Ways to make writing short: more crisp, vivid, and effective

1. Concision: Crisp Writing
MCM241, Fall 2017
John Couper

2. Why be Concise?
• “Concision”= “the most meanings in the fewest words”
• Why?
– Meanings are stronger because they aren't surrounded by weak words
– You don't waste the reader's time and attention
– Ideas and information are clearer, more direct and easier to remember
– Concise writing seems fresher and more enjoyable
– Concise writing is more professional and “musical.”
• How?
– Choose words with rich meanings
– Eliminate words etc. that add few or no meanings

3. 1. Use specific words for more power
• a) Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-
school programs in his speech (14)
• Concise: The politician's speech praised after-school programs (8)
• b) Wordy: Suzie believed, but could not confirm, that Billy had
feelings of affection for her (14 words)
• Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6)
• c) Wordy: Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos
was an experience that really helped me learn a lot. (20)
• Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an
educational experience. (10)

4. 2. Challenge every word's value
a) Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and
methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class.
(22)
• Concise: The teacher demonstrated ways to cut words from my
essay. (10 words)
b) Wordy: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone
is in motion rolling down a hill or incline, that moving stone is not as
likely to be covered with the kind of thick green moss that grows on
stationary, unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests
that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t
move any time soon. (64)
• Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss. (6)

5. 3. Combine Sentences
a) Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of
beauty and madness. Before his death, he had
commissioned three castles. (18)
• Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding
marriage of beauty and madness. (11)
b) Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New
Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is
rumored to have occurred in 1947. (24)
• Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell,
New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. (16)

6. 4. Use single, direct words
new innovations innovations
one and the same the same
particular interest interest
period of four days four days
personally, I think/feel
I think/feel
personal opinion opinion
puzzling in nature puzzling
refer back refer
repeat again repeat
return again return
revert back revert
shorter/longer in length shorter/longer
small/large in size small/large
square/round/rectangular
in shape
square/round/rectangular
summarize briefly summarize
surrounded on all sides surrounded
surrounding circumstances circumstances
the future to come the future
there is no doubt but that no doubt
usual/habitual custom custom
we are in receipt of we have received

7. 5. Use Phrases not Clauses, Words not Phrases
a) Smith College, which was founded in 1871, is the premier all-
women's college in the United States.
Founded in 1871, Smith College is the premier U.S. all-
women's college
b) Citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office.
• Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.
c) Unencumbered by a sense of responsibility, Jason left his wife
with forty-nine kids and a can of beans.
• Jason irresponsibly left his wife with forty-nine kids and a can of
beans.

8. 6. Minimize Intensifiers and “There is... that”
a) Words like really, very, quite, extremely, severely are rarely
necessary: “the salary increase is inadequate”, not “severely
inadequate.” Fewer intensifiers have more impact.
b) Avoiding using there is/are or it is.
• Wordy: There are twenty-five students who have already expressed
a desire to attend the program next summer. It is they and their
parents who stand to gain the most by the government grant.
• Concise: Twenty-five students already expressed a desire to attend
the program next summer. They and their parents stand to gain the
most by the government grant.

9. 7. Don't Write what Readers will Assume
• a) Many woodlands, in fact, have been purchased for the
purpose of creating public parks.
– Many woodlands, in fact, have been purchased for the purpose
of creating as public parks.
• b) This policy has a tendency tends to isolate some
communities.

10. 8. Start with the Subject.
This is concise and clear-- explaining who or what is making
the action happen.
a) As I have previously argued, it was not until after the last
batch of votes was counted, that the Senator was able to
declare victory.
The Senator declared victory after the last batch of
votes was counted.

11. 9. Use active verbs.
Most verbs are active: they suggest action. (“I walked to the shops.”)
The passive voice starts a sentence with the object. (“The shops
were walked to by me”). This is less concise and indirect-- unclear
about what is being caused by who.
a) It was not until after the last batch of votes was counted, that
victory could be declared by the Senator.
The Senator declared victory after the last batch of votes was
counted.
Only use the passive voice when causality or agency is unclear (the
subject isn’t making things happen or making choices).

12. 10. Minimize adverbs and adjectives
Adverbs modify verbs, adjectives, or other adverbs. They suggest the
writer fears not expressing himself/herself clearly.
Try to only use adjectives of color, size and number.
a) The exultant Senator proudly declared victory after the last batch
of votes was carefully counted.
The Senator declared victory after the last batch of votes was
counted, calling himself “proud to have the opportunity to serve”.

13. 11. Use the shortest form of a word.
Don't write “utilise” when you can use “use’”
Why say ‘conceptualisation’ if you mean ‘concept’?
a) The Senator promulgated his victory after the
ultimate collection of democratic choices had
been enumerated.
The Senator declared victory after the last batch of
votes was counted.

14. 12. Use the shortest form of a phrase.
Writers use stock phrases to connect sentences, to
“signpost” (anticipate) and pad their writing.
a) Use “However”, not “On the other hand”.
b) Use “how”, not “the ways in which”.
On the other hand, the Senator explained the ways in which
his electoral victory were unique.
The Senator, however, explained how his electoral victory
was unique.

15. 13. Use Everyday Words when possible
Elaborate word Simple word
ascertain
commence
constitute
fabricate
initiate
terminate
transmit
utilize
find out
begin
make up
build
begin
end
send
use