The document reflects on lessons learned about self-care in the context of motherhood and a partner's struggle with addiction. It emphasizes the importance of prioritizing one's own well-being to sustain relationships, articulating how personal insights and boundaries lead to happiness and fulfillment. The author shares their journey towards recovery and mindfulness, highlighting that self-love is essential for supporting loved ones.

1. Self-Care
Isn’t
Selfish
lessons I learned from
motherhood + my partner’s
battle with addiction
WordCamp Minneapolis / St. Paul 2019

2. This is a
love story.

3. (total dreamboat, right?)
This is Justin.

4. Obviously, I had
to marry him.

5. The planet needed
more people like
him.

6. The universe sped up
the process.

7. 2 months into
parenthood, we
had our 1st honest
conversation about
Justin’s drinking.

8. I struggled to exist in
my new normal.

9. new
identity
new job
start a
business
support
justin’s
sobriety
keep it
together
The less fulfilled I felt,
the more I took on.

10. I gave until there
was nothing left
of myself to give.

11. When Justin relapsed,
I broke down.

12. Giving to others wasn’t
sustainable when I
wasn’t giving back to
myself.

13. “If you can’t love yourself,
how the hell you gonna
love somebody else?”
- Ru Paul, modern philosopher &
pop culture icon

14. I prioritized
self-reflection.

15. I started talking
to others.

16. I started listening
to myself.

17. Even when,
“watch more female-
driven 90s thriller movies!”
was all I had to say.
(you have to start somewhere)

18. Impersonal thoughts
evolved into
personal insights.
“Why did they have to impale her?
It’s a bit much.”
“How is this movie
still going?!”
“Balloons are just sacks of
someone’s breath.”
“I’m going to spend less
time with people who
agitate others for fun.”

19. Self-reflection
helped me
understand my
boundaries.

20. I quieted feelings
of obligation and
reconsidered where I
found my sense of
worth.

21. I started saying “no”.
(thank you)

22. Enforcing my
boundaries gave me
space to make the
little things matter.

23. I reserved time for
my interests
and relationships.
(even on weeknights)

24. I started an
obnoxious skincare
regimen.
(worth it)

25. I turned my
bedroom into a
sonic womb.
(I highly recommend it)

26. As I became whole,
a whole bunch of
good happened.

27. Justin found real
recovery.

28. I became a more
mindful, present
parent.

29. I found happiness.

30. Giving is still ok.

31. Giving is still ok.
(as long as I’m also giving to myself)

32. To love and
care for yourself
is happiness.

33. illustrations
Johna Reuvers
@johnachomps
wedding photo
Ali Hormann Photography
@alihormann_photo
@courtneyrules
story
Courtney Deer