2. Talking about sex can
be challenging
● Many feel uncomfortable
when it comes to the
sexual pleasures
between them and a
loved one
● If you find slang degrading,
be creative and come up
with your own affirming
language. Sometimes the
vagueness of expressions
can lead to
miscommunication if both
partners are not clear on
the meaning. Finding a
common language that
you’re both comfortable
with can help.
3. Word of advice
● An important note I realized from this chapter is that You may
want to find a time to talk with your partner when you are not
having sex and at that point there is no pressure to respond right
away. Try practicing saying what feels good while exchanging
massages. Talking about safer sex, birth control, and sexual
techniques or preferences doesn’t have to kill the mood.
Incorporating these discussions into sexual play can be hot—and
can lead to heightened intimacy.
4. Communication
● Communication is a
continuous process. This
will create a more open
environment between you
and your partner.
● Be aware of the relationship
between words and body
language. You could be saying
yes but your body is not
responding to your verbal words.
Say yes and let your body
respond in that same manner.
5. Examples Below
Qoute from excerpt
● “Even in the best
relationships, asking for
what we want may be
difficult, and we may feel
inhibited about asserting
our sexuality openly and
proudly. We’ve been
conditioned to think that
sex is supposed to come
naturally, and talking about
it must mean something’s
wrong. We may hold back
from communicating about
sex for any number of
reasons”
●
● Feeling embarrassed by the words
themselves.
● Feeling embarrassed by desires,
thinking they might be taboo or a
partner will be judgmental.
● After having sex with the same
person for years, it feels risky to bring
up new insights or desires.
● Communication isn’t going well in
other areas of the relationship.
● A partner seems defensive and
might interpret suggestions as a
criticism or a demand
● Inexperience or confusion over what
you want at a particular time.
6. Disagreements
● “If you do ask for what you want, you may be relieved and
gratified to get your desires met.”
● I disagree with the quote above because yes you may be able to feel
relieved from consulting with your partner but sometimes that escalates
into an argument. Your partner may disagree with you and you will have
to negotiate just to get your point across to someone who should
understand you.
7. Stand out
● “Negotiating how and when it is okay for me to relinquish control over my physical
movements— for example, when it’s sexy to have my girlfriend restrain me and when it
makes me feel slightly panicky—has been a complicated process. I feel bad that I can’t give
my girlfriend clearer cues about what feels good when, particularly since she tends to retreat
pretty quickly when I say, “That didn’t feel good this time,” to, “Well, then I’ll stop doing it
altogether.” That either-or response comes from (I think) not wanting to do something that I
don’t like, and not wanting rejection, but there are times when I want a little pain, want a little
domination, and I feel bad that I can’t give her a clearer sense of when and in what
circumstances certain activities feel good and when they don’t. “
● This quote stands out because it shows a situation with a problem for
one partner but the other does not want to negotiate it because they feel
like everything they do is wrong. Key point is learning to talk more
comfortably about sex is sometimes easier when you’re doing something
enjoyable with your partner or with friends
8. Overall
● We all face certain issues in sexual situations, whether it’s with a
date, a longtime lover, or a spouse. If your problem persists then
seek for help. If the problem feels bigger than what you can
manage, consider joining or creating a support group. Sexual
pleasures can be challenging for many relationships and that Is
perfectly fine. Just try to figure out solutions to these problems so
both partners are happy.
