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Digesting Tough Messages Presented by  Marion Stone
Examples of Tough Messages Performance feedback Change Bad news Confronting inappropriate  behaviour But as a business owner or manager this is part of what you need to do!
Why are they so tough? Fear of the impact on the individual Anxiety that the situation may get worse Discomfort with resulting emotion
Top 5 ‘Bites’ for Making Messages Digestible Bending Brain Waves Beware the Ass in Assume Change Consciousness Protect the self image Easing Emotions Empathy Listening
1. Bending Brain Waves Neuroscience (science of the brain) has some interesting answers to why we behave the way we do!
Emotion and Thinking No Threat Cortex processes a considered decision THREAT! Amygdala triggers a ‘fight or flight’ reaction Fast! Hormones released to slow thinking & elevate heart rate
The Check Recognise that emotional responses are normal Don’t try and solve problems when emotions are running high!
2. Beware the Ass When you Ass-u-me you make an Ass out of U and Me!
The Downward Spiral
The Check The issue is not having the feelings, but what you do with them! Before you engage; Check your assumptions “If you knew that that your fears are unfounded, how would you approach the conversation?” Watch your tone and body language
3. Change Consciousness Moving on Denial Fear Acceptance Shock Morale & Competence Anger/ Frustration Understanding Depression INFORMATION/ 		EMOTIONAL		GUIDANCE/ COMMUNICATION 		SUPPORT		DIRECTION
The Check Where are you on the change curve? Where will everyone else be? How can you bridge the gap?
4. Protect the Self Image Not yours, theirs! Provocative words that attack the self image will create an emotional response – stick to the facts. You are… Your negativity… Your attitude is … Your problem …
The Check Prepare what you would like to say Watch your language Stick to the facts Hold up the mirror and show examples
5. Easing the Emotions Once the emotions are there you need to deal with them! To grow something new you need to dig, fertilise and water… Learning!
The Tools Add Empathy (fertiliser & water) Dig to Listen
Empathy Identification with and  understanding  of another's situation,  feelings, and motives. NOT Agreement with….
Listening Active listening is a BALANCE
Food for Thought “We have two ears, one mouth that we may listen the more and talk the less” Zeno “The more you say, the less people remember!” Francois Fenelon
The Check How comfortable are you with emotions - do you ignore them and try to move into problem solving mode? Do you articulate your empathy? How much do you really actively listen (enquiry not advocacy)?
Top 5 ‘Bites’ for Making Messages Digestible Bending Brain Waves Beware the Ass in Assume Change Consciousness Protect the Self Image Easing Emotions Empathy Listening
What next? Leave me your business card and I will send you the slides Visit my website for more information www.cornerstoneconnections.co.za Sign up for an informative, free monthly newsletter on my homepage or by leaving me your card. Connect with me via my LinkedIn profile

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Digesting Tough Messages

  • 1. Digesting Tough Messages Presented by Marion Stone
  • 2. Examples of Tough Messages Performance feedback Change Bad news Confronting inappropriate behaviour But as a business owner or manager this is part of what you need to do!
  • 3. Why are they so tough? Fear of the impact on the individual Anxiety that the situation may get worse Discomfort with resulting emotion
  • 4. Top 5 ‘Bites’ for Making Messages Digestible Bending Brain Waves Beware the Ass in Assume Change Consciousness Protect the self image Easing Emotions Empathy Listening
  • 5. 1. Bending Brain Waves Neuroscience (science of the brain) has some interesting answers to why we behave the way we do!
  • 6. Emotion and Thinking No Threat Cortex processes a considered decision THREAT! Amygdala triggers a ‘fight or flight’ reaction Fast! Hormones released to slow thinking & elevate heart rate
  • 7. The Check Recognise that emotional responses are normal Don’t try and solve problems when emotions are running high!
  • 8. 2. Beware the Ass When you Ass-u-me you make an Ass out of U and Me!
  • 10. The Check The issue is not having the feelings, but what you do with them! Before you engage; Check your assumptions “If you knew that that your fears are unfounded, how would you approach the conversation?” Watch your tone and body language
  • 11. 3. Change Consciousness Moving on Denial Fear Acceptance Shock Morale & Competence Anger/ Frustration Understanding Depression INFORMATION/ EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE/ COMMUNICATION SUPPORT DIRECTION
  • 12. The Check Where are you on the change curve? Where will everyone else be? How can you bridge the gap?
  • 13. 4. Protect the Self Image Not yours, theirs! Provocative words that attack the self image will create an emotional response – stick to the facts. You are… Your negativity… Your attitude is … Your problem …
  • 14. The Check Prepare what you would like to say Watch your language Stick to the facts Hold up the mirror and show examples
  • 15. 5. Easing the Emotions Once the emotions are there you need to deal with them! To grow something new you need to dig, fertilise and water… Learning!
  • 16. The Tools Add Empathy (fertiliser & water) Dig to Listen
  • 17. Empathy Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. NOT Agreement with….
  • 19. Food for Thought “We have two ears, one mouth that we may listen the more and talk the less” Zeno “The more you say, the less people remember!” Francois Fenelon
  • 20. The Check How comfortable are you with emotions - do you ignore them and try to move into problem solving mode? Do you articulate your empathy? How much do you really actively listen (enquiry not advocacy)?
  • 21. Top 5 ‘Bites’ for Making Messages Digestible Bending Brain Waves Beware the Ass in Assume Change Consciousness Protect the Self Image Easing Emotions Empathy Listening
  • 22. What next? Leave me your business card and I will send you the slides Visit my website for more information www.cornerstoneconnections.co.za Sign up for an informative, free monthly newsletter on my homepage or by leaving me your card. Connect with me via my LinkedIn profile

Editor's Notes

  1. The neighbors' dogs, the gossiping friend, smoker in a non-smoking area
  2. Like throwing a hand grenade – no matter what you do , it will still cause damage. Neither can you keep it to yourself.!Can’t change the other person but can change how you approach these difficult conversations.
  3. Most of the time, incoming data is sent to the rational part of our brain (the frontal cortex) for processing. Deep inside our brain are two almond shaped areas called the amygdalae that also monitor incoming data. They are responsible for setting down memories associated with emotions. Not the everyday stuff like remembering a telephone number but the tough or happy stuff like where you were when September 11th 2001 happened and what song was playing during your first kiss.