Answer to activity 5.9 from module 5 of N4 Tourism Communication published by Future Managers.

1. PRECIS

2. APPLY
• How to find main and supporting
ideas: getting past unnecessary
details and examples.
• Concentrating on facts and not
opinions

3. UNDERLINE
A PLACE OF LOVE, HOPE AND CARE
Lorraine Mabusela has made it her mission to
restore the dignity of the sick and destitute.
Mabusela takes care of 62 HIV-positive people
who have found a haven at Tumelo Hospice
Centre in Mabopane.
Mabusela was touched by the plight of HIV-
positive people on whom society had turned
its back. She remembered how her mother
would preach about the importance of
humanity. “I could not just fold my arms
without doing anything to give hope to
helpless people. I came cross cases of HIV-
positive people being abandoned by their
families and treated like dogs.”

4. “It tore me apart and I vowed that I would put
an end to this kind of behaviour from society,”
she said. True to her word, Mabusela, a single
mother of two grown-up children, resigned
from her job as an insurance broker in 2004
and started her mission of taking care of the
sick.
She went from door to door to give moral
support to sick and HIV-positive people, and
made it her business to ensure that the sick
took their medication as directed. As word of
her good work spread, more sick people
knocked at her door to get her attention.
This marked the beginning of the Tumelo
Hospice Centre. Because her house in
Mabopane was too small to accommodate all
those who flocked to it, Mabusela tended the
sick under trees, in churches and in their
homes. When she realised that the number of
sick people was increasing, she decided to look
for a bigger venue.

5. It took her a few months (and a bit of help
from the community) to turn an old
Department of Education building into a centre
where sick people can rest.
Legae Private Clinic and Ga-Rankuwa Hospital
donated beds to the centre. Locals gave
Mabusela food, blankets and clothes , and a
medical doctor. Petrus Dlamini, offered his
services for free.
Today the centre has 26 caregivers and has
expanded its services to include peope who
suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and
strokes For sick people it is a place of hope
where they receive love and care. If they die,
they die with dignity.
(364 words.)

6. WRITE DOWN UNDERLINED SECTIONS
Lorraine Mabusela has made it her mission to
restore the dignity of the sick and destitute.
Mabusela takes care of 62 HIV-positive people
at Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane.
Mabusela was touched by the plight of HIV-
positive people on whom society had turned
its back.
Mabusela resigned from her job in 2004 and
started her mission.
She went from door to door to give moral
support to sick and HIV-positive people, and
made it her business to ensure that the sick
took their medication as directed.

7. Because her house in Mabopane was too small
to accommodate all those who flocked to it,
Mabusela tended the sick under trees, in
churches and in their homes.
she decided to look for a bigger venue.
It took her a few months (and a bit of help
from the community) to turn an old
Department of Education building into a centre
where sick people can rest.
donated beds, food, blankets and clothes , and
a medical doctor offered his services for free.
Today the centre has 26 caregivers and has
expanded its services to include peope who
suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and
strokes. For sick people it is a place of hope
where they receive love and care. If they die,
they die with dignity.

8. APPLY
•Own words
•Coherency
•Title

9. WRITE IN OWN WORDS, MAKING
ONE PARAGRAPH.
(See next slide)
(164 words – we have to get rid of about 64
words.)

10. Lorraine Mabusela, who has a mission to restore the dignity of sick and
destitute people, runs the Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane. 62 of
the patients are HIV-positive – people on whom society has turned its
back. Others suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and strokes. In
2004 she resigned her job and started to tend the sick. She saw them
wherever she could and saw to it that they took their medication. Her
own home was too small to take in all the people that came to her, so
she looked for a bigger venue. She was given an old Department of
Education building to turn into a centre where sick people can rest.
Local hospitals and the community donated things like beds, food etc. A
medical doctor gave his services for free. Today the centre has 26
caregivers. Sick people get hope there, and love and care. They can die
with dignity when they die.

11. APPLY
Reduction techniques:
 Redundancy
 tautology (unnecessary repetition)
 pleonasm (using many words instead of one)
 verbosity(unnecessary, pompous and complicated
words)
 circumlocution (putting things in a roundabout way)
 Removing examples and opinions

12. EXAMPLES
people on whom society has turned its back - People rejected by society
and saw to it that they took their medication. – (Same as “tend”)
a centre where sick people can rest – hospice
things like beds, food etc. – necessities
doctor gave his services for free. – donated his services
They can die with dignity when they die. – They can die with dignity.

13. FINAL REDUCED DRAFT
Lorraine Mabusela, who has a mission to restore the dignity of sick and
destitute people, runs the Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane. 62 of the
patients are HIV-positive and rejected by society. On whom society has
turned its back. Others suffer from serious illnesses. In 2004 she resigned her
job and started to tend the sick. She saw them wherever she could. Her own
home was too small to take them in, so she looked for a bigger venue. She
was given an old Department of Education building to turn into a hospice,
the Department of Education gave her an old building to turn into a hospice.
Hospitals and the community donated necessities, and a medical doctor
donated his services. Today the centre has 26 caregivers who, in line with
Lorraine’s mission, give sick people hope, love and care. They can die with
dignity.
(104 words - OK)

14. CHECK COHERENCE
Note how coherence is achieved
through the use of words, phrases
and especially pronouns and
articles which refer backwards and
forwards to ideas that have already
been mentioned.

15. Lorraine Mabusela, runs the Tumelo Hospice Centre
in Mabopane. 62 of the patients there are HIV-
positive and rejected by society. Others suffer from
serious illnesses. In 2004 she resigned her job and
started to tend the sick wherever she could. Her own
home was too small to take them in, so the
Department of Education gave her an old building to
turn into a hospice. Hospitals and the community
donated necessities, and a medical doctor donated
his services. Today the centre has 26 caregivers who,
in line with Lorraine’s mission, give sick people hope,
love and care. They can die with dignity.

17. PROOFREAD
Check grammar and spelling.
Make sure it’s ONE paragraph only.
Check punctuation.
Make sure the number of words is written
down.

18. TITLE
A few words that sum the text up neatly.
RESTORING THE DIGNITY
OF THE SICK AND DESTITUTE