Successful UX is all about integrating views and perspectives from many people to culminate in a user experience that meets user and business needs. While we have dozens of research and design techniques to do just that, the most fundamental of all techniques is barely covered in most UX training: dialogue. This session summarizes and applies to UX professionals the most applicable guidance from a survey of modern communications and business literature. You will leave with actionable steps to dialogue like a pro in some of the most common, challenging situations that we face as UX professionals. Specifically, you will learn how to turn disagreements about design, process, priority, and execution into learning opportunities that help you and your organization deliver a better user experience.

1. Dialogue Like a Pro to Level
Up Your UX:
All the communication best practices in a
simple model
Nicholas Johnson
UXPA International 2023

2. Agenda
1. Conclusion
2. Setting the stage
a. Definition: dialogue
b. Who is this guy?
c. Why communication matters
3. My (failure) story
4. Seeking answers: a lit review
5. Building the one model to rule them all
6. Putting it into practice!
7. Your homework
8. Q & A
2

3. Conclusion
Be aware of your progress through this dialogue
model to level up your ability to:
1. Reach agreement
2. Understand different viewpoints
3. Navigate conflicting opinions
Try out all the strategies later, but first work on
your awareness!
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4. 4
Dia • logue
The roots come from Greek
- Dia means through
- Logos means word or meaning
Fundamentally, dialogue is “meaning flowing through.”
Two useful, more specific definitions:
1. The free flow of meaning into a pool of shared meaning7
2. A conversation in which people think together in relationship9

5. About Nicholas
Practicing UX for almost 20 years, including leading numerous UX
design projects in private- and public-sector organizations of various
sizes and missions, has taught Nicholas a few things about having
productive dialogues about design.
Nicholas does UX design, research, IA, and strategy at ChannelAdvisor
(now part of CommerceHub), a leading eCommerce SaaS company.
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6. Our ability to achieve understanding and
agreement across the relevant stakeholders is
what ultimately determines how effective the
resulting user experience is.
6

7. My story — The year was 2009
4 7

8. An icon that was born in 1981 and forgotten in 1985…
was coming back
8

9. The hamburger icon
9

10. 4 10

11. 11

12. 12
😢

13. 7
https://www.nngroup.com/articles/hamburger-menus/
If we knew then what we know now…
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14. 4 14
😡

15. Seeking answers
How to handle disagreements in difficult situations?
15

16. Luckily there are books that go deep into this very
topic
16

17. Lots of books. Just to name a few:
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17

18. So much good advice!
● Clarify what you really want.7
● Start with intention13
● Have a “we” orientation13
● Rephrase “why” into “what” or “how” questions13
● Find the “and”7
● Lead with “yes” (the most praised point from the
book)6
● Be alert to topic changes7
● Choose the right topic7
● Make it safe7
● Dialogue is free flow of meaning7
● Detach yourself from the feedback7
● Be curious and ask for examples7
● Contrasting to clarify your intent7
● If you do nothing else, watch for when you fall out of
dialogue7
● Seek to understand before being understood 7H
● People don’t care how much you know until they
know how much you care1
● Manager with a greater hand in creating a product
liked it more (IKEA Effect), and furthermore
attributed it to greater employee expertise too1
● The more people identify with an idea, the harder it
is to change the idea1
● Share your facts7
● Focus on interests, not positions5
● Your ego becomes identified with your position5
● Appeal to a nobler motive6
● Focus on what works/doesn’t instead of what you
like/don’t6
● What is focal is causal1
● Orient yourself toward others6
● Check your ego at the door6
● Our role is to facilitate a conversation about design6
● Don’t take yourself so seriously6
● People want to know they are being heard6
● Include the why6
● “What problem are you trying to solve?”6
● Arguing over positions is inefficient and endangers
relationships5
● Involve the other party in the process of drafting the
agreement5
● The cheapest concession you can make is to let
them know they’ve been heard5
● Effective communication between the parties is all
but impossible if each plays to the gallery5
● Ask their advice5, 1
● Put yourself in the role of a judge working out a joint
opinion5
● The best time for handle people problems is before
they become people problems5
● Face the problem, not the people5
● People listen better if they feel that you have
understood them5
● Put the problem before your answer5
● Be hard on the problem, soft on the people5, 11
● Do not push back, instead sidestep their attack and
deflect it against the problem5
● One of the greatest powers you have is to reframe
– to interests, options, or standards5
● Put yourself in their shoes5
● Be 200% responsible for the conversation9
● First understand fully, even if you don’t want to hear
it9
● Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears5
● “What concerns of yours would this proposal fail to
take into account?”5
● People tend to think people who have understood
them are intelligent5
● Know your micro-BATNA5
● Critique is different from feedback. Feedback is
reaction, direction, and critical thinking…Critique is
the critical thinking aspect, which is most important2
● Think before you speak2, 13
● Give the quiet ones a voice11
● Critique is about making a work product better, not
tearing it down2, 11
● Be both candid and compassionate11
● With people, slow is fast and fast is slow3
● Creative synergy is the next level of communication
after mutual understanding3
● Insist on win-win or no deal, avoid win-lose ego
battles3
● To understand all sides’ interests, try arguing the
other side1
● The synergistic position of high trust produces the
best solutions3
● The 5 why’s to get the underlying values and
interests of a situation6, 1, 12, 13
● Don’t resist difficult questions, but leap into them
and turn them into opportunities12
● Empathy is seeing through the eye of the other and
the most crucial skill12
● Empathy absorbs tension12
● “Let me be sure I heard what you just said.”12
● Find the common purpose and face the problem
together9
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19. The next challenge:
How to remember and use it all in real-time?
19

20. So I attempted to make order out of chaos
20

21. Just the highest-level prescriptive guidance
1. Start with your intention
2. Then develop conversational awareness:
a. Are we actually in “dialogue”?
b. Do you fully understand the other
perspectives?
3. Make it safe so you can have dialogue
4. Seek to understand before being
understood
5. Always aim for win-win
21

22. Just the highest-level prescriptive guidance
1. Start with your intention
2. Then develop conversational awareness:
a. Are we actually in “dialogue”?
b. Do you fully understand the other
perspectives?
3. Make it safe so you can have dialogue
4. Seek to understand before being
understood
5. Always aim for win-win
22
Step #1
Final step

23. Just the highest-level prescriptive guidance
1. Start with your intention
2. Then develop conversational awareness:
a. Are we actually in “dialogue”?
b. Do you fully understand the other
perspectives?
3. Make it safe so you can have dialogue
4. Seek to understand before being
understood
5. Always aim for win-win
23
Step #1
Final step
Other milestones

24. Just the highest-level prescriptive guidance
1. Start with your intention
2. Then develop conversational awareness:
a. Are we actually in “dialogue”?
b. Do you fully understand the other
perspectives?
3. Make it safe so you can have dialogue
4. Seek to understand before being
understood
5. Always aim for win-win
24
Step #1
Final step
Other milestones
Things that come before
those milestones

25. But what visual shape should it take?
Progression toward a goal
Conditions necessary for
progress toward the goal
✓
✓
25
A multi-level building:

26. A multi-level building
4 Levels
- Ground = Level 1
- Level 2
- Level 3
- Roof = Level 4
1
2
3
4
26

27. The levels represent our progress…
2
3
1. Intention
Start with your
intention
4
27
“Tell me what you want, what you
really, really want”

28. The levels represent our progress…
2
3
4. Win-win
1. Intention
Always aim for win-win
28
Mission
accomplished

29. The levels represent our progress…
4. Win-win
1. Intention
Dialogue is the
free flow of
meaning,
precursor to any
other progress
2. Dialogue
3
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Now we’re talking

30. The levels represent our progress…
4. Win-win
1. Intention
Fully understanding the other
viewpoints is essential to find
a win-win agreement
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
30
I see where you’re
coming
from

31. Pillars support each level
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
31
2 Pillars support
each level above
level 1
Ex. These pillars
must be stable for
level 2 to be
stable

32. Pillars support each level
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
32
Pillars on the left give
guidance on how to
show up to get to the
next level
Pillars on the right give guidance on
what to clarify & focus on to get to the
next level

33. Pillars supporting dialogue (free flow of meaning)
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Ensure psychological
safety
Ensure clarity of meaning.
Components of meaning:
- Intent
- Topic
- Message
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Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message

34. Pillars supporting understanding
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
First ensure you have
an open mindset.
Then help them
follow suit.
Build safety
Clarify and focus on interests, not positions.
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
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Positions vs. Interests
Positions: What one party asks for
Interests: The desires or concerns that
caused them to ask for it
Example:
- The form of navigation is a position
- Desires for discoverability or minimalism
are interests
● Intent
● Topic
● Message

35. Pillars supporting win-win agreements
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Ensure you have an
open canvas where all
stakeholders
may engage in the
drafting process
Build safety
Clarify and focus on:
- Options
- Standards by which they will be
chosen
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
35
● Intent
● Topic
● Message

36. But how to put this model into practice?
Start with awareness from the ground up
36

37. First, think of it like a checklist
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
✓
✓
Use the model to understand:
1. What level the conversation has achieved
2. What supporting conditions need to be
improved to reach the next level
37

38. Awareness — Level 1: Intention
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
Do I know what I really want (in terms of interests)?
- For the project?
- For the team dynamic?
“Tell me what you want, what you
really, really want”
38

39. Awareness — Level 2: Dialogue
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
Is there free flow of clear meaning?
- Is anyone clamming up for blowing up?
- Is anyoneʼs meaning not clear?
✓
Now we’re talking
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40. Awareness — Level 3: Understanding
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
Do I understand the other viewpoints?
- So well that I could fairly represent them?
- Do I understand the interests behind the
positions?
- Am I open to new ways of thinking?
- Am I demonstrating curiosity?
Only then: Do others understand my viewpoint?
✓
✓
I see where you’re
coming from
40

41. Awareness — Level 4: Win-win
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
Did we reach a win-win agreement?
To get here, we likely needed the following
conditions
- Everyone able to engage in the drafting
process
- Good options to choose from
- Standards by which to choose
✓
✓
Mission
accomplished
✓
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42. A case study in conversational awareness
Fully visible navigation vs. hamburger menu
1. Intention (interests):
● Known: Usability and discoverability
● Partially: Avoiding rework
● Not known: Team harmony
2. Dialogue:
● Meaning was clear but
● Included periods of clamming up and blowing up
3. Understanding:
● I did not fully understand the other partyʼs interests
4. Win-win:
● We did not reach a win-win agreement
▢ 1. Do I know what I want (interests)?
▢ 2. Is there free flow of clear meaning?
▢ 3. Do I understand the other viewpoints
(interests)?
▢ 4. Have we reached a win-win agreement?
~
Checklist
✗
✗
42

43. Your turn
Think of a conversation you had recently where you were trying to
reach understanding or win-win.
Mine: The great sponge debate
43

44. Your turn — Level 1: Intention
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Interests
not positions
● Options
● Standards
Do I know what I really want (in terms of interests)?
- For the project?
- For the team dynamic?
“Tell me what you want, what you
really, really want”
44
Open
mindset
Open
canvas

45. Your turn — Level 2: Dialogue
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Open
mindset
Interests
not positions
Open
canvas
● Options
● Standards
Is there free flow of clear meaning?
- Is anyone clamming up for blowing up?
- Is anyoneʼs meaning not clear?
Now we’re talking
45

46. Your turn — Level 3: Understanding
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Interests
not positions
● Options
● Standards
Do I understand the other viewpoints?
- So well that I could fairly represent them?
- Do I understand the interests behind the
positions?
- Am I open to new ways of thinking?
- Am I demonstrating curiosity?
Only then: Do others understand my viewpoint?
I see where you’re
coming from
46
Open
mindset
Open
canvas

47. Your turn — Level 4: Win-win
4. Win-win
1. Intention
2. Dialogue
3. Understanding
Build safety ● Intent
● Topic
● Message
Interests
not positions
● Options
● Standards
Did we reach a win-win agreement?
To get here, we likely needed the following
conditions
- Everyone able to engage in the drafting
process
- Good options to choose from
- Standards by which to choose
Mission
accomplished
47
Open
mindset
Open
canvas

48. Your homework
Assignment #1:
● Be aware of your progress through the four levels of
dialogue during 5 of your own conversations .
● Which levels have you achieved?
● Which pillars need attention?
Assignment #2:
1. Then try the strategies on the handout to strengthen
the pillars needing attention
2. Reach out and let me know what does and doesnʼt
works in your own dialogues!
○ nichlj@gmail.com
○ https://www.linkedin.com/in/nichlj
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49. 49
uxnicholas.com/model

50. Thank you!
My final ask:
● Any ideas for what to name the model?
50

51. Q & A
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52. References
1. Cialdini, R. B. (2016). Pre-suasion: A revolutionary way to influence and persuade. Simon & Schuster.
2. Connor, A., Irizarry, A. (2015). Discussing design: Improving communication and collaboration through critique. OʼReilly Media.
3. Covey, S. R. (2020). The 7 habits of highly effective people: 30th anniversary edition. Simon & Schuster.
4. De Dreu, C. K. W., & van Knippenberg, D. (2005). The possessive self as a barrier to conflict resolution: Effects of mere ownership, process
accountability, and self-concept clarity on competitive cognitions and behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89(3), 345–357.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.89.3.345
5. Fisher, R., Ury, W. L., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in (3rd ed., rev. ed.). Penguin Books.
6. Greever, T. (2020). Articulating design decisions: Communicate with stakeholders, keep your sanity, and deliver the best user experience. OʼReilly
Media.
7. Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2022). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (3rd ed.).
McGraw-Hill Education.
8. Isaacs, W. (2008). Dialogue: The art of thinking together. Random House Audio.
9. Kofman, F. (2013). Conscious business: How to build value through values. Sounds True.
10. Pfeffer J., Cialdini R.B., Hanna, B. & Knopoff, K. (1998) Faith in supervision and the self-enhancement bias: Two psychological reasons why managers
don't empower workers. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 20(4), 313-321. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15324834basp2004_8
11. Scott, K. (2019). Radical candor: Fully revised & updated edition: Be a kick-ass boss without losing your humanity. St. Martin's Press.
12. Thompson, G. J., & Jenkins, J. B. (2013). Verbal judo: The gentle art of persuasion, updated edition. William Morrow.
13. Wise, W., & Littlefield, C. (2019). Ask powerful questions: Create conversations that matter. We and Me, Inc.
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