1. Writing Concise
Sentences
Redundancy
Empty Expressions
Wordiness

2. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence
should contain no unnecessary
words, a paragraph no unnecessary
sentences, for the same reason that a
drawing should have no unnecessary
lines and a machine no unnecessary
parts. This requires not that the writer
make all his sentences short, or that he
avoid all detail and treat his subjects
only in outline, but that every word tell.
— William Strunk Jr. (Elements of Style)

3. Making Your Writing More Concise
Concise is an adjective that
means to express much in few
words; to be clear and to the
point.

4. Making Your Writing More Concise
The goal of concise writing is
to use the most effective
words.

5. How to Write Concise
Sentences?

6. Look closely…
• The reason why he came to the
State College was because it was
inexpensive in price.

7. Avoid Redundancy
• Redundancy - it refers to
unnecessary repetition of
words/phrases.

8. Look closely…
• The reason why he came to the
State College was because it was
inexpensive in price.
• He came to the State College
because it was inexpensive.

9. Look closely…
• His work is absolutely perfect.
• Nobody would allow that
downfall to repeat again.

10. Examples of Redundancy
•
•
•
•
•
•
red color
round shape
poor beggar
dirty filth
loudly shouted
watery fluid
•
•
•
•
•
•
biography of her life
12 midnight
end result
completely unanimous
large in size
revert back

11. Empty Expressions
I think that
I believe that
I feel that
in my opinion
It is my belief that
It is my opinion that

12. Empty Expressions
They are phrases that
add no meaning to a
sentence. If you omit
them, it won’t affect
anything.

13. Empty Expressions
It seems as if…
The things is that
What I’m trying to say is that
Due to the fact that
What I want is
The reason that

14. Wordy Sentences
• Wordiness—using more
words than one needs to
express one’s ideas—is an
issue even for experienced
writers.

15. Empty Expressions
• in spite of the fact
that
• during the same
time that
• in today's world
• at that point in
time
• (although)
• (when)
• (today)
• (then)

16. Empty Expressions
•
•
•
•
until such time as
by means of
past experiences
put forth an effort
(try)
•
•
•
•
(until)
(by)
(experiences)
(then)

17. Here are a few ways to make
your writing more concise.

18. How to make
your writing more concise
1. Recognize and eliminate
wordy phrases and empty
words

19. Example: Wordy phrases
• The fact is that at this point in
time more women than men
attend college.

20. Example: Wordy phrases
The fact is that at this point in
time more women than men
attend college.

21. Example: Wordy phrases
• The fact is that at this point in
time More women than men now
attend college.

22. Example: Wordy phrases
• More women than men now
attend college.

23. Example: Empty Words
• Total college enrollments have
increased steadily upward since
the 1940s, but since the 1970s
women have enrolled in greater
numbers than men have.

24. Example: Empty Words
• Total college enrollments have
increased steadily upward since
the 1940s, but since the 1970s
women have enrolled in greater
numbers than men have.

25. Example: Empty Words
• Total college enrollments have
increased steadily since the
1940s, but since the 1970s
women have enrolled in greater
numbers than men.

26. How to make
your writing more concise
2. Recognize and eliminate
unnecessary repetition.

27. Example: Unnecessary Repetition
She is writing a fictional historical
novel set in the past about Anne
Hutchinson and the settling of
Rhode Island.

28. Example: Unnecessary Repetition
She is writing a fictional historical
novel set in the past about Anne
Hutchinson and the settling of
Rhode Island.

29. From the Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
What is wrong with these often used phrases?
Joined together Past history.
Few in number Refer back
Blue in color
Small in size
Cooperate
together

30. How to make
your writing more concise
3. Recognize and revise
constructions built around weak
verbs and nouns derived from
verbs.

31. Example: Weak Verbs
There were millions of people
who donated generously to help
victims of the earthquake.

32. Example: Weak Verbs
There were millions of people
who donated generously to help
victims of the earthquake.

33. Example: Strong Verbs
Millions of people donated
generously to help victims of the
earthquake.

34. Example: Strong Verbs
The valley was surveyed by the
archaeologists for the purpose of
locating sites that had been
occupied by the Incas.

35. Example: Strong Verbs
Archaeologists surveyed the
valley for Inca sites.

36. How to make
your writing more concise
4. Recognize opportunities to
reduce clauses to phrases and
phrases to words.

37. How to make
your writing more concise
Wordy: The teacher demonstrated
some of the various ways and
methods for cutting words from
my essay that I had written for
class.

38. How to make
your writing more concise
Redundancy: He found his
neighbor who lived next door to
be attractive in appearance.
He found his neighbor
attractive.

39. How to make
your writing more concise
EmEx: He was really late to his
English class due to the fact that
he had to finish his math test.
He was late for English because he
had to finish his math test.

40. How to make
your writing more concise
Wordiness: Bob provided an
explanation of the computer to
his grandmother.
Bob explained the computer to his
grandmother.

41. How to make
your writing more concise
Wordiness: One time when I went
to the park, my friend, whose
name is Jake, went with me and
we had fun due to the fact that it
was a nice day out.
When I went to the park with my
friend Jake, we had fun because it
was such a nice day.

42. Questions?