1. Course: Interpersonal Communication (COM 101)
Instructor: Marilou M. Dela Sierra
Group 6: Aun Sokagnata
Svay Vanthan
Saya Linda
Chaya Parady
Academic Year: 2012 - 2013

2. Chapter 7:
BEGINNING, MAINTAIN
ING, AND ENDING
RELATIONSHIP

3. Content
 Objectives and learning outcomes
 Definition
 The Role of Culture in Relationships
 Relational Development
a) Beginning a relationship
b) Maintaining a relationship
c) Ending a relationship
 Alternate Ways of Examining Relational Stages
 Communication and Relational Stages
 Conclusion

4. Objective and Learning Outcomes
To show that beginning, maintaining and ending
relationships vary greatly from one another
Define and illustrate the roles of task-
orientation, friendship-orientation, and intimate-
orientation in relationships
Explain how culture influences nearly every aspect of
relational development
Explain and illustrate why people are attracted to each
other
Clarify how to initiate, maintain and end relational
communication and relationship
Explain the concept of right-brain/left-brain thinking
Analyze the stages and reasons for ending relationship

5. What is relationship?
Relationship is a
bond, connection, interaction or engagement
between two people who have an emotional
link.
Friendship-based
Relationship Task-based
Intimacy-based

6. The Role of Culture in
Relationships
Relational development is greatly influenced
by the participants‟ cultures
 Culture influences nearly every aspect of
relational development
e.g.:

7. Relationship Development:
Beginning, Maintaining, and Ending
Relationship have a sequential pattern:
An entry phase (beginning): biographical
information and general attitudes are exchanged.
A personal phase (maintenance): information
about central attitudes and values is exchanged.
An exit phase (end): questions concerning the
future of the relationship are raised and resolved.

8. a) Beginning a Relationship
Meeting strangers often brings out our
insecurities and our self-perceived flaws.
When two persons meet for the first time,
their levels of uncertainty about each other
and themselves are fairly high.

9. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
The powerful barriers to establishing
connections exist:
Fear of saying the wrong words
Fear of abandonment
Fear of reprisal attack
Fear of loss of control
Fear of loss of individual
Fear of creating a power imbalance

10. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
A relationship begins when you are attracted to
someone and initiate an interaction, or are
assigned or selected to enter into a working
relationship with another person
Interaction is usually initiated when you are
motivated to take some action, such as starting
a conversation, e-mailing or sending a letter to
the person, responding to a personal ad, or
allowing someone to arrange for you to meet
someone.

11. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
Everyone carries a metal list of desirable
characteristics that make others attractive to
them.
Any person‟s list, including physical
beauty, financial status, educational
level, health habits, religion, etc., is the
yardstick for measurement of who they might
be interested in and reflects his/her culture.

12. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
The so-called seven bases of attraction are
attractiveness, proximity, familiarity, person
al
rewards, complementarity, similarity, person
al motives, self-esteem enhancement, and
attempting to overcome family-of-origin
problems.

13. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
Attractiveness: is your impression of
someone as appealing.
Proximity: is how near you are geographically
to someone.
Familiarity: a knowledge and understanding
of someone.
Self-Esteem

14. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
Meeting a potential relational partners
1) Cyberdating
2) Personal Ads
3) Fee-based introduction services
4) Matchmaking
5) Relational Coaching

15. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
Initiating relational communication
Step 1: Look for approachability cues.
Step 2: Initiate a conversation.
Step 3: Find topic to talk about.
Step 4: Talk about a variety of topics.
Step 5: Share plan for future interaction.

16. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t)
The characteristics that be important in
creating a positive first impression are
cooperativeness, caring , and being
memorable.

17. b). Maintaining Relationship
When you decide to continue a
relationship, the initial phase of relationship
development is complete.
Pursuing relationship requires the
examination of your goals and quick
assessment of probability of attaining them

18. Some keys elements to bare in mind
Relationships are two-sided
 Relationships have goals
 Relationships have structure
 Relationships have rules
 Relationships are always in process
 Relationships require attention

19. Achieving Your Objectives
Information is the basis for effective relational
decision-making.
Self-disclosure: the process of revealing a
depth and breadth of yourself so that you can
begin, maintain and develop a relationship
It creates a pool of knowledge and possibility
of joint view, goals and decisions

20. Self-disclosure varies by type of relationship
and cultural background of the participants
Nevertheless, before disclosing personal
information, you need to ask:
 Is the disclosure relevant to the relationship?
 How likely is the other person to treat the
disclosure with respect?
 How constructive is the disclosure likely to be for
the relationship?
 Can you communicate your disclosure clearly and
understandably?

21.  Though self-disclosure is beneficial, it is also
risky.
 The biggest fear of self-disclosure is
REJECTION

22. Compliance gaining: an active process to
direct and influence your communication
partner‟s behavior.
Communication in a relationship is more
satisfying if compliance-gaining strategies are
positive
Greater satisfaction, greater willingness to
comply

23. Right-Brain/Left-Brain Thinking in
Relationships
When people are „in sync‟, communication is
effortless
However, one factor than makes for ease or
difficulty in relational communication is Brain
Dominance
Known that “People possess dominant
characteristics associated with either right or left
brain activity. These form certain patterns in their
way of communicating, problem-solving and making
love.

24.  Most people can use both halves of brain. It is
oversimplification to classify RB or LB.
 But, in reality when right-brained dominant
person + left-brained dominant
person, problem can result.
 Why is it so???

25. Left-brainers (LBs) use a language of facts –
speak with precision, are rational, use
impersonal language and present facts
Right-brainers (RBs) use a language of feelings
– more ambiguous, use emotional language,
explain with examples and emphasize
attachment

26. - People in a relationship are often unaware of concept
of brain differences and wonder why there is conflict
- Unless effort is place into making changes, conflicts
will continue.
- Any solutions???
 First step, recognize if your relational partner uses
similar or different side of the brain
 Rather than trying to change your partner, accept who
he/she is
 Reach conclusion in constructive manner
 Unnecessary being a winner in decision-making –
Relationship is more important

27. LBs & RBs
(+) :
 Share both facts and opinion
 Differences provide opportunity to good
communication (knowledge and skills required)
(-) :
 LB‟s inflexibility can be perceived as intentionally
thoughtless by other person
 RB‟s tendency may resort to intuition and feeling
to reach conclusions
*** Bottom Line: when each side understand their
differences, crisis state will be less likely to occur

28. c). Ending Relationship
The ending of relationship is part of the life
cycle.
If you have invested considerable time, emotion,
and energy in developing and maintaining the
relationship, you may feel shocked and betrayed
when it ends, even if you are the person who
initiated the break-up.

29. Ending Relationship
How do break-ups happen?
Both people decide to end the relationship.
One person desire to end the relationship while
the other does not.
Some people allow the other to “discover” the
relationship is over by finding out about infidelity.
Relationship just fades away as the two people do
other things and see each other less.

30. Ending Relationship
The reasons of ending relationship
Goals may be fulfilled and no new goals established
Goals may not be accomplished and there may be
little chance of achieving them.
The partner may continue to feel lonely despite their
relationship.
The patterns of interaction may be too fixed, too
inflexible, or too boring.
The initial attractiveness may fade and nothing new
may replace it.
New relationship may appear more attractive.

31. Ending Relationship
A direct relational dissolution strategy - the method
you confronting the other person with your desire.
An indirect relational dissolution strategy – the way
you arrange to see other person less and less.
Self-oriented strategy – includes
- fait accompli - cost escalation
- withdrawal - attributional conflict
Other-oriented strategy – includes
- state-of-the-relationship talk
- pseudo-de-escalation
- negotiated farewell
- fading away

32. Ending Relationship
Most frequently used disengagement
Unilateral desire to exit (one person wants out).
Coupled with an indirect strategy (the person
decreases contact, claims a desire to reduce
contact when no contact is really the goal, or
makes contact very costly for the other person).
No attempts at repair (the pair say good-bye with
no expectation for future contact).

33. Alternate Ways of Examining
Relational Stages

34. Alternate Ways of Examining
Relational Stages
Knapp Relationship Escalation Model
 The initiation stage: exchanged basic information.
The experimenting stage: asking questions of each
other to gain more information.
The intensifying stage: starting self-disclosure.
The integrating stage: duo-based terms.
The bonding stage: a formal or legal announcement
of the relationship.

35. Alternate Ways of Examining
Relational Stages
Knapp Relationship Termination Model
The circumscribing stage: the diminishment and
quality of intercouple communication.
The stagnating stage: starting to avoid discussing
the relationship.
The avoiding stage: the partners‟ physically
separating.
The terminating stage: divorce or legal
separation.

36. Communication and Relational
Stages
Accepting the responsibility of entering into
a relationship mean accepting the
responsibility for influencing and being
influenced by another person.
Every relationship opens the possibilities
for changes that may last a life time.

37. Conclusion
 Culture can greatly influence relational
development
 Stages of relational development
Beginning Maintaining Ending
 Alternate ways of examining relational stages
 Communication and relational stages

39. Thank You for Your Attention