Working with Minors
Adolescent Case Scenario
Dana starting seeing you, her counsellor when she was 14 years old. Initially, her sessions were related to anxiety that began to peak at the time her parents separated. Dana continued to see you for over six months. As time went on, Dana began to disclose drug taking behaviour and sexual activity. She told you that she would occasionally smoke marijuana with her friends at parties and has protected sex with her boyfriend.
Dana confides that she really appreciates having you to talk to because no other adult understands what it’s like to be a teenager. She is also really happy that you haven’t told her Mum or Dad anything about the drugs or sex.
In this session, Dana discloses that she has broken up with her boyfriend. She also tells you that a friend-of-a-friend is organising heroin for them to try at a party on the weekend. She is really looking forward to it and says it will be her first try of a drug other than marijuana. She is also pleased that there’ll be “lots of new boys there” as they are announcing the party on Facebook.
For a child, having a sibling often means having a constant companion who can provide support, love, and care for the child for the rest of his or her life. Sibling relationships often reflect the overall condition of cohesiveness within a family.
There are several ways in which sibling relationships can be complicated. For example, sibling rivalry, blended families, a large age difference, and gender differences are often areas that can lead to hostile sibling relationships.
Digital Parenting Handbook to Your Tech-Driven KidsZEDU+
Technology is challenging our family life, our privacy, and peace of mind. But we believe that technology is the best thing that happened to mankind and if we educate ourselves like parents and raise our kids in the spirit of using technology properly and understanding it from a creator point of view, we can get back our peace of mind and allow our kids to grow with this amazing tool. This book will show you the way. Stay Safe, Stay Happy!
For a child, having a sibling often means having a constant companion who can provide support, love, and care for the child for the rest of his or her life. Sibling relationships often reflect the overall condition of cohesiveness within a family.
There are several ways in which sibling relationships can be complicated. For example, sibling rivalry, blended families, a large age difference, and gender differences are often areas that can lead to hostile sibling relationships.
Digital Parenting Handbook to Your Tech-Driven KidsZEDU+
Technology is challenging our family life, our privacy, and peace of mind. But we believe that technology is the best thing that happened to mankind and if we educate ourselves like parents and raise our kids in the spirit of using technology properly and understanding it from a creator point of view, we can get back our peace of mind and allow our kids to grow with this amazing tool. This book will show you the way. Stay Safe, Stay Happy!
POSITIVE PARENTING : PERSPECTIVES AND PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING WITH INDIAN EMP...Devashish Konar
This presentation should help in providing a cultural perspectives in parenting. Indian parents may find some stimulating thoughts and students of cross cultural parenting should find Indian perspective as observed by a child psychiatrist.
Indoindians with Shareen Ratnani present an interactive workshop designed for parents. The focus is on parenting secrets: How to Raise a Successful Child, to help parents gain insights to research based parenting that help nurture the 12 characteristics of successful children.
...Copyright (C) https://www.indoindians.com
We all want to be the best parents we can be for our children, but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind, and successful.
Who are We and What is SingleMommie.com all about?
This website was created to be used as a comprehensive resource for single mom’s everywhere. Packed with current information and upbeat articles on careers, education, grants, scholarships, help with housing, parenting tips, relationships, health, fitness, and finances, you’ll find nothing but quality and current information here.
For more details please visit:-http://www.singlemommie.com/
Parent seminar student guide -part 1--laying a foundation for learningSKMadsen
This is Part 1 of a seminar titled: "Hand in Hand for Education--How Parents Help Children Succeed in School. Part 1 is titled: "From the Earliest Years, Parents Lay a Foundation for Learning." Topics addressed include: Cultivating Positive Attitudes and Social Skills, Fostering Good Work Habits, Building Academic Skills, and Embracing Spiritual Gifts.
Who are We and What is SingleMommie.com all about?
This website was created to be used as a comprehensive resource for single mom’s everywhere. Packed with current information and upbeat articles on careers, education, grants, scholarships, help with housing, parenting tips, relationships, health, fitness, and finances, you’ll find nothing but quality and current information here.
For more details please visit:-http://www.singlemommie.com/
If you have children and are experiencing separation or divorce, typically their wellbeing is one of your highest priorities. In this workshop we discuss how to best support your children through your separation, so as to minimise any adverse impact on them.
POSITIVE PARENTING : PERSPECTIVES AND PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING WITH INDIAN EMP...Devashish Konar
This presentation should help in providing a cultural perspectives in parenting. Indian parents may find some stimulating thoughts and students of cross cultural parenting should find Indian perspective as observed by a child psychiatrist.
Indoindians with Shareen Ratnani present an interactive workshop designed for parents. The focus is on parenting secrets: How to Raise a Successful Child, to help parents gain insights to research based parenting that help nurture the 12 characteristics of successful children.
...Copyright (C) https://www.indoindians.com
We all want to be the best parents we can be for our children, but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind, and successful.
Who are We and What is SingleMommie.com all about?
This website was created to be used as a comprehensive resource for single mom’s everywhere. Packed with current information and upbeat articles on careers, education, grants, scholarships, help with housing, parenting tips, relationships, health, fitness, and finances, you’ll find nothing but quality and current information here.
For more details please visit:-http://www.singlemommie.com/
Parent seminar student guide -part 1--laying a foundation for learningSKMadsen
This is Part 1 of a seminar titled: "Hand in Hand for Education--How Parents Help Children Succeed in School. Part 1 is titled: "From the Earliest Years, Parents Lay a Foundation for Learning." Topics addressed include: Cultivating Positive Attitudes and Social Skills, Fostering Good Work Habits, Building Academic Skills, and Embracing Spiritual Gifts.
Who are We and What is SingleMommie.com all about?
This website was created to be used as a comprehensive resource for single mom’s everywhere. Packed with current information and upbeat articles on careers, education, grants, scholarships, help with housing, parenting tips, relationships, health, fitness, and finances, you’ll find nothing but quality and current information here.
For more details please visit:-http://www.singlemommie.com/
If you have children and are experiencing separation or divorce, typically their wellbeing is one of your highest priorities. In this workshop we discuss how to best support your children through your separation, so as to minimise any adverse impact on them.
Protective Factors that Prevent Child Abuse & NeglectJim McKay
The Center for the Study of Social Policy (CSSP) has completed a comprehensive research
analysis, which identified five Protective Factors that are linked to the prevention of child abuse and neglect.
These Protective Factors or “Circles of Caring” are conditions in families and communities that,
when present, increase the health and well-being of children and families. These attributes also
serve as buffers against risk factors for child maltreatment.
Teen Parent Relationship Boundaries - GenzanduGenZandu
Establishing boundaries in a parent-teen relationship is crucial for fostering mutual respect and understanding. These boundaries may encompass areas such as privacy, communication, curfews, and responsibilities. Open dialogue, empathy, and compromise are essential for setting and maintaining these boundaries effectively. By clearly defining expectations and respecting each other's autonomy, parents and teens can cultivate a healthy, supportive relationship that promotes growth and independence while ensuring safety and well-being.
This is how an Aboriginal elder explains culture:
“Culture is what was told to me by my elders, for me in turn to keep and use and respect, and to pass on. Culture is the foundation of Aboriginal knowledge – in art form, in dance, in story telling, in life. It’s about belief. Culture originates in the individuals contact with the land, which is passed on to his family and his family’s family. It is like a stream going into the ocean; a cultural bloodline.”(Des Thompson)
Unit 12 assignment 1 – job market researchBluecare
Support can either be nothing more than a means to an end, or it can be a dynamic aspect of your entire business. Engaging customers and helping them get the most out of your product will give them a reason to tell others why they love your company. Cultivate these traits, and I guarantee you’ll be on your way to world-class support.
U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kidsBluecare
Working with Minors
Adolescent Case Scenario
Dana starting seeing you, her counsellor when she was 14 years old. Initially, her sessions were related to anxiety that began to peak at the time her parents separated. Dana continued to see you for over six months. As time went on, Dana began to disclose drug taking behaviour and sexual activity. She told you that she would occasionally smoke marijuana with her friends at parties and has protected sex with her boyfriend.
Dana confides that she really appreciates having you to talk to because no other adult understands what it’s like to be a teenager. She is also really happy that you haven’t told her Mum or Dad anything about the drugs or sex.
In this session, Dana discloses that she has broken up with her boyfriend. She also tells you that a friend-of-a-friend is organising heroin for them to try at a party on the weekend. She is really looking forward to it and says it will be her first try of a drug other than marijuana. She is also pleased that there’ll be “lots of new boys there” as they are announcing the party on Facebook.
Working with Minors
Adolescent Case Scenario
Dana starting seeing you, her counsellor, when she was 14 years old. Initially her sessions were related to anxiety that began to peak at the time her parents separated. Dana continued to see you for over six months. As time went on, Dana began to disclose drug taking behaviour and sexual activity. She told you that she would occasionally smoke marijuana with her friends at parities and has protected sex with her boyfriend.
Dana confides that she really appreciates having you to talk to because no other adult understands what it’s like to be a teenager. She is also really happy that you haven’t told her Mum or Dad anything about the drugs or sex.
In this session, Dana discloses that she has broken up with her boyfriend. She also tells you that a friend-of-a-friend is organising heroin for them to try at a party on the weekend. She is really looking forward to it and says it will be her first try of a drug other than marijuana. She is also pleased that there’ll be “lots of new boys there” as they are announcing the party on Facebook.
Unit Eight Question Seven Facts and FiguresBluecare
You earn a lot of respect and cultivate a strong image in the public domain when you make ethical choices. For instance, you can fulfill your corporate social responsibility by reducing waste discharge from your business. The public would consider your business to be operating with honor and integrity while valuing people over profits. Building a strong public image through ethical conduct also earns you more clients. Customers would develop trust in you and do business with your organization
1. Identify Threats
The first step in Risk Analysis is to identify the existing and possible threats that you might face. These can come from many different sources. For instance, they could be:
Human – Illness, death, injury, or other loss of a key individual.
Operational – Disruption to supplies and operations, loss of access to essential assets, or failures in distribution.
Reputational – Loss of customer or employee confidence, or damage to market reputation.
Procedural – Failures of accountability, internal systems, or controls, or from fraud.
Project – Going over budget, taking too long on key tasks, or experiencing issues with product or service quality.
Financial – Business failure, stock market fluctuations, interest rate changes, or non-availability of funding.
Technical – Advances in technology, or from technical failure.
Natural – Weather, natural disasters, or disease.
Political – Changes in tax, public opinion, government policy, or foreign influence.
Structural – Dangerous chemicals, poor lighting, falling boxes, or any situation where staff, products, or technology can be harmed.
You can use a number of different approaches to carry out a thorough analysis:
Run through a list such as the one above to see if any of these threats are relevant.
Think about the systems, processes, or structures that you use, and analyze risks to any part of these. What vulnerabilities can you spot within them?
Ask others who might have different perspectives. If you're leading a team, ask for input from your people, and consult others in your organization, or those who have
Risk Roles
Define the roles and responsibilities for all human resources (both internal and external to the project) involved with the identification, review and mitigation of risks within the project. An example follows:
Risk Originator
The Risk Originator identifies the risk and formally communicates the risk to the Project Manager. The Risk Originator is responsible for: Identifying the risk within the project Documenting the risk (may be as a Risk Form) Submitting the Risk Form to the Project Manager for review.
As a worker within the community services, you have created a booklet entitled “How to Support Yourself Whilst Supporting Others”. This booklet is designed to help workers care for themselves, manage stress and fatigue and maximise the likelihood of working safely and sustainably.
Protect the rights of the client when delivering services
Use effective problem solving techniques when exposed to competing value systems
Ensure services are available to all clients regardless of personal values, beliefs, attitudes and culture
Recognise potential ethical issues and ethical dilemmas in the workplace and discuss with an appropriate person
Recognise unethical conduct and report to an appropriate person
Work within boundaries and constraints applicable to work role
Demonstrate effective application of guidelines and legal requirements relating to disclosure and confidentiality
Demonstrate awareness of own personal values and attitudes and take into account to ensure non-judgmental practice
Recognise, avoid and/or address any conflict of interest
Summary
Additional resources
Self-care and stress management: encourage the use of a "buddy
system" to monitor each other’s stress and needs. Remind them of the
importance of regular breaks, good nutrition, adequate sleep, exercise, deep
breathing, positive self-talk, appropriate use of humor, "defusing" or talking
about the experience after the shift is over. Inform workers regarding
debriefing to be provided at the end of the tour of duty.
THE VALUE OF A SMILE
It costs nothing but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
It happens in a flash, and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
None are so rich that they can get along without it. And none so poor but are richer for its benefits.
It creates happiness in the home, and fosters goodwill in business.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen. It is something that is no earthly good until it is given away.
If at some time you meet someone who fails to give you a smile, may i not ask that you give one of your own?
For none needs a smile so much as those who have none to give.
CSO crisis accommodation program The Interview Process For New AspirantsBluecare
Volunteer Support Worker Interview In order for a CSO to function properly it needs to determine the roles and responsibilities of its employee's by providing them with a clear definition and understanding of this in their workplace. This will help to avoid disputes and misunderstandings over authority. [Job Description - Ensures the well-being of clients in the day program and/or group home and promotes their development. A key component of this job is to assist clients in their physical, social, emotional and daily life skills development. This increases their independence and allows them to function appropriately in the community. Provides support to adults in care. Services provided include crisis intervention, behaviour management, and life skills training, whether on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment.
Careers australia activity one whs question 4Bluecare
Noise factors in the work place.Decibel (dB) is the unit for measuring sound levels.
Exposure standard for noise is defined in the WHS Regulations as an LAeq,8h of 85 dB(A) or an
LC,peak of 140 dB(C). There are two parts to the exposure standard for noise because noise can
either cause gradual hearing loss over a period of time or be so loud that it causes immediate
hearing loss.
LAeq,8h means the eight hour equivalent continuous A-weighted sound pressure level in decibels,
referenced to 20 micropascals, determined in accordance with AS/NZS 1269.1. This is related to
the total amount of noise energy a person is exposed to in the course of their working day. It takes
account of both the noise level and the length of time the person is exposed to it. An unacceptable
risk of hearing loss occurs at LAeq,8h values above 85 dB(A).
LC,peak means the C-weighted peak sound pressure level in decibels, referenced to 20
micropascals, determined in accordance with AS/NZS 1269.1. It usually relates to loud, sudden
noises such as a gunshot or hammering. LC,peak values above 140 dB(C) can cause immediate
damage to hearing.
The Art Pastor's Guide to Sabbath | Steve ThomasonSteve Thomason
What is the purpose of the Sabbath Law in the Torah. It is interesting to compare how the context of the law shifts from Exodus to Deuteronomy. Who gets to rest, and why?
The Indian economy is classified into different sectors to simplify the analysis and understanding of economic activities. For Class 10, it's essential to grasp the sectors of the Indian economy, understand their characteristics, and recognize their importance. This guide will provide detailed notes on the Sectors of the Indian Economy Class 10, using specific long-tail keywords to enhance comprehension.
For more information, visit-www.vavaclasses.com
We all have good and bad thoughts from time to time and situation to situation. We are bombarded daily with spiraling thoughts(both negative and positive) creating all-consuming feel , making us difficult to manage with associated suffering. Good thoughts are like our Mob Signal (Positive thought) amidst noise(negative thought) in the atmosphere. Negative thoughts like noise outweigh positive thoughts. These thoughts often create unwanted confusion, trouble, stress and frustration in our mind as well as chaos in our physical world. Negative thoughts are also known as “distorted thinking”.
Instructions for Submissions thorugh G- Classroom.pptxJheel Barad
This presentation provides a briefing on how to upload submissions and documents in Google Classroom. It was prepared as part of an orientation for new Sainik School in-service teacher trainees. As a training officer, my goal is to ensure that you are comfortable and proficient with this essential tool for managing assignments and fostering student engagement.
Unit 8 - Information and Communication Technology (Paper I).pdfThiyagu K
This slides describes the basic concepts of ICT, basics of Email, Emerging Technology and Digital Initiatives in Education. This presentations aligns with the UGC Paper I syllabus.
This is a presentation by Dada Robert in a Your Skill Boost masterclass organised by the Excellence Foundation for South Sudan (EFSS) on Saturday, the 25th and Sunday, the 26th of May 2024.
He discussed the concept of quality improvement, emphasizing its applicability to various aspects of life, including personal, project, and program improvements. He defined quality as doing the right thing at the right time in the right way to achieve the best possible results and discussed the concept of the "gap" between what we know and what we do, and how this gap represents the areas we need to improve. He explained the scientific approach to quality improvement, which involves systematic performance analysis, testing and learning, and implementing change ideas. He also highlighted the importance of client focus and a team approach to quality improvement.
2024.06.01 Introducing a competency framework for languag learning materials ...Sandy Millin
http://sandymillin.wordpress.com/iateflwebinar2024
Published classroom materials form the basis of syllabuses, drive teacher professional development, and have a potentially huge influence on learners, teachers and education systems. All teachers also create their own materials, whether a few sentences on a blackboard, a highly-structured fully-realised online course, or anything in between. Despite this, the knowledge and skills needed to create effective language learning materials are rarely part of teacher training, and are mostly learnt by trial and error.
Knowledge and skills frameworks, generally called competency frameworks, for ELT teachers, trainers and managers have existed for a few years now. However, until I created one for my MA dissertation, there wasn’t one drawing together what we need to know and do to be able to effectively produce language learning materials.
This webinar will introduce you to my framework, highlighting the key competencies I identified from my research. It will also show how anybody involved in language teaching (any language, not just English!), teacher training, managing schools or developing language learning materials can benefit from using the framework.
Welcome to TechSoup New Member Orientation and Q&A (May 2024).pdfTechSoup
In this webinar you will learn how your organization can access TechSoup's wide variety of product discount and donation programs. From hardware to software, we'll give you a tour of the tools available to help your nonprofit with productivity, collaboration, financial management, donor tracking, security, and more.
Operation “Blue Star” is the only event in the history of Independent India where the state went into war with its own people. Even after about 40 years it is not clear if it was culmination of states anger over people of the region, a political game of power or start of dictatorial chapter in the democratic setup.
The people of Punjab felt alienated from main stream due to denial of their just demands during a long democratic struggle since independence. As it happen all over the word, it led to militant struggle with great loss of lives of military, police and civilian personnel. Killing of Indira Gandhi and massacre of innocent Sikhs in Delhi and other India cities was also associated with this movement.
1. Because it's for the Kids - Building a secure parenting
base after separation
Being separated parents can be very hard work. This booklet offers support, ideas and
wisdom to help you work it out; because it's for the kids.
by Jennifer McIntosh, Ph.D
Building a secure parenting base after separation
Many people say being a parent is the best but hardest job in the world, and we don't get
proper training for it.
Separation between parents is also hard – to put it mildly – and there's no training for that
either.
There's no doubt that being a separated parent can be hard, emotional work.
It can be difficult to know what you need and want, and what your children need and want.
A secure base
With the right support, most parents can find a way to build a secure base for their children
after separation. That's good for parents, and vital for their kids.
We hope this booklet helps you do that.
Is separation harmful for kids?
If it is managed well by the adults, separation doesn't have to be harmful for children in the
long run.
Is conflict between parents harmful for kids?
Sometimes. What hurts children and their development the most, short and long term, is
ongoing adult conflict that doesn't get sorted out.
The good news: kids can cope with conflict between parents so long as:
• the conflict is not violent
• the conflict is not frequent
• parents work at sorting it out
• kids understand they are not to blame
• kids are not caught in the middle of it.
In fact, children of all ages can learn good coping skills, provided they are not too stressed by
what is happening in the family.
2. What happens when separating doesn't stop the conflict?
Some parents can sort out their differences with a separation. For many, conflict grows
around the time of separating and continues long after divorce. This is very stressful for
parents… and for children.
It's doubly important to think about what children need in these situations.
What does high conflict look like?
Conflict comes in different shapes and sizes.
Parents in high conflict typically do these sorts of things with each other:
• remain very angry
• distrust each other
• become verbally abusive
• avoid each other unnecessarily
• argue or interfere
• go to court a lot
• threaten, intimidate or try to control their ex-partner
• are aggressive or violent
• have trouble communicating about the children
• criticize each other’s parenting.
That's hard for anyone to live with, and important to change, because…
Parents' ongoing conflict costs kids too much…
Research shows the sad truth that conflict between parents that goes on and doesn't get
resolved is very hard on children and teenagers, and can affect the way they develop:
• they lose their ability to trust
• they make poor attachments to their parents
• they don’t believe in themselves
• they get overwhelmed by their feelings
• they show their distress in bad behaviour
• they have trouble making and keeping friends
• they aren't confident
• they don't perform as well at school
• they have trouble making healthy adult relationships.
Something to think about
One in four children from separated families suffers from poor mental health. That's a lot
more than "normal".
Separation doesn't cause this. Long, bitter, unresolved conflict does.
3. Children's energy gets drained by high or frequent conflict between parents, when mums and
dads can't 'be there' for them, because their minds are full of tension and anger.
Babies and young children are especially vulnerable to both family conflict and being looked
after by overwhelmed parents.
Conflict costs parents a lot too, such as:
• Worry and anger that goes on and on.
• Depression.
• Losing perspective: forgetting what's important.
• Not feeling like a good parent.
• Money for mediators, counsellors.
• Nerve-racking and expensive legal processes.
• Time lost from work.
• Forgetting there are solutions, not just problems.
You can protect your children from your conflict.
Parents in conflict with their ex-partner need support to sort it out. In the meantime, children
can be protected from adults' tensions when both parents:
• keep the child out of the middle of their arguments
• never ask the child to carry messages to the other parent
• don't ask the child personal questions about the other parent
• make arrangements that suit the child
• know their child may have different feelings from the ones they have
• try to notice what it's really like for the child
• give permission for the child to enjoy their other parent
• help the child to have a healthy relationship with their other parent
• notice when the tension is being soaked up by their child
• remember that children can twist themselves into strange shapes inside, in order to
cope with conflict between the people they love most.
What's time got to do with it?
Some parents focus on how much time they will each get with the children.
From your children's point of view, it's much more important to work out what kind of
support they need from each of you.
Read on…
What children need when Mum and Dad separate
What children need after their parents separate is exactly what they needed before: a secure
emotional base.
What all children need when Mum and Dad separate
4. Children need a secure base with parents they trust and feel comforted by.
Above all they need:
• a secure base for exploring, growing and developing
• help to solve their problems
• encouragement to learn
• routines that help them feel in control
• firm and loving limits to be safely independent
• a trusted parent when they need to be dependent
• protection from trauma.
Good parents don't get it right all of the time, but they do try to repair mistakes when they
happen.
What babies need when Mum and Dad separate
Babies need all of that, plus a bit extra. Babies need more help to manage their feelings.
They need predictability, and a lot of time with parents who nurture them. They need parents
who play with them, listen carefully to their efforts to communicate, and who keep their
world small and safe.
If they've had a safe and nurturing relationship with both parents, they need to continue to
have that. They need visiting schedules that don't overwhelm them with too much change, or
with conflict between their parents. Babies need parents who are tuned into their needs, rather
than having to be tuned in to Mum's or Dad's feelings.
What teenagers need when Mum and Dad separate
They may be on their way to adulthood, but teenagers still need a secure base with their
parents, in order to reach their potential.
It's the little, day-to-day things that matter. Research shows that the best parenting for
teenagers after separation is done by keeping the daily stress in the teenager's life as low as
possible.
This happens when:
• Mum and Dad are 'there' on a daily basis to listen and give support. That can be in
person or by making sure that your teenager knows how to reach you by phone or
email, and knows that you will make every effort to be available when they need you.
Those check-in calls are so important: "Just calling to see how things are today".
• Each house has a daily routine that is predictable, and has consistent rules and
expectations. Parents arrive home when they say they will, provide meals on time, and
give a good structure to the teenager's day, that helps them manage their load. This
really reduces the daily stress that teenagers can feel.
• Parents are able to keep tabs on their teenager and take a real interest in their life.
Without intruding too much, these parents share in their teenager's interests, know
5. what they need to get on with their activities, know where they are, and how they are
spending their time.
• Each parent remembers special days in their teenager's life, and takes part in them as
best they can. That includes the big days like birthdays, and the other moments that
are important. The "of course I’ll be there" message or the "good luck" calls before
the big match are worth their weight in gold.
• Parents don't rely on the teenager to give messages to the other parent. This really
stresses adolescents, especially when they become the target of Mum's or Dad's
frustration when a message goes astray, or when they don't get the answer they
wanted. Teenagers who feel caught between their parents are at the highest risk for
problems. Parents need to speak directly to each other whenever possible, because
even an apparently harmless message can cause stress for the teenager.
• Teenagers feel close to their parents.
• Step-parents have a good relationship with the teenager.
What about teenagers and conflict?
Adolescents are very aware of conflict between Mum and Dad, and, like younger children,
they do best when their parents manage that conflict and keep it low. They aren't as likely to
blame themselves for trouble between their parents as little kids are. However, teenagers
from high conflict families often leave home earlier than their friends who live in low conflict
homes. So the message for parents of teenagers is the same as with all kids: keep your
conflict low and keep your teenager out of communication between you and your ex-partner.
This picture tells the story of the circle of security…
Always be bigger, stronger,
wiser, and kind.
Whenever possible follow
my child’s needs.
Whenever necessary take charge.
6. Diagram depicting the story of the circle of security
“Mum and Dad attending to their child’s needs”
Two hands open out from the palm, a large loop circles from one hand to the other
Along the loop are words and multiple illustrations of a child
From the left hand is a loop titled “secure base”. Along loop is an illustration of a child
walking away from the hand with the words “I need you to…” A text box under the child
contains the words “support my exploration”.
Loop continues with an illustration of a child climbing on a text box which contains the words
“watch over me, help me, enjoy with me” contained within the box.
Loop curves back towards right hand. Along the loop is an illustration of a child walking back
towards the hand, a text box underneath contains the words, “welcome my coming to you”.
Further along loop is an illustration of a child kneeling with their arms outstretched. The text
box beside the child contains the words “protect me, comfort me, delight in me, organise my
feelings”.
The Loop closes with right hand and title “safe haven”.
7. Usually, parents manage to provide all of that between them
How can you do it when you're separated, especially when the separation hasn't been easy?
You need to be in a certain state of mind to provide all of that, so first things first…
Clearing a space for thinking
Going through separation takes up a lot of mental and emotional energy. If there's conflict on
top of separation, a parent's mind can become crowded with stress and strong, painful
feelings.
With all of this, it can be hard to have space for thinking clearly about your children.
Parenting styles after separation
There are three major patterns of parenting after separation:
1. Cooperative parenting
About one third of parents look after their children cooperatively after separation.
They talk to each other, plan and make decisions together about their children. They
work out a living arrangement that works for everyone.
2. Two-track parenting
About one third of parents find it hard to cooperate, but agree to parent their children
responsibly, in their own ways. These parents don't talk to each other much, but they
do have ways of planning and making decisions so that the children aren't too
stressed. This is sometimes called parallel parenting.
3. Conflicted parenting
About one third of parents end up in long-term conflict with each other. They can't
find a way of parenting together, so they choose to stay locked in sad and bitter
conflict. For many, the conflict is very high, very long and very damaging for them
and for their children.
Parents who manage their conflict:
• work through their emotions about being separate
• aren't stuck in disbelief, rage, rejection or grief
• find a safe outlet for their emotions
• separate being a parent from being an ex-partner
• focus equally on their own needs and their children's needs
• move beyond resentment and revenge
• look at solutions
8. • get good advice from friends, relatives, or professionals
• don't use violence.
Parents who can make room for thinking about their children's needs, apart from their own
needs, are the parents who help their children adapt best to family separation.
And that matters a lot, as Rachel tells us…
Inside of me
My Mum and my Dad are inside who I am.
They are part of me, wherever I go.
When they divorced, they hated each other,
And that was like they hated me.
When they hurt each other, they hurt me.
When Mum didn't want me to see Dad,
She wasn’t seeing me.
When Dad didn’t want me to love Mum, he wasn't loving me.
Now that's stopped, and they get on OK,
So I can be who I am, with my Mum and my Dad inside me.
Rachel, aged 11.
There is no vaccine against persistent parental conflict.
Prevention is better than cure.
• Keep your conflict away from your children
• Listen carefully to how they feel about things
• Let them know you are trying to sort out differences
• Explain that it's not your children’s fault
• Be positive about the other parent with the child (even when that isn't easy)
• Don't let your child play messenger between parents
• Never allow your children to take sides against a parent
• Try to stay out of court – negotiate, don’t litigate
Child focused mediation and counselling can help the whole family through conflict and
separation.
Here are some ideas about building a secure base for your children after
separation.
Try answering these questions
1. What is it like to be your child at the moment?
2. What are you doing well to help them through this time?
3. What would you like to do differently for them?
4. Do your children ever get caught up in your conflict?
5. Who helps them with the confusion and sadness that all children feel at this time?
6. What opportunity can you make to talk with your children openly about how they are
feeling?