Presentation on ways to develop self esteem, given to college students on a university campus for leadership development program.

1. “Getting To
Know The Real
You”
Counseling & Career Development Center

2. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Where Does Self Esteem Come From?
Click Above Find Out

3. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
 What Is Self Esteem?
 According to Albert Ellis, counseling/
psychology theorist, low self-esteem is a set of
“nutty ideas” about one’s self and the world.”
(“Learning the Art of Helping” by Mark Young)
 “It’s not our experiences that keeps us in a state of
low self-esteem, but our ideas that hold us there.”
(“Learning the Art of Helping”, page 241, by Mark Young)
 “It’s called self-esteem because you have to esteem
yourself” (Kat Williams, Comedian)
 Having a realistic view and appreciation of one‟s self (“The
Self Esteem Workbook” by Glenn Schraldi, Ph.D.)

4. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Fact Vs. Fiction Game
 Feeling Loved And Worthy From Others Is The Only Source Of Self-Esteem
 False - True self esteem comes from inner esteem, which is based on your own
thoughts about your actions, skills, and behaviors. This is not based on others’
feelings and praise (Owens)
 Cockiness indicates “real self esteem”
 False- This is merely a comparison method use to build one’s self. If the person
encounters someone who they deem to be “better” then him/her, this mental high will
be lowered

5. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Fact Vs. Fiction Game
 Self esteem is based on self perception
 True - People’s self picture dictates how they view themselves and their performance
in life (Owens)
 All people who act confident and look good have high self esteem
 False- Some people “fake it to make it”.
They act confident as a cover for how they feel inwardly. Similarly, some people dress
themselves up to mask how they really feel. NACE says, “good looks, popularity, and
wealth guarantee nothing-if one does not have the self-esteem to support them.”

6. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Fact Vs. Fiction Game
 A person’s parents are strictly the cause of low self esteem
 False – Low self esteem is a choice that a person consciously/unconsciously makes
to ingrain negative thoughts about themselves. These beliefs might come from
parents or other people in person’s like (NASE)
 Self esteem is not just about feeling good about yourself
 True- People can feel good w/out high self esteem. Self esteem is about positively
feeling, thinking and evaluating yourself

7. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Water bottle Wisdom
 Lesson 1: What other people giveth, other people taketh away
 Lesson 2: An esteem based on others will always fluctuate because humans feelings
and thoughts are not always constant
 Lesson 3: Perception is not constant with all people (e.g., an opinion is like a butt,
everyone has one) so just because one person sees you a certain way doesn„t’
mean that’s a universal truth

8. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Pros and Cons of High Self Esteem
 Challenges:
Depression
Insecurity/Fake Self
Constant self criticism
Fluctuating emotions
Low academic performance
Lack of real friends and/or isolation
Dependence on things/people for happiness
Unhealthy behaviors (addictions, aggression, promiscuity etc).

9. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Pros and Cons of High Self Esteem
 Benefits:
Feeling good/Gratefulness for life
Valuing yourself
Greater resilience
Increased willingness to take positive risks
Improved academic performance
Independence, motivation and autonomy (setting goals)
“Being Real”
Ability to develop real friendships

10. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Check Yourself
 When you make a mistake do you tend to:
1.Feel ashamed and embarrassed.
2.Who me? I never make mistakes.
But if I did make one, I would immediately correct it and hope no one was watching.
3.I have no fear owning up to it in public, and I am open to receiving help from others
in fixing it.

11. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Check Yourself
 On average, when you look at yourself in the mirror what do you believe you
see?
1.Someone who is attractive and confident.
2.Someone who is average and often unsure about what to do in life.
3.Someone who is ugly and insecure.

12. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Check Yourself
 When you are dealing with a problem in your life what do you tend to do?
1. Blame everyone or anything that I think caused the situation. It's rarely my fault.
2. I complain and vent to anyone willing to listen but rarely address my personal
responsibility for the issue.
3. Take responsibility for my thoughts, words, and actions because if I take ownership
I am not a victim to the situation.

13. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Check Yourself
 If my wants and needs are different from those of others I am likely to:
1.Give up and give in. I'd accommodate.
2.Say, "My way or the highway!" I argue until I get my way.
3.Try to avoid them altogether. Why bother trying to get my needs on the table. Mine
aren't important, and neither are theirs.
4.Create a win/win.

14. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Check Yourself
 When you think about the greater purpose of your life what do you tend to
think?
1. I feel like I am drifting. I am ashamed to admit it but I don't know what I should be
doing or even where to start.
2. I have a general picture of what I want to do and what I am capable of creating for
my life.
3. I am on course with my purpose, and know I am capable of creating whatever my
heart desires for my life.

15. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Check Yourself
 When I make a commitment to myself I often tend to:
1.Break it before the end of the hour, I am terrible at following up on my self-
goals.
2. I do it with hesitation and fear because I so desperately hate
disappointment.
3. Stick to it with conviction and await the rewards that I believe will come
from it.

16. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Check Yourself
(10 Signs of Low Self Esteem)
 Constant self-criticism
 Sensitivity to feedback from others
 Fear of others not liking you/”putting on a front”
 Cannot smile easily
 Unwillingness and inability to set goals
 Social difficulties
 Poor academic performance
 Needy or clingy to people or things
 Refuse to take positive risks
 Little Belief in self

17. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Four Things that Influence Self Esteem
1.Environment
2.Authority Figures
3.Repetition
4.Experiences

18. “Getting to Know the Real You”
How You See Yourself Determines how you Feel about yourself.

19. “Getting to Know the Real You:
Flipping Your Script”
 What’s Your
Script In Life?

20. “Getting to Know the Real You:
“Foundations of Self Esteem”
Self-Esteem
3.Growing
1.Unconditional Worth 2.Unconditional Love

21. “Getting to Know the Real
You”

22. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem
 Identify Your Drivers (What’s the theme in your life/mind)
 Examine Your Internal Speech (What are you telling yourself about yourself and life)
 Drivers and Internal Speech Are a Dynamic Duo

23. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem

24. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem

25. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem

27. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem

29. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem
 Change your environment from negative to positive
 Choose new Authority Figures
 Develop yourself: Read, Listen to , Watch positive info
 Repetition: Speaking/Thinking/Deciding V.I.S.U.A.L
 This often requires challenging your own views and questioning yourself, as
well as what you‟ve been told
 It also requires a shift in your thinking and practice

30. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
V.I.S.U.A.L
Stepping Up Your Esteem
 I am Valuable
 I am Important
 I am Somebody
 I am Unique
 I am Adequate
 I am Loveable

31. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Stepping Up Your Esteem
(Knowing the Real You)

32. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Bottom Line
According to the National Association for Self Esteem:
 We carry the primary responsibility for the level of self esteem we develop
 Developing a positive self esteem takes changes in thinking and behavior (NASE)
 Developing high self esteem takes practice and intention
 Self Esteem is an achievement- a process that empowers, energizes and motivates

33. “Getting to Know the Real You”
Bottom Line
“Ultimately, you are what you think throughout life. Your thoughts can
ultimately bring about a self fulfilling prophecy.”
“To wish you were someone else is a total waste of the person you are” -
Unknown-
“I can is 100 times more important than IQ”

34. “Getting to Know the Real
You”
Give Away Time!

35. “Getting to Know the Real You”
References
• National Association of Self Esteem Online, http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/
• “Six Myths About Self Esteem” by Karen Owens, Ph.D., online at
http://www.invitationaleducation.net/publications/journal/v42p115.pdf
• “Learning the Art of Helping” by Mark Young