This document discusses various aspects of love, communication, and intimacy in relationships. It covers topics such as the nature of love, attachment styles, sexual communication, developing communication skills, dealing with conflict and jealousy, and how attitudes surrounding love and sexuality have changed over time. Effective communication is important for intimacy, while conflict is natural but should be handled constructively to avoid damaging relationships. Sexual satisfaction depends on open communication between partners.

1. Chapter Eight Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships

2. Love Exists in all cultures Exists in all ethnic groups Exists in all orientations Dual nature: Feeling Activity

3. Communication Connects sexuality and intimacy Sexual communication is tied to sexual satisfaction Sexual communication is unique

4. Friendship and Love Friendship is a strong foundation for strong love relationships Difference between friends and lovers Marriage

5. Love and Sexuality Sexuality and love are intimately related in our culture Our language connects love and sex Sexual satisfaction is tied to relationship satisfaction Level of intimacy and relationship duration are correlated with the decision to engage in sexual activity Cultural environment and physical environment

6. Sex Outside of Committed Relationships Young adult sex outside of marriage is now the norm Values in America have shifted Change is due to: Contraception and abortion Redefined gender roles Alterations in demographics

7. Men, Women, Sex, and Love Men separate sex and love more than women Heterosexual men Gay men Women value sex in the context of a relationship Lesbians share sex less than heterosexual couples of gay men

8. Love Without Sex Celibacy or asexuality A purposeful choice rather than a sexual problem 4% men and 14% women Emphasis on friendship and other relationship qualities

9. Styles of Love: Lee Eros: love of beauty Mania: obsessive love Ludus: playful love Storge: companionate love Agape: altruistic love Pragma: practical love

10. The Triangular Theory of Love Theory developed by Robert Sternberg Emphasizes the dynamic quality of love relationships Intimacy Passion Commitment

11. The Components of Love: Ten Signs of Intimacy Wanting to promote your partner’s welfare Feeling happiness with your partner Holding your partner in high regard Being able to count on your partner in time of need Being able to understand each other

12. The Components of Love (cont.) Sharing yourself and your possessions with your partner Receiving emotional support from your partner Giving emotional support to your partner Being able to communicate with your partner about intimate things Valuing partner’s presence in your life

13. Kinds of Love: Sternberg Liking Intimacy only Infatuation Passion only Romantic Love Intimacy and passion Companionate Love Intimacy and commitment Fatuous Love Passion and commitment Consummate love Intimacy, passion, and commitment Empty love Commitment only Nonlove Absence of all three

14. Infant-Caregiver Attachment Attachment Bond depends on attachment object’s responsiveness Infant happier in attachment object presence Shares discoveries with attachment object. Coos, talks baby talk Feeling of oneness with attachment object Romantic love Feelings are related to lover’s interest Happier when lover is present Shares experiences with lover Lovers coo, talk baby talk Feeling of oneness with lover

15. Components of Attachment Attachment style endures across ones life Depends upon security and safety Open acceptance and honesty

16. Types of Attachment Secure attachments Find it relatively easy to get close to other people Anxious/ambivalent attachment Believe that other people didn’t get as close as they themselves wanted Avoidant attachments Feel discomfort being close to other people

17. Unrequited Love Love is not returned Causes distress to all involved Perspectives differ between the people who offer love and those who do not reciprocate

18. Jealousy Jealousy does not prove the existence of love Jealousy and love are not necessarily companions Jealousy is painful Jealousy can destroy or cement a relationship Jealously is linked to violence

19. Jealousy Aversive response to a real or imagined involvement with a third person Painful experience Absence may indicate relationship problems Occurs where there are commitments in a relationship Men and women differ in reported attempts to make their partner jealous

20. Managing Jealousy Jealousy can be unreasonable or realistic Dealing with irrational suspicions can be difficult Can work on underlying causes of our insecurity If jealousy is well-founded, relationship may need to be modified or ended Jealousy can be the catalyst for change

21. Extramarital Sex Exists in dating, cohabiting, and marital relationships Extramarital sex in exclusive marriages is related to three factors: Stronger sexual interests More permissive sexual values Greater sexual opportunities Weaker marital relationships

22. Making Love Last: From Passion to Intimacy Intimate love: Each person knows they can count on the other Commitment: Based on conscious choices rather than transitory feelings Caring: Involves making another person’s needs as important as your own Self-disclosure: Revealing ourselves—our hopes, our fears, our everyday thoughts to deepen understanding and intimacy

23. The Nature of Communication Communication: a transactional process Involves conveying symbols, words, gestures, movements Goal of establishing human contact, exchanging information, and reinforcing or changing attitudes and behaviors

24. Contexts of Communication Cultural context the language, values, beliefs, and customs in which communication takes place Social context the roles we play in society Psychological context how people communicate based on their personalities

25. Nonverbal Communication The ability to correctly interpret nonverbal communication is important in relationships Most of our “feeling” communication is nonverbal 3 important factors: Proximity: nearness in physical space Eye contact: a symbol of interest Touching: signals intimacy, closeness

26. Sexual Communication Our interpersonal sexual scripts provide us with “instructions” on how to behave sexually In beginning relationships Halo effect Interest and opening lines In some cases: establishing sexual orientation First move and beyond Directing sexual activity

27. Sexual Communication (Cont.) In established relationships initiating sexual activity For heterosexuals: men typically initiate more often In same-sex relationships: typically the more emotionally expressive partner initiates

28. Gender Differences in Partner Communication Women send clearer messages to their partners than do men Men more than women tend to send negative messages or withdraw Women tend to set the emotional tone of an argument Women tend to use more qualifiers in their style of speaking

29. Developing Communication Skills Talking about sex Keys to good communication Self disclosure Trust Feedback

30. Conflict and Intimacy Conflict is natural in intimate relationships A lack of arguing can signal trouble in a relationship Conflict isn’t dangerous; it’s the manner in which it is handled that can hurt or help relationship

31. Conflicts about Sex Fighting about sex Can result from a disagreement about sex Can also be used as a “scapegoat” for nonsexual problems Can be a cover-up for deeper feelings such as inadequacy It’s hard to tell during a fight if there are deeper causes

32. Conflict Resolution The way couples deal with conflict reflects and contributes to their happiness Strategies for conflict resolution Negotiating conflicts Bargaining Coexistence

33. Summary Love and sexuality Approaches and attitudes related to love Jealousy Sexual communication Developing communication skills Conflict and intimacy