Paideia Student Leaders Day 1

Paideia Student Leaders
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Authentic Leadership:
Identity, Inclusion, Allyship, and Courage
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

About Seattle Girls’ School

Agenda
 Our Full and Authentic Identities
 Activity: The Gifts I Offer…
 Understanding Another’s Experiences
 Activity: Caucus Groups
 Allyship and Solidarity
 Activity: Intervention Conversations

Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).

My Full Self
Person of Color
Asian
Korean
American
47 Years Old
Raised with Buddhism
Raised with Christianity
Spiritual
Queer/Bisexual
Female Bodied
Female Identifying
Gender Nonconforming
Mostly Able Bodied
Mostly Able Minded
Raised Working Class
Professional Class
Immigrant
Boston Native
English Speaking
College Educated
Educator
Activist
Loving Wife
Daughter, Sister, Aunt
Learner
And More…

The Gifts I Offer…
What are various ways
you identify? Which of
your identities inform your
leadership? What gifts do
you offer because of who
you are (not despite it)?

The Power of Empathy

Caucus Groups
 Think about your various identities, and which
ones hold much importance to you.
 Which one of your identities do you feel most
moved to advocate for and educate around?
 You will be answering the following prompts:
– What we never want people to say, think, or
do towards our group is…
– What we want you to know about our group
is…
National Coalition Building Institute, Seattle Chapter, “Building Bridges Workshop,” Adapted by Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee

Caucus Groups Formation
 Groups Identified
 Group # Assigned
 Caucus Groups
Meeting Time
 Caucus Group
Report Outs

Caucus Groups/#:
1. Girls/Women/Female
2. Mental Health
3. LGBTQIA+
4. Learning Differences
5. Immigrants/Children Of
6. People of Color
7. Athlete
8. Jewish
9. Black/African Heritage
What we never want people to say, think, or do
towards our group is…
What we want you to know about our group is…

Caucus Groups Work Time
Please respond to the following prompts and record
responses:
– What we never want people to say, think, or do
towards our group is…
– What we want you to know about our group is…
Keep in Mind:
Write down all answers to prompts.
Think about which items you’d like to share with the
larger group.
Everyone in the group is invited to stand together.
Decide who will share items and how.

Caucus Group Report Outs

Debrief: Caucus Groups
What information was new,
informative, moving, etc. to
you?
How does this information
change what you will think or
do in the future?

An Ally Is…
“a person who is a member of the dominant or
majority group who works to end oppression in
his or her personal and professional life
through support of, and as an advocate with
and for, the oppressed population”
Washington and Evans, Becoming an Ally

An Ally Is…
“Someone who doesn’t have to stand up for
someone else, who might even lose something
if they do, but they do it anyway because they
know it’s the right thing to do”
Anna, 6th Grader

Bystander to Ally
Karen Bradberry, PhD
Active Passive Passive Active
Agent Bystander Ally

Speaking From the Heart

Can you lean on the
relationship?
Can you make it personal?
* Is your relationship
hierarchical? *

Being ADEAR
 Affirm the person or relationship
 Describe the behavior without judgment
 Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
 Assume positive intent
 Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***

Being ADEAR: An Example
I really appreciate having you as a friend. I
have so much fun with you, and I can tell you
anything. Earlier today, when I got my math
test back and I got 98%, I heard you say, “Well
of course you got a 98% - you’re Asian!” I was
pretty hurt when I heard that. I work hard in all
my classes to get good grades, but so many
people assume it’s because of my race. It’s
sad that I don’t get to own my hard work and
accomplishments like everyone else. I’m
pretty sure you didn’t mean for me to feel that
way. Can I ask that you please don’t say
things like that anymore, where my good
grades have anything to do with my race?

Bearing Witness

Are you speaking to the agent or
the audience?
Do you want to minimize harm to
the target group?
Do you want to educate?
Do you want to challenge social
norms?

NCBI Effective
Interventions Model
 Reduce Defensiveness
– Tone
– Body Language
– Respect
 Keep the Conversation Going
– Hear Them Out
– Ask Open-Ended Questions
– Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment
– Dialogue
 Build the Relationship
 Stop the Behavior
 Win an Ally

Active Witnessing: Examples
 Ask open ended questions
– “He looked suspicious”
– “How did he look? How was he acting? Why was that suspicious?”
 Find out the experience motivating the comment
– “Why can’t they just speak English around here?”
– “It must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.”
– “Why are people complaining about the movie night? It’s only $20 a person.”
– “Tell me more about about that.”
 Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on
(use sparingly)
– “What do gay people think about this issue?”
– “I’m not sure – I’ll go ask. It may take me a while, since there are so many gay people.”
 Join the person and do not make yourself superior
– “She got into that school because she’s Black and female.”
– “You know, I hear that a lot. I’ve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a
Black woman gets admitted to good schools it must be because of ‘diversity’ or
‘affirmative action’ stuff rather than that she earned it.”

Listening to the Real Message

Is this about what you did or
who you are (guilt or shame)?
What is your mindset voice
telling you?
Might this be an opportunity to
learn and grow?

Growing from Mistakes
 Listen with full attention
 Don’t try to defend or respond right away
– Take deep breaths
– Acknowledge your feelings
 Your mistakes don’t define you
– Be worthy of their trust and gift
 Prioritize the Impact over Intent
– Apologize for real
*** Moving through these moments with grace is
called shame resilience. It’s a vital skill***

Growing from Mistakes: Examples
 “I really appreciate your telling me this.”
 “I’m so embarrassed that I did that.”
 “I’m very sorry my words and actions made you
feel that way.”
 “I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don’t
want to respond in a way I’d regret. Do you think
you can help me come up with a better way to
handle that situation after I take a few minutes?”
 “I wanted to go back to a moment I don’t think I
handled very well… Can we talk?”

Practice Makes
Less Freeze-Ups

Sharing Out

Inclusive Communities

Stubborn Ounces
(To the One Who Doubts the Worth of Doing Anything If You Can’t Do
Everything)
by Bonaro W. Overstreet
You say the Little efforts that I make
will do no good: they never will prevail
to tip the hovering scale
where Justice hangs in balance.
I don’t think I ever thought they would.
But I am prejudiced beyond debate
in favor of my right to choose which side
shall feel the stubborn ounces of my weight.

Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee

Paideia Student Leaders Day 1

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