2. Narrative
“The narrative was unclear in some places. Could
possibly give further definition to story?”
“Story is somewhat difficult to understand. Reorganise
clips/ add some new to make it easier to read.”
“You need to define the narratives of the lovely soul
and the ragged man far more.”
“Try to distinguish more between the narratives of
verse one and two.”
“Your narrative needs to be more structured.”
3. Visuals
“The idea is nice, but needs polishing.”
“ The pencil scenes are lacking in contrast. Can be difficult to
understand what is going on in some scenes.”
“ I don’t like the photographic scenes because they don’t really
seem to suit the tone of the piece.”
“I don’t think the photographs serve any real purpose, but I do
like the colour that they provide.”
“The photos do not bear any relevance to the narrative. The
video is meant to be an example of amplification, not disjuncture,
so this isn’t suitable,”
“Some shots were stronger than others- it might be a good idea
to use your stronger shots at the beginning to really draw the
viewer in.”
4. Appeal
“It’s definitely got the potential to be really appealing, but
there are a few are such as narrative and image quality
that need to be cleaned up in places.”
“I love the idea of it; there are some very impressive shots
in there- but there are also a few such as the photographs-
which don’t quite fit.
“It would appeal more to me if there were more of a sense
of setting- as it is, the only presentation of setting is
towards the end. It does not feel as though the narrative is
grounded in any kind of reality.
“The style of animation is very attractive- just make sure
that all shots are of the same quality”
