There are 8 commitments you must make to protect your children during and after your divorce. 1. You must not fight with the other parent within hearing or sight of the children. 2. You must not say anything bad about the other parent to your child. 3. You must not confide your troubles to your children. 4. You must not treat your child as a messenger. 5. You must not make the children feel as though they must hide their love for their other parent. 6. You must not ask the children for information about the other parent. 7. You may not use your children as bargaining to secure better financial settlement. 8. You must make your children know they are loved by both parents.

1. 8
COMMITMENTS
YOU MUST
MAKE
to Protect Your Children
During and After Divorce
©JAMES PUBLISHING

2. COMMITMENT #1
I will not fight with my children’s other
parent within the hearing or sight of
my children.
Exposing children to parental
conflict inflicts serious
psychological damage on
them. The damage may affect
your children for the rest of
their lives and make it difficult
for them to establish their own
stable and happy families.

3. COMMITMENT #2
I will not say anything bad about my
children’s other parent to my children
or within their hearing.
Your children have an enduring
bond with their other parent. Any
attempt you make to damage or
alter the bond will hurt your
children and ultimately
damage or destroy your
relationship with them.

4. COMMITMENT #3
I will not confide my troubles to my
children or turn to them for emotional
support.
Treating your children like
close friends confuses them
and compromises your role as
an authority figure. Confiding
in children dumps emotional
issues on them that they are
not mature enough to handle.

5. COMMITMENT #4
I will not ask my children to carry
messages or child support to the other
parent.
Communication with your
children’s other parent may not
be easy, but it’s necessary. If
you cannot speak directly to
him or her, then communicate
in writing. Making your children
messengers draws them into
the divorce conflict and, like
confiding in them, blurs the line
between parent and child.

6. COMMITMENT #5
I will not make my children feel the
need to hide their love for the other
parent.
You will put your children
under intolerable stress if
you let them think they will
lose your love if they show
love for their other parent.
Children must feel free to
love each parent without
fear of losing either.

7. COMMITMENT #6
I will not pump my children for
information about their other parent or
ask them to spy on their other parent.
Pumping your children for
information about your
spouse will make them
intensely uncomfortable.
They feel loyalty to their other
parent, just as they do to you.
If they tell you anything, they
will feel guilty that they have
betrayed their other parent.

8. COMMITMENT #7
I will not use my children as bargaining
chips to secure a better financial
settlement from my spouse.
Do not ask for more
time with the children to
reduce your child
support or offer your
spouse primary custody
in exchange for not
paying alimony. You will
feel shame every time
you see your children
and realize that you
treated them like an
item of property.

9. COMMITMENT #8
I will tell my children that both their
parents love them and will take care of
them.
Repeat this
statement to your
children often, daily
if necessary, to
reassure them that
you will keep them
safe and they won’t
lose either parent
as a result of the
divorce.