4. Overarching Goal (OAG)
• To become a better listener, not only listening with my ears but with my
heart. Listening to God as He speaks to me and guides me on this journey to
being all that He calls me to be.
• Level one listener, one who is empathetic, refrains from judging, aware and
in the present moment, not letting oneself be distracted, shows verbal and
nonverbal skills.
(Burley-Allen, 1995)
5. Enlarging the conversation
Let’s get outside of our “comfort box” and begin to do new things to actively enhance
our thoughts and our feelings.
• More public speaking
• Offer seminars
• Be more open
• Speak from my heart
• Listen to God
6. Who am I?
• Daughter
• Mother
• Sister
• Aunt
• Friend
• Social Worker
• Coach
• Above all…Child of God
7. Behavior Blend
• This four quadrant model of basic
human behavior helps explain why
people do what they do.
• Each type is independent of the
others, but are also related in ways.
(Carbonell, 2008)
8. Closer look at my blend
C/I/S
This is expected of me: “S” type
• Think people expect me to be more sensitive and submissive
• Like blending in with the crowd
• Loyal and friendly
• Act like people want me to be more reserved in public
• Often think I need to serve humanity and do what I am told
rather than challenge others
• Humble spirit and quiet demeanor
This is me: C/I/S
• More passive than active
• Strong people skills
• Outgoing and reserved
• Life of the party or the quiet spectator
• Like to influence and interact with people
• People like my friendliness, enthusiasm and cordiality
9. Uniquely You Assessment
• I am extremely adept at interpreting other people’s words & actions.
• I realize that empathy is important.
• I can generally get a good sense of other’s thoughts.
10. Impact of my background on conversation
Positively
• Single mother- respect
• Poor- empathy
• Raised in the North & South-
diversity
Negatively
• Single mother- affects conversation
with males
• Poor- independent/proud
• Raised in North & South-
intolerant
11. Impacts of my blend on converation
Positively
• Friendships
• Seldom have enemies
• Submissive
• Demeanor
Negatively
• Marriages
• Overuse my willingness
• Please others
• No outward emotions
13. Overcoming barriers
• Psalms 139:14 “I will praise thee, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
• II Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of
love and of a sound mind.”
• Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope”
(New King James Bible)
14. Overcoming barriers (cont.)
• Select proper environments
• Be ok with not “rescuing”
• Use the “bite my tongue” method
• Wait for talker’s signal before speaking
• No judgements
• Remember that what I have to say matters
15. Noise pollution: unwanted or harmful noise
Internal
• Past experience filters
• Personal life
• Values & beliefs
• Emotions
External
• Location
• Mannerisms
• Talker’s speech
• Time
16. Solutions to Noise pollution
• Awareness
• Past experiences cannot dictate listening skills
• Nonjudgmental
• Positive attitude
• Remembering purpose
• Location/ Time
• Focus on the words
• Ask for clarity
17. Plan of action
• Self-Awareness- know when I need to say no
• Create an environment conducive for conversation
• Focus on the talker
• Time management
• Listen with purpose
• Speak from my heart
• Admit ignorance
• Allow space
(Peterson, 2007)
18. Plan of action (cont.)
• Giving myself some slack
• Repeat with accuracy
• Remembering there is only one savior
• Enhance my relationship with God
When two people are talking and listening in a way that highlights their uniqueness, responsiveness, reflectiveness and addressability then it is interpersonal.
