1. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Clarity
and Combining
A workshop brought to you by
The Purdue University
Writing Lab
2. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Clarity
Why do we need to be
concerned with sentence
clarity?
♦ To communicate effectively to
the reader
♦ To make writing persuasive
♦ To show credibility and
authority as a writer
3. Purdue University Writing Lab
Common clarity problems
• Misplaced
modifiers
• Dangling modifiers
• Passive voice
4. Purdue University Writing Lab
Misplaced Modifiers
a word or phrase
that causes
confusion because it
is located within a
sentence so far
away from the
word(s) to which it
refers
5. Purdue University Writing Lab
Misplaced Modifiers
Consider the
different meanings
in the following
sentences:
The dog under the tree
bit Carrie.
vs.
The dog bit Carrie
under the tree.
6. Purdue University Writing Lab
Misplaced Modifiers
Sometimes misplaced
modifiers are used for
comic effect:
The other day I shot an
elephant in my
pajamas. How he got in
my pajamas I'll never
know.
-- Groucho Marx
7. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
Jennifer called her
adorable kitten opening
the can of tuna and filled
the food bowl.
Better: Opening the can of
tuna, Jennifer called her
adorable kitten and filled
the food bowl.
8. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
Portia rushed to the store
loaded with cash to buy
the birthday gift.
Better: Portia, loaded with
cash, rushed to the store
to buy the birthday gift.
9. Purdue University Writing Lab
Misplaced Modifiers
Some one-word modifiers often cause
confusion:
almost just nearly simply
even hardly merely only
10. Purdue University Writing Lab
Explain the meaning of each
sentence:
Almost everyone in the
class passed the calculus
exam.
Everyone in the class
almost passed the
calculus exam.
Which sentence indicates
that everyone in the class
failed the exam?
11. Purdue University Writing Lab
Explain the meaning of each
sentence:
John nearly earned $100.
John earned nearly $100.
Which sentence indicates
that John earned some
money?
12. Purdue University Writing Lab
Dangling modifiers
a word or phrase that modifies
another word or phrase that has
not been stated clearly within
the sentence
♦ often occur at the beginnings and
ends of sentences
♦ often indicated by an -ing verb or a
to + verb phrase
13. Purdue University Writing Lab
Dangling modifiers
Having finished dinner, the
football game was turned on.
Having finished dinner, Joe
turned on the football game.
14. Purdue University Writing Lab
Dangling modifiers can be
repaired by:
♦ placing the subject of the modification
phrase as the subject of the independent
clause:
Having finished dinner, Joe turned on the
football game.
♦ placing the subject of the action within the
dangling phrase:
After Joe finished dinner, he turned on the
football game.
15. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
Playing solitaire on the computer for
three hours, Michael’s paper was
not completed.
Better: Playing solitaire on the
computer for three hours, Michael
did not complete his paper.
Better: Because Michael played
solitaire on the computer for three
hours, he did not complete his
paper.
16. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
Locked away in the old chest,
Richard was surprised by the
antique hats.
Better: Locked away in the old
chest, the antique hats surprised
Richard.
Better: The antique hats locked
away in the old chest surprised
Richard.
17. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
To work as a loan officer, an
education in financial
planning is required.
Better: To work as a loan
officer, one is required to
have an education in
financial planning.
18. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
Being a process that still needs to
be refined, scientists are searching
for a more effective plan for
chemotherapy treatment.
Better: Scientists are searching for
a more effective plan for
chemotherapy treatment, a process
that still needs to be refined.
19. Purdue University Writing Lab
Passive Voice
♦indicates what is receiving the action
rather than explaining who is doing the
action
♦two indicators
♦"to be" verbs—is, are, was, were
♦"by ________”
Examples:
Mistakes were made.
The cats were brushed by Laura.
20. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you improve the
following sentence?
The decision that was
reached by the committee
was to postpone the vote.
Better: The committee
reached the decision to
postpone the vote.
Best: The committee decided
to postpone the vote.
21. Purdue University Writing Lab
How might you correct the
following sentence?
The disk drive of the
computer was damaged
by the electrical surge.
Better: The electrical
surge damaged the disk
drive of the computer.
Best: The electrical surge
damaged the computer's
disk drive.
22. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Combining
Why should we know about sentence
combining?
♦ To build clarity
♦ To avoid wordiness
♦ To avoid redundancy
Keys to sentence combining:
♦ Create adjectives
♦ Create properly placed modifying clauses
♦ Eliminate unnecessary or repetitive phrases
23. Purdue University Writing Lab
Consider the following paragraph:
The boy struggled to ride his bike.
The boy is four years old and he is
feisty. The bike is new and it is a
light blue color. The boy received
the bike for his birthday. He
struggled for two hours. However, he
was unsuccessful in riding the bike.
24. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Combining
The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy
is four years old and he is feisty. The bike
is new and it is a light blue color. The boy
received the bike for his birthday. He
struggled for two hours. However, he was
unsuccessful in riding the bike.
The feisty four-year-old boy struggled
unsuccessfully for two hours to ride his
new light blue birthday bike.
25. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Combining
The animal trainer dove into the pool.
The trainer was skilled and athletic.
She was excited when she dove into
the pool. She swam with two
dolphins. The dolphins were babies.
The dolphins were playful. The
trainer swam with the dolphins for
over an hour. When the trainer
swam with the dolphins, she was
happy.
26. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Combining
The animal trainer dove into the pool. The trainer
was skilled and athletic. She was excited when she
dove into the pool. She swam with two dolphins.
The dolphins were babies. The dolphins were
playful. The trainer swam with the dolphins for over
an hour. When the trainer swam with the dolphins,
she was happy.
• The skilled, athletic animal trainer excitedly dove into
the pool and happily swam for over an hour with two
playful baby dolphins.
27. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Combining
The blizzard contained strong winds
and heavy snow. During the
snowstorm, the roof of the town
library collapsed. The roof of the
post office did the same. The
blowing snow covered the county
roads. Schools cancelled classes
due to the white-out conditions.
28. Purdue University Writing Lab
Sentence Combining
The blizzard contained strong winds and heavy snow.
During the snowstorm, the roof of the town library
collapsed. The roof of the post office did the same.
The blowing snow covered the county roads.
Schools cancelled classes due to the white-out
conditions.
• The blizzard, containing strong winds and heavy
snow, caused the roofs of the town library and the
post office to collapse, created white-out conditions
on county roads, and forced schools to cancel
classes.
29. Purdue University Writing Lab
Where can you go for additional help
with sentence clarity?
Purdue University Writing
Lab
Heavilon 226
Grammar Hotline:
(765) 494-3723
Check our web site:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu
Email brief questions:
owl@owl.english.purdue.edu
Purdue University Writing Lab
Key Concepts: This slide reviews the reasons that sentence clarity is an important part of writing. The facilitator may choose to ask the opening question and invite responses from participants. Communication is the most important function of sentence clarity. For example, a new computer that comes with unclear directions for setting it up may cause errors and frustration for its new owner. Persuasion is also important. If a job applicant writes a cover letter with unclear, confusing sentences, the applicant will have trouble persuading an employer that he or she is the most qualified for the job. Finally, clear, well-phrased sentences can demonstrate a writer’s credibility and authority --the mastery of the subject matter and the competency to communicate well to others.
Rationale: This slide establishes the three clarity problems that will be covered in this presentation.
Rationale: The formal definition of a misplaced modifier is explained in this slide.
Examples: The examples in this slide illustrate the importance of the modification phrase or word group. The facilitator may ask students to explain the difference in meaning between the two sentences. The first sentence explains, “ That dog under that tree bit Carrie”--the dog is presently located under the tree. The second sentence indicates that the act of biting Carrie occurred under the tree. Depending on the placement of the modification phrase, “under the tree,” the meaning of a sentence can change dramatically. While this is a simple example to illustrate the importance of modifying phrases, the facilitator may invite students to imagine the confusion misplaced modifiers can cause in directions, legal documents, or business letters.
Example: Occasionally, misplaced modifiers can be used for comic effect, as in this famous example from Groucho Marx. The facilitator may note that “in my pajamas” is the modifying phrase in this example.
Activity: The facilitator may ask participants to point out the problem with the first sentence—the kitten is opening the can of tuna. Unless the kitten has opposable thumbs, this is an unlikely scenario. The participant may then ask what the modifying phrase is here—”opening the can of tuna.” This phrase needs to be as close as possible to what it modifies—in this case, Jennifer. The slide offers one option for correction. Another correct option includes, “Jennifer, opening the can of tuna, called her adorable kitten and filled the food bowl.” A series of verb phrases would also be correct: “Jennifer opened the can of tuna, called her adorable kitten, and filled the food bowl.” Click mouse to reveal sample sentence and corrected sentence.
Activity: Again, the facilitator may ask participants to define the problem with the first sentence--the store is loaded with cash. The modifying phrase, “loaded with cash,” needs to be placed as close as possible to what it modifies--Portia. The slide offers one correct option; another is “Loaded with cash, Portia rushed to the store to buy the birthday gift.” Click mouse to reveal sample sentence and corrected sentence.
Key Concepts: Not all modification problems are in the form of a phrase. These eight words can also cause confusion within sentences.
Activity: The facilitator may ask students to consider the meaning of each sentence and answer the slide’s final question. The second sentence indicates that everyone in the class failed the exam because “almost” modifies the verb “passed.” Everyone “almost passed”--they came close to passing but did not make the grade. In the first sentence, “almost” modifies “everyone.” ”Almost everyone” passed--most people passed, but a few did not. Click after final question to reveal checkmark.
Activity: Again, the facilitator may ask participants to answer the slide’s final question. In the second sentence, “nearly” modifies “$100.” Therefore, “John earned nearly $100”--not quite $100, but perhaps $98. In the first sentence, “nearly” modifies the verb “earned.” “John nearly earned” the money, but he failed to earn it. Click after final question to reveal checkmark.
Key Concepts: This slide offers a formal definition for dangling modifiers.
Activity: The facilitator may ask students which sentence is correct. The second sentence is correct because “Having finished dinner” modifies “Joe.” The first sentence contains a dangling modifier--it sounds like the football game just finished dinner. The subject of the modifying phrase, Joe, is absent from the first sentence. Click to reveal circles around the modified subjects of each sentence.
Key Concepts: There are a couple of ways to repair sentences with dangling modifiers. Each sentence, or independent clause, contains a subject and a verb. The first example refers to the example on the previous slide--the subject, or doer of the action, needs to be placed as the subject of the independent clause. The second example explains the naming of the subject within the dangling phrase.
Activity: The facilitator may choose to have participants describe the problem with the sentence—Michael’s paper has played solitaire for three hours--and offer suggestions for correction. The first option corrects the sentence by placing Michael, the doer of the action, as the subject of the sentence. The second option corrects the sentence by placing “Michael” within the modification phrase. Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
Activity: The facilitator may again have participants identify the error within the sentence--Richard is locked away in the old chest--and offer corrected versions. The first option is corrected by “antique hats” in the subject position. The second is improved by eliminating the introductory phrase and placing the modifying phrase, “locked away in the old chest,” after “antique hats.” Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
Activity: The facilitator may pause over this sentence to discuss the error. This sentence begins with a to + verb phrase, or infinitive phrase. In this sentence, the education is going to work as a loan officer. The problem here is that there is no subject to go with the dangling phrase. Participants will need to insert a subject, such as “one,” to correct the sentence. Click mouse to reveal corrected version.
Activity: The facilitator may have students define the problem with the initial sentence--that the “scientists” are the “process that still needs to be refined.” This sentence is best corrected by changing the dangling phrase to a modifying phrase referring to “chemotherapy treatment” at the end of the sentence. Click mouse to reveal corrected version.
Key Concepts: Passive voice is another common clarity problem, primarily because the subject of the action is not indicated clearly within the sentence. A sentence with passive voice always contains a form of the verb “to be” and may contain a phrase starting with “by.” Activity: The facilitator may choose to have participants explain why the two examples are passive. In the first example, the facilitator may ask “Who made the mistakes?” The answer cannot be given because the doer of the action is omitted from the sentence. Sometimes passive voice is used purposely; politicians often use passive voice to avoid giving assigning agency to an action. Passive voice in the second example is indicated by “were” and “by.” The sentence can be made a more direct statement by placing the doer of the action in the subject position: “Laura brushed the cats.”
Activity: The facilitator may ask participants to explain why the sentence is passive--”was” and “by”--and to offer improved versions. The “better” version eliminates the passive voice problem by playing the doer of the action, “the committee,” in the subject position. The “best” version, however, preview the next section on sentence combining by eliminating unnecessary words for a more direct statement. Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
Activity: Again, passive voice is indicated by “was” and “by.” The “better” example eliminates the passive voice problem, but the “best” example eliminates unnecessary words by changing “of the computer” into the possessive form, “computer’s.” Click mouse to reveal corrected versions.
Key Concepts: Sentence combining is also important for clear, smooth, yet sophisticated writing. This slide offers reasons for combining sentences as well as effective combining tips.
Activity: The facilitator may choose to read this paragraph aloud and ask students how it sounds. The short, choppy, simplistic, and repetitive sentences sound more like elementary school writing rather than college-level discourse. Sentence combining can be effective in eliminating redundant phrases and creating a smoother, more polished sentence. The facilitator may ask students to try to combine all of this information into one smooth sentence. The next slide has a sample answer.
Activity: Students may come up with a variety of different sentence combinations in their responses. It is important, however, that modifying words and phrases refer to their proper subjects. Run-on sentences (two independent sentences joined together) should also be avoided. Click mouse to reveal combined version.
Activity: The facilitator should distribute the student worksheets and have the participants try to combine each paragraph into a single sentence.
Activity: Students may have a variety of answers to share, but the facilitator should again watch out for run-on sentences and misplaced modifiers. Click mouse to reveal combined version.
Activity: Again, participants should try to combine these sentences into one. The facilitator may remind students that they can eliminate excess information or redundant phrases.
Activity: This example contains a lot of redundancy. By definition, a blizzard is a snowstorm that contains strong wind and heavy,blowing snow. Some of these terms might be eliminated. For writers seeking to create a dramatic effect, some of these details might be left in the combined sentence. Again, there are many different ways to combine these sentences together. Misplaced modifiers and run-ons should be avoided. After completing the exercise, the facilitator may ask participants for questions. Click mouse to reveal combined version.
Rationale: As the presentation concludes, the facilitator can remind students that they can come to the Writing Lab for extra help with sentence clarity and combining. Click mouse after the title question. For additional assistance with sentence construction, see: Harris, Muriel. Prentice Hall Reference Guide to Grammar and Usage . 4 th ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 2000.
