This an experimental slide presentation on the sociology of falling in love. It aims to help people in romantic relationship.

1. “Say that You Love Me…”
Sociology of Falling in Love
with “Totoy Brown”
Prof. Ven O. Ballano, Ph.D.
Copyright 2013

2. Q: Totoy Brown,
IS FALLING IN
LOVE “NATURAL”
OR BIOLOGICAL?

3. A: No. Falling in love is not a biological thing. It is socially learned in society,
although it may feel like “natural” since constant exposure into it through
romantic music, stories, movies, TV shows and dramas, novels, ads, cards, etc.
both in the mass media and the internet can condition the mind, which, in
turn, can influence the person‟s emotion, feeling ,and disposition towards it.
“Kaya „wag mag-alala kung laging malamig ang gabi n‟yo, di kayo
magkakasakit kahit wala pa kayong buhay pag-ibig!” (Thus, don‟t worry if
your nights are always cold, you don‟t get sick if you still don‟t have a love
life!). Look at celibate priests and nuns, they can live a perfect normal life
without romatic love!
George Mead said that the mind is a social product. Thus the thought of falling
in love is primarily a product of the person‟s immersion to romanticism in
society.
Totoy Brown says:

4. Totoy Brown says:
Falling in love before marriage is a modern phenomenon
in order that society can maintain the institution of
marriage with the decline of the influence of kinship in
marriage arrangement as society becomes more
urbanized.
Come to think about it—many marriages in traditional
and rural societies are arranged and determined by
parents and elders. Some Chinese and Muslims practice
arranged marriages with couples not falling in love
before wedding !

5. Tip on How to Avoid the “Trap”
of Romantic Love
Since falling in love is a product of social conditioning
by society, the only way to liberate oneself from its
obsession and passion is to stay away from it as much
as possible.
Thus, seminarians, for instance, who want to become celibate
priests are advised not to receive love letters and to avoid
occasions and things that can lead to romantic love. Children too
are advised by their parents to stay away from romantic things
while still studying because they know the “trap” of romantic
love.
“Pasensya na po mga chong di ko na „to mapigilan! Sobrang pogi kasi tayo eh!”
_______________________________________________________________________

6. How to Forget a Break-Up
Stay away from your favorite places, music, TV
shows, movies, familiar people, and other
romantic things if you want to forget him/her as
soon as possible.
Only time can heal past romantic break-up.
Since falling in love is a social experience, staying
away from it can set a frustrated lover free!
Totoy, haba na ang hair ko,
pa-kiss naman uli!
TOTOY BROWN:
‘Wag na Teks ! Tapos na tayo no? Sunugin mo ang
lahat na binigay ko sa ‘yo para makalimutan mo
na ako! Di mo rin ba nakikita nagbago na ang
anyo ko girl!
___________________________________________________________________________
Tekla:

7. Totoy Brown,
Does Age Matter
in Romantic Love?
“Totoy Brown, type na kita!”
“Tigilan mo na nga ako bruha! Mas matanda ka kay
sa akin!”

8. There‟s a saying that “Age doesn‟t matter.”
Sociologically speaking, this is more of an exception
rather than a rule in selecting a partner in society.
Age is an important social norm in choosing a
partner, depending on the type of society.
As a rule, a person marries another within the same
age group, maybe within 5 years gap, but not more
than 10 years.
Totoy Brown says:

9. Totoy Brown says:
Ideally, people expect that the man is older
than the woman. Following the traditional
gender role, the boyfriend must be older
because he is expected to be a mature and
responsible breadwinner in case he becomes a
husband. Of course, he must not be old enough
to qualify as a dirty old man (DOM).

10. Totoy Brown says:
If he or she is not motivated by
money, a person who prefers an older
partner is more likely looking
consciously or subconsciously for a
“mother” or “father” figure, someone
who can satisfy his/her psycho-
emotional needs.

11. Totoy Brown says:
He or she will more likely fall in love with
the person who resembles more with the
parent or guardian who has given
her/him the best nurturance and affection
while growing up as a child and
adolescent.

12. Totoy Brown says:
• Since age does matter in society, you better be
prepared to face the consequence once you fall
in love with a person who is much older than
you. Maybe avoid or minimize public exposure.
• You can’t avoid negative comments or criticisms
from people when seen being together in public.
One groom was embarrassed in a wedding
pictorial as he was mistaken as father of the
bride. The groom was 60 years old while the
bride is 23 years old.

13. Totoy Brown,
Why do People
Fall in Love?

14. Totoy Brown says:
• Romantic love makes people believe that love is
blind as the song “I Love Because” says:
“I love you because you’re you...”
• In reality, people fall in love depending on the
following societal factors:
• 1) socialization or upbringing,
• 2) age,
• 3) social class and social status,
• 4) religion, and
• 5) ethnic or cultural background

15. Totoy Brown says:
People fall in love for various reasons. This
depends on the age of the person.
The older is the person the more he or she
would fall in love with a person who can
provide him/her with financial security, marital
commitment, companionship, and spiritual
guidance.

16. Totoy Brown says:
• Young people fall in love based primarily on
physical traits or external looks. This is not
actually love but infatuation and should not
be taken seriously so as not to disrupt one‟s
studies in school.

17. • Totoy Brown,
• Do you Believe in Long-
Distance Relationship?

18. Totoy Brown says:
It‟s easier to maintain a long-distance
romantic relationship today than 20 years
ago because of digital technology and the
Internet.

19. Totoy Brown says:
• In general, it is easier to maintain a short-distance
relationship than a long distance one especially when
there is a problem in communication.
• Based on research, lovers who became married
couples were physically closer with one another as
former officemates, classmates, friends, neighbors, etc.
Constant face-to-face encounters generate more
intimacy than those mediated by the screen of the
Internet or digital technology.

20. I remember so clearly the first time I laid eyes on you.
It was that split second that everything changed.
I knew instantly that I needed you, that I wanted you, that I couldn't live without you.
I was blind before that moment, this was the moment I started really living.
Everything before this moment did not matter.
I had never believed in love, let alone love at first site.
I could grasp how one person could stand to be with someone for the rest of their
lives.
All that has changed.
You haunt me wherever I go, whatever I do.
I can't get away, I want to but I can't. There is no escape.
I dream every night of either kissing you or killing myself.
You are perfection, but I wish I never met you because you are killing me,
slowly and painfully.
Source: http://www.experienceproject.com

21. THANK YOU!
WATCH OUT FOR MORE SLIDES ON THE
SOCIOLOGY OF LOVE BY TOTOY BROWN
FOLLOW venballano@slideshare.net.