She negotiates . . . and everything changes

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Why women don't negotiate, how women negotiate best, and what to do to become a negotiation black belt (with pink lining)

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  • We negotiate for what we need in the face of the needs of others. We DISTRIBUTE the world’s resources in a way we believe to be fair. As lawyers, we call this JUSTICE.
  • We negotiate in an attempt to establish our values as those that govern the world we live in.
  • To accomplish that, we negotiate for power whether it’s the power to guide the So. Carolina Women Lawyers’ Association; to influence the curriculum our local school system adopts to teach our children; or, to control the behavior of others in the workplace, on the playground, in our neighborhoods and throughout the world.
  • We negotiate to preserve our liberty to be ourselves so long as it does not impinge upon the liberty of another
  • We negotiate to create and define the communities in which we live
  • We negotiate to have unfettered freedom in certain areas of our lives
  • We negotiate to achieve our full potential and for the esteem of the community
  • We negotiate for the opportunity to express ourselves creatively
  • And we negotiate for money
  • Every time we teach our negotiation course, we ask our women questions about their attitudes toward, experiences of, and preferences for the outcome of negotiation. On a 1 to 10 scale, the most consistently similar answer we get both before and after the month-long course is that women value relationships over money and that, at a minimum, they want their bargaining partner to get as good a deal as possible while at the same time the negotiator gets as good a deal as she can for herself.
  • When asked what we believe we deserve to be paid for our work, we undervalue ourselves by between 3 and 30% The wage gap is one-third
  • When we are asked to work until we believe we’re entitled to the $X we’re told we’ll be paid, we work 22 percent longer and 10% faster than men
  • Differences between contending and problem solving in the evolution of human history
  • Three levels of agreement
  • When preparing to negotiate a settlement, we generally think in terms of distributing the risk of loss among the parties.
  • She negotiates . . . and everything changes

    1. 1. She Negotiates . . . . and everything changes January 18, 2011 Victoria Pynchon, J.D., LL.M Long Island Center for Business and Professional Women She Negotiates Consulting and Training on the Web
    2. 2. wake up! The Northridge earthquake occurred on January 17, 1994 at 4:31 AM Pacific Standard Time in Reseda, a neighborhood in the city of Los Angeles, California, lasting for about 45 seconds. The earthquake had a "strong" moment magnitude of 6.7, but the ground acceleration was one of the highest ever instrumentally recorded in an urban area in North America.
    3. 3. Negotiation is a conversation leading to agreement
    4. 4. in a mixed motive exchange Compete for scarce resources Collaborate for mutual gain
    5. 5. <ul><li>Recognize the opportunity to negotiate </li></ul><ul><li>What we lose when we fail to negotiate </li></ul><ul><li>What we negotiate for </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Money vs. relationship </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Getting our market value </li></ul><ul><li>Prepare to negotiate </li></ul><ul><li>Understand tools of trade </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Diagnostic questions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Cognitive biases </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Rules of influence </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Hard, competitive bargaining </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Tit for tat </li></ul></ul>
    6. 6. recognize the opportunity to negotiate
    7. 10. Could we talk about this later? I appreciate it but it was not what I was expecting We must not be on the same page I’m entitled to the full $10K bonus this year
    8. 11. the grim statistics
    9. 12. <ul><li>Women's earnings relative to men's have stagnated at 73.2 percent. </li></ul><ul><li>2.5 x > more women than said they feel &quot;a great deal of apprehension” </li></ul><ul><li>Men initiate negotiations about four times as often as women. </li></ul><ul><li>Will pay as much as $1,353 to avoid negotiating the price of a car </li></ul><ul><li>Typically ask for and get less when they do negotiate—on average, 30 percent less than men. </li></ul><ul><li>20 percent of adult women say they never negotiate at all </li></ul>
    10. 13. <ul><li>>$500,000 by 60 not negotiating first salary </li></ul><ul><li>8x as many male MA’s from Carnegie Mellon negotiated their salaries. </li></ul><ul><li>Consistent salary negotiation + $1 million more </li></ul><ul><li>Women own 40% all U.S. businesses in the U.S. receive only 2.3 percent of available equity capital. </li></ul><ul><li>Women report salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same jobs </li></ul><ul><li>men expect to earn 13% more 1 st yr & 32% more at their career peaks. </li></ul>
    11. 14. We Negotiate for . . .
    12. 15. Need Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    13. 16. security Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    14. 17. Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    15. 18. Power Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    16. 21. Autonomy
    17. 22. Pride
    18. 23. Self Expression
    19. 25. monkey economy 50 million years
    20. 26. Money is simply one way to store value & permit trade at a distance What else do you have to trade?
    21. 27. Women tend to value relationship more than money
    22. 28. often leading us to value ourselves less than male peers
    23. 29. We measure our work by what we need and compare our incomes to those of our female friends
    24. 30. We over-deliver to our clients and superiors and under-deliver to ourselves
    25. 31. We work 22% longer and 10% faster for the same reward
    26. 33. we can close the gap NOW
    27. 34. ANCHORING When we set our value in the market we set our own future value; we set our women colleague’s value and we set the value for our children and children’s children Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    28. 35. Recalibrate our Market value
    29. 36. Sk for it
    30. 37. Female Bargaining Advantages <ul><li>rules or steps to get to a final outcome </li></ul><ul><li>take a broad or 'collective' perspective </li></ul><ul><li>elements interconnected & interdependent </li></ul><ul><li>see the big picture </li></ul><ul><li>Propose systematic plan on how to solve it. </li></ul><ul><li>work through steps by sharing experiences </li></ul><ul><li>Focus on mutual gains </li></ul><ul><li>more concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem </li></ul>
    31. 38. Male Bargaining Advantages <ul><li>Feel bargaining advantage </li></ul><ul><li>Feel entitled to more rewards </li></ul><ul><li>Less likely to back down </li></ul><ul><li>Use more distributive tactics </li></ul><ul><li>Feel entitled to information </li></ul><ul><li>Seen as stronger speakers than women </li></ul><ul><li>Seek more power </li></ul><ul><li>Intimidate </li></ul>
    32. 39. The Psychic History of our Fight for Scarce Resources <ul><li>Contending </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Strong survive/weak die </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Problem solving </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Hunting/gathering to agriculture/husbandry </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Farming/hunting to industry </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Industry to technology </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Material (steel, cars, trains, planes) to Immaterial (knowledge) </li></ul></ul>“ Innovate, don’t litigate (contend)” Jonathan Schwartz, CEO Sun Microsystems
    33. 40. theory of mind
    34. 41. Our ability to reason arose from our need to understand one another’s intentions and motivations, allowing us to coordinate within a group
    35. 42. we developed certain tendencies of thought called cognitive biases universal ways of thinking about what motivates other people
    36. 43. But we never learned to read one another’s minds <ul><li>Suspicion followed </li></ul>P is for Paranoid copyright 2010 Reason Press
    37. 44. <ul><li>What do we most want to know </li></ul>
    38. 45. What the HECK are they THINKING?
    39. 46. and will it be harmful to me?
    40. 47. Will they cooperate
    41. 48. or attack ?
    42. 49. How can I make them do what I want them to do?
    43. 50. we read signs and symbols in an effort to control our own destiny
    44. 51. and make common cognitive errors
    45. 52. We see patterns where none exist Clustering Illusion
    46. 53. we discount everything our bargaining partners say reactive devaluation
    47. 54. confirmation bias we search for and interpret information in a way that confirms our preconceptions
    48. 55. <ul><li>Cognitive Biases Prevent us from learning Other’s mind </li></ul><ul><li>what do they want/need </li></ul><ul><li>what do they have of value </li></ul><ul><li>how do they value it </li></ul><ul><li>why do they want what they are seeking </li></ul><ul><li>Prevent us from accurately assessing </li></ul><ul><ul><li>perils </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>opportunities </li></ul></ul>
    49. 56. Getting what you want Copyright 2010 Reason Press
    50. 57. Negotiate from Strength You are as strong as you believe yourself to be L is for Lawyer copyright 2010 Reason Press
    51. 58. Grammar of Negotiation <ul><li>Positions </li></ul><ul><ul><li>What you want </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>More pay, better benefits </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Better case assignments </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Higher fees </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Fewer hours </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Interests </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Why you want it </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>More time with children </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>More time to write that book </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>More time to volunteer </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Send children to college </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Travel more </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Provide for own future </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Issues </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Billable hours </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Quality of work </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Outcome for client </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Business development </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reputation </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Stakeholders </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Everyone interested in outcome </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your peers and superiors </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your clients </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your family </li></ul></ul>
    52. 59. how can we reach a mutually beneficial and durable agreement? By ascertaining their interests, preferences, priorities, needs, desires, constraints, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as our own
    53. 60. Z is for Zen Master copyright 2010 Reason Press Collaborative Problem Solving
    54. 61. Ask Diagnostic Questions C is for Coward copyright 2010 Reason Press
    55. 63. <ul><li>What are my intended outcomes and interests? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Preferences, priorities, needs, desires, fears, aspirations, bottom line </li></ul></ul><ul><li>What are their possible interests and outcomes? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Put yourself in their shoes </li></ul></ul><ul><li>What are the options? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Potential points of agreement </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Differences that might be dove-tailed </li></ul></ul>Q is for Questioner copyright 2010 Reason Press
    56. 64. <ul><li>Compatibility (issues not in conflict) </li></ul><ul><li>logrolling, or trading off concessions on low-priority issues for gains on higher priority issues </li></ul><ul><li>trading differential time preferences </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Allocating more initial outcomes to the more impatient party </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Allocating greater profits over a longer period to the more patient party </li></ul></ul>T is for Them and Us copyright 2010 Reason Press
    57. 65. <ul><li>adding issues not inherent in the initial negotiation framework </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Bonuses </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Flex-time </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Best associates </li></ul></ul><ul><li>contingent contracts </li></ul><ul><ul><li>If I bring in $X this year, I’ll receive Y% of it </li></ul></ul>T is for Them and Us copyright 2010 Reason Press
    58. 66. Framing <ul><li>Present Losses as Gains </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Strong tendency to prefer avoiding losses over acquiring gains </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>a service business’ most important assets go down the elevator every night and you have to give them a good reason to come back </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>the cost of replacing you </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>competitor’s deal would be a loss because – they’re not as nimble, creative, resourceful . . . </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Frame your proposal in your favor </li></ul><ul><ul><li>state your qualities as what your client needs </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>state your settlement proposal as what your opponent’s client needs </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>state your deal terms as what your negotiation partner prefers, prioritizes, needs, and desires </li></ul></ul>
    59. 67. <ul><li>Make contingent concessions, i.e., if you’ll raise your offer to $150K, I’ll lower my demand to $200,000K </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Creates appearance of concession </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Almost risk free </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Label concessions & demand reciprocity </li></ul><ul><li>Stress difficulty in making concession </li></ul><ul><ul><li>This will cut our profit razor thin </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If I make this concession, you should be willing to promise me partnership next year </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Concessions & Reciprocity </li></ul></ul></ul></ul>
    60. 68. Distributive Bargaining <ul><li>The process by which the parties distribute between themselves what they believe to be a fixed “pie” of money, goods or services </li></ul><ul><li>A Zero Sum exchange in which whatever one side gains, the other side loses </li></ul><ul><li>Parties move toward resolution through a series of concessions </li></ul>
    61. 69. Competitive Bargaining Image credit istockphoto.com 2010 <ul><li>High initial demands </li></ul><ul><li>Maintain them throughout </li></ul><ul><li>make few (and small) concessions </li></ul><ul><li>adhere to a high level of aspiration </li></ul><ul><li>obtain as much information as possible </li></ul><ul><li>give away little </li></ul><ul><li>bluff </li></ul><ul><li>mislead </li></ul><ul><li>threaten retaliatory action if the other side does not comply. </li></ul>
    62. 70. tit for tat S is for Shakedown Artist copyright 2010 Reason Press
    63. 71. Difficult people
    64. 72. Behind every accusation is a cry for help D is for Drama Queen copyright 2010 Reason Press
    65. 73. <ul><li>They’re not difficult, they are uninformed </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Educate them about their true interests, consequences of their actions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Help them understand what is in their best interest </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>May have misunderstood or ignored a crucial piece of information </li></ul></ul>I is for Idiot copyright 2010 Reason Press
    66. 74. <ul><li>They’re not evil; they have hidden interests </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Personal (unrelated to you or deal) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Relational (related to you but not to the deal, i.e., “face”) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Political, social, cultural </li></ul></ul>O Is for Outlaw copyright 2010 Reason Press
    67. 75. <ul><li>They are not irrational; they have hidden constraints </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Institutional </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Precedential </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Promises to others </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Deadlines </li></ul></ul>P is for Paranoid copyright 2010 Reason Press
    68. 76. Practice practice practice
    69. 77. How were the women’s dilemmas solved? Growing isn't like in a movie where you have a realization and life changes. In life, you have a realization and your life changes a month or so later. So I just have to wait a month? It depends on the realization. Some of them you only wait a couple weeks. ~Postcards from the Edge
    70. 78. <ul><li>Negotiate retail </li></ul><ul><li>Ask for something </li></ul><ul><ul><li>You know they’ll say no to </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You know they’ll say yes to </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Collect a dozen “no’s” in the next two weeks </li></ul><ul><li>Set your price 2x higher than normal </li></ul><ul><li>Have a difficult conversation asking diagnostic questions </li></ul><ul><li>Teach your children </li></ul><ul><li>Teach your spouse </li></ul><ul><li>Make a game out of it </li></ul>
    71. 79. K is for Kin copyright 2010 Reason Press You can have it all Just not at the same time

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