Reducing stress in your family might be easier than you think. Learn about the basic physiological processes behind stress and use them as a guide to keep stress down. Simple, easy to use tools to get started today.

1. B R A N D Y V A N D E R H E I D E N M F T , S E P
Family Stressbusters:
Reduce Stress, Increase
Enjoyment in Life
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2. What is the Antedote to Stress?
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Play!

3. Topics:
 A different way to understand stress
 Simple changes you can make to improve life in your
family
 Tools you can use to manage stress (and teach to
your children)
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4. Everyone Has a “Bandwidth”
When our bandwidth is constantly stretched, our days can start out with
little or no bandwidth left.
We use up our bandwidth with:
• Day-to-day chores,
• Family and personal needs,
• Employment
• Extra demands that pop up,
• Urgencies that arise.
We replenish our bandwidth with:
• Sleep
• Rest
• Play
• Support
• Food
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5. Other Bandwidth “Bandits”
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 Media
 Designed to raise your anxiety
 Addictive
 Information overload
 Sensory overload
 You may be more sensitive than you realize
 Overscheduling
 Mom’s taxi
 Extracurricular activities

6. When we are inside our bandwidth:
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We may notice feeling:
 Open, curious • Relaxed yet alert
 Embodied • Appropriately
reactive
 Available for connection • Able to be present
 Fluid, resilient • Emotionally stable
 Competent, a sense of mastery • Healthy,
symptoms are
manageable

7. When we are inside our bandwidth:
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 Our relationships improve
 Our partners are more likely to be supportive and
connected
 Our children are more likely to be calm, cooperative and
happy (they also learn better and do better in school)
 Our health improves

8. Most of us are rarely (or never)
inside our bandwidth
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 We live day-to-day on “borrowed bandwidth”
 We plan to “catch up on sleep” someday soon
 We override all of our body’s signals for slowing
down
This is not a problem if it happens for a short time, but
for many people it is a chronic issue.

9. Healthy Nervous System
•Activation may be play and excitement, as well as fright/startle that kicks into fight/flight
•Settling time is SO important (for all of us!)
•The important thing is that we have the ability to easily flow between the two states.
Normal Range

10. When our systems are not “in range”
•When the system is overwhelmed, the activation is outside the normal healthy range.
This is where we see symptoms and behaviors of stress
Normal Range
Stuck in over-activation
Stuck in collapse
(This is the common, often dominant pattern in people who are
chronically stressed, aka most of us.)

11. When we go out of our bandwidth:
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Management/Coping
 I tell myself it’s just until we get
through _____
 I get irritated with my partner
and kids more often
 I take 3 deep breaths to manage
my temper
 I binge on chocolate, coffee,
shopping, alcohol, etc.
Symptoms
 Headache/migraine
 Digestive upset (constipation,
diarrhea)
 Muscle tension
 Fatigue
 Anxiety
 Depression

12. Things You Can Do:
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1. Make a commitment in your family to reducing
stress and increasing time to connect.
 Identify and eliminate online time wasters (Facebook diet?).
 Media diet (will automatically reduce anxiety).
 Time outs from all tech every day (airplane mode!).
 Shared downtime together every day.

13. Things You Can Do:
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2. Let yourself be bored
 When you sit with boredom, you might find your brain comes
up with something different to do.
What is your impulse?

14. Things You Can Do:
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2. Go outside
 Nature, animals and small children are great teachers about
curiosity and being in the moment. When we are in the
moment, stress tends to go down.

15. Most Importantly:
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3. Learn to detect physiological signs of stress in
yourself and your family members, and use these
signs to help stay inside your bandwidth.
 This might mean you:
 Reduce your schedule.
 Rest when tired.
 Pay attention to when you’re pushing and do differently.
 Notice when your children are reaching their limits and help
them redirect.

16. An Experiment:
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17. Strengthening access to body awareness
 Sensations in our body let us know when something
is happening that needs attention.
 They tell us when we feel safe and happy.
 Because of conditioning and past experience, most
people living in this country have minimal access to
sensation (it takes practice to cultivate it).
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18. Family Stressbusters – Dive Deeper
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 8-Week Family Stress Reduction class.
 How to use body awareness of stress to help notice and
shift out of stress and into connection.
 Strengthening the couple relationship
 Increasing resilience and self-regulation in children
 Communication for more peaceful interactions
 Navigating intergenerational and multi-cultural family
challenges

19. Family Stressbusters Toolkit for Settling:
Find tools in different “channels”
1. Thought Channel:
 Developing “the observer” – “I notice I’m activated.”
 Thought stopping
 Balance or temper the negative thoughts
 Things going in a loop? Change the “channel”
2. Body Channel:
 Does your body want to move? Take a walk, get up and stretch
(try not to let the thoughts continue)
 Squeeze up and down your arms or rub arms, legs & torso (as if
you were cold)
 Sing or hum
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20. More settling ideas:
4. Change it up
 If other things are not working or increasing activation, try to
“change the subject.”
 Put something on TV that is engaging but not activating
 Music
 Any distraction that will give the activation time to settle without increasing
5. Get outside help
 Turn your attention to the outside environment (versus inside
thoughts, emotions and sensations)
 Do a mundane chore that takes your attention
 Take a walk and see what you get curious about
 Talk to a friend about anything that is not activating
• A friend who knows about activation might understand about settling and
help hold the space with you
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21. Breathing Exercises
 Breathing exercises can cause activation in some cases,
so start slow and proceed only if it feels helpful.
1. Take a full breath in, then exhale slowly until your lungs are
comfortably empty. Wait until you have the urge to breathe and
then take a breath. Repeat 2 more times.
2. Take a breath in and hold. Take a little more and hold. One more
small sip and hold. Slowly exhale.
Now notice how you feel.
Soulmindyoga.com – free download
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22. Teaching Stress Management to Kids
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 Kids learn to manage stress by watching adults.
 Learning to put a name to what they’re feeling
(emotion and sensation) helps them understand it.
 After you learn to track your own bandwidth, you
can spot changes in your child’s bandwidth and teach
them to do the same
 Everyone benefits by noticing what it feels like when
things are more relaxed.

23. Contact:
Brandy Vanderheiden, MFT, SEP
www.soulmindyoga.com
Facebook: Brandy Vanderheiden
Practice in Mountain View
CHAC/FIRST 5 Program (Mountain View, Sunnyvale & Cupertino)
Mercystreetfrc.blogspot.com
Facebook: MercyStreetFRC
8 week Family Stressbusters class: taking wait list for next round
Developed by Brandy Vanderheiden and Dr. Michael Changaris
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