PoCC 2014 Cross Cultural Communication

Part A
What I Said and What I Meant:
Cross Cultural Communication
NAIS People of Color Conference 2014
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

About Seattle Girls’ School

Agenda
PART A
 Cross Cultural Communication
 Cultural Values, Norms of Behavior,
and Communication
 Activity: Nonverbal Violations
PART B
 Cultural Identifiers, Power, and
Communication
 Discussion: Conflict Re-understood
 So What? Now What?

Cultural Competency:
Many Models
Steven Jones

Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).

 What is it?
 How is it Different from Intercultural
Communication?
 CCC Theories
– Face-Negotiation Theory
– Conversational Constraints Theory
– Expectancy Violation Theory
– Anxiety/Uncertainty Management Theory
– Communication Accommodation Theory

Dimensions of Variability
Individual - Collectivistic
Low Context - High Context
Task - Relationship
Low Uncertainty - High Uncertainty
Vertical - Horizontal

Factors that Influence
 Personality Orientation
 Individual Values
- Allocentric
- Idiocentric
 Self Construal
- Independent
- Interdependent
 Individual Socialization
 Cultural Norms and Rules

Discussion: My Style
In hearing about
communication
differences, what would
you describe as your
cultural communication
style? Have you noticed
stark differences
compared to others?

Cultural Values
Norms, and Rules
 Values
 Value Priorities
 Norms of Behavior
 Non-Verbal
Communication

Cultural Value Differences
RELATIONAL
Individualism
self-reliance, independence
(selfish)
Collectivism
group interdependence
(mindless follower)
Informality
directness, give and take discussion
(rude and abrupt)
Formality
indirectness, protect "face"
(stiff and impersonal)
Competition
individual achievement
(egotistical, show-off)
Cooperation
group achievement
(avoiding doing work or taking responsibility)
AUTHORITY
Egalitarianism
fairness, belief in equal opportunity
(being picky, on a soapbox)
Hierarchy
privilege of status or rank
(power hungry or avoiding accountability)
TEMPORAL
Use of Time
"Time is money"
(doesn’t get the important things in life)
Passage of Time
"Time is for life"
(lazy and irresponsible)
Change/Future
Adaptability ensures survival
(muckraker, stirs up trouble)
Tradition/Past
Stability ensures survival
(old-school, afraid of change)
ACTIVITY
Action orientation
"Make things happen"
(rushes without thinking)
"Being" orientation
"Let things happen"
(indecisive and slow)
Practicality
Efficiency is always best
(impersonal and unscrupulous)
Idealism
Always maintain principles
(naïve and impractical)

Exercise: Non-Verbal Violations
1: Please pick a partner and stand.
2: You and your partner will receive
different instructions for nonverbal
behaviors. Do not share the
information.
3: Begin to converse about your interests
and hobbies.
4: INCREMENTALLY dramatize the
nonverbal behavior.
5: Make note of thoughts or feelings you
experience.

Non-Verbal Violations: Partner 1
You signal respect by standing
physically close to your partner. Stand
Approximately 6 inches away from
him/her. You enjoy asking a lot of
questions to signal conversational
excitement and involvement. You also
like to touch your partner's arm from
time-to-time to signal approval for a
good idea.

Non-Verbal Violations: Partner 2
You signal respect by standing at
least an arm's length away from your
partner. You constantly check your
watch or the clock for fear of running
out of time in the conversation. You
also like to make loud sounds (ahs,
oohs, uh-huhs, sighs, etc.) to signal
your approval and great contentment
of the conversation.

Debrief: Nonverbal Violations
Did the INTENT of your described
behaviors allow you to display
them more enthusiastically?
What was the IMPACT of the
behaviors of your partner?
Did knowing that “odd” behaviors
may be part of the exercise
help you accept your partner’s
behavior?
In working with people from
various communities, what do
you take away from this
exercise?

Cultural Effectiveness
“To be culturally effective doesn’t
mean you are an authority in the
values and beliefs of every culture.
What it means is that you hold a
deep respect for cultural differences
and are eager to learn, and willing to
accept, that there are many ways of
viewing the world”
Okokon O. Udo

Part B
What I Said and What I Meant:
NAIS People of Color Conference 2014

Identifiers, Power,
and Communication
Internalized Oppression/Dominance
Stereotype Threat
Accumulated Impact/
Microaggressions
Code/Mode Switching
Fish Seeing the Water
“Normal” versus “Good”
“Intent” versus “Impact”

Discussion: Conflict Re-understood
Think about a recent conflict which you
now know to be true to be at heart a n
identity and power difference. Using
some of the terminology introduced,
discuss with a partner or group of three
what was going on to cause the conflict.

So What? Now What?

Assumptions and Interpretations
• Mental Models
• Ladder of Inference
Belief
Conclusions
Selective Data
Observable Data
• Tools of Action

Examining the Self
William Taylor’s Reflective Competence Model

Checking Assumptions and
Interpretations: Steps to Analyze
1. What did you see/hear (raw data)?
2. What are your personal filters (cultural
values, norms, and identifiers)?
3. What was your interpretation of what you
saw/heard (inference)?
4. How did you feel as a result?
5. What do you want?

Navigating the “Ouch” Moment

Speaking From the Heart

What We’re Thinking and Feeling
When Receiving the Ouch
Did that really
happen? Do they
realize? I want to
trust, but I’ve had
this happen so
many times before.
I am so stressed,
confused, hurt….

What We End Up Saying
When Receiving the Ouch
That was so
offensive!
I can’t believe
you did that!

Self Advocacy Through the Ouch Moment
 Affirm the person or relationship
 Describe the behavior without judgment
 Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
 Assume positive intent
 Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***

Self Advocacy Through the Ouch Moment:
An Example
Is this an okay time to talk to you about something
that happened earlier? I really appreciate having
you as a friend. You’ve helped me through tough
times, and we have so much fun together. Earlier
today, when I got my math test back and I got 98%,
I heard you say, “Well of course you got a 98% -
you’re Asian!” I was really hurt when I heard that.
I work so hard in all my classes and spend a lot of
effort to earn good grades, and it seems like so
many people assume it’s because of my race. It’s
frustrating and saddening to feel like I don’t get to
fully own my accomplishments. I imagine you
didn’t mean for me to feel that way. Can I ask that
you please don’t say things like that anymore?

Practice Round:
Self Advocacy Through the Ouch Moment
 Affirm the person or relationship
 Describe the behavior without judgment
 Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
 Assume positive intent
 Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***

Being A Witness

What We’re Thinking and Feeling
When Witnessing the Ouch
I can’t believe this
is happening.
That’s SO not
right. Should I
say something?
Am I butting in?
Would it help?
I am so upset!

What We End Up Saying
When Witnessing the Ouch

What Others Hear When We Say Nothing
See? They
agree with me!
I am so right
about this.
No one sees or
understands. I
am alone.

NCBI Effective
Interventions Model
 Reduce Defensiveness
– Tone
– Body Language
– Respect
 Keep the Conversation Going
– Hear Them Out
– Ask Open-Ended Questions
– Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment
– Dialogue
 Build the Relationship
 Stop the Behavior
 Win an Ally

Say Something to Somebody
 Now or Later (or Say It Now About a Later)
 Target, Agent, Fellow Bystanders, Authority Figures
“In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Intervening in the Ouch Moment: Examples
 Seek pleasure and delight in the other person
– “How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
– “I’m SO glad you told me that joke. I’ve been trying to figure out why we think people
with yellow hair are stupid.”
 Find out the experience motivating the comment
– “Why can’t they just speak English around here?”
– “It must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.”
– “I’m sick of my tuition paying for scholarship students.”
– “Tell me more about that.”
 Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on
(use sparingly)
– “That movie is so gay.”
– “That movie is attracted to other movies? I didn’t know that was possible!”
 Join the person and do not make yourself superior
– “She got that award because she’s black and female.”
– “You know, I hear that a lot. I’ve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a
black woman gets recognized it must be because of ‘diversity’ stuff rather than that she
earned it.”

Practice Round:
Intervening in the Ouch Moment
 Seek pleasure and delight in the other person
 Find out the experience motivating the comment
 Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going
on (use sparingly)
 Join the person and do not make yourself superior
***Ask open ended questions***

Listening to the Real Message

What Was Said During the Intervention
Those words or
actions are
hurtful to me.
Please stop.

What We Hear During the Intervention
You are a
bad, bad
person, and I
hate you!

What We Should Hear
During the Intervention
You are basically a good
and decent person. As
with all of us, you’ve
made a mistake in
behavior or words, and
you may not know the
impact they have on
others. I am going to
give you the gift of
information so that you
might act in congruence
with your values.

When You’re Told About
the Ouch Moment You Created
 Listen with full attention
 Don’t try to defend or respond right away
– Take deep breaths
– Acknowledge your feelings
 Your mistakes don’t define you
– Be worthy of their trust and gift
 Prioritize the Impact over Intent
– Apologize for real
*** Moving through these moments with grace is
called shame resilience. It’s a vital skill***

When You’re Told About
the Ouch Moment You Created:
Examples
 “I really appreciate your telling me this.”
 “I’m so embarrassed that I did that.”
 “I’m so sorry my words and actions made you feel
that way. No matter what I intended, it hurt you.”
 “I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don’t
want to respond in a way I’d regret. Do you think
you can help me come up with a better way to
handle that situation after I get into a calmer
place?”
 “I wanted to go back to a moment I don’t think I
handled very well… Can we talk?”

Final Words of Advice:
Recognize Your Triggers

Find Your Bucket People

Practice Makes
Less Heart-Attack-Inducing

If You Messed Up and You Know It,
Don’t Wait for the Intervention –
Just Apologize

If You’re Really Sorry,
Work to Improve

Build Authentic Relationships

Inclusive Communities

Presenter Information
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Communication Resources
• “Stereotype Threat” by Joshua Aronson
• Brenda J. Allen, Difference Matters: Communicating
Social Identity
• William Gudykunst, Cross-Cultural and Intercultural
Comunication
• Milton Bennett, PhD, Intercultural Communication
Institute www.intercultural.org
• “Non-Verbal Communication Across Cultures” by Erica
Hagen, Intercultural Communication Resources
• Thiagi.com
• Thrive! Team Dynamics
• http://www.analytictech.com/mb021/action_science_
history.htm

Miscellaneous Resources
• Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman, “Privilege and
Power,” Summer Diversity Institute, National Association
of Independent Schools, 2009
• Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Nurture Shock
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education
Network) www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference
• Johnnie McKinley, “Leveling the Playing Field and Raising
African American Students’ Achievement in Twenty-nine
Urban Classrooms,” New Horizons for Learning,
http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/differentiated/
mckinley.htm
Michael J Nakkula and Eric Toshalis, Understanding Youth.

PoCC 2014 Cross Cultural Communication

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