Style lecture

Style
In creative writing
Style. ENGL 151L 1

3 impressionist paintings
Style. ENGL 151L 2

of the same thing - boats
Style. ENGL 151L 3

But so very different
because of . ..
Style. ENGL 151L 4

The painters made
different style choices:
different brushstrokes,
colors,textures …
STYLE STYLE
Style. ENGL 151L 5

…different
perspectives. These
boats are seen from
above.
Style. ENGL 151L 6
And those different style choices create different feelings. This
painting of boats feels summery,fun, upbeat,playful – right?

But this painting uses a very different style. That style
creates a moreserious, somberfeeling.
Style. ENGL 151L 7

In creativewriting, style
is the writer’sstamp. It
gives the piecea voice
readerscan hear and
relateto. It helps set the
tone. And in fiction as in
life, the style of
someone’s speechreveals
what kind of person they
are (known as
characterization).
I keep Raymond on the inside
of me and he plays like he’s
driving a stage coach which is
OK by me so long as he doesn’t
run me over or interrupt my
breathing exercises, which I
have to do on account of I’m
serious about my running, and
I don’t care who knows it.
Do you hear a voice? Canyou
guess theage? Feel the
attitude?
From Raymond’s Run by Toni Cade Bambara
Style. ENGL 151L 8

1.The choice of words (diction):
a) casual vs formal (or colloquial vs “standard” English)
b) concrete vs abstract
c) usual vs unusual (or conversational vs poetic)
2. The order of the words (syntax):
a) casual vs formal
b) expected vs surprising
c) usual vs unusual
3. The structure of the Sentences:
a) short vs long (or simple vs complex)
b) mainly the same vs much variety
Style. ENGL 151L 9
Writers createtheir style by choicesin: which Words
to use (diction),Word Order(syntax) and the types of
Sentences

1. WORD CHOICE (diction)
a) casual vs formal
b) concrete vs abstract
c) usual vs unusual (or prosaic vs poetic)
Style. ENGL 151L 10

Analyzing diction
I keep Raymond on the
inside of me and he
plays like he’s driving a
stage coach which is OK
by me so long as he
doesn’t run me over or
interrupt my breathing
exercises, which I have
to do on account of I’m
serious about my
running, and I don’t care
who knows it.
casual or formal? Casual
OK, on account of - fits her age
And I don’t care who knows it – fits her
personality
concrete or abstract? Concrete
Physical things are described, not thoughts &
feelings. Later the writing gets abstract when
she describes how she feels like she’s in a
dream while running (bottom of p. 5)
usual vs unusual (or prosaic vs
poetic). Usual. But “Like he’s driving a stage
coach” is unusual and poetic. It’s a simile and
not something we’d say everyday.
Style. ENGL 151L 11

As with colors, there is a range of word choices
Style. ENGL 151L 12
Home
Crib
Pad
Place
House
Residence
Dwelling
Abode

And each choice comes with
a certain feeling (aka connotation)
Home– Warmfeeling.Home is where theheart is.“There’sno placelike
home,there’snoplacelikehome..”
House– Coldimpersonalfeeling.A newhouse on the block.
Crib– Modern, hip, youthful.“Now thiscrib's abouttokickoff,this party
looks wack.”
Pad –Once modern,beatnikthen hippie.“Hey daddy-olet’sgotomy
pad.”
Place – Neutralfeelingand casual.“Nice placeyou gothere.”
Residence – Neutralfeelingand formal.Officiallanguage.“Stateyour
place ofresidence.”
Abode –Fancy, poeticdiction.Pretentious?“Welcometomy humble
abode.”(But haha not a humblewordchoice)Style. ENGL 151L 13

What’s up, hi, hey there, greetings, how you doing?, hello, As-
Salaam-Alaikum(peace be unto you)
See ya, solong, bye, chow,goodbye, farewell, live long & prosper,
toodle-doo (that’s an old one)
Walk, take a walk, stroll, saunter, strut, sashay, meander,
promenade, perambulate (sounds painfullol)
Leave, split, take off, fly the coop, decamp, vamoose, absquatulate
(yes, that’s really a word!)
Style. ENGL 151L 14
Just as you mightchoose pillowsor pictureframes that accent
room décor, writerschoose words that fitthe mood they’re
trying to create:

Changing Diction in the Week 2 story “A & P” (read
ahead if time)
from very casual to Formal
In walks these three girls in bathing suits.
The diction adds to the casual feeling created by the syntax. More
dressed-up formal: Three girls in bathing suits
entered.
But the “in” is still fairly casual. So how about: Three girls
wearing bathing suits entered.
Or we could go fully formal: Three young women
wearing bathing attire entered.
Now we have completely lost Sammy’s casual adolescent voice.
Different story entirely.
Style. ENGL 151L 15

b) Concreteto Abstractwords
Style. ENGL 151L 16
The Gleaners by Jean Francois Millet Farmers At Work by Georges
Seurat

Concrete to Abstract Words
Story tellers tend to use concrete words to create a real-feelingworld
Concrete and specific
Red Honda witha dented bumper
Rhododendron
Ride the ellipticalfor 20 minutes
Square piece of old parchment
Abstract and vague
Damagedcompact car
Bush
Exercise a while
Paper
Style. ENGL 151L 17

Good writingis oftenvery specificand concrete.
I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not
to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet
bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of
understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time
and chance happeneth to them all. — From Ecclesiastes, a book
of The Bible which novelist Thomas Wolfe described as “ the greatest single
piece of writing I have ever known.”
To show how empty bad writing can be, George Orwell (who wrote 1984 and
Animal Farm) translated that passage into abstract, bureaucratic English:
Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena
compel the conclusion that success or failure in
competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be
commensurate with innate capacity, but that a
considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably
be taken into account.
Style. ENGL 151L 18

and c)The Usual vs the Unusual
(or Prosaic and Poetic)
Prosaic: Common speech, usual, every day, ordinary
Poetic: Elevated speech, special occasion, unusual, using
metaphor, alliteration, images, rhythm and meter
Usual: The sun went down.
A bit poetic: The sun dropped below the horizon.
A tad more unusual: The golden orb of the sun sank
from sight.
Full on poetic: The fiery chariot achieved
its destination at long last and moved
beyond the grasp of human vision.
Style. ENGL 151L 19

Cormac McCarthy (author of No Country for Old
Men) is know for unusual, poetic word choices
Schmoop has a brief analysis of McCarthy’s diction here. They quote this stunning passage
from The Road. I’ve underlined unusual word choices. We see hard words and also common
words used in uncommon ways:
He rose and stood tottering in that cold autistic dark with his arms
outheld for balance while the vestibular calculations in his skull cranked
out their reckonings. An old chronicle. To seek out the upright. No fall
but preceded by a declination. [< 3 sentence fragments] He took great
marching steps into the nothingness, counting them against his return.
Eyes closed, arms oaring. Upright to what? Something nameless in the
night, lode or matrix. To which he and the stars were common satellite.
Like the great pendulum in its rotunda scribing through the long day
movements of the universe of which you may say it knows nothing and
yet know it must.
For up to 10 bonus points send an email explaining how the verb “oaring” is used here.
Hint: 1) It’s an implied metaphors. Next week’s lecture explains metaphors.
Style. ENGL 151L 20

2. WORD ORDER (Syntax)
a) casual vs formal
b) expected vs surprising
c) usual vs unusual
Style. ENGL 151L 21

Changing Updike’s Synyax in “A & P”
from slightly unusual to usual
In walks these three girls in bathing suits.
“In walks” is a very casual opening with a lot of voice. The voice is
created by the unusual word order. More usual would be Three
girls in bathing suits walked in. Right?
As with “Raymond’s Run,” the non-standard style choice helps us hear
a real voice and get to know the character, Sammy. With a 1st person
“I” story, style is more important. There is no 3rd person narrator to
tell us what sort of person the main character is. We have to feel it by
the way they talk.
Style. ENGL 151L 22

Another youthful main character speaks with
style, from the classic To Kill a Mockingbird
Style
Scout’s word choice and word
order are distinct, creating a
strong, real-sounding voice
Ain’t everybody’s
daddy the deadest
shot in Macomb
County.
No style
“Standard” formal English
loses that voice
Not everyone’s father
is the best shot in
Macomb County.
Style. ENGL 151L 23

Eloquent you have become:
How changingword order adds emphasis and grace
Don’t ask what your country
can do for you…
I’ll go where you go
The sailor is home
He who loves everything
large and small prays better
You have become powerful. I
sense the dark side in you.
10 Bonus Pt Opp: Go to a link. Find a sentence or two that
you feel is strong & graceful. Email it in; explain how diction
adds to the gracefullness. Use terms from this lecture.
Ask not what your country can do
for you, but what you…
Where you go, I will go
Home is the sailor
He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small (line
615)
Powerful you have become, the
dark side I sense in you.
Style. ENGL 151L 24

Syntax isn’t just about style. It’s about grammar
too. Wrong word order results in wrong meaning.
Keep related words together. Say what you meant
to say.
I will call my mother in Costa Rica and tell her all about Marcel taking
me out to dinner for just two dollars. Oops. Will your mother like this
cheap guy? Is that what you meant? Or did you mean: For just two
dollars, I can call my mother in Costa Rica and tell her all about
Marcel taking me out to dinner. Oh…cheap phone card.
He found only one good sale at the outlet. < fact, implying many
good sales were expected. Not a great outlet.
He only found one good sale… < same fact but possible critical tone
(he’s not the best shopper)
Only he found a good sale... < different fact: no one else found any
good sales; he’s an amazing shopper!
Which did you mean?Style. ENGL 151L 25

3. SENTENCE STRUCTURE
•short vs long (or simple vs complex)
•mainly the same vs much variety
Style. ENGL 151L 26

Short sentences and stacked sentences
Short & Simple - Oneindependent clause
• I do not dance on my toes. I run. (Raymond’s Run)
• In walks these three girls in bathing suits. (A & P)
• It was in the main ballroom of the leading hotel. (Battle Royal)
• The grandmother had the peculiar feeling that the bespectacled man was
someone she knew. (A Good Man is Hard to Find)
Compound–Two or more simples sentences stacked up (joined by andor but)
• Then the second-graders line up and I don’t even bother to watch because
Raphael Perez always wins. (Raymond’s Run)
• All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I looked
someone tried to tell me what it was. (Battle Royal)
• His voice seemed about to crack and the grandmother’s head cleared for an
instant. (A Good Man is Hard to Find)
Style. ENGL 151L 27

A very compound sentence
Some authors like to
stack three or more
clauses into one
sentence, all joined by
and. Hemingway was
known for this, and here
Susan Minot stacks up
simple clauses to create
an effect in “Lust” (274).
We started off at the end of
the couch and then our feet
were squished against the
armrest and then he went over
and turned off the TV and
came back after he had taken
off his shirt and then we slid
onto the floor and he got up
again to close the door, then
came back to me, a body
waiting on the rug.
Style. ENGL 151L 28

 Complex sentences
A complex sentence combines simple independent clauses with dependent clauses. A
dependent clause is just a group of words that can’t stand alone, such as this.
Complex sentences need joining words to add on those dependent clauses: but,
because, since, after, while, although, when, that, who, which. Some clauses interrupt
the sentence and are separated by dashes – like this – or commas, in this way, or
(sometimes) parenthesis.
• Although we went to the park, it wasn’t windy enough to fly our kites, which was
disappointing – very disappointing – because we had to go back to the city the very
next day.
•Although it was so brilliantly fine – the blue sky powdered with gold and great spots
of light like white wine splashed over the Jardins Publiques – Miss Brill was glad that
she had decided on her fur.
•Once, when my older sister, Sourdi, and I were working alone in our family
restaurant, just the two of us and the elderly cook, some men got drunk and I
stabbed one of them.
Style. ENGL 151L 29

Complex sentences create exciting action
They were yelling at us to break it up and
Tatlock spun me half around with a blow, and
as a joggled camera sweeps a reeling scene, I
saw the howling red faces crouching tense
beneath the cloud of blue-grey smoke. From “Battle
Royal” by Ralph Ellison
For up to 10 bonus points, write a complex sentence of at least 35 words
about an intense physical experience you have had. Write in a style that
recreates the intensity. And if you can fit in a simile like this one, “and as a
joggled camera sweeps a reeling scene” all the better, extra 5. Serious
attempts only please. This may take some time. Run-on sentences will not
earn points. Must be solid grammatically.
Style. ENGL 151L 30

Complex sentences can also paint a busy,
cluttered scene. Is this a style you like?
They set forward; and, with a grandeur of air, a dignified step,
which caught the eye, but could not shake the doubts of the
well-read Catherine, he led the way across the hall, through
the common drawing-room and one useless antechamber, into a
room magnificent both in size and furniture -– the real drawing-
room, used only with company of consequence. It was very
noble -– very grand -– very charming! -– was all that Catherine
had to say, for her indiscriminating eye scarcely discerned the
colour of the satin; and all minuteness of praise, all praise that
had much meaning, was supplied by the general: the costliness
or elegance of any room’s fitting-up could be nothing to her;
she cared for no furniture of a more modern date than the
fifteenth century. From Jane Austen’s novel Northanger Abbey
Style. ENGL 151L 31

This is ONE long complex sentence
with joining words underlined
So I’m strolling down Broadway breathing out and breathing in
on counts of seven, which is my lucky number, and here
comes Gretchen and her sidekicks: Mary Louise, who used to
be a friend of mine when she first moved to Harlem from
Baltimore and got beat up by everybody till I took up for her
on account of her mother and my mother used to sing in the
same choir when they were young girls, but people ain’t
grateful, so now she hangs out with the new girl Gretchen and
talks about me like a dog; and Rosie, who is as fat as I am
skinny and has a big mouth where Raymond is concerned and
is too stupid to know that there is not a big deal of difference
between herself and Raymond and that she can’t afford to
throw stones. (Bambara 2)
Toni Cade Bambara’s word choice and word order in this Week 1 story are fairly casual
and expected, but her sentences are mad complex. They build momentum and convey
real thinking, which tends to be rapid and many layered.
Style. ENGL 151L 32

Short sentences right after long
pack a punch
From the opening of “Saving Sourdi”
Once, when my older
sister, Sourdi, and I were
working alone in our
family restaurant, just the
two of us and the elderly
cook, some men got drunk
and I stabbed one of
them. I was eleven.
!!! Wow, eleven. That fact hits hard.
From the end of “Miss Brill”
But Today she passed the
baker’s by, climbed the
stairs, went into the little
dark room – her room like
a cupboard – and sat
down on the red
eiderdown. She sat there
for a long time.
Aw, how sad. The tone shifts with
that short sentence, doesn’t it?
Style. ENGL 151L 33

Watch what the very short sentence
does here in “Raymond’s Run”
I was once a strawberry in a Hansel and Gretel
pageant when I was in nursery school and didn’t
have no better sense than to dance on tiptoe with
my arms in a circle over my head doing umbrella
steps and being a perfect fool just so my mother
and father could come dressed up and clap (57
words!) You’d think they’d know better than to
encourage that kind of nonsense (12). I am not a
strawberry (5). I do not dance on my toes (7). I
run (2 words!). That is what I am all about (7).
Indeed! We see that, Ms. Hazel Elizabeth Deborah
Parker. Running sure is what you are all about.
Style. ENGL 151L 34

Insert your favorite writer here
Send a passage by a writer whose style you like. Say what
you like, using terms from this lecture, for up to 20 Bonus
Points. That’s 1/5 of a whole essay!
Kevin Marquez from my Spring ‘16 class sent in a very
stylishly distinct passage from Frank Herbert’s sci-fi classic
Dune.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death
that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it
to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I
will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone
there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Style. ENGL 151L 35

You are a Writer
What is your writing style? Are you aware of it? Or are you like a
fashion-illiterate friend who shows up for a wedding in jeans and
sneakers or a backyard BBQ in business attire?
Can you change your style for different audiences – BFF vs
grandma? And for different purposes – Cover letter applying for a
position you really want vs a memo to a co-worker who never
reads their memos?
Notice your style choices and take charge of your writing style.
Then you can choose the best fit for every audience and purpose.
Style. ENGL 151L 36

Pieces used in this lecture
with links where available, * = also in our textbook
Raymond’s Run, by Toni Cade Bambara, Week 1
A & P,* by John Updike, Week 2
The Road, novel by Cormac McCarthy, not assigned
To Kill a Mockingbird, a novel by Harper Lee, not assigned
Lust, by Susan Arnot, not assigned
Battle Royal,* by Ralph Ellison. Optional Bonus story
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, not assigned.
Saving Sourdi* by May-Lee Chai, Week 7
Dune, a novel by Frank Herbert, not assigned
A Good Man is Hard to Find,* by Flannery O’Connor. Optional
Bonus story
Miss Brill,* Katherine Mansfield, Week 7
Style. ENGL 151L 37

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