Emma Jane Hogbin Westby People like working with people they like. Understanding people makes those relationships easier. But how do you invest in those relationships without going overboard in the workplace? This session is an introvert's guide to practical empathy and will show you how to engage, without over-indulging.

1. REVERSE ENGINEERING
PEOPLE
Emma Jane Hogbin Westby
@emmajanehw
www.gitforteams.com <--- slides

2. Actually, this talk is titled...
A primer on how I taught myself
to
be more empathetic.

3. THIS IS A TOUCHY
FEELY WOO WOO TALK.
Sorry. Not Sorry.
In other words ...

4. Normal people have an incredible lack of
empathy. Temple
Grandin

6. DEFINE:
EMPATHY
The ability to understand and share
the feelings of another.

7. DEFINE:
SYMPATHY
The feelings of pity and sorrow
for someone else's misfortune.

8. PRACTICING EMPATHY
Level 1: Care just enough to learn more about a person’s
Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions.
Level 3: Engage with the world from another’s perspectiv

9. LEVEL 1.
CARING JUST ENOUGH
Difficulty — Beginner

10. Molly
Ringwald
Compartmentalisation is way
overrated.

11. REWARDS & RISKS
Improves team cohesion.
Requires a time investment.
CARING JUST ENOUGH

12. COLLECT
STORIES.Learn about people by asking them questions.
CARING JUST ENOUGH

13. STFU AND
LISTEN.Listen until there is no more story. Respond.
CARING JUST ENOUGH

14. REFER BACK.Follow-up on a previous story.
CARING JUST ENOUGH

15. LEVEL 2.
THINKING STRATEGIES
Difficulty —
Intermediate

16. The biggest mistake is believing there
is only one way to have a connection.
Deborah Tannen

17. REWARDS & RISKS
Engineer successful outcomes.
Improve capacity for diverse thinking.
Perceived as manipulative.
THINKING STRATEGIES

18. UNCOVER
MOTIVATORS.
THINKING STRATEGIES
Unpack why a person behaves the way they do.

19. WWXD?

20. THINKING STRATEGIES
Decision-Making
validate
values-driven
experience
crux
trust your heart
conclude
Understanding
clarify
empathis
tune-
scan
expres
structur
Creativity
brainstorm
challenge
reframe
envision
flow
flash of insight

22. CREATIVE
brainstor
challenge
refram
envision
flow
flash of

23. RECOGNISE
CREATIVE
LANGUAGE
Can we try ...
I know we’re done, but what
about ...
OMG! I just had this great idea ...
Why do you think ...
Is this the best we can do ...

24. UNDERSTANDING
clarify
empathise
tune-in
scan
express
structure

25. RECOGNISE
UNDERSTANDING
LANGUAGE
So what you’re saying
is ...
Just to clarify ...
I think this is related to ...
So I made this
spreadsheet ...
That must feel horrible!

26. DECISION
validate
values-driven
experience
crux
gut instinct
conclud

27. RECOGNISE
DECISION
LANGUAGE I’m ready to move on to ...
I don’t know why I think this,
but ...
Last time we tried this ...
The real problem is ...
My gut tells me ...

28. CREATE OUTCOME-
BASED INTERACTIONS.
THINKING STRATEGIES
Help you help me.

29. CREATE OUTCOME-
BASED INTERACTIONS.
THINKING STRATEGIES
Help me help you.

30. Emma’s

31. LEVEL 3.
IMAGINATION
Difficulty — Advanced

32. REWARDS & RISKS
Truly creative problem solving.
Overwhelming for some people.
Cause doubt for own value / self-
worth.
IMAGINATION

33. SEEK TO
UNDERSTAND.Complain about yourself from the other’s perspective.
IMAGINATION

34. SEEK TO
EXPERIENCE.Live your day through the other’s constraints.
IMAGINATION

35. Bob
Wiele
The thinking process
should be no more left to chance
than the deliberate practice of a
skill.

36. LEVEL UP.Level 1: Care just enough to learn more about a
person’s life.
Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions.
Level 3: Engage with the world from another’s
perspective.

37. AIM FOR EMPATHYSympathy: Care just enough to learn more about a person’s
life.
Understanding: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions.
Empathy: Engage with the world from another’s perspective.

38. Maya
Angelou
I think we all have empathy.
We may not have enough courage to
display it.

39. PRACTICE EMPATHY
follow-up:
@emmajanehw
emma @ gitforteams.com
feedback:
http://go.atlassian.com/
acengineering

40. RESOURCES
• Git for Teams -- slides / slides with notes -
www.gitforteams.com
• The Speed of Trust - Stephen Covey
• One Smart World - 4Di - www.onesmartworld.com