Jonathan Rodgers reflects on his struggles with depression, highlighting the impact of personal losses and the importance of resilience. He finds solace in art and a sense of purpose through shared experiences with marginalized individuals. Despite facing challenges in seeking help, he is committed to his growth and looks forward to completing his education.

1. From Julie Leibrich ‘A Gift of Stories’
Jonathan Rodgers, from page 145
Jonathan says you walk from the light to shadow. When he’s
depressed he feels he will never walk in the sunshine again. He lets
everything slide. He searches for the easiest and least painful way
of suicide. Over time he’s realised that depression is a process and
if he waits it out it will fade. He never wants a label. His worst
time was when his grandparents died, he was quite estranged from
his mother. He got love from his grandparents and had lived with
them after a time with his mother and stepfather. He first thought
he was an artist when he experienced depression. He worked hard
and played hard as a sheep shearer. He had self destructive urges
such as driving fast and standing on cliff edges. He worked in
Wellington at a centre which was more than a drop-in for the
psychiatrically disabled, it was for all the unemployed in the city. He
began with the dog motif at this place. The marginalised people were
treated and kicked like dogs, the mongrels of society. He shuns the
‘better than you’ mentality – ‘I’m a politician or an artist and I’m
better than you’ (cf Billy Bragg just because you’re better than me
doesn’t mean I’m lazy.) He did a co-counselling course, and also
realised that each time he survived an episode he got more resilient.
He got professional help and realised he had responsibilities to his
wife and child, it wasn’t just him alone now. He went to Community
Mental Health but didn’t get the help he wanted – just the offer of
medication. He realised they couldn’t help him. He gets a lot of joy
and self esteem from his art work and the dog images. He had his
first exhibition with Mark Whyte, Mark was a good sounding board.
The darkness is like a baby screaming for its mother and she never
comes. Today he looks forward to completing his degree – he’s
doing an equivalent of writing himself better.