Parenting Attitude Matters by Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

1. PARENTING ATTITUDE MATTERS!!! Part 1
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

2. STEP 1: UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF
ATTITUDE

6. Attitude is Everything
• Defined: State of mind or feeling with regard to
some matter
• Powerful tool for positive action
• Your attitude determines whether you are living
life or life is living you
• Outward reflection of what resides on the inside
• One can turn every weakness into strength

7. Suhaib reported that Allah's Messenger (‫)ﷺ‬ said:
Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in
every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone
else except in the case of a believer for if he has an
occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a
good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows
resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good
for him in it.
(Muslim: 2999)

8. Our Attitudes affect everything we do
• Setbacks can be setups
for even greater
opportunities
• Optimists are more
successful than similarly
talented people with
pessimistic attitude
• We can concentrate on
problem or solution

9. Action Plan
• Identify your negative/pessimistic thoughts in
parenting
• Discuss in pairs how you feel?
• Do you positively effect the lives of your family
members?
• Think of individuals in your life who affect you
positively and those who affect you negatively

10. STEP 2: CHOOSE TO TAKE CHARGE OF
YOUR LIFE

12. Power of Choice
• We often forget when trapped in situation that we
have a choice
• We make choices consciously or unconsciously all
our lives
• Thoughtfulness determines how we respond to many
challenges that we encounter
• The difference between one who succeed and those
who have no belief in themselves is their
understanding of attitude

13. Controlled by Attitude
• Lack faith in their ability to
overcome difficulties
• Don’t understand their own
power
• Feel life is mess for them
• Believe difficulties will last a long
time
• See challenging times as
punishment of their past sins
• See blessings as merely setup for
bad things to come
• Exaggerate size of problem

15. Build your attitude from inside out
• We set criterion for what will make us happy
• Inner dialogue of self-encouragement and self-
motivation
• Avoid self- defeat and self-pity

16. Analyze Yourself?
Self-encouragement and
self-motivation
Vs
Self- defeat and self-pity

17. Analyze Yourself?
Self-encouragement and
self-motivation
Vs
Self- defeat and self-pity

18. Analyze Yourself?
Self-encouragement and
self-motivation
Vs
Self- defeat and self-pity

19. Have strong inner voice
• We hear too much
negative information
• Keep yourself on high
alert
• Loudest and most
influential voice you hear
is your own
• You control the sender
and receiver

20. Action Plan
• What positive choices are you going to make to
help put your attitude into action?
• What negative voices in environment affect you?
• Write three positive inner voices in all hard
parenting times.

21. STEP 3: TIME FOR SELF AWARENESS

22. Bad attitudes are heavy baggage
• Be aware of your emotion and attitude
• Self-Awareness gives you far greater control of
your actions
• We are permanently burdened by baggage of
past

23. IF-ONLY BAGGAGE
Full of unfinished business, plans that failed,
or hurt feelings that have not healed

24. WHAT-NOW BAGGAGE
Packed under pressure of present. Heavy with
stress and weighty expectations

25. WHAT-IF BAGGAGE
Packed with worries about future, when we think
about potential problems rather than opportunities
ahead

26. Analyze Yourself?
• If-Only baggage
• What-Now baggage
• What-If baggage

27. Analyze Yourself?
• If-Only baggage
• What-Now baggage
• What-If baggage

28. Analyze Yourself?
• If-Only baggage
• What-Now baggage
• What-If baggage

29. Solution
• If-Only baggage
• What-Now baggage
• What-If baggage
• Learn to release Past
• Focus on opportunities
and solutions rather than
potential negative
consequences and
problems
• Focus on solution not
problem with variety of
plans

30. Root cause of Bad Attitude
Low self-esteem
Stress
Fear
Anger and resentment
Inability to handle change

31. Attitude Assessment-1

32. Attitude Assessment-2

33. Attitude Assessment-3

34. STEP 4: REFRAME YOUR BAD ATTITUDE

35. Lightening bolt situations
• Child doesn’t eat
• Cries a lot
• Misbehaves
• No routine
• Doesn’t study Quran and Salah
• Problems at school
• Resists authority
• Anger and bad language issues
• Bad company
• Doesn’t leave tablet, phone or
games

36. Change of Perspective

37. Value of your experience

38. You will be tested
َ‫و‬ ِ‫ف‬ ْ‫َو‬‫خ‬ْ‫ال‬ َ‫ن‬ِِّ‫م‬ ٍ‫ء‬ْ‫َي‬‫ش‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َّ‫ن‬ َ‫و‬ُ‫ل‬ْ‫ب‬َ‫ن‬َ‫ل‬ َ‫و‬َ‫و‬ْ‫م‬َ ْْ‫ا‬ َ‫ن‬ِِّ‫م‬ ٍٍَْْ‫ن‬ َ‫و‬ ِِ‫و‬ُُْ‫ال‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬
ِ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬َ ْْ‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ِ‫ت‬‫ا‬َ‫ر‬َ‫م‬َّ‫ث‬‫ال‬ َ‫و‬َّ‫ص‬‫ال‬ ِ‫ر‬ِِّ‫ش‬َ‫ب‬ َ‫و‬ َۗ‫ين‬ ِ‫ر‬ِ‫ب‬‫ا‬
And We will surely test you with something
of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and
lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the
patient
(Al-Baqarah:155)

39. Think about it…
• All worst moments of your life from childhood
onwards
• What you learnt out of them?
• What new opportunities arose, when you lost
something?
• Benefits out of those experiences?

40. THREE P’S FOR BAD ATTITUDE

41. 1. PERMANENT….. WE ASSUME IT’S FOR EVER...
Its part of our emotional makeup.
The subconscious mind runs it on autopilot.
Pass yourself to recovery period.

42. 2. PERVASIVE….. IT’S NOT GOING TO DESTROY YOUR
ENTIRE LIFE
These experiences teach us how to embrace
change in all areas of our lives

43. 3. PERSONAL….. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE THIS
HAPPENED TO
Take comfort that your experiences are universal.
Rise to challenges.
Develop skills necessary to survive and thrive.

44. Two best antidotes to bad attitude
Gratitude
Forgiveness

47. STEP 5: BE PROACTIVE WITH PURPOSE
AND PASSION

48. Purpose Behind it All
Competing with people, Fighting comparisons, Proving our worth

49. Save from Fire
‫ا‬ً‫َار‬‫ن‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ي‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ه‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ق‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫م‬‫آ‬ َ‫ِين‬‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ه‬ُّ‫ي‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ي‬ُ‫ق‬ َ‫و‬‫َا‬‫ه‬ُ‫د‬‫و‬
ْ‫ع‬َ‫ي‬ َّ‫َّل‬ ٌ‫د‬‫ا‬َ‫د‬ِ‫ش‬ ٌ‫ظ‬ َ‫َل‬ِ‫غ‬ ٌ‫ة‬َ‫ك‬ِ‫ئ‬ َ‫َل‬َ‫م‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ه‬ْ‫ي‬َ‫ل‬َ‫ع‬ ُ‫ة‬ َ‫ار‬َُ ِ‫ح‬ْ‫ال‬ َ‫و‬ ُ‫اس‬َّ‫ن‬‫ال‬َ َّ‫اَّلل‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ص‬‫ا‬َ‫م‬
َ‫ون‬ُ‫ر‬َ‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُ‫ي‬ ‫ا‬َ‫م‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬َ‫ع‬ْ‫ف‬َ‫ي‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ َ‫ر‬َ‫م‬َ‫أ‬
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your
families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over
which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not
disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they
are commanded.
(At-Tahreem:6)

50. Negative inner dialogue
• I am going nowhere
• Why won’t they recognize my good work
• I have lost too much time in efforts in past
• I can’t seem to get ahead
• Koi Faida Nahi

51. Remember….
1. You are the architect of your life events
2. You have creative power in your life, because you
can clearly visualize what you want to achieve
3. You need clarity if you willing to pay the price for it
4. When life presents to you a challenge, it is upto you
to meet that challenge

52. EARTHQUAKES GIVE NO WARNING
In fact they bring Aftershocks and Rebuilding
of infrastructure

53. Proactive than Inactive Approach
• Use fear as motivator to take action
• Support other people in crisis situation
• Monitor your inner dialogue
• Plan well for next hazard
• Maintain a routine

54. Apply Proactive Approach Here

55. STEP 6: MOTIVATE YOURSELF

56. Self-Coaching
Enthusiasm
Positive outlook
Smile and be healthy in lifestyle
Positive memories
Loads and loads of Duas
Feed your soul daily with Quran

57. Building Relationships
• What’s in this for me?
• Build lock of people around you who has positive
attitude
• Start with shared values
• Accept people unconditionally
• Understand their point of views

58. STEP 7: SEE CHANGE AS OPPORTUNITY

59. There is always something… ;)

61. Understand and Accept Change
• Pause and reflect
• Keep long term goal in mind
• Avoid learned helplessness
• Convert threat into opportunity

62. STEP 8: LEAVE A LEGACY

63. Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Prophet Muhammad ‫ﷺ‬said:
"When a man dies, his good deeds come to an end
except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge,
and righteous offspring who will pray for him."
(Muslim 1631)

65. To get in touch…..
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser @ HamarayBachchay
hbheadoffice@gmail.com