self esteem

1. Causes of Low Self-Esteem in Recovery and
How to Help
There are three major causes ofpoor self-esteem in recovery. Knowing whatcauses these negative feelings makes it
easier to build you or your loved one's self-esteem.Consider the following possible causes oflow self-esteem:
 Instability.
 Insignificance.
 Immorality.
Instability
One major cause oflow self-esteem is the feeling thatthere is no stability in life. Many people who feel this way claim
their lives are frightening and unpredictable.This feeling is especiallycommon among professionals who feel their
career is out of control.When someone feels responsible for life's instability,self-esteem is often destroyed,
especiallywhen the person is the breadwinner ofthe family.
How to Help
Fortunately, there are many ways to help someone who feels this way.Reassure the person thatnothing can ever
change the way you feel aboutthem. Whenever you have a chance,tell them how proud you are of the person they
are. Never bring up pastmistakes or addictions.Live in the momentas much as you can.
If the person needs to talk about their struggles,listen.When given the choice, manypeople would rather have a
listening ear than advice, so before you offer suggestions for how they can regain control of their life, let them talk.
Insignificance
Many people who suffer from an addiction that has become known to their loved ones feel embarrassed and judged,
especiallyiftheir loved ones have never struggled with addiction themselves.These feelings often lead to a sense of
insignificance.When someone is constantlysurrounded bypeople who have never abused drugs or alcohol , they
may feel as if they aren't as strong as their loved ones.This sense ofinsignificance can be a cause for low self-
esteem.
How to Help
Remember thateveryone finds ways to deal with problems.While misusing drugs and alcohol is one form of self-
medication,other forms are often not as clearly seen.Some people relieve stress byobsessing over their
appearance.Others suffer from an addiction to activities such as exercise and video games . If you are honestwith
yourself, it is likely that you will quickly discover that you, too, have suffered from at leasta minor addiction in the
past.
If you would like to learn more abouthow to build self-esteem and preventsubstance abuse relapse,call our helpline
at 1-888-499-8205 . We are available 24/7 to speak with you and connect you with the resources needed to heal.

2. Immorality
Many people feel immoral because of their addiction.
Many people feel immoral because oftheir addiction.Others have damaged relationships with their loved ones while
they were still addicted and during the long process of recovery .
Knowing loved ones have been hurt is enough to make anyone feel like a terrible person.Even if friends and family
members provide reassurance thatall is forgiven, manypeople feel a deep sense ofguiltfor years. Constantly
reminding a loved one that you forgive the person and that he or she shouldn'tfeel bad mightseem like the bestway
to help, but, in reality, bringing up the pastmay make it seem as ifyou are dwelling on it.
How to Help
Instead,only talk about the pastwhen your loved one is the one to bring it up. Whenever possible,shower the person
with love and affection, and make it obvious that you enjoy the person's companyand love having him or her around.
Other Ways to Improve Self-Esteem
Worried About Relapse?
Call 1-888-499-8205 to getinformation aboutinpatientand outpatientrelapse prevention programs in your area.
Keep in mind that self-esteem usuallyis notimproved immediately.It can take time.To keep you or your loved one
committed to improving your self-esteem,you mightwantto work with your loved one on the tasks below or partner
with a therapist , a family member,or a friend.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) recommends the following techniques
to help improve self-esteem:1
 Pay attention to your needs. If you are sitting at home and feel lonely, call a friend. If you've been working
long hours,take a break.Take time to relax.
 Spend time with people who make you feel good. Seek out people who are supportive and respectyou.
Avoid people who criticize you.
 Learn something new. Take a class on a topic you've always wanted to learn about or learn a new skill.
 Take care of yourself. Eat a healthy diet , exercise , and get plenty of sleep.
 Do things you enjoy and that use your talents. Taking care of day-to-day responsibilities with your job,
your family, or your personal life is important.But so is doing things thatbring you pleasure.Ifyou like to
draw, play an instrument,or write-do it!
 Do things for other people. Volunteer at a local animal shelter,serve food at a soup kitchen,or help clean
up a local beach or a park.
Changing Self-Talk
Many people receive negative messages growing up or experience rejection in one form or another. Some people
come to believe these messages and then repeatthem over and over again to themselves. 1
This is called "negative
self-talk",and manypeople are not even aware that they are doing it.

3. Examples ofnegative self-talk include:
 I'm stupid.
 No one likes me.
 I never do anything right.
 I'm clumsy.
 I'm ugly.
Negative self-talk usuallybegins ata very young age, which makes itdifficult to undo.But it is possible.Anyone who
believes he or she may be engaging in negative self-talk can do the following: 1
 Pay attention to your thoughts. It can be hard to do this at first, because some negative thoughts are
automatic.But once you start paying attention to them, it will get easier to identify them.Start by trying to
record at least10 in a journal or on your computer or phone.
 Challenge them. Ask yourself, is this thought true? Would someone saythis to someone else? Whatam I
getting out of thinking this thought?
 Replace them with positive thoughts. Write down the negative thought,then write down a positive thought
to replace it. For example,if you wrote down,"I never do anything right," you could replace that with, "I have
accomplished manythings,such as graduating from high school,finding a good job,winning an award,or
doing well at a sports event."
Try to do this exercise at leasttwice a day. The more you repeatthe positive statements,the more you are likely to
start believing them and experiencing fewer negative thoughts.