"This all may sound terribly cynical, but I am trying to tell you that reading shouldn’t be like washing dishes. I’m not saying that if you don’t like the opening sentence just give up. But after you’ve given a book a few chapters – if it doesn’t make you want to buy a dishwasher and get to bed early to collapse into your book – then maybe it just isn’t the book for you at the moment. Head to your local Indy store, share your opinions, faint if you must, but buy a different book."

1. QUITLIT
YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO FINISH A BOOK {INTRO}
There are 129,864,880 books in the world (Google algorithms, August 2010),
so why suffer through one in misguided hope?
I love achievement. I write things on my to-do list (“wash the dishes!”) that I have
already done (we have a dishwasher), just so I can cross it off and get an
achievement high. Completion is addictive.
One thing I don’t hesitate on surrendering: books. Seems odd, given they are my
obsession passion, but hear me out. Reading should assimilate l o v e – even if it is
your job.
I could psychoanalyze the must-finish-book mentality, but that’s another post. For
now let me share with you 5 books I could not complete. May it give you strength to
say I didn’t like that. But I’m still cool, so give me another book”

2. HARRY POTTER
I’m probably going to be
banned from publishing for
this: But Harry and his
wizardry didn’t fill me with
magic. And I know people who
hate reading yet devoured the
whole series with plodding
abandon.
I do love the story behind the
story: J.K. Rowling lives with
rats/ publisher’s tween reads
the manuscript/ bestseller is
born and Rowling can afford
pest-control etc. etc. But
Harry Potter… PAZZAM! May
you disappear from my
bookshelf.

3. THE 5 PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN
Now I love a hallmarky-self-help book as
much as the next person, thus I am not
judging those who consume Albom’s
anthologies incessantly.
(OK, so my husband’s ex lists this on
Facebook as her Most!! Favorite!!
Book!! Ever!! … so maybe I am judging.)
But the way this was written drove me
to boredom mid-sentence. And the
sentences are pretty short:
“And then Eddie stopped running. He heard
something.”
My suggestion? Condense it into a
chapter for ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul
version 5127’

4. THE ORPHAN MASTER’S SON
North Korea intrigues me. I am
mesmerized by their synchronized
marching. I mean, what is going on
there? What was Kim Jong Il up to? It is
just as well I’m not a journalist
otherwise I’d be trying to smuggle
myself in.
So I held out a lot of hope for this book,
raved about by critics upon release. But
at 23% disappointment wore me down.
It just lacked a bit of DRAMA. I
paraphrase:
“One day the orphan was digging secret tunnels in
the dark like a ninja but his boots got wet and some
people snuck into Soul but then snuck back. The next
day some powerfulman came and instructed him he
NB: I am currently trying to convince my
was going to become a kidnapper. He went on a husband to read this so he can impart any
boat and kidnapped”.
North-Korean insight. If you read it, please fill
me in on so I don’t have to smuggle myself
C’mon, get a thesaurus and insert some across multiple illegal borders.
emotion.

5. THE DRAGON TATTOO TRILOGY
Here’s a better story:
One day our bookstore manager was away
at the Bologna Book Fair and I was doing
an amateur impersonation filling in. It
was the peak of the Dragon Tattoo craze
and I just couldn’t keep the titles in stock.
People swooned; I thought one
conservative-tattoo-averse-looking
customer was going to faint as she
described the stories.
“Her heart went fast. Renee thought,
‘This will be a good book’”
(Sentence inspired by Mitch Albom, see
previous slide.)
I read the first of the trilogy, but it took
me an echelon. Great premise, but I kept
waiting to faint. Nothing.

6. THE GOURMET
Muriel Barbery’s “The Elegance of the
Hedgehog” is one of my Most!!
Favorite!! Books!! Ever!!.
“The Gourmet” was actually written
first, and then republished on the
tidalwave of Hedgehog’s success.
Sadly, it isn’t worth a smidgen of
comparison. All it did was send me in
search of a carby meal to satisfy my
unfulfilled literary expectations.
If you haven’t read “The Elegance of
the Hedgehog” you must – but I
suggest trying Gourmet first. Maybe
you’ll get some enjoyment out of it
before your heuristics are reset by Don’t be a fat
Hedgehog.
hedgehog.
Your scales will thank you.

7. QUITLIT
“
“This all may sound terribly cynical, but I am
trying to tell you that reading shouldn’t be like
washing dishes. I’m not saying that if you don’t
like the opening sentence just give up. But after
you’ve given a book a few chapters – if it doesn’t
make you want to buy a dishwasher and get to
bed early to collapse into your book – then maybe
it just isn’t the book for you at the moment. Head
to your local Indy store, share your opinions, faint
”
if you must, but buy a different book.
renée hassan
litandthecity.wordpress.com