This document discusses how woundings from childhood or traumatic events can lead to hurt, and coping mechanisms like minimization actually cause more hurt. When trauma is not processed, it can result in PTSD symptoms like reliving the event, avoidance, or hypervigilance. Therapeutic interventions aim to uncover the underlying beliefs formed by the trauma, like feelings of unworthiness. By exploring triggers and faulty beliefs through techniques like empty chair work, clients can process the trauma and form healthier beliefs like self-acceptance and self-compassion. The goal is for clients to honor the wounded self and feel regulated emotions when discussing the event.

1. B Y : K E L L I H A R R I S D A V I S , L P C - M H S P
D I R E C T O R O F G R I E F & T R A U M A
L A K E S I D E B E H A V I O R A L H E A L T H H O S P I T A L
Helping Clients Discover the “WOW”
Factor in Woundings

2. Woundings
 Each of us received woundings whether from a good home or an
“impaired” home.
 The “mental/emotional injury” is not nearly as bad as the response or lack
of response from those who claim to love us. The inadequate response
creates the wound.
 People will always remember how those in power in position responded to
their wounding.
 Therapy is all about uncovering the “betrayals of life.”

3. Woundings lead to “Hurt”
 Hurt is an emotional and spiritual internal bleeding .
 Hurt is a shameful emotion because it says “You got to me.”
 Hurt is severe.

4. “Hurt is often violently described”
 It was like a spear into my chest.
 It crushed me.
 I was stabbed in the back.
 It broke my heart.
 It tore me to pieces
 I was ripped in two.
To minimize or deny the violence that we experience in hurt is to leave us
“bleeding.”

5. Coping?
 Hurt
In order to cope we defend against it.
 It’s not that bad.
 Forgive and forget
 This too shall pass
 I’ll just get over it.
 Other people have had it worse…
We come up with ways to minimize it to keep from feeling it.
 Not feeling hurt causes more hurt.

6. Minimizing “hurt” lead to hospital admissions
 Hospital Admissions are often manifested behaviorally:
 Depression
 Anxiety
 Suicidal thoughts & gestures
 Self-Harm
 Anger
 Defiance
 Aggression
 Substance use & abuse

7. Trauma PTSD
 A situation or circumstance that
produces hopelessness,
helplessness and or horror.
 A day that causes all hell to
break loose in one’s life.
 Is an anxiety disorder that can
occur after you have been through
a traumatic event. A traumatic
event is something horrible that
you see or that happens to you.
During this type of event you think
or believe that your life or others’
lives are in danger, you may feel
afraid or feel that you have no
control over what is happening.
Trauma & PTSD

8. Symptoms of PTSD
 Reliving the event (flashbacks)
 Nightmares
 Avoiding situations that remind you of the event
 Feeling numb
 Hypervigilance

9. Origin & Progression of Trauma
Event •Trauma
Belief •Feelings
Behavior •Actions

10. Activating Events
 Physical Abuse
 Sexual Abuse
 Divorce
 Death of a loved one
 Natural Disaster
 Combat
 Being Bullied
 Loss of job/home
 Loss of Dreams
 Chronic Illness
 **Lethal/ Abandonment & Rejection especially by a biological parent

11. Beliefs
 “I am not good enough.”
 “It was my fault.”
 “I am a bad person.”
 “I am weak.”
 “I am stupid.”
 “I am not safe.”
 “I don’t deserve love.”
 “I am not important.”
 “I am a failure.”

12. Identifying Triggers
• Anything that:
• looks like
• act like
• smells like
• moves like
• feels like
• sounds like
• The Traumatic Event
• Triggers can be:
• People
• Places
• Things
• Situation
• A time of year

13. Chinese Proverb
“Once you’ve been bitten by a snake,
you’re even afraid at the sight of a rope.”

14. Triggers lead to feelings:
 Feelings don’t “die” when you bury them-- they grow, they get stronger!
Sadness Depression Hopelessness Suicidal
Fear Anxiety Stress Panic
Hurt Anger Bitterness Rage Homicide

15. Unprocessed Trauma
Fight
Angry
Aggressive & Defensive
Flight
Avoidance
Drugs/Alcohol
Suicidal Thoughts & Gestures
Freeze
Depression
Sleep
Disconnected & Despondent
Appease
People Pleaser
Become a “doormat”

16. Faulty Beliefs are connected to Faulty Behaviors
• “I am weak.” I must fight to keep people from hurting me.
When things get hard, killing myself will
make everything better for everybody.
I give up, nothing will work for me anyway, it
never has it never will. I’m done, I’m numb.
I will try to make everybody around me
happy no matter what, I need their approval.
• “It was all my fault.”
• “I am a failure.”
• “I’m unworthy.”

17. Self-Compassion & Self Forgiveness lead to “Honor.”
 Effective Trauma Resolution allows a person to mend the
relationship between the person you are today and person
you were when the trauma occurred.

18. Using Self Awareness to Eliminate Self-Pity
You can be pitiful or you can be
powerful. You can’t be both at
the same time.
~Joyce Meyer

19. What is Self-Pity & where does it come from?
 Pity for oneself; especially exaggerated or self-indulgent pity where you
believe that you are the victim who has done no wrong and is deserving
of sympathy from everyone.
 Self-Pity comes from the “woundings” of life.

20. Self-Pity is a form of Self-Care
 In many cases if there was no care or concern after the Wounding,
then in an attempt to care for ourselves- Self-pity is induced.

21. Self-Pity takes care of us in faulty ways
 Keeps us irresponsible, so we not are disappointed.
 Keeps us from taking risks, so we are not rejected.
 Keeps us from trusting, so we are not hurt.
 Keeps us “drunk & high” so we don’t feel.
 Keeps us dependent!
 Self-pity is addictive and it causes us to sabotage.

22. Becoming Aware of Core Beliefs
“Who told you that?”
 If someone with power or someone we admire believes and or projects
that we are:
 Stupid
 Weak
 Not good enough
 Guilty
 Disgusting
 Unworthy
… then we tend to believe these things as well.

23. Self Awareness can create efficacy
 Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality,
including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and
emotions

24.  Events cannot and will NOT change, but core beliefs can change…
 Core Beliefs WILL NOT change until BEHAVIOR changes. Actions have
to change before feelings/beliefs will change.
 Actions that are “honorable” towards the wounded self.

25. Interventions
Empty Chair
Work
• (Demonstration)
EMDR
Therapy

26. Empty Chair Demonstration
 Gently lead/ direct clients back to the place of the woundings.
 Examine the “weight” of responsibilities placed upon the wounded self.
 Place the “weight” and responsibility w/ the correct people, places or
things.
 Clients can and should “own” the limp caused by the wound, but
should be encouraged to release the weight.”

27. WCS
 Woulda Coulda Shouldas” impede: acceptance, honor and healing
 Will, Can, Shall fosters: acceptance, honor, and healing.

28. Acceptance
 Woulda
 Coulda
 Shoulda
 Didn’t
 Darn !  (clean version)
 Accepting it w/ “Darn” is perfectly Okay

29. Honorable Statements to Wounded Self
 “I’m sorry.”
 “You can do this, I believe in you.”
 “You are a strong person, look at what you’ve survived.”
 “You come to far to stop right now.”
 “There are people who will help you, you are not alone.”
 “There are people who believe in you.”
 “WOW”

30. Commitment to honor
 Will
 Can
 Shall
 Did
 Hot Darn! 

31. Processed Trauma
The event can be spoken
about with regulated
emotions.
Responsibility is
placed with the
appropriate
people.
Beliefs about self
are changed,
acknowledged ,
accepted and
acted upon.
Behaviors (Fight, Flight,
Freeze & Appeased) are
used correctly, at the right
time with the right people.

32. Satiation Process /Emotional Resourcing
 Ensure the patient/client’s safety.
 Ask permission to touch them.
 “May I place my hand on your shoulder?”
 Assure them that what they feel is okay.
 Let them know if you were in their shoes, you’d probably feel the same way
 Acknowledge their strength.
 Out loud and often
 Do not make promises you can not keep
 Please don’t degrade them
 Be patient
 When behaviors are used incorrectly let them know,
 “I know that this is your way of taking care of yourself, but I’m not sure it is working.”
 Put yourself in their shoes, try to internalize what they must be feeling, after
enduring what they’ve endured (or may be still enduring)

33. Sources
 Chipp Dodd
 Bessel Van der kolk