Perspective taking approach to behavior change

Created by Alana Glickman
❯
A guide to using the Perspective Taking framework in action.
:

Table of Contents:
 Chapter 1: Introduction …………………………….………………slide 3
 Chapter 2: Rationale ………………………..………………...... slide 7
 Chapter 3: Components …………………………………………… slide 22
 Chapter 4: Calibrating on the “why”…………………………slide 39
 Chapter 5: Caveats…………………………………………………….slide 46
 Chapter 6: What to do when it isn’t appropriate to
use the Perspective Taking Approach…………………………slide 52
 Take the quiz following the lesson
❮ ❯
Click the back arrow ( ) in your browser at
any time to return to the Perspective
Taking Approach website.

Chapter 1:
Introduction to the Perspective Taking
Approach to Behavior Change❮ ❯
“Give a man a fish and you feed
him for a day; teach a man to fish
and you feed him for a lifetime.”

 The Perspective Taking Approach to Behavior Change
involves considering the other person's point of view when
asking someone to change their behavior.
 This approach involves considering information you know
about the person as well as information you know about
the context to help that person understand why the way
they are behaving might not be in line with their own
values and beliefs.
Approach to Behavior Change
❮ ❯

 The Perspective Taking framework is different from traditional
models of behavior modification in that the goal is not simply to
get the lower-status party to comply with the higher-status
party's demands.
 With the Perspective Taking framework, some or all individuals
who will be directly affected by a given decision are encouraged
to work towards a state of alignment in order to agree on the
best course of action for everyone involved.
❮ ❯

 The Perspective Taking Approach not only gives an individual the
tools to make a more informed autonomous choice in the
moment, but also in similar situations in the future.
❮ ❯

Chapter 2:
Rationale Behind the Perspective Taking
❮ ❯
“You can lead a horse to water,
but you can’t make him drink.”

Logical people make decisions based on two factors:
Values and Beliefs
❮ ❯
Values:
An individual's personal set of
standards that they strive to abide by.
e.g., fairness, efficiency,
punctuality, leisure, health, safety,
friendship, kindness, vengeance,
respecting others, purity, loyalty,
truthfulness, trustworthiness
People prioritize acting in line
with their strongest values
Strong values ➡high priority ➡
heavy weighting/importance.
Beliefs:
What a person knows to be true about
the world.
e.g., The sky is blue, dinosaurs are
extinct, Ali Marks has a little dog
named Jax, David's favorite color is
green.
Beliefs can be objective (e.g., grass
is green) or subjective (e.g., green is
a pretty color.)
Beliefs can also be inaccurate (e.g.,
Santa Clause got me a present).

 Different people may have different values and beliefs,
leading to different logical behavioral outcomes (i.e.,
different decisions/choices).
Example of different beliefs leading to different behavioral outcomes:
• Paula and Sunil are invited to an event. The invitation says that the event
starts at “ ”
• Paula believes the first number is a 1.
• Sunil believes the first number is a 7.
• Paula and Sunil both value punctuality.
• Paula will likely decide to show up at the event a few minutes before
1:00pm.
• Sunil will likely decide to show up at the event a few minutes before
7:00pm.
❮ ❯

 Different people may have different values and beliefs,
leading to different logical behavioral outcomes (i.e.,
different decisions/choices).
Example of different values leading to different behavioral outcomes:
• Maya values popularity and status.
• AJ values friendship with people who are genuine and kind.
• Maya and AJ both agree on who the "popular kids" are at their school.
• Maya may decide to forge her way into the in-crowd (i.e., social
climb), even if it means leaving some old friends behind.
• AJ may not prioritize getting in with the popular kids, even if it leads
to a lasting reputation of being uncool. only one other student who is
generally considered "uncool.
❮ ❯

 When making decisions, people consider their personal values
and beliefs.
 This process can be conscious or subconscious
 Values and beliefs comprise the “why” behind each decision,
no matter how trivial the decision may seem.❮ ❯

 Should the woman in the cartoon buy the flip-flops?
 Why or why not?
❮ ❯

Values
Value
Weighting
Beliefs
Belief
Weighting
Conservativeness Medium I already have 2 pairs of similar flip-flops at home. Slightly
Negative
Payoff Medium I would get a decent amount of use out of the flip-flops. Fairly
Positive
Pleasure Medium I would feel happy each time I wore the flip-flops. Very
Positive
Convenience Medium Flip-flops are very convenient to wear in the summer Very
Positive
Aesthetics High I like the look of these flip-flops. Fairly
Positive
Comfort High These flip-flops do not seem comfortable at all. Very
Negative
Status Low This brand is very trendy right now. Very
Positive
Saving Money Medium These flip-flops are kind of expensive. Fairly
Negative
Accountability Low I am on a pretty tight budget. Fairly
Negative
Safety High If I spend more money on shopping than my predetermined
allotted amount, I might not be able to meet my basic needs
(e.g., pay for food, pay rent, pay for gas).
Very
Negative
❯❮

Mathematical equation for decision making:
𝑽 𝟏(𝑩 𝟏) + 𝑽 𝟐(𝑩 𝟐) + 𝑽 𝟑(𝑩 𝟑) + ⋯ + 𝑽 𝒏(𝑩 𝒏)
V=Value weighting (i.e., how much do I care about
living by this value right now?)
B= Belief weighting (i.e., how positive or negative
do I want to consider this belief right now?)
In the flip-flop scenario, let’s assign the woman’s
weightings the following numerical values:
Value Weightings:
Low=1
Medium=2
High=3
Belief Weightings:
Slightly= +/- 1
Fairly= +/- 2
Very= +/- 3
❮ ❯IMPORTANT:
When using this
equation, you are
responsible for making
sure all of the relevant
values and beliefs are
present in the equation,
and that they are all
weighted correctly
according to your own
best judgement.
For binary decisions (i.e., yes/no; “should I do it, or not?”),
Positive number= yes Negative number= no

V=Value
weighting
B= Belief
weighting
Value
Weightings:
Low=1
Medium=2
High=3
Belief
Weightings:
Slightly= +/- 1
Fairly= +/- 2
Very= +/- 3
𝑽 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔(𝑩 )𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 + 𝑽 𝒑𝒂𝒚𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝑩 𝒑𝒂𝒚𝒐𝒇𝒇
+ 𝑽 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝑩 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 + 𝑽 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆(𝑩 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆)
+ 𝑽 𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔(𝑩 𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔) + 𝑽 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕(𝑩 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕)
+ 𝑽 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒔(𝑩 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒔) + 𝑽 𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚(𝑩 𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚)
=𝟐 −𝟏 + 𝟐 𝟐 + 𝟐 𝟑 + 𝟐 𝟑 + 𝟑 𝟐 + 𝟑 −𝟑 + 𝟏 𝟑
-1
According to the woman’s own values
and beliefs, she should NOT buy the
flip-flops right now.
Mathematical equation for yes/no decision making:
=
❮ ❯

The same equation can be used when making
a decision between several viable options.
(e.g., What should I have for dinner tonight?)
 Solve the equation for each option you are considering.
 For categorical decisions, the option with the highest
numerical value is most in line with your current values
and beliefs.
V=Value
weighting
B= Belief
weighting
Value
Weightings:
Low=1
Medium=2
High=3
Belief
Weightings:
Slightly= +/- 1
Fairly= +/- 2
Very= +/- 3
Note: Weightings of values and beliefs constantly change based on
circumstances.
Every decision is a new circumstance, and for every decision you make,
you may need a new mental model.
For example, conserving calories may have been of high value to you at
lunch today, but come dinner time, you may decide that conserving
calories is so unimportant that you won’t even include it in your
model. Changing your mental model often is expected!
𝑽 𝟏(𝑩 𝟏) + 𝑽 𝟐(𝑩 𝟐) + 𝑽 𝟑(𝑩 𝟑) + ⋯ + 𝑽 𝒏(𝑩 𝒏)
❮ ❯

V=Value
weighting
B= Belief
weighting
Value
Weightings:
Low=1
Medium=2
High=3
Belief
Weightings:
Slightly= +/- 1
Fairly= +/- 2
Very= +/- 3
𝑽 𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏(𝑩 𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏) + 𝑽 𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝑩 𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 + 𝑽 𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑩 𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 + 𝑽 𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌(𝑩 𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌)
Values
Value
Weighting
Buttered Noodles
Beliefs
Belief
Weighting
Nutrition Medium High in
carbohydrates and
fat. No additional
nutritional value
Very
Negative
Taste Medium Great Taste Very
Positive
Satisfaction High I would feel
satisfied.
Very
Positive
Avoiding
feeling sick
Low I might feel sick
later
Fairly
Negative
Chicken Parmesan
Beliefs
Belief
Weighting
High in
carbohydrates.
Medium in fat.
Contains protein.
Fairly
Positive
Great Taste Very
Positive
I would feel
satisfied.
Very
Positive
If I eat it all I might
feel sick later, but I
don’t have to eat it
all.
Slightly
Negative
2 −3 + 2 3 + 3 3 + 1 −2 =
7
Buttered Noodles
2 2 + 2 3 + 3 3 + 1 −1 =
Chicken Parmesan
18
According to the model, this person should get chicken parmesan!
❯❮
18 > 7

 When a person behaves in a manner that is inconsistent
with their own values and beliefs, they experience a strong
feeling of unease called cognitive dissonance.
❮ ❯• Cognitive Dissonance: The feeling of discomfort that
results from an inconsistency between a person’s
beliefs/values and that person’s behavioral choices.
• Cognitive dissonance often results in fallacious decision
making.
• Fallacious: Based on faulty logic.

❮ ❯
 Fallacious decision making happens because people are
subconsciously trying to make themselves feel better.
 People usually accept the first solution they think of in order
to artificially repair an extremely uncomfortable disconnect in
their brains (i.e., cognitive dissonance) as fast as they can.
 People tend to make snap judgements rather than taking the
time to come up with something a little more logical. This is
very common.
 The human tendency to accept the first thing that comes to
mind as true is known as the availability heuristic.

• Jessica values having a few close friends who are genuine and kind.
• Maya and Jessica both agree on who the "popular kids" are at their school.
• Maya may decide to forge her way into the in-crowd, even if it means leaving some old
friends behind.
• Jessica may no
• t prioritize getting in with the popular kids, even if it means sitting at a lunch table with
• only one other student who is generally considered "uncool."
Example: Cognitive Dissonance ➡ Fallacious decision making
 Tyler is psychologically and chemically addicted to
cigarettes. It is near impossible for him to stop smoking.
 Tyler knows (i.e., believes) that smoking cigarettes is bad for
his health and can lead to a decrease in life expectancy.
 Tyler values his life.
 Because he can’t stop smoking, Tyler will likely fallaciously
rationalize that smoking isn’t actually that bad for him, or
that he doesn’t actually value extending his life.
❮ ❯

• Jessica values having a few close friends who are genuine and kind.
• Maya and Jessica both agree on who the "popular kids" are at their school.
• Maya may decide to forge her way into the in-crowd, even if it means
leaving some old friends behind.
• Jessica may no
• t prioritize getting in with the popular kids, even if it means sitting at a
lunch table with only one other student who is generally considered
"uncool."
Example: Cognitive Dissonance ➡ Fallacious decision making
 Marco plans to fly a plane from Russia to Alaska.
 Marco believes that the world is flat. He believes he will
need to travel across the entire width of the earth in order
to reach his destination.
 Marco values efficiency.
 Greg tells Marco that the world is round. Greg shows Marco
reliable information that is consistent with the fact that the
destination is much closer to the starting point than Marco
initially thought.
 In order to resolve the dissonance, Marco simply blocks out
all information that is not in alignment with his beliefs. He
might not even remember that Greg showed him this new
information.
 Marco will likely fallaciously choose to spend an extremely
long time flying across the width of the entire earth in order
to reach his destination.
❮ ❯

Chapter 3:
Components of the Perspective Taking
❮ ❯
“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

 Notice the other person's behaviors.
 Develop a working hypothesis.
 Work to find any disconnects.
 Involve the other person in this process.
 Repair any disconnects.
 Assure an updated, comprehensive, and accurate
mental model.
 Never assume obviousness of rationale.
 Watch out for psychological invalidation.
 Filter our unnecessary values.
 Calibrate on the "why"
❮ ❯

 Notice the other person's behaviors.
 Observe which behavioral decisions seem "strange."
 Try to parse out in which contexts the person tends to
make those "strange" decisions.
For example:
You notice that a colleague typically has good table manners,
with the exception of when he eats soup. Instead of using a
spoon, he always picks up his bowl and drinks from it.
into the in
❮ ❯

 Develop a working hypothesis regarding which values and
beliefs may differ between yourself and the other person.
 Keep in mind that some beliefs are subjective (e.g., water
parks are fun), while other beliefs are objective (e.g.,
Raging Waters is a water park in San Dimus, California).
 Ask yourself WHY a logical person might behave in this
manner.
❮ ❯

❮ ❯
Develop a working hypothesis
Thought Process:
Maybe this person does not value using good table etiquette, or
maybe he does not value being perceived as respectful.
• This is logically unlikely since the person usually has good
table manners.
Alternatively, maybe this person believes that other people will not
judge him for drinking his soup in this unusual way. Maybe he prefers
to consume soup this way and thinks his method is not that unusual.
• This reasoning is more logically sound given what you
know about the person and what you know about
the context.

 Work to find any disconnects between the other person's
behavior and their own values/beliefs.
 e.g., a person says they hate onions but then orders a dish that
is very heavy in onions.
 It is often helpful to involve the other person in this process!
 It can be extremely useful to ask an individual WHY they are
behaving the way they are behaving in order to expedite the
disconnect identification process.
“Why do you always drink your soup instead of using a spoon?”
❮ ❯

 If applicable, repair any disconnects in the other person's
reasoning AND/OR in your own reasoning.
 Differences in objective beliefs and value weightings can be discussed
with the ultimate goal of reaching common ground and coming to a better
understanding of the truth.
 Keep in mind that differences in value/belief weightings as well as
differences in subjective beliefs will lead logically lead to different
behavioral outcomes. However, those differences may not warrant
intervention.
 Faith-based decisions often fall into this category.
You: Why do you always drink your soup instead of using a spoon?
Colleague: It’s just easier, and no one really seems to mind.
You: That makes sense that it’s easier. However, a few people actually told
me they were uncomfortable with the way you were eating your soup.
in
❮ ❯

You: Why do you always drink your soup instead of using a spoon?
Colleague: It’s just easier, and no one really seems to mind.
You: That makes sense that it’s easier. However, a few people actually told
me they were uncomfortable with the way you were eating your soup.
in
❮ ❯
 If applicable, repair any disconnects in the other person's
reasoning AND/OR in your own reasoning.
 Differences in objective beliefs and value weightings can be discussed
with the ultimate goal of reaching common ground and coming to a better
understanding of the truth.
 Keep in mind that differences in value/belief weightings as well as
differences in subjective beliefs will lead logically lead to different
behavioral outcomes. However, those differences may not warrant
intervention.
 Faith-based decisions often fall into this category.

 Make sure both parties are making decisions based on a
fully updated, comprehensive, and accurate mental
model.
 Even when all relevant individuals have very similar values and
beliefs, it is possible for a person to completely forget to factor
a value or belief into the equation when making a decision.
❮ ❯For example: Valencia decides to hold band practice in her garage at 11:30pm.
11:30pm was one of the only times that all band members reported being
available, and Valencia strongly values respecting others’ time. She also values
respecting others' sleep schedules, but she completely neglected to consider
that her band's loud music is likely to keep her neighbors awake. Once she is
reminded about the likelihood of her neighbors being asleep
at 11:30pm, she will logically make a more informed choice
about what time to hold band practice if she truly values
respecting her neighbors' sleep schedules.

 NEVER assume that a value or belief is too obvious to possibly
be left out of a person's mental model!
❮ ❯

 NEVER assume that a value or belief is too obvious to possibly
be left out of a person's mental model!
 When someone asks a question about the rationale for a decision
that directly impacts them (e.g., "Why should I do that?“, “What’s
the point?”), ALWAYS give that person the benefit of the doubt
and take the time explain the rationale for the decision to the
best of your ability.
 If it is not appropriate to explain the rationale for a choice in
the moment, take care to let the other person know that, and
do you best to bring up the rationale with the person at a
later time in order to help them understand.
 Failing to acknowledge that a person's expressed curiosity may in
fact be a genuine question is a form of inadvertent emotional
abuse called psychological invalidation.
❮ ❯

 Psychological invalidation (i.e., gaslighting): convincing
another person that their own thoughts, feelings, and
perceptual experiences are inherently wrong or untrue.
 Psychological invalidation can be intentional, but is more
often unintentional/inadvertent, and done with the very
best of intentions.
❮ ❯

 It is very easily to accidentally invalidate another person’s
reality when that person thinks/perceives the world in a
way that is different from what most people know to be
true about the way other people might potentially
think/perceive the world.
 When a person's reality is invalidated, they will experience
cognitive dissonance. In order to resolve the discomfort,
they will likely defer to a trusted authority figure's opinions
over their own lived experiences, and rationalize that their
lived experience must not be true.
 If a person in a low-status position does not defer to the
authority figure when their reality is challenged, they
will likely be perceived as stubborn and defiant.
❮ ❯

Examples of a teacher invalidating a student's perceptual reality:
Student: I thought we were going to play with real bugs today.
Teacher: No, you didn't think that. I told you we were going to be using
pretend bugs for our project.
Student: It hurt my feelings when you said that.
Teacher: No, it didn’t hurt your feelings. I treated you with kindness.
Student: I was confused by the lesson today.
Teacher: I laid the material out very clearly. It was not confusing.
Student: My costume for the play is really uncomfortable.
Teacher: No it’s not. It’s made out of cotton, and you wear cotton every day.
❮ ❯

 Filter out any unnecessary values.
 When making decisions, people tend to consider many values
that feel logical, but in reality don’t make logical sense.
Values you may want to consider removing from your mental model
if your goal is to make a logical decision:
• Conformity (Everyone else does it this way.)
• Tradition (That’s the way it’s always been done.)
• Spent Resources (I already spent so much time and energy doing it this way.)
• Trust (People I trust say I should do it this way.)
• Vengeance (Someone hurt me so now I have permission to hurt them.)
• Equality (I’ll treat everyone the same regardless of their starting point.
HINT: try substituting equity.)
• Loyalty (I’ll blindly stick by someone — usually someone similar to me —
simply due to a strong sense of allegiance.)

 Calibrate on the "why."
 Once both people are familiar with each other's mental
models in regards to making the decision (e.g., values,
beliefs, and weighting), a logical solution can typically be
reached that works well for both parties.
 The exception to this is when both parties TRULY do not share
the same values and beliefs.
 e.g., due to different religions, upbringings, or political
ideologies
❮ ❯
Typically disconnects in reasoning between two people occur
because they are not considering each other’s context (i.e., perspective)
in their mental models.
• It is impossible to consider the other person's context unless they
share it with you!
• It is also equally impossible for the other person to consider YOUR
context unless you share it with them!

❮ ❯

Chapter 4:
Calibrating on the “why”❮ ❯
“Great minds think alike.”

Calibrating on the “why”
 Below is a helpful format for calibrating on the “why.”
 This format is a tool, not a rule!!
 The GOAL is to calibrate perspectives and come to a mutual
agreement on the best course of action for everyone
involved in a given situation.
1. Validate their reality.
3. Remind them of their OWN perspective.
2. Provide YOUR novel context.
4. Solicit THEIR additional context
5. Confirm calibration.
❮ ❯
Note: A person does not need to explicitly ask a “why” question in
order for you to use this model. This model is appropriate whenever
another person expresses with their words OR actions that they do not
understand why their behavior is inappropriate for the situation.

4. Solicit THEIR additional context
You know how (meet the other person where they are at)? You told
me that (what the other person reported about their own
values/beliefs). Well, I was thinking that (your values and beliefs).
Also, (additional values and beliefs). Finally, (even more values and
beliefs). Is there anything else you’d like to consider while we’re
thinking about this decision? Does this decision make sense to you?
❮ ❯

Helpful Response Unhelpful/Harmful Response
I know it’s a little cold out, but popsicles tend to get
really messy, even when everyone is doing their best
to stay clean. Remember yesterday afternoon when
you pointed out that there was a giant group of ants
on the sidewalk eating popsicle juice? If we spilled
sugary popsicle juice all over the floor inside, it
would attract ants. We spend a lot of time in this
room and most of us don’t want to spend time in a
room that is filled with ants, so we’re going to make
sure not to eat popsicles inside. Also, it's not nice to
create so much extra work for the maintenance staff.
Does that make sense?
• Because I said so.
• That’s the rule.
• We don’t eat popsicles inside.
• We only eat popsicles outside.
❯❮
 Question: “Why can’t we just eat the popsicles inside?”
4. Solicit THEIR additional context.

 Question: “Why can’t I play videogames during my college lecture?”
I know college students tend to browse social media
during class, but videogames are a little different than
social media because they are so flashy and attention-
grabbing. Students in your class may get annoyed with
you because they are trying to learn, but your
interesting videogame is making it difficult for them to
pay attention to the material. Also, it will be hard for
you to listen to your instructor if your attention is
focused on playing the videogame. You mentioned
earlier that you feel that it is important for yourself to
learn the material so you can pass the class. Do you
want to brainstorm some other things you might want
to try during class to help occupy your senses but are
less disruptive to everyone’s learning?
• You know why.
• That’s not an expected
behavior.
• You’re too mature to still
like videogames.
• College students don’t use
electronics during class.
(that one is an overt lie)
• You just can’t.
• It’s weird.
❮ ❯

❯❮
 Question: A 10-year-old is lying down on their stomach with
their face down in the middle of a social skills group.
I'd like it if you sat up and looked at me while I'm
talking. I know you can technically hear me with
your ears even if you are lying on the ground, but
when your body isn't facing me, it makes me feel
like you aren't respecting me or the time I spent
preparing this lesson for you. Can you please sit up
so that you can help me see that you are ready to
listen and learn?
---------------still no compliance---------------
Is something preventing you from sitting up and
looking at me? Why are you lying on the ground
with your face down when you’re supposed to be
showing me you’re ready to learn?
• Sit up. Now.
• Stop it. You’re too old not to
know the answer to that question.
• I’m going to count to 10, and if
you are not sitting up with your
eyes on me when I’m done, you
will be sent to the principal’s
office.
• You have to listen to me because
I'm the teacher. That's final.

 Question: A student is refusing to help out with a cooking activity.
I know cooking isn’t your first choice of activities,
but I think you’d have a lot of fun if you joined us!
You usually love group activities that don’t involve
just sitting at a desk and completing table work.
Why don’t you want to help out with the cooking
project?
Student: I’m severely allergic to raw eggs so
I’m trying to keep my distance so I can keep
myself safe.
• Everyone is required to
participate.
• If you don’t participate, your
grade will be in jeopardy.
• The expected behavior is to at
least sit next to your classmates.
If this student was not afforded an opportunity to convey their
perspective, their immediate health and safety would have been
(unintentionally) put at high risk.
❮ ❯

Chapter 5:
Caveats to the Perspective Taking
❮ ❯
“There is a time and a place for everything.”

Caveats
Sometimes the Perspective Taking Approach can be used in the
moment, but other times it is not effective in leading to
immediate changes in behavior.
It may not be appropriate to use the Perspective Taking
Approach under the following circumstances:
 High emotionality
 Inadequate time/resources
 Fundamental differences in relevant values and beliefs
❮ ❯

Caveat: High Emotionality
 The Perspective Taking Approach should not be
used in instances where either party is
emotionally charged.
 Disagreements ➡ Cognitive Dissonance ➡ Anger
❮ ❯

Note: This approach often still works when the higher-
status party is emotionally charged as long as that
person is able to convincingly portray their emotions as
being at a lower level.
Caveat: High Emotionality
 The Perspective Taking Approach works well when all
parties involved are feeling or .
 The Perspective Taking Approach sometimes works
when one or more parties feel .
 The Perspective Taking Approach rarely works when
one or more parties feel or .
❮ ❯

Caveat: Inadequate time/resources
 Sometimes, there are not enough resources to use the
Perspective Taking Approach in a given moment.
 For example…
 You have four kids, and three of them are crying about
different things, and you’re running late to get the kids to
the bus on time, and you really don’t want to miss your 8am
meeting but it’s looking like you might, and you just need to
do whatever you can to appease everyone in the moment.
 It is the middle of a meeting in which time-sensitive
material is being discussed with an important client, and
your employee says something you really wish they didn’t
say, but it would be inappropriate to take time away from
the meeting to let the employee know in the moment why
what they said was unacceptable.
❮ ❯

Caveat: Fundamental differences in
relevant values and beliefs
 When people truly have different values and beliefs in regards
to a given issue, they will logically NOT autonomously make
the same behavioral decision.
 For example…
 You are a cake decorator and a gay couple asks you to
design their wedding cake. You believe that people should
be able to love who they love, but your supervisor believes
that homosexuality is a cardinal sin.
 It is time for your three-year-old to take a bath, but he
loudly announces that he does not want to take a bath and
he just wants to run around naked. He truly does not care
about (i.e., value) whether or not he goes to sleep clean,
and he does not yet understand (i.e., believe) the concept
of germs leading to illness/infections nor does he
appreciate (i.e., value) the importance of respecting
others’ time.
❮ ❯

Chapter 6:
What to do when it isn’t appropriate to
use the Perspective Taking Approach❮ ❯
“If at first you don’t succeed,
try, try again.”
but don’t forget…
“Insanity= doing the same
thing over and over again but
expecting different results”

What to do when it isn’t appropriate to use
the Perspective Taking Approach
If it is not an appropriate moment to use the Perspective Taking
Approach, alternate behavior modification techniques can be used
until it is a better time to help the person understand why their
actions are not acceptable.
 Take a Pause
 Rewards and Punishment
 Provide Choices
 Give in
 Come Back to it Later
❮ ❯

Sometimes there is a distinction between getting something
accomplished in the moment and providing good teaching.
The Perspective Taking Approach outlines a framework for
providing good teaching, but is not always the most efficient
in the moment, especially when something needs to get
done quickly.
❮ ❯
For example, having students clean up after themselves
teaches independence, but a teacher may sacrifice a
teaching moment in order to expedite the clean-up
process, especially if it means the difference between
getting to the bus on time to leave for the field trip and
making the entire grade late.

Take a pause.
 For a child, this may look like physically removing them from
the situation.
 For example…
 Taking a preschooler on a walk when they refuse to stop
making silly noises during a religious service.
 Taking away a child’s toy hammer when she refuses to
stop banging it on the wood floor as loudly as she can in
your second-floor apartment.
 Walking away and letting a teenager have some space
after they punch a hole in the wall in response to
something you’ve said.
❮ ❯

Take a pause.
 For an adult, this may look like terminating a conversation
and making a plan to discuss the decision at a later time.
 For example…
 An employer implements a new company-wide
policy, and a valued employee disagrees with the
rule and becomes visibly angry. The employer
chooses to actively take a pause. The employer and
employee set up a meeting for a later time in
which they will discuss the disagreement. The
employer reiterates that the employee will need to
follow the new rule if they would like to keep their
job, but acknowledges that it is important that the
employee understand the rationale for the new
rule they are being asked to follow.
❮ ❯

Rewards and Punishment
 This may look like offering something favorable for
completing a clearly defined desired task, or warning that a
privilege will be taken away if the person does not
complete a clearly defined desired task.
 For example…
 Telling a child they can have 2 candies for dessert instead
of 1 if they get into their pajamas before the 3-minute
hourglass timer runs out.
 Telling a teenager that they cannot go to the school dance
if they get caught drinking alcohol one more time this
month.
 Telling an employee that they will be taken off of a given
project if they display a lack of professionalism by showing
up to work late one more time this quarter.
Note: Rewards and
punishments only
work if you stick to
your word!
❮ ❯

Provide Choices.
 When someone is asked to perform an action they do not
agree with by a higher-status party, their sense of
autonomy becomes depleted.
 Providing choices helps replenish an individual’s sense of
autonomy, and may even make the individual more likely to
comply with a demand that they do not yet fully agree
with.
 For example…
 When you’re all done taking your bath, do you want
to have 1 gummy vitamin or 2 gummy vitamins?
 Would you prefer to meet in person, or would you
rather have a virtual meeting?
❮ ❯

Give in.
 While giving in is the last resort, it is inevitable that
sometimes we will have to just give in and let the other
person get what they want/let them continue behaving
inappropriately.
 Rewarding a person for bad behavior is not good teaching,
but it is just unavoidable sometimes.
 In instances where you end up giving in, it is not a lost
cause! You can still provide good teaching later.
❮ ❯

Come back to it later.
 It is important to provide good teaching when you get the
chance so that the individual has the necessary information to
make more informed autonomous decisions in the future.
 For example…
 Write a social story for a preschooler to help them understand
the importance of sharing with their sibling, and read it every
night before bed. (see example on next slide)
 Have a discussion with your colleague about how some specific
types of remarks they tend to make are likely to be
interpreted as rude by others.
 Provide a nonverbal child with many opportunities to learn to
anticipate upcoming transitions in routines through interacting
with images on a first-then board. (see example on future slide)
❮ ❯

What to do when it isn’t
appropriate to use the
Perspective Taking Approach
Example of a social story using the Perspective Taking Approach:
When you play with your
cool toys, you have so much
fun! Sometimes you feel
like you want to keep your
toys all for yourself instead
of sharing with Brian. Oh
no! When you keep your
toys all for yourself, Brian
gets a frown on his face,
doesn’t he? Find the frowny
face. Does frowning mean
Brian is happy or sad? That’s
right; sad. Do you like to
make people sad? No! You
like to make people happy!
❮ ❯When you share a toy with
Brian, he gets a big smile
on his face, doesn’t he?
Find the smiley face. Does
smiling mean Brian is
happy or sad? That’s right;
happy! Yay! You love to
make people happy!
Sharing toys with Brian
makes him happy! Don’t
you think it’s so nice to
share your toys with Brian
every once in a while?

 Visual tools such as first-then boards can help a child learn to
understand what to expect and what is expected of them during
routine activities.
❮ ❯
Note: It can take many exposures a visual tool before a person is able to
make the association between what is shown in the pictures and what is
expected in real life. This is especially true if the person has never used a
similar tool before. Make sure to take advantage of every available learning
opportunity to help the person make the connection between the visuals and
what is expected of them in real life.

Thank you!
 Thank you for completing this training module!
 Please complete the interactive quiz to monitor your
understanding of how to use the Perspective Taking
Approach in practice.
 Click the back arrow ( ) in your browser to return to
the Perspective Taking Approach website.

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