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Parenting Attitude Matters

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Parenting Attitude Matters by Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

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Parenting Attitude Matters

  1. 1. PARENTING ATTITUDE MATTERS!!! Part 1 Dr. Kanwal Kaisser
  2. 2. STEP 1: UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF ATTITUDE
  3. 3. Attitude is Everything • Defined: State of mind or feeling with regard to some matter • Powerful tool for positive action • Your attitude determines whether you are living life or life is living you • Outward reflection of what resides on the inside • One can turn every weakness into strength
  4. 4. Suhaib reported that Allah's Messenger (‫)ﷺ‬ said: Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it. (Muslim: 2999)
  5. 5. Our Attitudes affect everything we do • Setbacks can be setups for even greater opportunities • Optimists are more successful than similarly talented people with pessimistic attitude • We can concentrate on problem or solution
  6. 6. Action Plan • Identify your negative/pessimistic thoughts in parenting • Discuss in pairs how you feel? • Do you positively effect the lives of your family members? • Think of individuals in your life who affect you positively and those who affect you negatively
  7. 7. STEP 2: CHOOSE TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE
  8. 8. Power of Choice • We often forget when trapped in situation that we have a choice • We make choices consciously or unconsciously all our lives • Thoughtfulness determines how we respond to many challenges that we encounter • The difference between one who succeed and those who have no belief in themselves is their understanding of attitude
  9. 9. Controlled by Attitude • Lack faith in their ability to overcome difficulties • Don’t understand their own power • Feel life is mess for them • Believe difficulties will last a long time • See challenging times as punishment of their past sins • See blessings as merely setup for bad things to come • Exaggerate size of problem
  10. 10. Build your attitude from inside out • We set criterion for what will make us happy • Inner dialogue of self-encouragement and self- motivation • Avoid self- defeat and self-pity
  11. 11. Analyze Yourself? Self-encouragement and self-motivation Vs Self- defeat and self-pity
  12. 12. Analyze Yourself? Self-encouragement and self-motivation Vs Self- defeat and self-pity
  13. 13. Analyze Yourself? Self-encouragement and self-motivation Vs Self- defeat and self-pity
  14. 14. Have strong inner voice • We hear too much negative information • Keep yourself on high alert • Loudest and most influential voice you hear is your own • You control the sender and receiver
  15. 15. Action Plan • What positive choices are you going to make to help put your attitude into action? • What negative voices in environment affect you? • Write three positive inner voices in all hard parenting times.
  16. 16. STEP 3: TIME FOR SELF AWARENESS
  17. 17. Bad attitudes are heavy baggage • Be aware of your emotion and attitude • Self-Awareness gives you far greater control of your actions • We are permanently burdened by baggage of past
  18. 18. IF-ONLY BAGGAGE Full of unfinished business, plans that failed, or hurt feelings that have not healed
  19. 19. WHAT-NOW BAGGAGE Packed under pressure of present. Heavy with stress and weighty expectations
  20. 20. WHAT-IF BAGGAGE Packed with worries about future, when we think about potential problems rather than opportunities ahead
  21. 21. Analyze Yourself? • If-Only baggage • What-Now baggage • What-If baggage
  22. 22. Analyze Yourself? • If-Only baggage • What-Now baggage • What-If baggage
  23. 23. Analyze Yourself? • If-Only baggage • What-Now baggage • What-If baggage
  24. 24. Solution • If-Only baggage • What-Now baggage • What-If baggage • Learn to release Past • Focus on opportunities and solutions rather than potential negative consequences and problems • Focus on solution not problem with variety of plans
  25. 25. Root cause of Bad Attitude Low self-esteem Stress Fear Anger and resentment Inability to handle change
  26. 26. Attitude Assessment-1
  27. 27. Attitude Assessment-2
  28. 28. Attitude Assessment-3
  29. 29. STEP 4: REFRAME YOUR BAD ATTITUDE
  30. 30. Lightening bolt situations • Child doesn’t eat • Cries a lot • Misbehaves • No routine • Doesn’t study Quran and Salah • Problems at school • Resists authority • Anger and bad language issues • Bad company • Doesn’t leave tablet, phone or games
  31. 31. Change of Perspective
  32. 32. Value of your experience
  33. 33. You will be tested َ‫و‬ ِ‫ف‬ ْ‫َو‬‫خ‬ْ‫ال‬ َ‫ن‬ِِّ‫م‬ ٍ‫ء‬ْ‫َي‬‫ش‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َّ‫ن‬ َ‫و‬ُ‫ل‬ْ‫ب‬َ‫ن‬َ‫ل‬ َ‫و‬َ‫و‬ْ‫م‬َ ْْ‫ا‬ َ‫ن‬ِِّ‫م‬ ٍٍَْْ‫ن‬ َ‫و‬ ِِ‫و‬ُُْ‫ال‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬ ِ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬َ ْْ‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ِ‫ت‬‫ا‬َ‫ر‬َ‫م‬َّ‫ث‬‫ال‬ َ‫و‬َّ‫ص‬‫ال‬ ِ‫ر‬ِِّ‫ش‬َ‫ب‬ َ‫و‬ َۗ‫ين‬ ِ‫ر‬ِ‫ب‬‫ا‬ And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient (Al-Baqarah:155)
  34. 34. Think about it… • All worst moments of your life from childhood onwards • What you learnt out of them? • What new opportunities arose, when you lost something? • Benefits out of those experiences?
  35. 35. THREE P’S FOR BAD ATTITUDE
  36. 36. 1. PERMANENT….. WE ASSUME IT’S FOR EVER... Its part of our emotional makeup. The subconscious mind runs it on autopilot. Pass yourself to recovery period.
  37. 37. 2. PERVASIVE….. IT’S NOT GOING TO DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE LIFE These experiences teach us how to embrace change in all areas of our lives
  38. 38. 3. PERSONAL….. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE THIS HAPPENED TO Take comfort that your experiences are universal. Rise to challenges. Develop skills necessary to survive and thrive.
  39. 39. Two best antidotes to bad attitude Gratitude Forgiveness
  40. 40. STEP 5: BE PROACTIVE WITH PURPOSE AND PASSION
  41. 41. Purpose Behind it All Competing with people, Fighting comparisons, Proving our worth
  42. 42. Save from Fire ‫ا‬ً‫َار‬‫ن‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ي‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ه‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ق‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫م‬‫آ‬ َ‫ِين‬‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ه‬ُّ‫ي‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ي‬ُ‫ق‬ َ‫و‬‫َا‬‫ه‬ُ‫د‬‫و‬ ْ‫ع‬َ‫ي‬ َّ‫َّل‬ ٌ‫د‬‫ا‬َ‫د‬ِ‫ش‬ ٌ‫ظ‬ َ‫َل‬ِ‫غ‬ ٌ‫ة‬َ‫ك‬ِ‫ئ‬ َ‫َل‬َ‫م‬ ‫ا‬َ‫ه‬ْ‫ي‬َ‫ل‬َ‫ع‬ ُ‫ة‬ َ‫ار‬َُ ِ‫ح‬ْ‫ال‬ َ‫و‬ ُ‫اس‬َّ‫ن‬‫ال‬َ َّ‫اَّلل‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ص‬‫ا‬َ‫م‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ر‬َ‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُ‫ي‬ ‫ا‬َ‫م‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬َ‫ع‬ْ‫ف‬َ‫ي‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ َ‫ر‬َ‫م‬َ‫أ‬ O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. (At-Tahreem:6)
  43. 43. Negative inner dialogue • I am going nowhere • Why won’t they recognize my good work • I have lost too much time in efforts in past • I can’t seem to get ahead • Koi Faida Nahi
  44. 44. Remember…. 1. You are the architect of your life events 2. You have creative power in your life, because you can clearly visualize what you want to achieve 3. You need clarity if you willing to pay the price for it 4. When life presents to you a challenge, it is upto you to meet that challenge
  45. 45. EARTHQUAKES GIVE NO WARNING In fact they bring Aftershocks and Rebuilding of infrastructure
  46. 46. Proactive than Inactive Approach • Use fear as motivator to take action • Support other people in crisis situation • Monitor your inner dialogue • Plan well for next hazard • Maintain a routine
  47. 47. Apply Proactive Approach Here
  48. 48. STEP 6: MOTIVATE YOURSELF
  49. 49. Self-Coaching Enthusiasm Positive outlook Smile and be healthy in lifestyle Positive memories Loads and loads of Duas Feed your soul daily with Quran
  50. 50. Building Relationships • What’s in this for me? • Build lock of people around you who has positive attitude • Start with shared values • Accept people unconditionally • Understand their point of views
  51. 51. STEP 7: SEE CHANGE AS OPPORTUNITY
  52. 52. There is always something… ;)
  53. 53. Understand and Accept Change • Pause and reflect • Keep long term goal in mind • Avoid learned helplessness • Convert threat into opportunity
  54. 54. STEP 8: LEAVE A LEGACY
  55. 55. Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Prophet Muhammad ‫ﷺ‬said: "When a man dies, his good deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, and righteous offspring who will pray for him." (Muslim 1631)
  56. 56. To get in touch….. Dr. Kanwal Kaisser Dr. Kanwal Kaisser @ HamarayBachchay hbheadoffice@gmail.com

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