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The Wall

Adopted children often have unique emotional and physical needs stemming from experiences of trauma, neglect, or abuse in their early lives, which can affect their development and ability to form attachments. The document discusses how different parenting approaches are necessary for meeting these children's needs, highlighting the importance of understanding their backgrounds. It also provides resources for families seeking support and emphasizes the role of Adoption UK in aiding those parenting children who cannot live with their birth parents.

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The Wall
The Wall Why do adopted children need a different kind of parenting? All children have physical and emotional needs. How these needs are fulfilled dictates a child’s development. The Wall is based on an exercise from our parenting programme, Parenting Our Children.
Our needs start from birth, and we look to our parents to fulfil them... As we grow, many of these remain, but we also develop new ones...
By the age of two, new social and developmental needs become evident...
When our needs are met, development and a sense of self are encouraged.
The wall of a healthy child may look like this.
Most adopted children have experienced some level of trauma. This may have been caused by abuse or neglect in their early lives. They will have been separated from their birth families They will have spent time in the care system, sometimes with more than one carer. All this will have had an effect on their development and their ability to attach to their new parents. How might their wall look?
A neglected child would have rarely or never been cuddled
Their milk might have been infrequent or inconsistent
They may have received little or no parental stimulation
Their parents would not have attuned with them
Because of this, they might struggle to make friends
Their play would be unsupervised
They struggle to feel part of a family unit
An abused child might play in an unhealthy way
They may not receive encouragement, or even believe the encouragement they do get
They may struggle to trust others
They might experience no or few boundaries on their behaviour
All this can cause problems at school
They can fear being left alone
Even though their birth family may love them dearly, the expression of that love might be infrequent or even unhealthy
There are over seventy thousand children in the UK care system at any one time. Many will return home and their birth families will be supported to care and parent them. Many will stay in foster care or other types of placement. But about 5% of those children will be placed for adoption because it is not possible for them to return to their birth families. Their average age at adoption will be just over 4 years old.
The lives of adopted children in their new families are affected by the hurt and loss in their past lives We are the leading charity providing support, awareness and understanding for those parenting or supporting children who cannot live with their birth parents. Call our Helpline if you and your family need support: 0844 848 7900 (Monday to Friday, 10am-4pm) Visit www.adoptionuk.org to find out more about our work and how you can support us.