It is not always easy to get people to help us. Armed with solid researches and studies, Heidi Grant dissects the reasons and offers the remedy. This book can help you navigate complex human behavior, and gain willing support to achieve your goals.

1. Reinforcements
How to Get People to Help You
S U M M A R Y O F T H E B O O K B Y
H E I D I G R A N T

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3. Citation Note
Author: Halvorson, Heidi Grant
Title: Reinforcements: How to Get
People to Help You
Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard
Business Review Press [2018]
ISBN: 9781633692350

4. Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson
• Social psychologist
• Researches, writes and speaks about the
science of motivation, influence and decision
making
• In 2017 and 2019 was named one of Thinker’s
50 most influential management thinkers
• Director of R&D for EY American Learning
• Associate Director of Motivation Science
Center at Columbia University
Photo: Growth Instiitute

5. Other Books by Heidi Grant
Images: Amazon.com

6. • How to Ask for Yes – and Get a Yes
TED New York, 2019
• No One Understands You and What To Do
About It
Talks at Google, 2016
• The Incredible Benefits of a “Get Better”
Mindset
99U Popup School, 2015
Photo: TED

7. Reinforcements
How to Get People to Help You

8. re∙in∙force∙ment
/,rein’fôrsmәnt/
Noun
the action or process of reinforcing or strengthening
- extra personnel sent to increase the strength of an army of similar force
- the process of encouraging or establishing a belief or pattern of behavior,
especially by encouragement or reward.
Definitions from Oxford Languages

9. Book Sections
Why asking for help is difficult
How to ask anyway
Creating a culture of helpfulness

10. Why Asking
for Help is
Difficult
Part 1

11. Reason 1:
It Makes Us Feel Bad
Why Asking for Help Is Difficult

12. How Our Brain Processes Pain
Image: Microsoft

13. Dorsal Anterior Cingulate Cortex
Pain
Social Rejection
Hunger
Thirst
Breathlessness
Part of the brain that processes pain
that are important signals for our
survival, both physical and emotional.
Matthew D. Lieberman and Naomi I. Eisenberger, “The dorsal anterior
cingulate cortex is selective for pain: Results from large-scale reverse
inference.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United
States of America (PNAS), December 8, 2015
Image: PNAS

14. “
“
Pain – physical and social –
is as important signal
in our quest for survival.

15. Pains that come from Threats
Pain from Status Threats
Pain from Certainty Threats
Pain from Autonomy Threats
Pain from Relatedness Threats
Pain from Fairness Threats
Images: Google.com

16. Reason 2:
We Assume Others Will Say No
Why Asking for Help is Difficult

17. How many people must be asked before
they found one who would help?
S T UDY P A R TICI PANTS’ E S TI MATE A C TUAL R E S ULT
20 10
F. J. Flynn and V. K. Lake, “If You Need Help, Just Ask: Underestimating Compliance with Direct Requests for Help.”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, no. 1 (2008): 128
Graphic: Stephen Siregar

18. “
“
People want to be helpful. Admittedly, not all
people, but far more of us than you would
imagine.

19. Reason 3:
We Assume Asking for Help Will
Make Us Less Likable
Why Asking for Help is Difficult

20. Winning an Opponent
This is another instance of the truth of an
old maxim: “He that has once done you a
kindness will be more ready to do you
another than he whom you yourself have
obliged.”
Benjamin Franklin and Hanna Amelia (Noyes) Davidson, Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin: With Selections of
His Other Writings (Boston: DC Heath & Co, 1908)
Photo: staticflickr.com

21. We underestimate How Good
Giving Makes People Feel
• Helping boosts your mood
• Helping makes things less awful
• More helping = greater life satisfaction

22. Takeaways
• If you feel bad asking for help, it’s just in your mind
• People are more willing to help that we thought they were
• Asking for help doesn’t make you less likeable

23. How to
Ask Anyway
Part 2

24. The Inherent Paradox in Asking for
Help
Although most people have an innate desire to feel
helpful, they hate feeling compelled to help.

25. Why do You Help?
Because You
Want To
Because You
Have To
Graphic: Stephen Siregar

26. Because You Want To vs
Because You Have To
W H EN Y O U W A NT T O H E LP
• You have autonomy
• You are intrinsically motivated
• You have greater interest and enjoyment in
helping, even when it’s challenging
• You are more creative in your thinking
• You absorb more knowledge
• You are resilient
• You will have greater improvement, superior
performance, and deeper sense of satisfaction
W H EN Y O U H A V E T O H E L P
• You are not likely to help, if possible
• You feel no autonomy (controlled)
• Your intrinsic motivation is destroyed
• You want to get this over with
• You don’t care about quality

27. How Do We Compel People to Help
A D V ERTENTLY
• Reward
• Threats
• Surveillance
• Deadlines
• Other pressure
I N A DVER TENTLY
• Can you do me a favor?
• You owe me

28. Four Steps to Getting the Help You
Need
The Helper Needs to
Notice that You Might
Need Help
People don’t attend to
everything happening
around them
The Helper Needs to
Believe that You Desire
Help
People are not mind
reader and they fear of
looking foolish
The Helper Needs to
Take Responsibility for
Helping
If lots people could
help, why me?
The Helper Needs to
be Able to Provide the
Help You Need
Competing
commitments can be
an issue
Graphic: Stephen Siregar

29. Step 1:
The Helper Needs to Notice
that You Might Need Help
Four Steps to Getting the Help You Need

30. Selective Attention Test
Dan Simons and Christopher Chabris, “The
Invisible Gorilla And Other Ways Our Intuition
Deceive Us,” New York: Harmony Books (2010)
Video: selective attention test - YouTube
• Participants are asked to watch
the video on the left and count
how many times the players in
white passes the ball.
• Only 50% of the participants
noticed the gorilla that
moonwalked across the room.

31. “
“
We don’t pay attention to every detail of our
surroundings – including the other people in those
surroundings – in no small part because it would
be impossible to do so.

32. Step 2:
The Helper Needs to Believe
that You Desire Help
Four Steps to Getting the Help You Need

33. Smoke Coming Into the Room Test
• When the participant was
alone, they quickly became
alarmed and seek out help
• When the participant was with
others who ignored the smoke,
they did nothing.
B. Latane and J. M. Darley, “Group Inhibitions of Biystander Intervention in
Emergencies,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 10, no 3 (1986):
215
Video: The smoke filled room study - YouTube

34. Public Assault Experiment
I F T H E W O MAN Y E LLED, “ I D O N ’T
K N OW Y O U!”
Helping,
65%
Not
Helping,
35%
Helping Rate
Helping Not Helping
I F T H E W O MAN Y E LLED “ I D O N’ T
K N OW W H Y I M A R R IED Y OU!”
Helping
19%
Not
Helping
81%
Helping Rate
Helping Not Helping
R. L. Shortland and M. K. Straw, “Bystander Response to an Assault: When A Man Attacks A Woman,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 34, no. 5 (1976): 990
Graphic: Stephen Siregar – Simplified, not a representation of complete result

35. Direct Requests Trigger Action
• 75-90 percent of help that colleagues give to one another is in
response to direct appeals1
• Half of Americans who volunteer with charities and other public
works became involved because they were asked by the
organization itself, or by people they know who also
volunteered.2
1. S. E. Anderson and I. J. Willilams, “Interpersonal, Job, and Individual Factors Related to
Helping Processes at Work,” Journal of Applied Psychology 81, no. 3 (1996): 282.
2. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2009.

36. Takeaways
• Don’t expect people to voluntarily offer to help just because you
show every sign of being overwhelmed. They are just too busy
to notice.
• Even when they see that you might need help, people want to
be sure that you DO need it. People don’t want to feel foolish
for offering an unneeded or inappropriate help
• Ask for help directly and ensure people that their help is needed
and appropriate

37. Step 3:
The Helper Needs to Take
Responsibility for Helping
Four Steps to Getting the Help You Need

38. Diffusion of Responsibility
A participant placed In a room
They are told that there are “others”
in separate rooms (in reality there
are none) and they “communicated”
through mic and speaker,
unmonitored by the researcher (it
was only a scripted conversation
between other researchers)
In the (scripted) conversation, one of
the “participants” suddenly had a
“seizure”
Graphic: Stephen Siregar

39. Why Does It Have to Be Me?
How many of the real participants
looked for someone to help the
person having a “seizure”?
Those who thought they are:
• Alone: 100% seek help;
• With 1 other: 80%;
• With 6 other: 60%.
B. Latane, S. A. Nida, and D. W. Wilson, “The Effects of Group Size on
Helping Behavior,” in J. F. Rushton and R. M. Sorrentino, eds.,
Altruism and Helping Behavior: Social Personality and Developmental
Perspectives (Hillside, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1986): 287-313
Graphic: Stephen Siregar

40. Takeaways
• The bigger the number of people you send your request for help
to, the bigger the possibility that you will be ignored
• To alleviate the confusion and give a clear sense of
responsibility about helping you, take time to ask individuals
directly

41. Step 4:
The Helper Needs to be Able
to Provide the Help You Need
Four Steps to Getting the Help You Need

42. How to Ask for Help from a Busy
Person
• Be specific about the help and how much effort it will take
• Keep the request to a size that the person can do
• Be open to receiving help different than what you asked

43. Don’t Make It
Weird
• Overdoing it on empathy
• Apologizing profusely
• Using disclaimers
• Emphasizing how much the other
person will love helping
• Portraying the help you need as a
tiny insignificant favor
• Reminding people that they owe
you one
• Talking about how much their help
will benefit you

44. Creating a
Culture of
Helpfulness
Part 3

45. The In-Group Reinforcement
People are more motivated to help one another if they feel they
are in the same group
• Use the word “together”
• Highlight shared goal
• Talk about shared experiences and feelings

46. Positive Identity Reinforcement
People like to see themselves in a positive identity
• Tie the help to a positive identity people would like to have

47. The Effectiveness Reinforcement
People are more generous when they know their help will have a
direct impact
• Be clear up-front about the nature of assistance that you want
and what its impact will be
• Follow-up afterwards. Let them know in advance that you will.
• Allow people to choose how they help you.

48. Remember
Make helping you an honorable and
beneficial action that inspires
people to do it.

49. THANK YOU
B O O K S U M M A R Y B Y S T E P H E N S I R E G A R
S L I D E D E S I G N B Y M I C R O S O F T O F F I C E A I