2. This is the first version of the salesman script.
The initial script has some issues such as
foreshadowing the plot twist too visibly,
story consistency at the beginning, and at
certain points flat or inadequate
characterization. Some of the dialogue has
either been replaced or completely removed
to make a much smoother narrative and
avoid one-dimensional characters. I have also
added a completely new final scene in order
to add depth and because the original ending
is too descriptive and hard to shoot. The
beginning of the script will need further
changes as it is currently not developed
enough and sets the wrong tone for the rest of
the short film. There are also some grammar,
formatting and logical mistakes that will be
fixed. Also the character of Casey is too
aggressive which may reveal the plot twist
prematurely. The script also lack humorous
lines which I will attempt to incorporate into
the next draft. There will also be more
dialogue added and directions on how actors
should portray the characters in order to get
my message through more specifically.
3. In the second draft I still need to improve the
first scene as it feels much weaker than the
others and starts the film with a weak
impression. The spacing issue need to be
addressed as it makes the script look
amateurish and clumsy. There are still a few
logical issues and spelling mistakes as well
that I haven't noticed last time, however
most of the script doesn’t need anymore
drastic changes. I have added a few more
lines and directions for Casey to make her a
more interesting character and to improve
her dynamic with Bob. I will also need to fix
the last conflict scene between Bob and
Casey as there seems to be too much
unnecessary physical movement. The
character of Bob is mostly unchanged, with
only minor fixes to better show off his
struggle and synergy with Casey.
4.
5.
6. This is the final version of The Salesman script.
The first and most visible change is the
creating distinction in the script through
making the dialogue italic and the name of
person speaking bold, giving the script a much
more professional look. All of the formatting,
logical and spelling mistakes have been fixed.
The whole first scene has been reworked to
improve the characterization of Mr. Smith and
make his motives more apparent without
ruining the plot twist. The character of Bob
also receives a much better introduction to the
audiences, which makes the short film have a
much stronger first impression. I have also
included room for improvisation during the
makeup testing scene, in order to let my actors
have some creative freedom in their respective
roles. Lastly a few lines of dialogue had been
altered to make the characters more believable
and realist, while staying in context of the film
and improving their on-screen chemistry.
7. Scene 1
MLS (handheld)Pan to next
shot
Dialogue: We have a new…go
easy on him.
LS (handheld) MS, Tilt upwards from file
to face
MS, POV
Dialogue: Good morning
sir…part of the company.
MLS, OTS
Dialogue: Ease up Bob…pay a
visit today.
MLS, POV
Dialogue: Thank you sir…let
you down.
8. Scene 1
Scene 2
MLS, OTS
Dialogue: I’m sure you won’t.
LS
Dialogue: I won’t disappoint
you sir.
ELS, Pan (handheld) ELS (handheld) ELS (handheld)
9. Scene 2
LS (handheld)
OTS, MCU (handheld)
Dialogue: Hey…leave me alone.
OTS, Zoom (handheld)
OTS (handheld) ELS (handheld)
MLS (handheld)
Dialogue: Good day…time for
my pitch?
10. Scene 2
Scene 3
MS, POV
Dialogue: Alright sure…Get
in.
LS, POV
Dialogue: Alright. Go on…more
important things today.
LS, POV
Dialogue: O-Ok. As you can
see…unknown to the wider
market. Also--
MS, POV
Dialogue: I am sure…
satisfaction is currently very
high.
LS Zoom/Dolly in
LS, POV
Dialogue: Wait, stop. I know
there are…were my own face.
11. Scene 3
LS, POV
Dialogue: Can you stop…there
is no need.
CU, Focus pull object to face
Dialogue: Oh, doesn’t this look
lovely…beautiful inside and out.
MS, Low Angle, POV
(handheld)
MLS, POV
Dialogue: Don’t be such a wuss.
I think…won’t hurt you.
MS, POV, High Angle
Dialogue: We have a new…go
easy on him.
MS (handheld)
Dialogue: Alright. I can do it.
12. Scene 3
CU, POV, High Angle
MLS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: Wait, what?...may I
take my leave.
CU, POV, Low Angle
(handheld)
Dialogue: Oh my god. You look
so lovely.
LS
Dialogue: There is no leaving
until…stopping you from
leaving.
MLS, POV
Dialogue: Let me just
bring…the right product for me.
MLS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: Go ahead, big
corporate Hot Shot.
13. Scene 3
CU, Zoom in
MS ,Low Angle
OTS, High AngleLS, POV (handheld)
LS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: Glad you
decided…box of wonders.
14. Scene 4
Scene 5
MLS, Dolly out
MS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: As you can
see,…untapped potential.
MS, POV ,Focus pull from
mobile phones to Bob
(handheld)
Dialogue: The newest and most
beautiful…has arrived.
15. The first draft of the photo storyboard sets a strong foundation of the techniques that the film will
rely on due to its mockumentary genre and climax build up.
Regarding the use of handheld camera which is one of the staple ideas for shooting the film as we
are following the journey of Bob, it is difficult and I wish to improve the balance of the umber of
the shot types used in order to make the audience still feel like they are engaged with Bob, yet still
be engaged in the on-screen power struggles and dramatic moments. It is also key to avoid the
overuse of hand held as it can be disorienting to the audience.
I would also like to improve my transitional techniques such as panning and tilting when the
camera is not handheld in order to make the story progress more smoothly and to avoid using too
many shots and cuts which can affect the cohesiveness of the film and loose the attention of the
audience.
In a few scene I will also need to add a few shots and possibly add some angle diversity during
scene 3 in order to more efficiently communicate the power relationship . In the first scene I wish
to add a close-up scene of the make-up box alone before Mr. Smith or Bob come into contact with
in it in order to raise the audiences curiosity of what's inside it and create an impactful presence
for the object. In the last scene I also need to add a few more shots for Mr. smiths final monologue,
such as an over-the shoulder shot of him getting a phones message and opening it. Also adding a
shot with just the mobile phone and might also be a good change of pace for the end of the film as
it also sets up the character of Mr. Smith as more intimidating the slower the scene is. Another
aspect I would like to improve is the composition of the reaction shot when Bob reveals his face in
scene 3, as I would like to make it more visually enclosed by his surroundings to portray his
capture in a more subtle way as well. Furthermore I believe I should add more reaction shots,
during the change in atmosphere between Bob and Casey in order to increase pacing and tension,
which would increase their on-screen dynamic and make their interactions more organic.
16. Scene 1
MLS (handheld)Pan to next
shot
Dialogue: We have a new…go
easy on him.
LS (handheld) MS, Tilt upwards from file
to face
MS, POV
Dialogue: Good morning
sir…part of the company.
MLS, OTS
Dialogue: Ease up Bob…pay a
visit today.
MLS, POV
Dialogue: Thank you sir…let
you down.
17. Scene 1
Scene 2
MLS, OTS
Dialogue: I’m sure you won’t.
LS
Dialogue: I won’t disappoint
you sir.
ELS, Pan (handheld) ELS (handheld) ELS (handheld)
18. Scene 2
LS (handheld)
OTS, MCU (handheld)
Dialogue: Hey…leave me alone.
OTS, Zoom (handheld)
OTS (handheld) ELS (handheld)
MLS (handheld)
Dialogue: Good day…time for
my pitch?
19. Scene 2
Scene 3
MS, POV
Dialogue: Alright sure…Get
in.
LS, POV
Dialogue: Alright. Go on…more
important things today.
LS, POV
Dialogue: O-Ok. As you can
see…unknown to the wider
market. Also--
MS, POV
Dialogue: I am sure…
satisfaction is currently very
high.
LS Zoom/Dolly in
LS, POV
Dialogue: Wait, stop. I know
there are…were my own face.
20. Scene 3
LS, POV
Dialogue: Can you stop…there
is no need.
MS, Low Angle, POV
(handheld)
MLS, POV
Dialogue: Don’t be such a wuss.
I think…won’t hurt you.
MS, POV, High Angle
Dialogue: We have a new…go
easy on him.
MS (handheld)
Dialogue: Alright. I can do it.
MS, High angle (handheld)
21. Scene 3
CU, POV, High Angle
CU, POV, Low Angle
(handheld)
Dialogue: Oh my god. You look
so lovely.
CU, Focus pull object to face
Dialogue: Oh, doesn’t this look
lovely…beautiful inside and out.
CU, POV, High AngleCU, POV, High Angle
MS,OTS
22. Scene 3
CU (handheld)LS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: Glad you
decided…box of wonders.
MLS, POV
Dialogue: Let me just
bring…the right product for me.
MLS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: Wait, what?...may I
take my leave.
LS
Dialogue: There is no leaving
until…stopping you from
leaving.
MLS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: Go ahead, big
corporate Hot Shot.
24. Scene 4
Scene 5
MLS, Pan
MS, POV (handheld)
Dialogue: As you can
see,…untapped potential.
MS, POV ,Focus pull from
mobile phones to Bob
(handheld)
Dialogue: The newest and most
beautiful…has arrived.
OTS, High angle (handheld) OTS, High angle (handheld)
25. Date Scene Interior/Exterior
Day/Night
Location Shooting Description/
Summary
22/3/2017 1 Interior/Day Formal
Office
Bob is acquainted with Mr. Smith.
He receives the special item he must
sell. The natures of the two
characters are initially presented.
25/3/2017 2 Exterior/Day Suburban
area/Outsi
de of house
Bob is unable to make a sale, is about
to visit last house. He meets Casey,
after managing to intrigue she lets
him into the house.
25/3/2017 3 Interior/Day Inside
House/
Living
Room
Bob is attempting to make a sales
pitch to Casey. He is slowly losing
control, she begins to take over the
pitch and bully him. After their
clash, Bob proceeds to run away.
25/3/2017 4 Exterior/Day Outside of
house
As Bob runs out of the house, he is
met with surprise mockery by his
coworkers, as they jest and take
pictures.
22/3/2017 5 Interior/Day Formal
Office
After receiving the images Mr. Smith
gives his final monologue to the
audience.
26. Day Scene Cast Crew Props
1 1 Filip Bajagic
Oskar Kovacs
Filip Stojcic
Srdjan Vasic
Makeup Box
Character File
Office Bag
2 2 Oskar Kovacs
Una Sandic
Filip Stojcic
Srdjan Vasic
Oskar Kovacs
Makeup Box
Mobile Phone
Trendy Tracksuit
Sales list
Office Bag
2 3 Oskar Kovacs
Una Sandic
Filip Stojcic
Srdjan Vasic
Una Sandic
Oskar Kovacs
Makeup Box
Mobile Phone
Trendy Tracksuit
Office Bag
2 4 Oskar Kovacs Filip Stojcic
Srdjan Vasic
Una Sandic
Oskar Kovacs
Makeup Box
Mobile Phones
Office Bag
1 5 Filip Bajagic Filip Stojcic
Srdjan Vasic
Mobile Phone
27. Name Role Contact Address
Oskar Kovacs Bob Rider +381649973257 Svetog Nauma 1
Una Sandic Casey +381634478110 27th Mart 22
Filip Bajagic Mr. Smith +381649524392 Ostrovska 15
Name Role Contact Address
Filip Stojcic Director, Producer,
Editor, Director of
Photography
+381636682241 Jovana Rajica 5e
Srdjan Vasic Camera Assistant +381645500334 Radanska 2
Oskar Kovacs Transport Manager +381649973257 Svetog Nauma 1
Una Sandic Makeup Artist,
Costume Assistant
+381634478110 27th Mart 22
Cast
Crew
28. For my male characters I have
decided to use suits in order to
show there belonging to the
corporate world, as it portrays
formality and professionalism.
However Mr. Smith will have a
more prestigious suit than Bob,
who will respectively have a less
corporate image, to show his
higher position and influence.
Casey will wear a standard couture
tracksuit that is modern with
todays females who wish to imitate
their favorite celebrities. The suit is
supposed to make this chav girl
look trendy instead it depicts her
as superficial and susceptible to
useless contemporary trends and
marketing.
29. I have chosen a typical one
person office for scenes 1 and
5 to connote the power and
authority of Mr. Smith. The
office will also help establish
the corporate environment at
the beginning of the film.
The scenes 2 and 4 will be
played out in a suburban
surrounding to show the
neighborhood and the
outlandish nature of Bob’s
task. It is an easy to find are
and will help display Casey
status of working class.
Scene 3 will take place in a
stereotypical working class
living room as it will not
feature any contemporary
designs to show the family
financial situation and
explain Casey obsession
with modern celebrity
culture.
30. For the of the male lead,
Bob Ryder, I have
chosen Oskar Kovacs as
he has had acting
experience due to taking
a short course at Central
Saint Martins UAL.
Regarding the female
lead, Casey, I have
chosen Una Sandic to be
appropriate for this role
due to her extensive
experience in amateur
theatre productions and
her audition for
November man.
The supporting male
role of Mr. Smith has
been assigned to Filip
Bajagic due to his look
and attitude that
translate onto the role,
and his acting
experience such as
having a minor role in
Coach Carter
