Intended to be a fact sheet that Victim Services can hand out to families experiencing a missing loved one. Initially developed by Maureen Trask, an advocate for families with missing loved ones, and Kimberley Clark, Administrator, Victim Services Unit, Halton Regional Police Service. The sheet will be incorporated into their grief and loss tool kit.

1. Missing Persons
Common reactions of those left behind
When someone you love goes missing, you may experience significant
feelings of loss and trauma. There is no right or wrong way to deal with
the disappearance of a loved one. What you are experiencing is known as
“Ambiguous Loss” i
. This means that your missing loved one is physically
absent from you but, kept psychologically present. This is NOT the same as
loss or grief associated with death.
Ambiguous loss is often described as a very traumatic and complex loss:
• Your loss is uncertain; you don’t know if your missing loved one is alive
or dead;
• Your grief is frozen, unresolved, and you may feel stuck in time;
• There is no closure; no finality; no validation or acknowledgement of
your loss;
• Your life carries on while you try to make sense of what has happened.
Finding ways to live with the uncertainty that this loss brings to your life
is vital to your health and wellbeing. Your life will continue while the
uncertainty remains. You can learn to live with the uncertainty and deal with
the changes in you and your family moving forward.
When someone you love goes missing, you may begin an emotional journey,
which is unique to missing and different to other types of losses. Traditional
models of grief and loss do not apply to those impacted by missing.
With the uncertainty of not knowing what has happened to your loved one,
there may also be stronger emotions that come to the surface. You may feel
some or all of the following: Self-blame, guilt, doubt, confusion, distress,
fear, frustration, anger and vulnerability. These emotions are normal and you
have the right to feel exactly as you do.
Ways to Cope:
• Reduce stress – physically and emotionally. Acknowledge the pain
of not knowing.
• Connect with others in your community who have missing loved
ones and know that you are not alone.
• Share what you are going through with family and friends so they
too can support you.

2. • Learn as much as you can to help you understand.
• Canadian Centre for Information on Missing Adults
http://missingpersonsinformation.ca
• Missing Childrens Society of Canada
http://mcsc.ca
• Ontario’s Missing Adults
http://www.missingadults.ca
• Let the love of your missing loved one help guide you on your
journey of uncertainty.
A support guide “Missing People: A guide for family members and service
providers” ii
was developed primarily for family members who find them-
selves in a situation similar to yours. It’s important that you have someone
you can talk with in a safe, non-judgemental, and empathic manner. If
you decide to see a counsellor, the counsellor is not there to “fix” you, but
rather to listen and support you based on your individual needs.
There is a counselling framework that has been developed that may be of
assistance to your counsellor. This framework is titled “Supporting those
who are left behind” iii
. The concept of a trauma timeline can help you
understand what events might trigger you during the time your loved one is
missing. These include prior events leading up to your loved one going miss-
ing, filing the report, the investigation, the search, the waiting, hope, and
moving forward. This is not a linear process. You may repeat these as your
circumstances change: police jurisdiction or investigator changes, tips, sight-
ings, leads or new information.
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i. Dr. Pauline Boss, 1999, Ambiguous Loss Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, President and
Fellows of Harvard College, Harvard University Press, Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA
www.ambiguousloss.com
ii. Families and Friends of Missing Persons, 2014, Missing people: A guide for family members and
service providers, Department of Justice, NSW, AU
http://www.missingpersons.justice.nsw.gov.au/missingpersons/ffmpu_publications.html
iii. Australian Federal Police, 2007, Supporting Those Who Are Left Behind, Commonwealth of
Australia, National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, Sarah Wayland
www.missingpersons.gov.au/support/overview.aspx