Commitments: Women and Intimate Relationships Chapter 8 WS 325 Dr. Thompson * Marriage Social institutionRegulated byLawsReligion Personal and Legal Contract * Marriage Marriage is a way that society and/or religions regulate private relationships between couples, stipulating who can/cannot marryStrong patriarchal heritageWhite dress -Bride as PropertyName change -Mrs. (Mr’s)Women in industrialized countries are marrying laterHigher educationEconomics Experiences of independent living more likely, including premarital sex, cohabitationExposure to variety of viewpoints, opportunities, options and sense of self * * Who marries ? Characteristics of a potential mateWomen and men within the same culture often had similar preferencesMutual attraction and loveDependable characterEmotional stabilityPleasing dispositionAcross cultures, women were more likely to emphasize partner’s earning capacity and ambition, men more likely to emphasize good looks and physical attractivenessMarriage GradientWomen “marry up”, men “marry down”The tendency for women to marry men who are older, have higher prestige and income potentialDecreased in the U.S. as women gain access to educational opportunity and higher incomes * * Varieties of MarriageTraditional MarriageTraditional gender roles, both husband and wife agree husband has (and should have) ultimate authority in major decisions and control of moneyModern marriageModern wives are employed, but her job is viewed as less important than the husband’s. Modern wives do a second shift every day Egalitarian MarriagePost gender relationships: partners have moved beyond using gender to define their marital roles, equal power, authorityUnrecognized, Unauthorized MarriageIn the past, slave marriages, interracial marriages were illegal and unrecognizedAt this point in history, same-sex marriages are mostly unrecognized and unauthorized * How adherence to gender roles can affect relationships between the sexes Power in Marriage The Myth of EqualityRefuse to acknowledge traditional gender role socializationHusbands have final say in big decisions in most marriages (76%)Power comes from money and traditional beliefs * Social Exchange Theory The theory says that the partner who brings greater outside resources to the relationship will have the greater influence within the relationship. Resources may include prestige, knowledge, money, education, or any other valued “currency.”The theory is based primarily on economic theory, but fails to acknowledge the powerful “symbolic” value of traditional gender rolesThe reality is that even in dual-career couples, a husband’s opinions still tend to carry more weight, and a wife’s employment may not give her equal power. Her career may be relegated to a supportive or secondary income, and may be viewed as undermining her “nurturing role” * * Marital SatisfactionMany studies about marital satisfaction over time show an in.

1. Commitments:
Women and Intimate Relationships
Chapter 8
WS 325
Dr. Thompson
*
Marriage Social institutionRegulated byLawsReligion
Personal and Legal Contract
*
Marriage Marriage is a way that society and/or
religions regulate private relationships between couples,
stipulating who can/cannot marryStrong patriarchal
heritageWhite dress -Bride as PropertyName change
-Mrs. (Mr’s)Women in industrialized countries
are marrying laterHigher educationEconomics Experiences of
independent living more likely, including premarital sex,
cohabitationExposure to variety of viewpoints, opportunities,

2. options and sense of self
*
*
Who marries ? Characteristics of a potential mateWomen
and men within the same culture often had similar
preferencesMutual attraction and loveDependable
characterEmotional stabilityPleasing dispositionAcross cultures,
women were more likely to emphasize partner’s earning
capacity and ambition, men more likely to emphasize good
looks and physical attractivenessMarriage GradientWomen
“marry up”, men “marry down”The tendency for women to
marry men who are older, have higher prestige and income
potentialDecreased in the U.S. as women gain access to
educational opportunity and higher incomes
*
*
Varieties of MarriageTraditional MarriageTraditional gender
roles, both husband and wife agree husband has (and should
have) ultimate authority in major decisions and control of
moneyModern marriageModern wives are employed, but her job
is viewed as less important than the husband’s. Modern wives
do a second shift every day Egalitarian MarriagePost gender
relationships: partners have moved beyond using gender to
define their marital roles, equal power, authorityUnrecognized,

3. Unauthorized MarriageIn the past, slave marriages, interracial
marriages were illegal and unrecognizedAt this point in history,
same-sex marriages are mostly unrecognized and unauthorized
*
How adherence to gender roles can affect relationships between
the sexes
Power in Marriage The Myth of EqualityRefuse to
acknowledge traditional gender role socializationHusbands have
final say in big decisions in most marriages (76%)Power comes
from money and traditional beliefs
*
Social Exchange Theory The theory says that the partner who
brings greater outside resources to the relationship will have the
greater influence within the relationship. Resources may include
prestige, knowledge, money, education, or any other valued
“currency.”The theory is based primarily on economic theory,
but fails to acknowledge the powerful “symbolic” value of
traditional gender rolesThe reality is that even in dual-career
couples, a husband’s opinions still tend to carry more weight,
and a wife’s employment may not give her equal power. Her
career may be relegated to a supportive or secondary income,
and may be viewed as undermining her “nurturing role”

4. *
*
Marital SatisfactionMany studies about marital satisfaction over
time show an initial “honeymoon period” then a substantial
decline in happiness after one or two years, or with the birth of
the first child.Husbands tend to be more satisfied than
wivesWomen experience a disparity between their expectations
of father’s involvement and the actual level of paternal
contribution Women do more housework than their husbands, a
fact that is exacerbated by the birth of a childWives are likely
to become dissatisfied with the marriage over time. Those who
viewed their husbands as “tuned-in” to them and their
relationship were more likely to feel their marital satisfaction
increased or stayed the same after the birth of the child.
*
Psychological AdjustmentWho do you think is happiest?Single
menMarried menSingle women Married women
*
*

5. Marriage and Psychological
Well-BeingFor both sexes, marriage is associated with better
psychological adjustmentCompared to couples where one
partner dominates, more egalitarian relationships are associated
with more affection, intimacy, constructive communication,
sexual satisfaction and overall happiness within the
marriageResearch on 900 dual-career couples suggests:For
childfree married women, the more egalitarian the relationship
the more satisfied she was likely to be in her marriage, an
important factor in her psychological well-beingMarried women
with children generally experienced less egalitarian marriages,
and perceived inequality directly related to psychological
symptoms
*
Lesbian CouplesButch/FemmeApplies heterosexual scripts
Define stereotypic behaviorButch = husband Femme = wifeMost
lesbians reject gender rolesFor them Butch = not enjoying
“girly” thingsFemme = having freedom to enjoy make-up and
other “feminine” things Refers to aspects of style not
relationship dominance
*
Lesbians (continued)Prefer intelligence and interpersonal
sensitivity75% are in steady committed relationshipsNo access

6. to marriage, legal rights, tax advantages, spousal insurance
benefits, or hospital rights75% believe both should workShare
choresSocialize togetherAre as well adjusted as heterosexuals
*
Lesbian CouplesNo research thus far on legally married gay
couplesRelationships more likely to be egalitarian, likely based
on fairness and negotiation, and same sex couples also tend to
share more leisure activities than heterosexual couples
doLesbian life satisfaction is impacted by support system of
family and friends; breakups often not publicly acknowledged
as being as significant as a heterosexual divorce, yet
emotionally it can be just as devastatingSocial exchange theory
may still apply, but more income doesn’t automatically equate
to power, as equality and fairness are important values for
lesbian couples
*
*
CohabitationHeterosexual couples living together without legal
marriage; “living together”Women who cohabit are generally
more experienced sexually, less likely to be monogamous, more
unconventional, independent and autonomousCohabiting women
5x more likely than married women to have sex outside of the
relationshipAssociated with premarital pregnancyFor Euro
American women, cohabiting before marriage increases the
likelihood of divorce

7. *
*
DivorceUS has highest divorce rate of industrialized countries,
40-50% within 15 yearsLots of research on formal divorce, but
what about when folks just split up, walk away, abandon…?The
younger the couple when they married, the greater likelihood of
divorceWomen are more likely to cite infidelity, substance
abuse, and mental or physical abuse as the reasons for
divorcingSome women view divorce as liberation and have little
to no psychological distress, but most experience anger,
helplessness, and ambivalence. If they didn’t initiate it they
may feel abandoned, powerless and vulnerable
*
*
DivorceDivorced people of both sexes have higher rates of
illness, alcoholism and serious accidentsAdjustment after
divorce seems more problematic for men, but economically,
women are often severely disadvantaged, having to adopt a
lower standard of livingAfrican American women seem to adjust
better than Euro American women based on three factors:
multigenerational households, strong ties to parents, support
from church and friendsMore than half the children in the US
will experience their parents’ divorce before they reach 18. The
majority of fathers in the US not living with their families
provide NO monetary support. More than 25% of divorced
women fall below the poverty line within 5 years of the divorce

8. *
*
Remarriage2nd marriages are even more likely to end in
divorceBlended familiesFactors correlated with success include
positive family relationships, communication, mutual support
among family members, reliance on spirituality and religion,
family-time activitiesComplex finances (why isn’t HE taking
care of his own children? Who pays for…?)Men are more likely
to remarryHusbands (again) are more satisfied than wivesIt just
may be easier to leave the second time around…
*
*
Should government tell adults who they can love?
Who they can marry?
What can you do?
*