Husband - wife in islam

1. THE REAL MUSLIM HUSBAND AND WIFE
By: Nuh’Tahir

2. Introduction
In Islam, marriage is a
blessed contract between
a man and a woman. Each
have their own role to play
in making a marriage
successful. It is a bit more
difficult but certainly
possible to make even a
selected partner in a
marriage a success.
Preamble
• Many Muslim follow the sunnah of Prophet
Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon
him) but forget that, a major component of
the sunnah is the prophets (pbuh) ways of
treating his wives.
• This presentation is a reminder for all of us
who are married or inshallah those yet get
married to remember the sunnah of the
prophet (pbuh) and the value and blessing of
a wife(s) vis-à-vis the husband.

3. Qualities of the real
Muslim
Husband/wife?

4. They Know each
other Feelings
• The Prophet – Peace be upon him – was tellingAisha –
MayAllah be pleased with her: “I know well when you
are pleased or angry from me. Aisha replied: How did
you know that? He said: When you are pleased with
me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad”
but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the
God of Ibrahim”. She said:You are right, I just desert
you name. In another narration the same tradition
ended by saying: “No, by the God of Ibrahim”.
Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator:
Muslim –The Source: Al-MusnadAl-Sahih – Page or
number: 2439

5. Understanding their
Jealousy & Love
• Umm Salama – May Allah be pleased with her –
narrated: she brought food in a dish of her own to
the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and his
companions. Seeing that, Aisha came holding a tool
and broke the dish out of jealousy. Understanding
the situation, the Prophet took the two halves of the
dish and said to his companions: Eat your food, it is
just the jealousy of your mother, then the Prophet
took the dish of Aisha and gave it to Um Salama and
gave the dish of Um Salama to Aisha. Narrated by:
Um Salama – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Albani
–The Source: Sahih Al-Nasa’i – Page or number:
3966

6. Understanding their
Psychology & Nature
• The Prophet – peace be upon him – said: “Treat
women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the
most crooked part of the rib is the highest part
thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be
broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain
crooked, and women are just like this; therefore
treat them kindly”. Narrated by: Abu Huraira –
Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-Bukhari –The
Source: Al-Jame’Al-Sahih – Page or number: 3331
• This tradition is for teaching and educating men.
Moreover, this tradition expressed the accurate
understanding of the nature of the women and
indicated the possibility of leaving the woman as it is
in the permissible things but to guide her if she
exceeded the permissible limits such as doing the
sins and neglecting the duties.

7. Demonstrating his
Love & Loyalty to
them
• The Prophet – Peace be upon him – told Aisha in the
long tradition of Um Zara’ narrated by Al-Bukhari: I
am in my love and loyalty to you just like Abi Zara’
and Um Zara” Aisha replied:You are dearer to me
more than my father and mother, you are even more
loyal and loving than Abi Zara’ to Um Zara”.
• Narrated by: Aisha – Degree: Right – the narrator: Al-
Bukhari –The Source: Al-Jame’Al-Sahih – Page or
number: 5189

8. Ways the prophet
PBUH leaved with
his wives
• Complaining to & Consulting them
• Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them
• Choosing the Best Nicknames to them
• Eating & Drinking with them
• Not Complaining of their Circumstances
• Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps
• Going on Picnics & AccompanyingThem
• Helping them in the Household Duties
• Depending on himself to Relieve them
• Tolerating for their Happiness
• Treat them Fairly while Angry
• CalmThem Down In Panic

9. Other ways the
prophet PBUH
leaved with his wives
• Praising &Thanking them
• Feeling Happy when they are Happy
• Feeling Pleased when they are Glad
• Expressing his Love to them
• Considering her Best Manners
• KeepingTheir Privacy
• Refraining from Beating or Abusing them
• Consoling & Wiping theirTears
• Fulfilling their Needs
• Trusting them
• Remembering & Caring AboutThem
• Respecting them during Menstruation

10. Ways the prophet
PBUH leaved with
his wives
http://islamgreatreligion.wordpre
ss.com/2012/06/15/the-prophets-
emotions-toward-his-wives-
brothers-special/
• Accompanying them inTravel
• Racing & Playing with them
• Choosing the Best Nicknames for them
• Sharing Happiness and Joy with them
• Spreading Happiness in his House
• Loving & Respecting their Families
• Keeping their Dignity in Ordeals
• GivingTime to Adorn themselves
• Considering their Psychology while in Illness

11. A real Muslim
husband helps his
wife out around the
house with the
household chores
“EVENTHOUGH, ITS
HER PRIMARY
RESPONSIBILITY”
• Don't betray him/her. Keep his trust.
• "Always rememberAllah will remember you and
make your marriage blessed"
• Make good food and always smile.
• Give a gift for thanking him/her for everything.
• Focus more on fulfilling your obligations.
• It is recommended not to criticize your husband, not
in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're
in front of people, and not when you're alone
together.
• Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as
much as you can.This doesn't mean you shouldn't
voice your concerns, but there's a difference
between expressing your needs and criticizing his
ability to meet them.
• Be good to his parents and siblings.

12. Annoying things we
do

13. Avoid those annoying
things we do to our
wives
The Prophet (peace be upon him)
says: “Fear Allah when it comes
to women, for they are helpers
you took in faithfulness to Allah.
You also find it permissible to
enjoy their femininity lawfully
with Allah’s word.You owe it to
them to spend money on them for
their food and clothes in
kindness.” [Sahîh Muslim]
• Doesn’t listen
• Uses wrong names
• Says, “Shhhhh”
• Says, “Yes, dear to other women on phone/in her
presence”
• Open-mouth snoring
• Walks away / Re-calling past relationships /
Unnecessary Jealousy
• Abuse the kitchen (Pick things from the pot)
• Says, “Get to the point” or Impatient
• Falls asleep watchingTV
• Hangs around kitchen
• Repetitive whistling or yawns in public

14. Avoid those
annoying things we
do to our wives
• Can’t find things or stealing from your wife
• Open-mouth chewing
• Half-eats food /Taps fingers
• Comparing her to former or EX girlfriend…wife etc.
• Messes up toothpaste or toilet
• Surprise dinner guests
• Wakes her while sleeping
• Answers, “Uh-huh”
• Nail clippings on floor
• Pokes finger in mouth
• Cooking complaints
• Leaves doors open

15. Avoid those
annoying things we
do to our Husband
The Prophet (peace be upon
him) was asked: ‘Which
women are the best?’ he
answered: “The one who
pleases him when he looks at
her, obeys him when he asks
something of her, and is not
disobedient in herself or her
money in what he hates.”
[Musnad Ahmad]
• Nagging (Her voice is all over…………)
• Making decision without consulting her husband
(Imagine you got home and see a new gate man,
house help, new cloths on credit or paid for etc…).
• Does not know how to cook delicious meal or does
not know how to cook (AND REFUSEDTO LEARN).
• Doesn’t clean the house
• Doesn’t support or understand his passion (What
does)……
• Does not listen to or respect his HALAL opinion
• Every time she gets irritated or angry, Saying “you
are a no good for me”, or you are not Man enough (I
spent a lot on you when you were nobody). Etc…..
• She doesn't need to ask permission to go out

16. Avoid those
annoying things we
do to our Husband
• Women or Men who steal from their husbands
directly or indirectly.
• Wants to control you in everything you do (It’s her
advice or nothing).
• Asking so many questions – doesn’t stop when she’s
told to stop talking for a while.
• Taking so long to put make-up and dressing up.
• Comparing him to former or Husband or other men.
• Chatter or talks a lot / Greeting FB/WhatsApp before
him.
• Re-calling the past relationships / Unnecessary
Jealousy
• Prioritizing social media over changing baby’s diaper
or giving the kids bath

17. Avoiding the
irritating things that
leads to quarrels
• Spending so much time with friends on whatsApp.
• Keeping contact with EX(es)
• No time or too tired to have S*x….
• Making fuss over petty things.
• Criticizing in everything he or she does.
• Making a scene / Bad temper
• Extended hours shopping at Shoes and/or Bags
section.
• Re-telling past mistakes over and over again.
• Monitoring phone (SMS) or whereabouts all the
time.
• Asking a lot of questions while he’s watching
TV/movie or playing games.

18. ” you who believe, avoid most
suspicious, for surely suspicion in
some cases is a sin” (Q: 49:12)
“And of His signs is that He
created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find
tranquility in them; and He placed
between you affection and
mercy…” (Quran 30:21)
• Doesn’t do the laundry (Give someone his pant…. to
wash)
• Searching his pockets of files (Invading privacy)
• Always bringing office work home
• Asking non-sense, stu**d, not related questions.
(Haven't they paid you at the office?, how are you
related to your cousin etc…)
• Telling him directions while driving esp. if he knows
the way.
• No appreciation fromWife or Husband
• Demands and complains a lot.
• Leaving h/her clueless why she’s angry or mad.
• Flirting with others (On phone or at work).
• 40

19. What makes a real Muslim
husband is not stingy when
it comes to money and
he spends freely on his
wife and children
• “The best charity is that which comes from one when
he is wealthy and begins with those whom you are
responsible to support.” (Bukhari).
A real Muslim must take care of themselves
• Be clean (Shave armpit, pubic hair, brush mouth
regularly).
• Avoid haram intakes and never stay with Janaba.

20. Warnings
Don't ever accept abuse (physical
or otherwise). Islam requires a
good wife to be loving and
obeying to her full extent of
ability, but it also obliges a man
to respect his wife, and treat her
in a civilized and tender manner.
Understand that this is an
obligation your husband must
fulfill. Being a good wife in Islam
does not mean you have to suffer
in silence if your husband is
physically, verbally or in any
other way abusive
• Talk things out or see a counselor or contact your
guardian to sit with you, him, his wali and talk tings
over. If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if
he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's
definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets
what he wants without forcing.
• Make sure you're safe if he turns violent, even once.
Depending on the situation that might mean moving
out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's
happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer
in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or
otherwise) in your relationship. Remember that he will
come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and
again, and the violence escalates each time.

21. Mashaa Allah