Lisa DaVia Rubenstein presented on stress and high achieving children. She discussed that 1) stress can be helpful in moderation but harmful in excess, 2) one's perception of stress is important, as those who view stress as helpful rather than harmful have lower health risks, and 3) strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy can help children develop a more positive mindset toward stress and manage perfectionism. The talk focused on helping high-achieving students leverage stress productively through managing their stress perceptions, internal pressures like perfectionism, and adopting stress-reducing techniques.

1. STRESS & THE HIGH
ACHIEVING CHILD
Lisa DaVia Rubenstein, Ph.D.
Saint Simon the Apostle
January 9, 2017

2. How stressed are you right now?
Why?
1
Perfectly
Calm
10
Extraordinarily
Stressed

3. To what extent is stress is harmful
for your health?
1
Extraordinarily
Helpful
10
Extraordinarily
Harmful

4. 30,000 Americans
A LOT OF STRESS
43% increased chance of dying
BUT….

5. 30,000 Americans
A LOT OF STRESS
43% increased chance of dying
Belief that stress
is harmful.
&

6. “People who experienced a lot of stress but did
not view stress as harmful were no more
likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk
of dying of anyone in the study, including
those who had relatively little stress.
-Kelly McGonigal (TED talk)

7. YOUR PERCEPTION OF
STRESS MATTERS.
WE CAN MODEL THIS.
WE CAN TEACH THIS.
&

8. Causes Outcomes
Negative
Positive
STRESS.
Strategies

9. TODAY…
➤ Perceptions of Stress
➤ Internal v. External Pressures
➤ Perfectionism
➤ Cognitive Distortions
➤ Strategies for each

10. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
YOU DIDN’T FEEL
STRESS?

11. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
YOU DIDN’T FEEL
STRESS?
1. Stress is very useful. It is built it to help us respond to our
environment, to help us rise to the challenges.
2. Yet, stress can be harmful.
3. Sometimes, however, stress becomes a way to make ourselves feel
important. (More later…)

12. YERKES DODSON DIAGRAM

13. The goal is not to eliminate stress, but
rather to create ways to leverage it to work
for us.

14. How does mindset theory mirror this
concept?

15. MINDSET TOWARDS INTELLIGENCE
➤ Growth mindset: Promotes positive risk-taking, enjoyment of
challenges… (Recognition of the importance of effort)
➤ Fixed mindset: Promotes avoidance of risks, self-handicapping
strategies, and fear of challenges… (Recognition of the
importance of ability)

16. MINDSETS TOWARDS STRESS (PERCEPTIONS)
➤ Growth mindset: Stress is useful for growth.
➤ Promotes positive risk-taking, enjoyment of
challenges… (Recognition of the importance of
effort)
➤ Fixed mindset: Stress is bad.
➤ Promotes avoidance of risks, self-handicapping
strategies, and fear of challenges… (Recognition
of the importance of ability)

17. WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH THIS INFORMATION?
➤ Learn to hear/recognize when you are stressed.
➤ Recognize your feelings. Don’t panic.
➤ Realize that your stressed feelings are good for you. They are helping
you to prepare for the challenge.
➤ Develop plan.

18. Building Resilience

19. TEACHING STUDENTS…
➤ How stressed are you?
➤ Remember, this stress can be helpful.
➤ How will you use this stress to rise to the challenge?
When?
Study guides for tests.
Journals.
Morning meetings and work.
The more you model, the more automatic it will become.
When would work for you?

20. Show them a 13 minute TED talk…

21. HOW TO USE STRESS TO RISE TO THE CHALLENGE?
Optimists? Pessimists?VS.

22. MENTAL CONTRASTING AND IMPLEMENTATION INTENTIONS (MCII)
➤ Visualize your end goal.
➤ Envision obstacles.
➤ Use “if…then…” statements to develop a plan to overcome
the obstacles.
Better title for students?

23. FIRST: VISUALIZE YOUR END GOAL.
➤ Journal. (Describe what it would be like to…)
➤ Draw. (Draw yourself having a good day. Draw yourself being
successful on the next test…)

24. LET’S TRY IT…
➤ Visualize end goal: Get an A on my test.
➤ Obstacles:
➤ If/Then Statements:
➤ Visualize end goal: Get in shape.
➤ Obstacles:
➤ If/Then Statements:
OR

25. LET’S TRY IT…
➤ Visualize end goal: Get an A on my test.
➤ Obstacles: Friends, lack of focus, too much information.
➤ If/Then Statements:
➤ If my friends are texting, I will respond that I need to
study and then I will hide my phone from myself.
➤ If I can’t focus, I will move locations, I will remove my
distractions, I will set a timer.
➤ If there is too much information, I will break it down
and study a little everyday. I will pretend to teach one
section every night to my stuffed animals…

26. STRESS V. ANXIETY?
➤ Stress is the body’s reaction to a circumstance or situation
that requires physical, mental, or emotional adjustment or
response. It could be caused by negative or positive changes.
➤ Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in
America, affecting 18% of US population, and almost 30% of
Americans across the lifespan.
➤ Anxiety is a feeling of fear, unease, worry when situations are
perceived as uncontrollable, unavoidable. Most common
symptoms of anxiety are insistent worrying, phobias, social
anxiety, and OCD. Others include: chest pain, dizziness,
shortness of breath, and panic attacks.

27. YET…MINDSET AGAIN???
Research from Alison Wood Brooks from Harvard Business School
I am anxious!
ANXIETY EXCITEMENT
DEPRESSION CALM
Positivity
Arousal
I am excited!

28. YET…MINDSET AGAIN???
Research from Alison Wood Brooks from Harvard Business School
I am anxious!
ANXIETY EXCITEMENT
DEPRESSION CALM
Positivity
Arousal
I am excited!
Predict how this switch affected people singing, doing math, or giving a speech.

29. YET…MINDSET AGAIN???
Research from Alison Wood Brooks from Harvard Business School
I am anxious!
ANXIETY EXCITEMENT
DEPRESSION CALM
Positivity
Arousal
I am excited!
17% 22% 17%
Threat Opportunity

30. HALFOFTHEBATTLE?

31. PERCEPTIONS OF STRESS ARE IMPORTANT.
WHAT OTHER FACTORS MAY INFLUENCE
THE STRESS LEVEL OF HIGH ACHIEVING
STUDENTS?

32. INTERNAL V. EXTERNAL
PRESSURES

33. What are the internal and external pressures that may be too much
for students’ available resources?

34. INTERNAL
➤ Perceptions
➤ Feelings of Lack of
Control
➤ Perfectionism
➤ Lack of Mental
Processing Resources
EXTERNAL
➤ Teachers
➤ Standardized
Assessments
➤ Parents (Family events,
expectations…)
➤ Church
➤ Extra-Curricular
Activities
➤ Deadlines, Quantity of
Work
➤ Peers (and other models)
➤ Perceived v. Actual

35. PERFECTIONISM

36. Think of a student who you would classify
as a perfectionist.
How do you know? What characteristics
does this student display?

37. TYPES OF PERFECTIONISM
➤ Healthy (Silverman; Schuler; many others…)
➤ Unhealthy
➤ Self-oriented (Hewitt & Flett)
➤ Others-oriented
➤ Socially-prescribed
➤ Personal standards (Frost et al.)
➤ Concern over mistakes
Think back to your student.
How would you classify
this student?

38. How does the environment promote
perfectionism?
How does perfectionism contribute to
stress?

39. 2 OPTIONS AS A TEACHER…
Consider the
messages you
are sending.
Teach students
to manage
perfectionism.

40. MESSAGES TEACHERS SEND…
➤ What kind of feedback do you give?
➤ What papers do you hang in the classroom?
➤ How many opportunities do students have to resubmit work?
➤ What happens when you make a mistake?
➤ How often does the best student fail?
➤ How much autonomy do students have?

41. TEACHING STUDENTS TO MANAGE THEIR OWN PERFECTIONISM
➤ General Self-Talk
➤ More specific: Cognitive Distortions
➤ Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)
➤ Remember: Counselors can help anyone! This is not defeat.
This is strength.

42. Self-Talk Coaches

43. “Cognitive distortions are specific
examples of negative self-talk.

45. #1: ALL OR NONE
THINKING

47. Do you have any examples of
students’ all-or-none thinking?

48. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES
➤ Recognize the distortion.
➤ Compartmentalize 1. What is the middle ground?
➤ Compartmentalize 2. What are things to be good at? What are
things that it is okay not to be perfect in?
➤ Create a plan.

49. #2: MIND READER

50. Reality v. perception?

51. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES
➤ Recognize the distortion.
➤ Reflect/journal on the following:
➤ Who says you have to be perfect?
➤ What will your parents think if you are not perfect?
➤ What will your teachers think if you are not perfect?
➤ Ask the person. Discuss.
➤ Feedback filter (selective listening/actively ignoring):
➤ What is helpful? What can I use to get better?
➤ Everything else: Let go.
Why might “Just do your
best.” be a dangerous
phrase for a perfectionist?

52. #3: SHOULDS

53. Do you have any examples of
students’ “shoulds” thinking?

54. “If one fails to meet the unrealistic
expectation, one has failed; but if one
does meet it, one feels no glow of
achievement for one has only done
what was expected.
(Weisinger & Lobsenz, 1981, p.281)

55. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES
➤ Recognize the distortion.
➤ Consider: How much can you do? Think back to all-or-none
thinking. Some is better than nothing.
➤ Goal: Promote realistic thinking.
➤ Create a realistic plan. (Perhaps, still a little aspirational, but
not so much so that they feel like a failure.)
➤ Celebrate effort.

56. GENERAL

57. GENERAL OVERARCHING STEPS
➤ Learn to hear/recognize when you are stressed.
➤ Recognize your feelings. Don’t panic.
➤ Consider the causes. What internal voices do you hear? What
cognitive distortions are present?
➤ Talk it back with a healthier internal voice.
➤ Consider what actions you can control.
➤ Consider how you can perceive the situation.
➤ Try to maintain the healthier perspective. Set goals.
➤ Be proactive in addressing stress. (see calming techniques…)

58. “It is okay to feel ______. You can
handle that feeling. Just let it be.

59. Fiction
➤ Botner, B. (1986). The world's greatest expert on absolutely everything. New York: Dell. (intermediate/
adolescent fiction)
➤ Cosgrove, S. (1989). Persnickity. Vero Beach, PL.: Rourke Enterprises. (young juvenile fiction)
➤ Lobel, A. (1980). Fables. New York: Harper and Row. (juvenile fiction)
➤ Manes, S. (1982). Be a perfect person in just three days! Boston: Houghton-Mifflin. (intermediate
fiction)
➤ Smith, D. B. (1978). Dreams and drummers. New York: Thomas Y. Crowell. (adolescent fiction:
perfectionist comes in second)
➤ Waber, B. (1971). Nobody is perfick. New York: Houghton Mifflin Company.
Non-Fiction
➤ Jones, C. F. (1991). Mistakes that worked: 40 familiar inventions and how they came to be. New York:
Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.
➤ Quindlen, A. (2005). Being Perfect. New York: Random House.
BIBLIOTHERAPY

60. For Secondary Students...

61. CALMING TECHNIQUES

62. BASIC STRATEGIES
➤ Movement: Exercise, yoga.
➤ Breathing.
➤ Purposeful prayer/meditation.
➤ Quiet time (without screens).
➤ Art/creation time.

63. OVERVIEW &
CONCLUSIONS

64. TODAY, WE DISCUSSED…
➤ Perceptions of Stress
➤ Internal v. External Pressures
➤ Perfectionism
➤ Cognitive Distortions
➤ Strategies for each

65. AT THE END OF THE DAY…
DO YOU WANT TO BE
STRESS FREE?

66. THE SILENT JOY OF STRESS (OR)
WHY WE MODEL BEING STRESSED OUT SO WELL
➤ Excuse for not doing more. (We shouldn’t have to…saying no
should be sufficient.)
➤ Provides meaning. (Business does not equal purpose.)
➤ Appearance of humility and relate-ability.

67. YOU ARE MODELING
HOW TO DEAL WITH
STRESS.
Your modeling is as important as your direct teaching of strategies for helping students.

68. THANK YOU.
lmrubenstein@bsu.edu