Student Feedback Form- Compare & Contrast Essay Name: Essay Title: Old telephones vs. modern smartphones General Essay Evaluation Thesis Statement ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · The last part of the thesis is unclear Essay & Body Paragraph Structure ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Body paragraph 1: Storage Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Good Body paragraph 2: Apps Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Good Body paragraph 3: Plans Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Good Body paragraph 4: Internet Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Good Body paragraph 5: Uses Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Missing the controlling idea Body paragraph 6: Communication Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Good Body paragraph 7: Mobile line Topic sentence: Good Wrap-sentence: Missing the controlling idea Conclusion ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · You did not mention ALL the points of comparison in the conclusion APA Formatting ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · Missing the correct header · Missing the title on the front page Language Use ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · See highlights in yellow for grammar corrections to make Mechanics ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · See highlights in yellow for corrections Use of Sources Evaluation: Reliability/Citation Did the student use 3 sources? ☐ Needs improvement ☒ Good Are there at least 3 in-text citations, one from each source? ☐ Needs improvement ☒ Good Is the References page formatted correctly? ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · Use hanging indent Are all sources reliable, relevant and appropriate? ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · Berenguer et. Al (2017) is NOT relevant- it talks about seniors using cell phones- You should choose sources that are directly related to your topic. This source IS NOT directly related to it. · Are all sources correctly paraphrased or directly quoted (no plagiarism)? ☒ Needs improvement ☒ Good Comments: · The information cited for Berenguer et al. (2017) is common knowledge and does not need to be cited because everyone knows it. Please find a better source and another citation that is necessary, NOT common knowledge. Are in-text citations in the correct format? ☒ Needs improvement ☐ Good Comments: · There are several sources cited that have multiple authors but you only cited ONE author- please check PURDUE OWL for the correct way to cite multiple authors Draft A Grade Estimate: See the highlighted box for the estimated grade range for each of the areas in your essay. The estimate will help you know which areas you need to improve before the final grade. Grading Criteria VERY GOOD - EXCELLENT AVERAGE -GOOD POOR - FAIR VERY POOR Content/Development (out of 30%): 27-30% 22-26% 17-21% 13-16% Organization/Essay Structure (out of 30%): 27-30% 22-26% 17-21% 13-16% Grammar/Language Use (out of 15%): 13-15% 10-12% 7-9% 0-6% Formatting (out of 15%): 13-15% 10-12% 7-9% 0-6% Mechanics (out of 10%): 8-10% 5-7% 2-4% 0-2% Overall Grade .

1. Student Feedback Form- Compare & Contrast Essay
Name:
Essay Title: Old telephones vs. modern smartphones
General Essay Evaluation
Thesis Statement
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· The last part of the thesis is unclear
Essay & Body Paragraph Structure
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Body paragraph 1: Storage
Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Good
Body paragraph 2: Apps
Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Good
Body paragraph 3: Plans
Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Good
Body paragraph 4: Internet
Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Good
Body paragraph 5: Uses
Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Missing the controlling idea
Body paragraph 6: Communication

2. Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Good
Body paragraph 7: Mobile line
Topic sentence: Good
Wrap-sentence: Missing the controlling idea
Conclusion
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· You did not mention ALL the points of comparison in the
conclusion
APA Formatting
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· Missing the correct header
· Missing the title on the front page
Language Use
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· See highlights in yellow for grammar corrections to make
Mechanics
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· See highlights in yellow for corrections
Use of Sources Evaluation: Reliability/Citation
Did the student use 3 sources?
☐ Needs improvement
☒ Good
Are there at least 3 in-text citations, one from each source?

3. ☐ Needs improvement
☒ Good
Is the References page formatted correctly?
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· Use hanging indent
Are all sources reliable, relevant and appropriate?
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· Berenguer et. Al (2017) is NOT relevant- it talks about seniors
using cell phones- You should choose sources that are directly
related to your topic. This source IS NOT directly related to it.
·
Are all sources correctly paraphrased or directly quoted (no
plagiarism)?
☒ Needs improvement
☒ Good
Comments:
· The information cited for Berenguer et al. (2017) is common
knowledge and does not need to be cited because everyone
knows it. Please find a better source and another citation that is
necessary, NOT common knowledge.
Are in-text citations in the correct format?
☒ Needs improvement
☐ Good
Comments:
· There are several sources cited that have multiple authors but
you only cited ONE author- please check PURDUE OWL for the
correct way to cite multiple authors
Draft A Grade Estimate:
See the highlighted box for the estimated grade range for each
of the areas in your essay. The estimate will help you know
which areas you need to improve before the final grade.

4. Grading Criteria
VERY GOOD - EXCELLENT
AVERAGE -GOOD
POOR - FAIR
VERY POOR
Content/Development (out of 30%):
27-30%
22-26%
17-21%
13-16%
Organization/Essay Structure (out of 30%):
27-30%
22-26%
17-21%
13-16%
Grammar/Language Use (out of 15%):
13-15%
10-12%
7-9%
0-6%
Formatting (out of 15%):
13-15%
10-12%
7-9%
0-6%
Mechanics (out of 10%):
8-10%
5-7%
2-4%
0-2%
Overall Grade =
Total % points X 1.5 = _____/150 points

5. Name:
Course:
Instructor:
Date:
Old telephones vs. modern Smartphone’s
A Smartphone refers to a cell phone consisting of combine
laptop features such as the operating system (OS) and net
browsing as well as their ability to run and operate other
software applications among other characteristics that are found
in telephones (Pathak, 2012). Thus, Smartphone’s can send
emails, and faxes including keeping a calendar regarding the
occurrence of events to the user. Old telephones refer to devices
that convert analog audio to electrical signals which can be
disseminated to another telephone user thus enabling people to
communicate over long distance (Walker, 2009). A system of
wires connected old telephones and the phones are analog and
are limited to sending messages and making calls. The essay
involves comparing and contrasting the differences and
similarities between old telephones and modern Smartphone’s
as well as the evaluation of various ways in which the

6. comparison is made. Comment by Michol Miller: There are
multiple authors- check Purdue OWL for the correct way to cite
multiple authors Comment by Michol Miller: This is
unclear- why are you evaluating the ways the comparison is
made?
Old telephones had a memory that was limited to storing
numbers and message where people only made a call or sent text
as old telephones had a small memory capacity while
Smartphone’s have enough space and memory for storage.
Mobile phone evolved offering more space to store music and
pictures where devices such as MicroSD cards were introduced
to provide more storage space to telephones. Elsewhere, modern
smartphones have large space and memory that enables them to
store music, videos, photos and images as well as storing
applications and other forms of entertainment. The modern
Smartphone has established a market for different applications
to fill the memory. For instance, via the modern smartphone,
people can interact in various ways such as online chatting via
social media platforms and Skype unlike in the old telephones
where users could only text or call the other user. Also, old
telephones have less capacity that did not allow users to store
significant data while the modern smartphone allows the user to
store important data that they can retrieve for future reference.
The modern smartphone has a galore of applications that enable
the user to get some form of entertainment even as they interact
with their peers while the old telephones were only viewed as a
means of providing communication among people. Modern
smartphones can hold numerous apps that enable users to allow
them to fulfill their desires such as acting as a source of
entertainment including educating and providing a lifestyle for
the users. For example, modern Smartphone users can use
various applications to watch their favorite TV series including
streaming of latest hits at the spot where users can load the
Smartphone with data and get different forms of entertainment
from the mobile phone (Pathak, 2012). On the other hand, old
telephones such as early models of mobile phones had restricted

7. apps storage such as the phone book and calendar where users
could not download apps, and they were restricted to the
applications that came with the device. This demonstrates that
old telephones were specifically for communication while the
modern Smartphone is used as a means of communication as
well as provide a form of entertainment. Comment by Michol
Miller: There are multiple authors- check Purdue OWL for the
correct way to cite multiple authors
Old telephones were expensive to make a call or sent a text
where phone calls were charged per minute making people count
the number of minutes used and wait for the phone bill (Walker,
2009). This was an expensive method that restricted the time
people spent on the phone. Elsewhere, modern smartphones
have made it easier where people call at their will as long as
they recharge their credit status. The smartphone also allows
people to check their balances, unlike the old telephones where
they had to wait for the phone bill from the regulators and
operators. By use of services such as the U mobile’s unlimited
postpaid plan allows the user to make unlimited calls as well as
have access to unlimited high-end data at any time which is
unlike the old telephones where such services were impossible
to get with the old telephones. Comment by Michol Miller:
What is Umobile? Is this a company? You need to cite the
company website showing the specific information from the
plan you talk about here
The modern Smartphone allows users to make mobile internet
connection and access the web while with the old telephones;
operators had no access to internet connection making it
difficult for them to access the web. For example, people used
to connect to the internet through the computer system, but with
the evolution and emergence of modern Smartphone’s, people
can access the web provided they own a Smartphone. This
depicts the evolution of telephones to the modern Smartphone
has gone hand in hand with the mobile data while old
telephones had no telephone data.

8. Developments such as the mobile data have modern smartphone
users to use the phones for various purposes such as reviewing
their studies through online streaming and other internet-related
activities with worrying their data may deplete when one stream
something online. This is in contrast to old telephones where
users had no data, and the phone didn’t have services such as
bulk data provision. Modern Smartphone’s also have a high
speed of internet access simplifying activities people are
involved in case one wanted to access data that is available
online. Unlike the old telephones, modern Smartphone’s have
camera applications that allow users to take pictures and store
them within the memory space of the phone which they can
view at any time they desire. Such camera allows them to edit a
photo which is different from the old telephones such as the
land-line which had no camera to take pictures. Also, while the
old telephones had dials and numbers, the modern Smartphone’s
have touch screens and are more advanced including having less
weight. Comment by Michol Miller: What is this? This a term
that needs to be defined for the reader
Elsewhere, both old telephones and modern smartphones are
used to enable communication and dissemination of information
from one user to another without having to travel to meet the
specific person one on one. This depicts that both phones are
used for the same purpose of making calls and enabling
communication among people. Both modern Smartphone’s and
the old telephones run on a power source depicting they have to
be connected to a source of power or charged to function. In
cases, the old telephones and modern Smartphone’s have
numbers that operators use to dial and make calls or send text
messages (Berenguer, 2017). By dialing these numbers, users
can make specific calls and send messages to the intended
people. Comment by Michol Miller: This information is SO
obvious, it is common knowledge- there is no point in providing
a citation because everyone knows this. You need to find
another source for a more relevant citation.

9. Furthermore, both mobile systems have a mobile line that
contains the number of the user as well as data regarding the
operator. Such mobile lines enable users to store numbers of
their friend as well as pay for services provided by the mobile
system. This demonstrates that though modern Smartphone’s
have unique differences with the old telephones, both are used
to enhance communication and dissemination of information
from one location to another.
Conclusion Comment by Michol Miller: Remove heading
Since the discovery of telephone technology, mobile phones
have evolved to the modern Smartphone’s that have facilitated
dissemination of data from one location to another. Comparing
and contrasting both old telephones and modern Smartphone’s
demonstrate that the two have differences as well as similarities
in their operation. For instance, several differences were
depicted where a modern Smartphone could store information
and incorporate galore of apps thus also acting as a form of
entertainment to the users; features not found in the old
telephones.
Elsewhere, evaluation of the two depicted similarities where
both are used to make calls and send text messages, both
requires a source of power to function. Also, both use mobile
lines and have numbers that users dial when making a call or
sending a text. However, both mobile systems were crucial to
the transfer of information from one location to another as well
as moving it from one user to another replacing the tedious and
time-consuming system of letters.

10. References
Berenguer, A., Goncalves, J., Hosio, S., Ferreira, D.,
Anagnostopoulos, T., & Kostakos, V. (2017). Are Smartphones
Ubiquitous?: An in-depth survey of smartphone adoption by
seniors. IEEE Consumer Electronics Magazine, 6(1), 104-110.
Pathak, A., Hu, Y. C., & Zhang, M. (2012, April). Where is the
energy spent inside my app?: fine grained energy accounting on
smartphones with eprof. In Proceedings of the 7th ACM
european conference on Computer Systems (pp. 29-42). ACM.
Walker, G. H., Stanton, N. A., Jenkins, D. P., & Salmon, P. M.
(2009). From telephones to iPhones: Applying systems thinking
to networked, interoperable products. Applied
ergonomics, 40(2), 206-215.