Your Next Job: Networking for Introverts

1 Your Initials, Presentation Title, Month Year
© 2010 Mentor Graphics Corp. Company Confidential
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I use PowerPoint. Where some of you may use Microsoft Excel to write notes to
friends, I use PowerPoint for everything, including arguing with my wife.
Because of this, I know that what I say is more important than what is on the slide.
10% of the value of my presentation will be on the screen. 90% will be somewhere
else. Maybe some of it will come from you.
Take copious notes, because the information that matters to you is not going to be
on a slide. What matters to you is going to be different than what is important to
anyone else.
You’ve been warned.
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Another reason to take notes is because of the last bullet item. We are going to go
around the room and receive valuable information from this well educated and
good looking crowd.
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Ed and I worked really well together. I was a marketer who worked in technology.
He was a technologist with an understanding of business and human behavior. The
two of us seemed to form a giant super brain. Together we could do things neither
of us could do alone.
By chance we ran into each other one Friday afternoon at the Mentor Graphics
sales office in San Jose. We agreed to have dinner together.
After four days of working closely with eight PCB designers, Ed was too cranked up
to sleep. He wanted a relaxing dinner with me so he could calm down enough to
get to sleep before an early flight.
I had delivered a four HOUR class that day to about 80 people. I was drained and a
nervous wreck. I wanted a calm dinner with Ed because I needed to decompress
from all of the social interactions.
Both of us were comfortable in front of people. One of us was an introvert.
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The biggest difference between introversion and extroversion is whether energy is
received or spent. Ed got energy from being around people. For me, being around
people is draining. I need to be alone to store energy.
Neither of us was shy or afraid of people. We weren’t afraid of being the center of
attention. Both of us were very keen on paying attention to our audience.
None of the traits above have anything to do with how introverted or extroverted
someone is.
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More is known about introversion than ever before. In fact, there are groups on
Linked In. Technically, "Studies in neuroscience have indicated that levels of
extroversion may be related to how the brain processed dopamine, our brain's
reward chemical. Extroverts have a stronger dopamine response, meaning they get
a bigger kick out of achievements like a job promotion, a new romance, or a
successful business launch.
Extroverts are more likely to take risks, like striking out with a new business
venture, because they anticipate more of a reward when things go well. Introverts,
on the other hand, may be less interested in the risk of self-employment because
they tend to be more even-keeled and aren't as motivated by the potential for a
thrill if things go well.
Being introverted generally means less focused on the people around us and more
focused on our inner thoughts. This can be good and bad.
Something important to keep in mind is that there isn’t an on and off switch. There
are no absolutes. Carl Jung, who invented the terms, said a complete introvert or
extrovert would be in a lunatic asylum.
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Introverted leaders tend to have a few things in common. For one, introverted
leaders are more successful because they let their star extroverts run free. There’s
less chance of their own extroversion getting in the way.
Also, they are often trusted by followers who know that they aren’t doing it for the
attention. When someone doesn’t like attention but does it because it’s the right
thing to do, people can sense that.
Others:
Google CEO Larry Page
Elon Musk, Tesla, SpaceX
JK Rowling, Harry Potter author
Angelina Jolie
Steven Spielberg
Lady Gaga (think about it. She’s always wearing a mask or costume.)
Clint Eastwood
Harrison Ford
Alfred Hitchcock
Steve Martin
Dr Seuss was afraid to meet kids who read his books because he would let them
down because they would expect a Santa like figure
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Especially in the United States, our institutions are all implemented as if
extraversion was the norm. Class rooms are all designed for group learning. Most
organizations are social groups. A favorite example of mine was one night when I
was having dinner with my pastor and his wife. I apologized for not bringing my
lovely wife and explained that she had social anxieties. The pastor’s wife said “You
know, Lisa has the same problem. Maybe they should get together.”
She didn’t get it because she wasn’t introverted.
There are other problems with our extravert culture. The “open plan” office space
experiment was a failure but people are still doing it.
The value of the person who seeks wisdom by separating from society is being lost
in America. This is a shame.
Research points out that most creativity happens by single individuals. Dig into the
stories of great innovations and you will find a single person who had the
inspiration. But no innovation or idea can be implemented unless the lone
contributor can communicate to others in a position to make it happen. We have to
communicate.
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If we break things down to first principles, networking is nothing more (or less)
than establishing many small relationships.
But we aren’t comfortable with those, are we? By nature, those who are more
introverted tend to have a very select group of friends. How can we learn to do
something that isn’t particularly natural for us?
It takes practice. But let’s review the definition of relationship.
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9
Some of you will remember my presentation on sales as described for
technologists. Non-sales types don’t understand how sales works because they
prefer deterministic processes with well defined steps and flows. Here is how I
bridged the gap.
How do you know when someone is ready to buy something? There are five things
that are needed for this to happen. Once these five things are in place, a sale is a
certainty.
Sales is the process to get there and nothing more. It isn't mysterious and it isn't
complex.

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The five elements of the deal must be in place for a deal to happen.
Technical fit means what we are offering matches what the customer needs. Some
technologists think this is the most important, or ONLY, requirement.
Return on Investment is that the customer gets more out of the transaction then
he puts in.
Compelling event has an element of time. The customer needs it now, or soon or
by a specific date. There has to be a reason for the transaction to happen. For
example, I may be car shopping for months or even years, but won’t actually buy a
car until something compels me.
Relationship is based on you as a person and you as a professional representing
your company, product or service.
If you can be at par or better at these five things then you are competitive and a
deal WILL happen.

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11
One thing needed to close a deal is relationship. They have to like you but it's a lot
more than that.
They customer has to like you as a supplier or vendor but also as an individual. So
some of the work is in giving them enough information to like your company and
products/solutions. But it is also important to get them to like you as a person.
This is why sales people take customers golfing. And it's why they send customers
copies of press releases. They are trying to establish relationships both as a vendor
and as a person.
Everyone has brands that they would never ever buy. That isn't just because of the
technical fit. For example, maybe a Samsung smart phone has better features for
you than an Apple product. Or the other way around. The technical fit isn't the only
thing that matters. There's a relationship based on whether you like one or the
other.
Speaking for the whole world, relationships are all about trust. This applies to every
facet of your life from who you marry to who you friend on Facebook.
Trust usually requires shared objectives. I would trust someone who has the same
desired outcomes as me more than someone who might end up crosswise. Trust
will take some time. It will take some consistency.

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Trust means that expectations are met.
Even if it’s a negative expectation it’s better than not meeting expectations. I know
my daughter will always tell secrets to my wife. If I bought my wife some BOSE
headphones for her birthday, guess who will never know about it before I give
them. Talitha.
Do I trust her? I trust that this behavior will never change. Yes. I trust her.
This is important. One of the challenges of networking for those of us who aren’t
very good at it is that we will have to pretend we are someone we aren’t. This is
false.
Stretch yourself, but don’t be something you aren’t.
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In the case of hiring, it also requires a positive first impression. In fact, it's amazing
how the first impression (whether in person or on Paper) can influence the
outcome. The only thing worse than a bad first impression is a great first
impression followed by a bad second impression.
Remember who you are talking to. This seems to be a real problem with
technologists. If you are talking to a direct manager or coworker, include as much
technical information as you see fit. Tell them what they need to know, not
everything you know. But if you are talking to anyone higher, it’s likely that they
don’t have your knowledge of the topic. If they did, they wouldn’t need to hire you.
The best thing you can do is NOT get lost in the technical details. Executives don’t
make decisions based on the technical information. They make them based on the
confidence of the person presenting them.
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Your objective is to make it seem like you are being social when in reality you are
doing research. This will not feel natural at first. Practice makes it easier.
In fact, there are a lot of things about social activity that may put you off. But
remember how hard it was to learn to drive? Soon it will become second nature for
you.
Remember the statistics: how many people get jobs based on referrals rather than
submitting resumes? This is better done through networking of all kinds because
only 3.5% of all jobs in the USA make it to job boards. Getting to know people on
the inside is the best way to find your next position.
Referrals are simply reaching out to those who know you and
1) asking them for some help and
2) giving them something of value
But keep it in reverse order

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Take these ideas to heart.
Since networking is an active word, it means we must do it again and again. Better
to find something where you don’t have to start from scratch every time.
Since time is a limited resource, and you don’t want to do networking more than
necessary, find events that are in your own best interests. What would those be?
Every one of us is different.
Make sure the networking activity is something that you will be successful at doing.
For example, I would be horrible if the networking event involved golf. Or what if
the volunteering project was working on your own with no way of anyone knowing
that you were doing the work?
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The best way to start networking is to amass a list of people you already know.
In fact, a perfect solution would be a database that includes all of your professional
acquaintances including their work history, their photo and other data. Guess
what… the database already exists.
The first step in excellent networking is to work on your LinkedIn profile.
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And the first tactic related to networking doesn’t even involve meeting people face-
to-face.
Once your LinkedIn account is full and rich, start looking for jobs. LinkedIn jobs
usually include information about which of your contacts are working there now.
Instead of applying for the job of your choice, reach out to your contact and ask
them if they can refer you. Statistically, job application via referral is usually 8.5X
more effective than applying on the website.
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Before you begin, check your existing social footprint without cookies.
If you go to your personal PC and type your name, the cookies embedded in your browser will
modify the results. By opening a private browsing session, you can see what others might see.
How close to the top of search results are you? What photos show up?
Believe it or not, this is one of the most important ways for you to measure your success in
marketing yourself on social media. Think of Google “ego surfing” as your yardstick for how
much you are improving each month. If you look good on Google, hiring managers will see
that.
Make sure your name doesn’t conflict with someone else
One person in this group had the same name and location as a distant relative who
referred to herself on (public) Facebook as the Crazy Lady with photos of her giving
alcohol to teenagers.
Doing private searches can also be helpful when investigating hiring managers on LinkedIn.
You will not look like a stalker.
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Do NOT try to turn small talk into a job search. Your objective in networking is to
start a relationship. Maybe not a real relationship but certainly an acquaintance.
The job search is disconnected from the networking. Perhaps this will make it
easier for you. It has for me.
Start to get to know someone. You do this by asking questions. You want to learn
about the other person, but you also want them to believe you are interested in
them. Chances are good that you will be if you give them enough time to tell you
about themselves.
Side note here. If, after the conversation, you believe that this is someone who you
will never like, that’s fine. Forget about them. But give them a chance to prove you
don’t like them.
If the conversation warrants it, try to solve a problem together.
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Let me tell you about an experience I had at TSW (technology Services World) in
Las Vegas. This conference is usually attended by vice presidents and general
managers. Lots of really nice suits.
I was in a suit but, listening to most of the conversations, I knew I didn’t belong.
They were using terms I’d never even heard before. Feeling miserable, I grabbed a
drink and stood next to a potted plant.
I man in a nice suit walked up to me and said, “So, what do you do?” and I yelled
“How do you do that?!?”
He went “GAHHHH!” so I apologized. I asked him how he could so casually walk up
to a complete stranger and just start a conversation. What he told me was
completely unexpected.
He said that we was uncomfortable in crowds. To overcome his discomfort, he
would search out the most uncomfortable person in the room because he knew
they would have something in common.
He also gave me this advice. If you attend a keynote presentation, the speaker is
usually surrounded by people right after the speech, but almost ignored the rest of
the time. If you found something in the speech that was particularly interesting,
find the speaker later and ask them about it. You now have something in common
with someone who has a certain amount of notoriety.
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This can also help you in the future. If the topic comes up at a future networking
event you can say, “You know, I had a private conversation with the expert on the
topic and he had something interesting to say about it.”
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Remember my friend Ed Murphy? We figured out early that we could combine our
talents and become one super brain.
If I was creating training content, he could help me understand the audience, what
works, and what would be easiest for an instructor to deliver.
I could help him by pointing out when he was using too much time connecting to
his audiences. Or I could make the paperwork easier after classes.
The challenge is usually that extraverts can’t even comprehend that introverted
personalities exist. Stacy Nguyen cuts my hair. She can’t imagine not being around
people. I learned a lot for this presentation from talking to her.
Also, extraverts can be a great model for learning how to do small talk.
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Advice on starting small talk conversations can fall into three things. First, don’t
focus on crashing. If a pilot constantly watched the ground, he would get lost
pretty quickly. Assume you will soar. Okay, assume you will get by adequately.
Next, understand that the best small talk is when the person who is good at it does
most of the work. Since that isn’t you, ask questions. Listen.
Bad questions are closed: they can be answered by yes or no. Ask for a story.
And if someone asks you a closed question, don’t fall for it. Come up with a story.
But remember that your objective is to get the other person to tell their story.
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If you take a few minutes to try an exercise with a handful of people, you will find
that the conversations are EASY.
You are now officially an expert at small talk.
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Assuming we are starting a relationship, think about what you would expect from a
normal relationship. Would you be happy with a friend who always took from you
but never gave anything back? Probably not.
Since you’re the one starting this relationship, don’t assume you shouldn’t give
something.
If you say that you don’t have anything to give, I need to wake you up. You’ve
been receiving information from experts in this networking group for months. Once
that information is given to you, it belongs to you. You can share it.
This is where your notes and printouts can come in handy. Go through them and
think about what would be valuable to someone who hasn’t been here.
Seriously, you have a lot to offer someone who hasn’t been in the job market
recently.
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Everyone hears about the learning curve. That’s the time and effort it takes to
come up to speed on a process or tool. When a company buys some enterprise
solution like SAP or FrameMaker, the learning curve matters to them. How long will
it take before the expensive software brings back value to the company.
But no one talks about the forgetting curve. In the 1920s, Ebbinghaus developed
theories based on how people learn and then forget.
In a nutshell, if I did a perfect job today, you will remember 10% of what I said by
tomorrow at 10:00. By 10:00 the day after, it will be closer to 2%. It will be less
than 1% after that. This information is very important to Brand Heavy companies
like Coke and McDonalds because they plan their advertising in such a way that
they can keep that brand name in people’s heads.
Why am I bringing this up right now? Because you NEED to remember the things
and people you learn about during your networking experiences.
How do you overcome the Ebbinghaus Effect?
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Take notes! How many times do I need to remind you?
It’s important to remember names and faces. Look at the business card and the face. Write
something about them. Use your own card as a reference if they don’t have one.
Use your own system to remember faces, names and conversation topics. Do what works for
you. Personally, I use LinkedIn.
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As a summary, remember to do what you say you will do. Be the kind of person
that others will know they can rely on.
And if you feel that the other person is someone you will never like, don’t. Go
ahead and disconnect.
Most important, don’t overthink it. I suspect this is a common problem in this
group. You are all very bright, so you may tend to overthink things. Don’t.
Remember the song from Disney’s Frozen: Let it go. Let it go.
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I hope I’ve given you some new things to think about. This is an area where I’m
weak but I’ve worked hard. If you disagree with anything, let me know. I want to
get better at it.
Let me know if you have any questions. Email is usually best. I hope I can help
you.
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An article was recommended to me. It describes networking the Steve Jobs way.
It’s worth considering even if it isn’t comfortable for you.
If you think about how networking events usually work (Or for that matter how
most social interactions work), follow this graphic. The people who have things in
common start finding each other. Then they introduce their common friends to
others who have the same common interests. The finance people talk to other
finance people. The analog chip designers hang out with other analog designers.
The alcoholics hang out together. Whatever.
To really enhance your career, start networking with people who are NOTHING LIKE
YOU. There are huge benefits. For one your group, because of the different
knowledge and experiences, will make better, more informed choices.
Homogenous groups, when making wrong decisions, are more sure of themselves.
This was actually my job for the last three positions I held, and it didn’t really occur
to me until I read this article. Especially in the last role as the lone marketing
person in the technical consulting group. I was very different than the rest of the
group.
Have you ever seen the television show Eureka? It was about a town of science
geniuses and a local sheriff who was ordinary. The geniuses would create
something like a weather control machine that threatened all life on earth. None of
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the geniuses could figure out how to stop it. Then the idiot sheriff would say
something simple and common sense and save the day.
I did that all of the time in my last job. I see now that I was hired to be the tether
that tied all of these brilliant minds to the rest of the human race.
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Your Next Job: Networking for Introverts

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