing, looking, sitting, having leisure time
with one’s spouse or studying together.

10. • Household management is left to the wife (If
with a stable income)
• Husband is then afforded time for knowledge,
Du’a and hallal “husting”
• So, wife helps her husband to be a better
Muslim. Prophet (SAW) said:

11. • Passing grade with husband/wife requires the
following
Fulfilling his/her rights
Being patient with him/her
Guiding and educating him/her in Islam
Earn halal money for her up keep
• Passing grade with children requires raising them
properly as true Muslims

13. 1 - Al Ghairah
It is related in Al-Musnad that the Prophet (SAW) said:
“There are two kinds of Ghairah: Ghairah that Allah (SWT)
loves, and the other kind which Allah (SWT) detests.”
The Companions (RAA) asked, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW),
what is the Ghairah that Allah (SWT) loves?” He (SAW) said:
“(For one to be overcome by Ghairah) when Allah is disobeyed
or when His set limits are violated.” They asked, “And what is
the Ghairah that Allah (SWT) detests?” He (SAW) said: “The
Ghairah of one of you when there is not (valid) suspicion (i.e.,
when one is suspicious without proof or just cause).”
In another Hadith, Sa’d bin ‘Ubadah (RAA) said, “if I were to see
a man with my wife, I would strike him with a sword.” News of
what he said reached the Prophet (SAW) and he said: “Are you
amazed at the Ghairah of Sa’d? Then, by Allah, I have more
Ghairah than he does, and Allah has more Ghairah than me.”

14. • 1- Zeal and honor to defend- when someone
he/she is falsely accused of wrongdoing.
• 2-Jealousey- occurs when a person’s love for
someone makes it hard to share him/her with
someone else. This could be :
a. Praiseworthy-,e.g., when someone sees his
spouse talking to a stranger and he/she gets
angry
b. Reprehensible- when a person is suspicious of
his wife/husband without evidence of wrong
doing.

15. • Unique to women in a relationship
• A woman is naturally disposed to this Ghairah
• As long as it does not go to resentment, husband
should be patient (He should advise with gentle
words)
• Even Prophet’s wives were not immune from it.
Prophet (SAW) was with one of his wives, when
a dish with food was sent to him by another
Wife who was with the Prophet, struck the hand
of the servant and the dish broke. Prophet (SAW)
said, “Your mother became jealous. ( Bukhari)

16. • Be gentle and remove feelings of jealousy-
• Let not your jealousy towards your husband go
beyond a reasonable limit
• Never do anything to arouse the jealousy of your
husband

17. • Speaking about another man’s or woman’s good looks,
wisdom and morals
• Speaking of previous husband’s/Wife’s qualities
• Even if husband insists about knowing about your previous
husband
• Your husband/wife wants to be the only ideal person for
you
• He/she does not like to hear any one else to be
handsomer/beautiful, kinder and wiser than him/her
• If wife/Husband gets suspicious of her husband/wife
unjustly by interrogating his every move, it will ruin the
trust and the relations (Phones, pockets, letters etc…)

18. Lack of Ghairah (Dayyuth)-
• Such a person has no sense of honor
• He/she sees bad deeds yet he remain silent
• Such a person invites other male/female friends
and allows them to mingle freely with his wife
Ahmadmad

19. • Some husbands/wife are so suspicious, they
watch over wife’s or husband’s every move
• They are so possessive, they do not allow her to
meet other Women/Men (Even if they know it is
genuine)
• They do not allow them to even see their
parents, brothers or sisters
• As time goes on, there is going to be resistance
• If he receives a news about wife’s evil action, he
must ascertain it before taking action

20. • Nothing causes more problems in marriage than
the tongue
• Both husband and wife must know when to
remain silent and when to speak
• Imam Ghazali said about tongue ,” It is small in
size, yet its obedience and disobedience are
huge…”

22. • Speak about that which
does not concern
him/her
• Speaking unnecessarily
• Uttering falsehood
• Arguing without just
cause
• Speaking artificially and
with forged eloquence
• Cursing or uttering
haram words
• Singing lewd poetry
• Making fun of others
• Spread a secret given
• Make a false promise
• Lying in general and
specially when taking
oath
• Backbiting
(Majalisa/gidan
biki/gidan mutuwa)
• Slandering
• False praise to gain
someone’s favor

23. 3- Frivolous Diversions
(TV, Internet, cell phone, video games)
• Husband may be at home but spending hours on
electronic media
• You neglect the rights of your spouse and
children to spend quality time with them
• Recreation time should be shared with wife and
children to enjoy together
• Aisha (RA) reported ,” I raced with him and I beat
him on my two feet. Then when I carried more
flesh, I raced him and he beat me.” (Ahmad)

24.  Often, marital conflict begins because husband
treats his wife harshly.
 It could be because:
• He loves to lead
• He is proud and arrogant
• He likes to show his superiority over his wife
 A Muslim must avoid harsh attitude
 It is unacceptable in dealings with family
 It will repel others and create rift

26. • When spouses refrain from fulfilling their intimacy
needs strictly in wedlock
• When husband treats her like a maid
• When he does not provide knowledge and
guidance to wife and children
• When marriage is treated as business. Some
marry in rich or influential family for material
purposes
• Such marriage may not last or will be plagued
with constant discord or rebellious children

27. • Two degrees of miserliness are described in Islam:
1. Al Bukhl- Refusal to spend wealth even when
there is genuine need
2. Al Shuh- Miserliness compounded with greed
and selfishness
(3:180)

28. (Muslim)
Tirmizi

29. • Miser does not spend enough on his family’s needs.
This causes conflict in the family
• He brings shame to himself when people look at the
condition of his family
• Motives for miser may differ:
To punish his wife for perceived defiance
To fulfill some addiction
Love of hoarding and counting money
• Prophet (SAW) allowed Hind wife of Abu Sufyan
(who complained about him) to take some of his
money without his knowledge for her family needs.

30. • Example is of a physician who has to work nights
and long hours away from home.
• If husband and wife do not work as a team, their
marriage will suffer
• Wife must be patient and understanding
• Husband must do time management and spend
enough quality time with his family
• Since there is limited time at their disposal , both
must be in pleasant mood and look their best to
enjoy together.

31. • Woman likes to be the crowned queen of her
home
• She likes to have the final word in organizing and
designing her home
• A woman dislikes, in general, that her husband
meddle in her kitchen or household matters
• When he tries to control such affairs, he opens
door of conflict
• Men have enough work at job and community
• So leave the household affairs to your wife

32. • Two major causes of marital discord are:
A-Birth of daughter- Some men are very keen to
have son. They behave as people of Jahiliyyah when
a daughter is borne
(43 Surah Az-Zukhruf:17)

33. • If man is impotent, wife may openly lament and
challenge his virility
• If wife is sterile, husband may openly complain
• They must first seek medical advice and not
openly complain about it
• Even if there is no cure, they must continue to
make dua
• They must realize that happiness is not
exclusively for couples who have children
• Example of Aisha (RA), who was childless but
still most beloved of the Prophet (SAW).

34. • Both spouses must learn and respect each
other’s rights
• Ignorance about mutual rights or lack of self
control will lead to marital strife
• When problems develop, there must be
willingness to resolve these problems in a
proper manner

35. 1. Husband must try to understand with kindness
and advise his wife with love and soft attitude.
2. If it does not work, husband may leave her to
sleep alone.
3. If situation does not resolve and there is clear
Nushuz (ill-conduct), one may show disapproval
by symbolic strike with a “Siwak”. This is not
liked or done by the Prophet (SAW).
4. Arbitration by committee consisting a member
from each side

36. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):“Men are the protectors
and maintainers of women, because
Allah has made one of them to excel
the other, and because they spend
(to support them) from their
means…”*al-Nisa’ 4:34+

37. (Tirmizi)i
(Abu Dawood)

38. Is it a real disagreement or a misunderstanding
• 2- If it is real disagreement, she should find the
source of the dispute
• 3- She should speak about herself only. She
should not speak about her husband or her
intentions
• 4- She should search for points of agreement
• 5- She should work towards a reconciliation
• 6- As soon as an understanding is reached, she
should apply the terms of agreement

39. • 1-Hiding one’s intentions and feelings- One may
keep quite in argument but latter spew all the
anger and hurtful things
• 2-Inviting others to take part in dispute- Spouses
must try to resolve dispute in the privacy of their
homes. Others may spread their secrets which
could be embarrassing (when arbitration is
necessary, only trustworthy close relatives be
involved).

40. • 3- Rushing to the courthouse- Courts can help in
divorce cases but can not help in marital disputes
• 4- Destroying other person’s confidence and
sense of dignity- Be careful in uttering words in
anger, belittling your spouse and praising others
could be very hurtful
• 5- Arguing in front of children- Child seeing his
parents argue will feel lack of peace and comfort
This can lead to psychological issues for children.

42. What happens when you cant resolve
your differences

43. Vulnerable

44. ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS
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