The document provides strategies for writing concise sentences, including eliminating wordiness, deadwood, utility words, circumlocution, unnecessary repetition, rambling sentences, excessive coordination, adjective clauses, passive voice, wordy prepositional phrases, and wordy noun constructions. Concise writing uses only necessary words to make its point in a direct and focused manner.

1. Writing Concise Sentences

2. Writing Concise Sentences
A sentence is not concise simply because it is short; a concise
sentence contains only the words necessary to make a point.

3. Eliminating Wordiness
Strategy:
- underline key words
- look carefully at the remaining words
- eliminate wordiness
- eliminate unnecessary repetition
- tighten rambling sentences
It seems to me that it does not make sense to allow any bail to be granted to anyone who
has ever been convicted of a violent crime.
Bail should not be granted to anyone who has ever been convicted of a violent crime.

4. Eliminating Wordiness
Whenever possible, delete nonessential words:
- deadwood
- utility words
- circumlocution
- revising wordy phrases

5. Eliminating Deadwood
Deadwood:
Unnecessary words and phrases that take up space
and add nothing to meaning.
There were many factors that influenced his decision to become a priest.
Many factors influenced his decision to become a priest.
The two plots are both similar in the way that they trace the characters’ increasing rage.
The two plots are similar in that they trace the characters’ increasing rage.
Shoppers who are looking for a bargain often go to outlets.
Shoppers looking for a bargain often go to outlets.

6. Eliminating Deadwood
includes unnecessary statements of opinion, such as I believe, I feel, and it
seems to me.
In my opinion, the characters seem undeveloped.
The characters seem undeveloped.
As far as I’m concerned, this course looks interesting.
This course looks interesting.
Deadwood:

7. Eliminating Utility Words
Utility words:
The registration situation was disorganized.
Registration was disorganized.
The scholarship basically offered Fran a good opportunity to study Spanish in Spain.
The scholarship basically offered Fran an opportunity to study Spanish in Spain.
It was actually a worthwhile book, but I didn’t really finish it.
It was a worthwhile book, but I didn’t finish it.
- act as fillers; contribute nothing to the meaning of the sentence
- include words with imprecise meanings (factor, situation, aspect, and so on)
- include almost meaningless adjectives (good, bad, important)
- include common adverbs denoting degree (basically, actually, quite, very, definitely)

8. Avoiding Circumlocution
Circumlocution:
It is not unlikely that the trend will will continue.
The trend will probably continue.
The curriculum was of a unique nature.
The curriculum was unique.
Joe was in the army during the same time that I was in college.
Joe was in the army while I was in college.
- is taking a roundabout way to say something (using ten words when 5 will do)

9. Revising Wordy Phrases
Wordy phrases:
- A wordy phrase can almost always be replaced by a more concise, more direct
term.
Wordy
at the present time
at this point in time
for the purpose of
due to the fact that
on account of
until such time as
in the event that
by means of
in de vicinity of
have the ability to
Concise
now
now
for
because
because
until
if
by
near
be able to

10. Eliminating Unnecessary Repetition
Repetition:
- can make your sentences more emphatic
- when unnecessary, can lessen the impact of your writing
Strategy:
- deleting redundancy
- substituting a pronoun
- creating an appositive
- creating a compound
- creating a complex sentence

11. Deleting Redundancy
People’s clothing attire can reveal a good deal about their personalities.
People’s clothing can reveal a good deal about their personalities.
The twins kept having recurring cold symptoms.
The twins kept having cold symptoms.
The two candidates share several positions in common.
The two candidates share several positions.

12. Substituting a Pronoun
The fictional character Miss Marple has solved many crimes. The Murder at the
Vicarage was one of Miss Marple’s most challenging cases.
The fictional character Miss Marple has solved many crimes. The Murder at the
Vicarage was one of her most challenging cases.

13. Creating an Appositive
Red Barber was a sportscaster. He was known for his colorful expressions.
Red Barber, a sportscaster, was known for his colorful expressions.

14. Creating an Compound
John F. Kennedy was the youngest man ever elected president. He was the first
Catholic to hold this office.
John F. Kennedy was the youngest man ever elected president and the first Catholic
to hold this office.

15. Creating a Complex Sentence
Americans value freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is guaranteed by the First
Amendment.
Americans value freedom of speech, which is guaranteed by the First Amendment.

16. Tightening a Rambling Sentence
A rambling sentence:
- a combination of nonessential words, unnecessary repetition, and complicated
syntax.
Strategy:
- eliminate excessive coordination
- eliminate adjective clauses
- eliminate awkward passive constructions
- eliminate wordy prepositional phrases
- eliminate wordy noun constructions

17. Eliminating Excessive Coordination
Excessive coordination:
- stringing together independent clauses with coordination conjunctions
Result:
- unfocussed compound sentences that present your ideas as if they all have equal
weight
Revise:
- identify the main idea or ideas and then subordinate supporting details to that main
idea.

18. Eliminating Excessive Coordination
Wordy:
Benjamin Franklin was the son of candlemaker, but he later apprenticed as a printer, and this
experience let to his buying the Pennsylvania Gazette, and he managed this periodical with great
success.
Concise:
Benjamin Franklin, the son of a candlemaker, later apprenticed as a printer, an experience that
led to his buying the Pennsylvania Gazette, which he managed with great success.
(Franklin’s apprenticeship as a printer is the sentence’s main idea)

19. Eliminating Adjective Clauses
Adjective clauses:
- a group of words with a subject and a verb that provide a description
- likely to form a rambling sentence
Revise:
- substitute more concise modifying words or phrases for the adjective clauses
Result:

20. Eliminating Adjective Clauses
Wordy:
Moby-Dick, which is a novel about a white whale, was written by Herman Melville, who was
friendly with Nathaniel Hawthorne, who urged him to revise the first draft.
Concise:
Moby-Dick, a novel about a white whale, was written by Herman Melville, who revised the first
draft at the urging of this friend Nathaniel Hawthorne.

21. Eliminating Passive Constructions
- likely to form a rambling sentence
Revise:
- by changing passive to active voice
Result:
Water rights are being fought for in court by Indian tribes, such as the Papago in
Arizona and the Pyramid Lake Paiute in Nevada.
Indian tribes, such as the Papago in Arizona and the Pyramid Lake Paiute in Nevada,
are fighting in court for water rights.

22. Eliminating Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Revise:
- substitute adjectives or adverbs for wordy prepositional phrases.
The trip was one of danger but also one of excitement.
The trip was dangerous but also exciting.
He spoke in a confident manner and with a lot of authority.
He spoke confidently and authoritatively.

23. Eliminating Wordy Noun Constructions
Revise:
- substitute strong verbs for wordy noun phrases
We have made the decision to postpone the meeting until the appearance of all the board members.
We have decided to postpone the meeting until all the board members appear.
Sometimes there is an accumulation of water on the roof.
Sometimes water accumulates on the roof.