Uploaded byHelen Oakwater
ACE conference Wakefield Jan 2020
The document discusses the impact of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) on children's development, emphasizing the importance of understanding how trauma affects their beliefs and behavior. It illustrates how different types of maltreatment can create negative self-perceptions and psychological trauma in children, and outlines the necessity for interventions that include truth-telling and reframing past experiences. The author suggests that future-proofing children involves providing a coherent narrative that aligns with their sensory memories and supports their emotional healing and growth.
More Related Content
Similar to ACE conference Wakefield Jan 2020
ACE conference Wakefield Jan 2020
- 1. Adverse Childhood Experiences: Creation,Effect and Melting trauma HOW are ACEs created HOW we can future-proof children WHAT makes a difference Helen Oakwater @HelenOakwater
- 2. !2 • Adoptive Parent •Siblings aged 2,4,5 now 25+ • Teacher (11-18: PE & maths) • NLP, mBIT, IEMT Coach / Trainer • Post Grad Attachment & Adoption (Family Futures) • Government Task Force • Trustee Adoption UK • Explorer & Learner • Swimmer, Diver, Yogi, Traveller •“UNDERSTANDING” Helen Oakwater Author, Coach, Trainer, Explorer © Helen Oakwater 2018
- 3. The Infant Perspective SEE Darkness HEAR Shouting& slamming doors TASTE Milk & vomit SMELL Sour milk & excrement TOUCH Nappy rash & FEEL Hungry & cold © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 4. The Infant Perspective Onepiece of sensory shrapnel One incident of NEGLECT Stored in implicit memory & sensory database © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 5. Sensory Shrapnel NEGLECT © HelenOakwater 2016
- 6. !6 Age 0 5 201015 Timeline 1 : No interventions © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 7. “Our little secret” DifferentMaltreatments Assorted Shrapnel © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 8.
- 9. I am a badboy No therapy or reframing Shrapnel still inside Tim © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 10. !10 Age 0 5 201015 Timeline 2: Different Maltreatments What behaviour might you see? what do adults tell him? Beliefs operating? © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 11. !11 Limiting Beliefs HELPLESS WORTHLESS HOPELESS © HelenOakwater 2017 I am useless I am a victim There is something fundamentally wrong with me I don’t belong I deserve the pain and suffering I’m experiencing I can’t do this, but you can Its out of my control I am bad I am the problem
- 12. • Make senseof our world • Give meaning to experiences by connecting them • Answer the question “Why” • Serve us …or not • Limiting or Empowering • Drive behaviour What are Beliefs? © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 13. NLP Logical Levels(Robert Dilts) Change/Learning Hierarchy Identity Values & Beliefs Skills & Capabilities Behaviour Environment Mission / Purpose For Whom Who Why How What Where & When I Can(t) Do This Here Spiritual 2 x YOUTUBE VIDEOS: Helen interviews Robert © Helen Oakwater 2020
- 14. “Truth” : “know”? Whatyou believe to be true • Body (somatic) memory • Implicit & Explicit memory • Evidence • Stories others tell • Fake news • Perspective: whose? © Helen Oakwater 2020
- 15. What is Trauma? Psychologicaltrauma is generally defined by two conditions. An individual experiences either: Overwhelming affect (experience of feeling or emotion) they are unable to integrate The feeling / belief that they might die or © Helen Oakwater 2019
- 16. Types of Trauma PostTraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) e.g. Shell shock Complex Trauma Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) Single Incident Trauma Secondary Trauma i.e Witness / hear / live with ADULTS CHILDREN XX © Helen Oakwater 2020
- 17. AGE DEVELOPMENT The ‘Path’ ofTrauma Complex & Single Issue Trauma Normal Single Event Complex (multiple) traumas © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 18. “The body keepsthe score” Bessel Van Der Kolk TRAUMA • Sensory, somatic, body based, ANS • Base Reptilian Brain Thinking • Fastest processing • Safety / Survival seeking • There is only NOW • past, future • Language © Helen Oakwater 2020
- 19. Frame setting Whats normal?Whats not? “NORMAL” NOT “NORMAL” REPAIR & HEAL Child Development Usual / Standard Sequential Distorted Gaps “Random” Parenting Good Enough* Deficient Therapeutic & Developmental * Winnicott © Helen Oakwater 2020
- 20. CLASSIFICATION WHAT WAS DONETO THEM Some examples WHAT IT DID TO THEM Their experience & possible interpretations Emotional Abuse berated, insulted, compared unfavourably to others, ignored I am wrong, bad, worthless. They want me dead. I’m not wanted. I should not be alive. Physical Abuse beaten, thrashed, burned, used as ashtray, hit with chair/stick/hand/belt, locked in cupboard the world is a dangerous place, I am bad & powerless Sexual Abuse violated, raped, forced to watch or participate in sexual acts destroyed innocence. I can’t trust anyone Reasons children are permanently removed from their birth families © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 21. Reasons children arepermanently removed from their birth families CLASSIFICATION WHAT WAS DONE TO THEM Some examples WHAT IT DID TO THEM Their experience & possible interpretations Neglect unfed for days, nappies not changed, no toys, no interaction with adults, left alone for hours, unwashed, no play, I don’t matter, life is hopeless. I am helpless &/or rage filled. Do I even exist? No self concept. Chaotic environment lots of different carers, locations, broken promises, frequent moves, squalor no safe or secure base. I am terrified. Trauma a combination of experiences and events that felt utterly overwhelming or life threatening to the child I am going to die. © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 22. THE INADEQUATE PARENTS constantly focussing ontheir own problems, they turn their children into “mini adults” who take care of them THE CONTROLLERS they use guilt, manipulation, and even over helpfulness to direct their children’s lives THE ALCOHOLICS *(DRUG ABUSERS)* mired in a denial and chaotic mood swings, their addiction leaves little time or energy for the demands of parenthood. Toxic Parenting CLASSIFIED BY DR SUSAN FORWARD IN HER BOOK “TOXIC PARENTS” 1989 ** In 1989 Dr Forward did not include drug abusers though similar issues would apply now © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 23. THE VERBAL ABUSERS whether overtly abusiveor subtly sarcastic, they demoralise their children with constant put downs and rob them of their self confidence. THE PHYSICAL ABUSERS incapable of controlling their own deep seated rage they often blame their children for their own ungovernable behaviour THE SEXUAL ABUSERS whether flagrantly sexual or covertly seductive, they are the ultimate betrayers, destroying the very heart of childhood - its innocence. Toxic Parenting CLASSIFIED BY DR SUSAN FORWARD IN HER BOOK “TOXIC PARENTS” 1989 © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 24. Metaphor: Wall ofChildren Needs 6-9 3-6 1-3 0-1 -0 Prenatal hugs food food food food hugs hugs hugs school school friends run run friends challenge trust trust trust books © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 25. © Helen Oakwater2017 pre natal 0-1 18-25 12-18 7-12 1-3 3-7 Developmental needs over time “Normal” throughout life
- 26. food good hygiene calm hugs warmth nutritious food attuned adults stimulationroutine attention play sleeppraise clean clothing fresh air comfort trust toys eye contact shelter touch boundaries fun language Zoominginto small section of ‘child development needs wall’ © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 27. food good hygiene calm hugs warmth nutritious food attuned adults stimulationroutine attention play sleeppraise clean clothing fresh air comfort trust toys eye contact shelter touch boundaries fun language Neglect: damaged bricks © Helen Oakwater 2017 NO NONONONO NO ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
- 28. boundaries eye contact attention nutritious food stimulation shelter trust play good hygieneroutine NO NONO touchcomfort food toys © Helen Oakwater 2017 Neglect: poorly constructed wall missing, smaller & cracked bricks clean clothing NO
- 29. boundaries eye contact attention nutritious food stimulation shelter trust play good hygieneroutine NO NONO touchcomfort food toys © Helen Oakwater 2017 Neglect: poorly constructed wall missing, smaller & cracked bricks clean clothing NO & missinginadequate
- 30. © Helen Oakwater2017 pre natal 0-2 17-25 12-17 9-12 2-4 4-8 Developmental needs over time With infancy maltreatment
- 31. FACTORS INFLUENCING DEVELOPMENT CONCEPTION INUTERO BIRTH POST NATAL INFANCY CHILDHOOD ADOLESCENCE Maternal GenePaternal Gene Drugs, Alcohol, Nutrition, Smoking Stress Hormones Domestic Violence PrematurityBirth Trauma Drug Withdrawal Nutrition, Smoke inhalation NAI, Neglect, Abuse, DV Paternal Maternal Management External Environment, Abuse Poverty, Nutrition, NeglectParenting Style(s) Quality of Other Carers Foster Care Education Schooling Siblings Alcohol Drug use Peers © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 33. Curious? Why different responsefrom each child? What lurks below the presenting behaviour for SANDY ? TAMIE? TIM ? © Helen Oakwater 2019
- 34. Baby experiences discomfort ora need Baby calms trust develops Baby plays and interacts with mother Baby rests Mother picks baby up, eye contact, talks to and soothes baby Baby protests, usually by crying Secure Attachment Cycle: “normal child development” © Helen Oakwater 2017 SANDY
- 35. I am safe Iam loved I am cared for I am valued I can trust adults I’m special I’m okay It’s a safe place People love me People care for me There is a place for me here I am important to them The world is okay ATTACHMENT BETWEEN CHILD AND OTHERS SANDY : Securely Attached, Normal Development, Youngster © Helen Oakwater 2017 BELIEFS
- 36. Baby plays withself or becomes apathetic Baby protests even louder Baby protests, usually by crying Mother does not respond to baby’s cry or responds inconsistently Baby experiences discomfort or a need Baby gives up. Rage &/or Apathy develop instead of trust Mother responds with anger , resentment or does not respond Baby rests Disturbed Attachment Cycle “distorted child development” © Helen Oakwater 2017 TAMIE
- 37. I am indanger I’m scared I am not cared for I’m small I’m not valued It’s a terrifying world People are scary Dangerous place Threats are everywhere Be invisible The world is not okay POOR ATTACHMENT BETWEEN CHILD AND OTHERS I’m alone TAMIE: Terrified, Anxious, Maligned, Insecure Emotionally © Helen Oakwater 2017 BELIEFS
- 38. Baby plays withself or becomes apathetic Baby protests even louder Baby protests, usually by crying Mother does not respond to baby’s cry or responds inconsistently Baby experiences discomfort or a need Baby gives up. Rage &/or Apathy develop instead of trust Mother responds with anger , resentment or does not respond Baby rests Disturbed Attachment Cycle “distorted child development” © Helen Oakwater 2017 TIM
- 39. I am notsafe I’m terrified I am not cared for I am unlovable I’m ignored I’m not valued I’m bad It’s a hostile world People hurt you Dangerous unpredictable place There is no place for me Nothing is important The world is not okay POOR ATTACHMENT BETWEEN CHILD AND OTHERS I’m alone TIM: Traumatised Infant Maltreated © Helen Oakwater 2017 BELIEFS
- 40. !40 Age 0 5 201015 Timeline 3: Shallow Interventions: behavioural What behaviour might you see? what do adults tell him? Beliefs operating? © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 41. 1. Regulate (you& them) 2. Relate 3. Reason Three step process “Dysregulated children in school will not learn”: Dr Bruce Perry Simple Consistent Open © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 42. What story isTim told? “The house was a bit messy” © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 43. !43 Language:“messy bedroom” © HelenOakwater 2016
- 44. !44 “The house wasa bit messy” They slept on mattresses soaked with urine, covered with filthy bedding, wading through mouldy rubbish ankle- deep to get through the front door and off to school. © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 45. “The house wasa bit messy” Frequently MISMATCH between sensory life experiences and story child is told © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 46. Confusing MISMATCH oflanguage “The house was a bit messy” clean untidy versus disgusting squalor © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 47. Jigsaw of Truth:Metaphor Heaps of sensory memories ??© Helen Oakwater 2016
- 48. 100% Truth Telling Jigsaw ofTruth: True Picture Heaps of sensory memories in an age appropriate way Claude Monet: La Terrace de Sante Adresse © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 49. 25 pieces: outlining of story Aged6 Jigsaw of Truth: Heaps of sensory memories 100% Truth Telling in an age appropriate way Flag Boat Umbrella Clouds Sea © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 50. 100-400 pieces: significant details shared Aged 9 -13 Jigsaw of Truth: Heaps of sensory memories 100% Truth Telling in an age appropriate way Flag Boat Umbrella Clouds Sea + + + © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 51. 1000 pieces: the entire detailed story By 18- 21 Jigsaw of Truth: Heaps of sensory memories Jigsaw of Truth: Heaps of sensory memories 100% Truth Telling in an age appropriate way Flag Boat Umbrella Clouds Sea + + + + ++++++
- 52. Jigsaw of Truth: createsa coherent narrative ??© Helen Oakwater 2016
- 53. Fresh Perspectives THEN NOW ©Helen Oakwater 2016
- 54. Age 0 5 201015 Reframe neglect so thats why I feel scared when I'm hungry, & I like fart smells © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 55. !55 Age 0 5 201015 Reframe removal episode it was not my fault he was drunk and wrong I was rescued I am important I am a good boy © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 56. Empowering Reframing MULTIPLE FRESHPERSPECTIVES utilising extra knowledge, resources, new learnings and age appropriate wisdom shrapnel removal healing pervasive shame© Helen Oakwater 2016
- 57. Avoid False NegativeBeliefs through a Coherent Narrative “Knowledge is only a rumour until its in the muscle” JUDY DELOZIER Head, heart and gut understanding Intrinsic truth Photos Evidence & indisputable material Information, data, words saccharine life story book © Helen Oakwater 2017
- 58. Future Proofing: tostabilise their life journey children need Coherent narrative Consistency: no surprises 100% truth telling age appropriate A(his)story which does not conflict with their sensory memories (i.e. matches) Knowing deep inside it was not their fault Help and support to understand, process and reframe their past © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 59. !59 Age 0 5 201015 Timeline 4: Deep Interventions (identity & beliefs) What behaviour might you see? what do adults tell him? Beliefs operating? © Helen Oakwater 2016
- 60. I am safe Iam loved I am cared for I am valued I can trust adults I’m special I’m okay It’s a safe place People love me People care for me There is a place for me here I am important to them The world is okay ???ATTACHMENT BETWEEN CHILD AND OTHERS POSSIBLE??? © Helen Oakwater 2017 ? Ideal view of self and world? after deep interventions (hopefully)
- 61. Frame setting Whats normal?Whats not? © Helen Oakwater 2017 “NORMAL” NOT “NORMAL” REPAIR & HEAL Child Development Usual / Standard Sequential Distorted Gaps “Random” Parenting Good Enough* Deficient Therapeutic & Developmental * Winnicott
- 62. http://bit.ly/2I2gvrq 13.5 minute YouTubevideo creating TIM: with drama, trauma generating understanding
- 63. Available on Amazonas paperback or in digital format
- 64. !64 Helen Oakwater www.FABparents.co.uk Melting Trauma: Transformation : Future Proofing Twitter @HelenOakwater Facebook FABParents YouTube HelenOakwater
- 65. FREE RESOURCES -articles, links, podcasts, etc LEARNING PLATFORM & TOOLS ONLINE TRAINING - various audiences FUTURE-PROOFING - evidence & thinking REAL and honest EXPERTS in various fields (coaching, leadership, communication skills, trauma, etc) LEADING LEARNER principles www.FABParents.co.uk YouTube Channel: HelenOakwater © Helen Oakwater 2019