This document provides guidance on basic communication skills, including both verbal and nonverbal techniques. It discusses four key skill areas: 1) using verbal and nonverbal cues, 2) starting friendly conversations, 3) keeping conversations going through active listening, and 4) ending conversations pleasantly. The document emphasizes practicing these skills through activities like role playing and videotaping conversations in order to build proficiency in communicating effectively.

1. 4.14.1
COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
TECHNIQUES & SKILLSTECHNIQUES & SKILLS
© Copyright
Brandy Ann Coffee Marks 1990 www.dotcross.org

2. This is part of a complete learning program.
Many of the skills you’ve learned up until now
will aid you in managing conflict and resolving
power struggles once you have a good grasp
on these basic communication skills.
If conflicts continue as a constant problem in
your relationships, then check out the video on
power struggles and resolving conflict.
Otherwise, on to basic communication skills.
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3. Skill Areas
SKILL 1: Verbal and Nonverbal Behaviors
SKILL 2: Starting Friendly Conversation
SKILL 3: Keep the Conversation Going
SKILL 4: End a Conversation Pleasantly
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4. Skill Area 1:
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
Know and use both verbal and nonverbal
communication such as:
– eye contact, facial expression, hand and body
gestures, body postures, and voice qualities
(pitch, volume and pacing).
– Learn to recognize signals that tell you when
another person is willing to talk and when they
are not willing to talk.
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5. Skill Area 2:
Start a Friendly Conversation
Go where there are people to talk with, people
who are willing to talk with you, and discover
topics you can use that may involve . . .
• Sight – what you see in and around
you.
•“Ilike yo ur scarf; it’s co lo rful. ”
•Sound – what you can hear being said.
•“Ie njo y that m usic; it’s live ly. ”
•Touch – how something feels to you.
•“Ihate g e tting sho ts; ne e dle s hurt. ”
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6. Skill Area 3:
Keep the Conversation Going.
Use ’Active' listening,
– ask open-ended questions; identify topics of
conversation; use healthy self-disclosures.
• “What do you think of ___ as an actor?”
• “I never cared for him, but sure like ___”
Active listening is an excellent skill and a skill
worthy learning and using.
– Paraphrase: “So you think __ is a good actor?”
– ask the other person: “What do you mean by . . .?”
Practice active listening as often as possible so you
get good at using this skill.
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7. Skill Area 4:
Ending a Conversation
Let the other person know you want to end the
conversation but you are still open to talk later.
You can tell them:
– “I need to get to work, or whatever is true.”
– “Why don’t we finish this conversation later,
maybe have lunch this week.”
– “I have other things on my mind, but would love
to talk later. When’s a good time?”
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8. ACTIVITIES TO BUILDSKILLS
Introduction - Steps that will help to learn these
basic skills and the benefits.
1. Video tapes - Video tape yourself with
someone else practicing the skills.
2. Role plays - Rehearse the skills yourself. You
learn best by doing.
3. Resources - Identify things you need to do to
use your skills and how to find them.
a. List ways you can use your skills then write
about how you will put them into practice.
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9. MORE ACTIVITIES
4. Obstacles - Overcome obstacles when you
first begin to use your new skills.
a. Learn a new strategy for solving problems.
4. Exercises - Practice your new skills in a safe
situations, with group members, etc.
5. Homework - You're on your own.
a. Find a support group; someone to call on
when you need help or support.
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10. BENEFITS
1. Interactions with friends, family. will improve.
a. Leads to more rewarding relationships.
2. Better interactions with your neighbors.
a. This will increase opportunities and options
within the community.
3. New friends in support environment.
a. Makes for sharing of enjoyable activities.
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11. INTRODUCTION
TOSKILLS
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12. WHEN YOU TALK
How you sound when you talk is as important as
what you say.
Voice quality is determined by pitch, volume, pace,
and clarity.
Non-verbal communication includes:
– body orientation, posture, vocal pace, and expressions like:
• nods, sighs, eyes and tone of voice.
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13. Gestures help us to be understood because
they enhance what we have to say, and
show our enthusiasm for our topic.
Good eye contact lets others know we are
interested and we are paying attention
Gestures 2
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14. Showing Interest 3
We can show people we are interested by: by
paying close attention – but we may still nod, smile
and glance away occasionally.
Another way to show we are interested is to lean
slightly forward and toward them.
You can tell when a person is not interested if they
yawn and fidget with clothes or hair or they are
constantly looking away
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15. Posture 4
Tense posture can signal a person needs
– answers but wants to continue talking.
– is afraid of something or very excited.
– is preoccupied with something else
A listener who yawns and slouches is probably
bored or preoccupied.
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16. Meeting New People 5
A speaker who feels happy and good
– speaks rapidly, smiles, and looks around.
Two things you need for a conversation
– a topic and another person to talk with.
A good way to meet new people is to:
– go to familiar places on a regular basis.
An easy place to start a conversation
– Is in a waiting room, bank or grocery line
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17. Making Contact 6
Making eye contact when you want to talk
– can give you a hint as to the person's mood.
If a group is involved in conversation
– look to see if they make eye contact or smile at
you before you join.
A good opening line for a conversation
– can help you find a good topic.
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18. Finding Topics 7
Sometimes it's easier to meet new people at a
party because they usually aren't shy.
Asking for information or help can be effective
and easily lead to a topic.
If you’re shy, a good way to learn to talk is find
a topic you know and talk about it.
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19. Listening 8
Active listening (brief comments, questions) will
help to keep the conversation going.
– Verbal encouragers, expression of interest, brief
comments are verbal active-listening.
– Say things like: “That’s interesting”; "I didn't know that."
are minimal verbal encouragers.
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20. Summaryof ConversationSkills
All of these skills are useful in conversation
and in developing friendships.
Learn these skills before you move on and you
will have more enjoyable contacts with other
persons who may be new to you.
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21. Solutions to PoorCommunication
Don’t simply read or review these skills and
believe that is all you need to do.
Read, review, write them down on cards, and
keep them with you.
Then, practice each one, over and over, until
you master every one of them.
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22. Basic CommunicationTechniques
Listen actively
– Pay attention to what is said
– Listen without forming an opinion
– Restate what has been said so the speaker
knows you understand
– Summarize what you heard the person say.
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23. Basic CommunicationTechniques
Nonverbal Messages
– Show you are interested by sitting up and
leaning toward the speaker
– If the speaker is standing you also stand
– Feelings are reflected in facial expressions
– Gestures reveal your view of the message,
and sends signals of anger, bordom, etc.
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24. Basic CommunicationTechniques
Thoughts and Feelings
– Be open and honest with what you think
and how you feel about things.
– Speak clearly and don’t mumble or talk
too quietly. If you don’t know a word, then
describe what you mean so both you and
the speaker understand.
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25. Basic CommunicationTechniques
Not Adversarial
– Express disagreement without judgmentalism or
blaming the other person.
• If angry about not getting theatre tickets, then
rather than blame the person, express your
anger/disappointment about situation.
– Use “I” messages and rather than say:
• “You should not have . . .”, instead, you can
say, “I am upset because I really wanted to
see that movie while it was in town.”
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26. Basic CommunicationProblems
Informate does not communicate
– Often we give and receive information rather
than communicate meaning.
– Example:
• “Speed” often means different things
– Velocity, drugs, a Keanu Reaves film
• Our filters change the meaning of words.
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27. Informationvs Communication
If you work with drugs and addicts, then speed
makes you think of drugs while a race driver
thinks of how fast their car will go; its velocity.
– Our individual experience changes the information
we are receiving.
We must communicate meaning for increased
understanding.
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28. Don’t Assume
In informating tends to assume everyone hears
the same message.
– Assumptions = make an “Ass of U and Me.”
Feedback
– The problem is overcome by feedback; by asking for
and getting feedback from the people listening so
both of you hear and understand the message.
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29. EffectiveCommunication
Give information - informate
Ask for feedback for clarity
Check for clarity of meaning
If both are in agreement, then communication
has taken place!
If contradict, repeat using different words to
convey meaning and recheck feedback.
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30. Basic CommunicationSkills
Check your understanding of this information
with your counselor so you know you heard
the message.
If you heard accurately, then your
communication skills should improve.
If not, listen to this message again, and review
with your counselor, sponsor or mentor.
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31. DrBrandyMarks
Biblical& LicensedMentalHealthCounselor
360-696-8909
VancouverWA
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